Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Made In Manehattan
Dear Rarity,
Alright, listen up, you fashionista fuckwad.
Last I checked, you're a unicorn, and you deal with clothes professionally every single day.
So why the hell would you ever think I would want some old hat from a street vendor over my pa's family heirloom? Ever think of that before you just up and threw it away? Ever think you could just work a little of that fucking unicorn magic and fix it instead?
Say, you remember how much farmwork you did to impress Trenderhoof last year? Well, I hope you enjoyed it. You're gonna be quite busy working off that hat. In the orchards and in my bed.
Pucker up, buttercup.
Sincerely,
Applejack
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Dear Ikea,
Your GPS Table Map thing is broken. Why send Rarity and Applejack instead of me? I would like to request another one.
Sincerely,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Applejack,
You wouldn't believe what our brother did Sis!!
Sincerely,
Applebloom
Dear Applejack,
Say Hi to Cousin Babs for me. I heard she became an apprentice to someone called Edward Scissorhands.
Sincerely,
Applebloom
Whoo whee..... That hat man.... That FREAKING hat!
6561162
6561171
6561178
Just a thought.
Do you have something against taking 5-10 minutes, writing these all down at once, then posting once?
6561162
Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,
If you wish to file a complaint, please contact our customer service department, which is not in any way located in a foreign country with workers that completely speak a different language and don't understand Equestrian at all.
Sincerely,
IKEA
Sex? Applejack, it would be a lot more satisfying to just beat the shit out of her. Stupid farm pony.
That last line in the letter made this. Fantastic.
Welcome back.
Dear Rarity,
Please ignore the previous letter that reached you. Discord was "halping" again. I have a large collection of spare hats for me and spare ribbons for Applebloom; farmwork is pretty hard on clothes.
Sincerely,
Applejack
6561190 Sorry. The ideas pop into my head not at the same time for me to type in onewhole long post. My apologies Miles for spamming then. I just really like your work as they make me smile.
6561252 Yeah, I get that.
Ideas "popping into my head" are how 95% of these Letters get written. I just write them down and let them simmer.
Dear Applecrap,
Rarity is no Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle. She cannot make something out of nothing. Maybe if you saved the pieces of the hat you claim to be so important to you she could have used her mediocre powers to restore it. Next time, take care of the things that are precious to you, you useless mud pony.
Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal slave and apprentice milliner,
Neko Majin C.
~KBO.
Dear Twilight,
You can sit there and groan all you want. I'm sure that'll fix your boredom before you know it.
Seriously, if you really wanted to go to Manehatten that badly, then just go. Are you seriously telling me that you're gonna let a magical MAP dictate how you live your life? You're a fucking PRINCESS. You tell somepony to make sweet, passionate love to a pool table at the nearest bar in town and they'll ask "What position, your highness?"
But wait that's not all; Remember those other friends you rekindled your relationship with back in Canterlot? Minuette? Twinkleshine? Lemon Hearts? MOON FUCKING DANCER? Why not go visit them again, I'm willing to believe that it's going to take more than just one day long party to make up for all the lost time.
But if you REALLY want to just stay here in Ponyville, fine. I mean, it's not like you can't just spend some time with the rest of that inner circle of friends you have. Sure Rainbow Dash might be busy with Scootaloo getting ready for that redneck Equestria Games event, but what about Fluttershy or Pinkie Pie. I can't say for sure if they're available, but you can always GET OFF YOUR MOPEY ASS AND CHECK TO BE SURE. That sounds a helluva lot better than whining like a bitch about how bored you are.
Grow up.
Sincerely,
Spike
6561290 That's it. To the A/N you go!
6561297
Glad you liked it.
It was partially...okay, mostly, my personal view of Twilight in the episode that I just had to get off my chest.
6561320 Here's to hoping the writers try and fix this issue by the season finale.
6561335 Ah, a newcomer, welcome!
The foundation of letters is simple: I imagined what would happen if Twilight was a sexist, racist, cynical bitch, and even after the events of the first two episodes, wasn't the slight bit interested in making friends.
I very much enjoy the show for what it is.
Dear Applejack,
mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-2706249-1-Hats_and_bows_about_to_fall_down_S4E17.png
Calling you on your bullshit.
Love,
Rarity
Can we NOT with the 100% jossed "It was my Pa's hat!" cliche of stupidity from now on? Thank you. Pretty much your worst letter yet simply because of this.
You win for "fashionista fuckwad" alone.
6561406
orig04.deviantart.net/3029/f/2012/090/e/3/apple_jack_shrug_by_rainbowcrash123-d4ujr28.png
6561483 Even if the show denies the Family Heirloom hat idea I still think it would be better if it was her parents last gift or something. adds depth rather than making AJ's hat a shallow "Oh her her she's a farm mare hick better have her wear a cowboy hat"
FASHIONISTA FUCKWAD, OMG, THAT JUST MADE MY DAY
Dear Applejack,
You probably got a whole closet full of them.
-Rarity
------
Dear Rarity,
Well, yes, ah do, but they're all heirlooms too.
-Applejack
Lucky bitch.
6561239
Somehow, that makes perfect sense, which is wierd because it involves DISCORD, who's very first line was "What fun is there in making sense?"
Dear Method Mares,
Wow. I mean, wow. It's a good thing we had a fresh stage for you. Even if the old stage hadn't collapsed the moment you set hoof on it, it would've once you started chewing the scenery. And seriously, saying "And scene" during a performance? You have no right to criticize the professionalism of anything if that's how you behave yourselves. I work on Bridleway, you hacks. I know talent when I see it. You're just lucky that I'm the only one in this neighborhood who does.
So, same time next year?
Your neighbor,
Coco Pommel
6562455 My thoughts exactly. Apple Bloom did a better acting job when she asked Pipsqueak how he would help the school if he were elected student pony president.
The comment section is half the hilarity of each chapter!
6561222
This ought to be relevant, at the end
if it doesn't load, just youtube search of mice and mares
6571525
You need to use the "https://youtube.com/watch?v=" format. Though it's pretty dumb that the preview works with the youtu.be url but the actual posts don't...
6561406
Can't they all be heir looms?
6561239
And they're all family heirlooms.