Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
The Stare Master
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today, I realized that kids are fucking stupid. The thing that happened was, Rarity fell way behind on her hideous dress orders, and also promised Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo a sleepover on the same night. So because you can never, ever, EVER disappoint kids, Fluttershy, the dumb bitch that she is, offered to move the sleepover to her house. You know, the house with all the unsuspecting animals.
First of all, I have no idea why Fluttershy would offer to look after these demon spawn. I mean, two of them came from the same parents as Applejack and Rarity. If that doesn't raise a red flag with her than I suppose nothing will. I was on my way to Zecora's hut in the Everfree Forest for some herbal tea, and let me tell you, that zebra makes some good shit. Drink enough of that stuff, and those freaky masks on the wall will start talking to you.
So Fluttershy gets the fillies to her house, and predictably, they immediately start wreaking havoc. She did something right by finally getting them into bed. Then she did something wrong by letting Sweetie Belle take the lullaby. Woke up half the damn block. So when she got back downstairs, she thought it was quiet...too quiet. Because fillies are supposed to make a lot of noise when they SLEEP!
Well, it turns out they didn't sleep. They sneaked out of the house to go after a chicken in the Everfree Forest. One chicken. Seriously, why can't these three idiots leave well enough alone, go back to bed, and let some creature get treated to KFC? But I suppose if they did that, they wouldn't have found me in the middle of the forest, totally stoned. Good thing the cockatrice who did that to me was a total bitch, because all it took for it to reverse the effects was Fluttershy threatening to tell it's mother. I mean, damn. Unless it's mother is some kind of pacifist super badass, she should've totally called Fluttershy's bluff. Because I'm totally not buying that “stare” nonsense.
So the next morning, Fluttershy and I got together for some tea, and Rarity comes by to ask for help with her cat. I told her to just euthanize it, but does anybody take my advice? Nooo.
That fucking chicken better be grateful that those three are degenerate idiots.
Your stoned former student,
Twilight Sparkle
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'Your stoned former student' Brilliant
More! Please, bring out more! This is a work of pure genius!
stilll halarious every time i read these
So cynical so awesome
"Seriously, why can't these three idiots leave well enough alone, go back to bed, and let some creature get treated to KFC? But I suppose if they did that, they wouldn't have found me in the middle of the forest, totally stoned."
Those two sentences. Fucking gold.
But I suppose if they did that, they wouldn't have found me in the middle of the forest, totally stoned
have found me in the middle of the forest, totally stoned
the forest, totally stoned
stoned
...wow, how did I not see that pun coming until it smacked me over the head. Brilliant!
so being a stoner makes her unhorny? COOL!!!
I wanna stone with Twi
Yay! New update!
static.fjcdn.com/comments/I+found+out+about+MLP+Happy+Meals+but+it+was+_1e9aa717a0d3083f94748fbf2b191586.jpg
Go on,
Okay, is there anything NOT wrong with this Twilight? She's like a better educated Eric Cartman.
i was hoping when she mention Tea with zecora and the mask a "he's got friends on the other side" joke might appear but still awesome
"...let me tell you, that zebra makes some good shit. Drink enough of that stuff, and those freaky masks on the wall will start talking to you."
I want some of what she's having.
I didn't know there was a KFC in Equestria.
I hope Twilight get proven wrong about 'The Stare' like she was proven wrong about 'Pinkie Sense.'
so she left to get stoned and instead she got stoned
Who has better drugs? Pinky or Zecora?
I was on my way to Zecora's hut in the Everfree Forest for some herbal tea, and let me tell you, that zebra makes some good shit. Drink enough of that stuff, and those freaky masks on the wall will start talking to you.
________________________________________
i have just discovered this story.....AND IT IS EPIC!
I think I'll have to check into the hospital now. My gut just busted from laughing so hard.
1010256
That depends. Who gets it from the other?
This is a great parody, (or is it called a trollfic?) Anyway I like it. I especially like the part where you make Twilight into a racist sex maniac.
Considering how Eqestrain society fuction it is weird that we don’t see more ponyracism in fics.
So as I can see it Eqestria is a class based matriarchic society with winged unicorns at the very top as rulers, where unicorns fill the role of the upper and uppermiddle class, pegasus fulliling them middle class and earth ponies relegated to the lower classes.
This totally made my day!
Stoned . . . I see what you did there.
That fucking chicken better be grateful that those three are degenerate idiots.
Goddamnit this is one hell of a good story. Very funny indeed. Gave me some kind of Freeman's Mind vibe.
Had me in stitches at Twilights over the top sarcasm.
Can't wait to see more.
Fucking hilarious.
Must get stoned with Twilight sometime.
"That fucking chicken better be grateful that those three are degenerate idiots." And that's exactly what I think of the CMC. Three total morons who can't go anywhere without either breaking something, getting into some kind of trouble, or both.
"let me tell you, that zebra makes some good shit. Drink enough of that stuff, and those freaky masks on the wall will start talking to you."
So that's why she risked the Everfree forest for that stuff.
Unfortunately, she got the bad kind of stoned...no the other kind.
Miguel Cervantes? F*ck Cervantes, this series proves the ultimate potential of written language.
HMMM
If one takes some poison joke
then stuffed it in a pipe for a smoke
they might find it similar to coke
There is no word in the English language that best describes how funny this fic is.
Hilarious as always! Although I think I prefer horny Twilight over stoner Twilight... whatever. FUCKING HILARIOUS!
Twilight and Discord both know how to get stoned.
Lesson Zero. What will it say, I ponder?
My Little Pony: Friendship is Bullshit
Whew, I needed that. Grumpy, superior, sexually frustrated Twilight is definitely growing on me.
1015269 That won't be for awhile. I'm planning on writing another story after I finish Season 1 of this.
1015297 Fine to me. I can wait. Plenty more frogs falling from the sky!
Hahahahahahahahahahahah a Cheech and Chong moment.
aww why can't she be stoned nerdy cynical and sexually frustrated? she'd be like the perfect girl then. except for being a pony. and fictional.
"Drink enough of that stuff, and those freaky masks on the wall will start talking to you."
Don't worry Twilight, I don't buy that stare nonsense either.
1010256
Zecora. She knows ALL the 'herbs' in Everfree!
stoned!
AHAHAHAH!
1009988 Well that's one way of putting it.
"Sneaked" out of the house?
I'm disappointed that an egghead like Twichan would make such an elementary mistake. Must be that tea.
Dear Twilight Sparkle:
I believe you ought to get used to them, as you might one day have children like them
Also, please bring me that chicken. I'm very hungry
Your non-stoned ruler, Princess Celestia.
I think you should drink Zebra tea more often. I enjoy the thought of you getting stoned
KFC? Shouldn't it be EFC since it's Equestria?
I would say Twilight’s new teacher is Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw from Zero Punctuation.
2083391 I read all of these in his voice.
Wrong its.