Favourite sweet

  • The King of Carrot Flowers The so-called Slender Pony exists in the minds of most as a murderous beast. (Fluttershy-centric.) by ShadowBoxingKing 1,890 words · 1,510 views · 116 likes · 3 dislikes
  • Thou Goddess Scansion wakes up to find beautiful poems he doesn't remember writing. Is the lonely goddess of the night reaching out to him in the only way she can, or is he chasing shadows? by horizon 5,174 words · 3,021 views · 466 likes · 12 dislikes
  • Whom the Princesses Would Destroy... Behind the scenes of a perfectly normal visit to Canterlot lies chaos. Also, custard. by GhostOfHeraclitus 19,758 words · 25,445 views · 2,164 likes · 29 dislikes
  • The Best Night Ever Grand Galloping Gala meets Groundhog Day time-loop by Capn_Chryssalid 53,935 words · 38,468 views · 3,790 likes · 56 dislikes
  • Princess Celestia Hates Tea Seriously, a lot. by Skywriter 8,536 words · 41,816 views · 3,860 likes · 59 dislikes

Favorite savory

  • Eternal Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle's bond is tested by miscommunication and guilt. by device heretic 159,827 words · 26,015 views · 2,490 likes · 57 dislikes
  • Biblical Monsters "Put your boots on," Adams said. "There's a biblical monster in my house." by Horse Voice 10,946 words · 12,145 views · 1,470 likes · 148 dislikes
  • 'Destiny' and Other Lies Told to Foals Twilight wakes in the middle of the night, haunted by a terrifying dream—one that's not so hard to see coming true. by Sunchaser 10,644 words · 4,176 views · 553 likes · 20 dislikes
  • The Arbitrage of Moments When you have so little, and another has so much, it’s easy to justify theft. The more precious the commodity, the easier it is to tell yourself you need it more than they do. And what is more precious than time? by GaPJaxie 12,168 words · 2,399 views · 294 likes · 10 dislikes
  • Kaleidoscope Somepony struggles to remember their childhood. But something's wrong... by TheVulpineHero1 3,085 words · 1,507 views · 198 likes · 3 dislikes

Featured on Equestria Daily

  • Moving On Celestia has taken on a new private student, and Twilight must find something to be other than the Faithful Student. But how? by Bad Horse 9,259 words · 3,035 views · 417 likes · 24 dislikes
  • Sisters Stories about two sisters who are best friends, and rulers of Equestria by Bad Horse 6,514 words · 13,946 views · 1,324 likes · 17 dislikes
  • Mortality Report Celestia writes a report to her queen about what she's learned from living among mortals. by Bad Horse 4,322 words · 18,887 views · 1,515 likes · 28 dislikes
  • Long Distance It's a long way from Canterlot to Ponyville, even for magic. by Bad Horse 3,704 words · 2,744 views · 162 likes · 7 dislikes
  • The Saga of Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade, Interior Design Alicorn Should the incredibly powerful new alicorn pursue his destiny as savior of Equestria, or his love of interior design? by Bad Horse 4,940 words · 10,600 views · 825 likes · 34 dislikes

Other stories I'm not entirely ashamed of

  • The Magician and the Detective Has Holmes met his match, in either sense, in the travelling showpony Trixie? by Bad Horse 14,788 words · 5,766 views · 329 likes · 9 dislikes
  • The Twilight Zone 20. It's a trap! And Twilight knows it. But her opponent knows that she knows it. But she knows that Twilight knows that she knows that Twilight knows it. by Bad Horse 15,114 words · 4,689 views · 481 likes · 21 dislikes
  • Friends, With Occasional Magic The magic of friendship is showing people the good in themselves. Sometimes, with ponies. by Bad Horse 2,857 words · 784 views · 77 likes · 8 dislikes
  • Fluttershy's Night Out Fluttershy would like to be a tree. But she doesn't want to be an animal. by Bad Horse 7,920 words · 12,151 views · 505 likes · 19 dislikes
  • Twenty Minutes Would you risk your life to save a stranger? What if you could only save her for twenty minutes? by Bad Horse 3,344 words · 2,806 views · 157 likes · 6 dislikes

Index librorum prohibitorum

  • T The Mailmare

    The Equestrian Postal Carrier's Hoofbook lists three circumstances under which mail service may be suspended. The end of the world is not one of them.  · Bad Horse
    11,959 words · 1,073 views  ·  215  ·  3
  • T Old friends

    Philomena is reborn after she dies. Ponies are reborn before they die. Kind of. A little. It's hard for a phoenix to understand.  · Bad Horse
    1,582 words · 1,763 views  ·  283  ·  9
  • T Ἐλπίς

    Equestria is gone. But Celestia still has work to do. The Road lies ahead of her, and at its end—the most difficult decision of her life. Again. 2nd place in the "History Repeats" write-off.  · Bad Horse
    2,566 words · 1,772 views  ·  224  ·  13 · gore
  • T Keepers

    Berry Punch made a mistake, and now she has a problem. A little problem that could grow into a big problem. But as her artist friend Happy shows her, not all mistakes need fixing.  · Bad Horse
    1,197 words · 661 views  ·  105  ·  3 · sex
  • T Bad Horse's Bedtime Stories for Impressionable Young Colts and Fillies

    Bad Horse retells bedtime stories to teach foals the real facts of life.  · Bad Horse
    6,006 words · 2,125 views  ·  342  ·  7
  • E Experience

    Celestia is thousands of years old, and has experienced almost everything the world has to offer. But there's one ordinary thing she's never experienced.  · Bad Horse
    1,289 words · 4,394 views  ·  673  ·  15
  • T Moments

    Practice makes perfect. And Princess Twilight wants everything to be perfect. Especially the end of the world.  · Bad Horse
    8,269 words · 2,969 views  ·  431  ·  27
  • E Happy Ending

    After seeing the destiny of the son he is to have with Rarity, Blueblood tries to change the future for the better.  · Bad Horse
    3,827 words · 2,869 views  ·  238  ·  22
  • T All the Pretty Pony Princesses

    ...or, "Magical Mystery Cure" if it had been written by Joss Whedon.  · Bad Horse
    1,926 words · 1,373 views  ·  77  ·  25 · sex
  • E Alicorn Cider

    Big Mac is a farmer, always has been a farmer, and always will be a farmer... right?  · Bad Horse
    2,246 words · 7,061 views  ·  354  ·  24
  • E Long Distance

    It's a long way from Canterlot to Ponyville, even for magic.  · Bad Horse
    3,704 words · 2,744 views  ·  162  ·  7
  • E Moving On

    Celestia has taken on a new private student, and Twilight must find something to be other than the Faithful Student. But how?  · Bad Horse
    9,259 words · 3,035 views  ·  417  ·  24
  • E The Corpse Bride

    Fluttershy's love has kept Equestria safe from Discord ... till death do them part. But what happens after that?  · Bad Horse
    2,765 words · 4,266 views  ·  241  ·  16
  • E Trust

    Celestia teaches Trixie a lesson about trust.  · Bad Horse
    2,353 words · 3,897 views  ·  249  ·  15
  • T Fluttershy's Night Out

    Fluttershy would like to be a tree. But she doesn't want to be an animal.  · Bad Horse
    7,920 words · 12,151 views  ·  505  ·  19 · sex

I'm not misunderstood. I'm just bad.

Do YOU want to join the Evil League of Evil?

There are two ways to join:

1.  Demonstrate your heinous nature through crimes and malicious acts disruptive to the fabric of society  Please, no tying people to railroad tracks or kidnapping sidekicks.  We get a dozen of those every week.  Show some creativity, or at least an ironic self-awareness of your lack thereof.  Legitimate evil activity include tumblring Dolan comics or writing alicorn OC fiction.  Document all evil activity and submit to the Evil League of Evil headquarters in Washington, D.C.

2.  Click the "Follow" button on this page.

Don't hesitate to comment on my stories! If you see something you like, or don't like, or have an idea how to make it better, say so. If you don't comment because you come in thru EqD or Spacebattles & haven't ever bothered to make a fimfiction account--stop that! It's pretty damn selfish. Make an account. It takes about thirty seconds.

We read every submission

With predatory grins

We've got the supplication that you just sent in

It needs evaluation before it's in the bin

Let's see if plots maintain their course

Good grammar would be nice of course

Bad Prose

Bad Prose

Bad Prose

It's Bad

(From "Bad Prose" by Sordid Euphemism.)

I based my avatar on a drawing by kim1486.


Fimfiction provides no easy way to find old blog posts, so this index will always be on my user page. Each list is mostly in chronological or reverse-chronological order.

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Bad Horse · 934 views · Edited 10w, 20h ago · Report
  • Viewing 243 - 247 of 247
#247 · 6d, 12h ago · 1 · ·

I really should have done this when you followed me, but meh.

Beep, boop beep!

"Pickup, pick up, pick up..." I nearly fumbled my cell as a click finally came down the line.

"Hello, internet police!"

"Yes, hello, someone's following me! I think I'm in danger, can you send help?"

"Do you have a description?"

"It's a tall black stallion, wearing a top hat, chain-smoking. He's been dogging my steps all day, and I just can't shake him!"

"There's a pony after you?" The voice sounded mildly amused. "Don't worry, they're usually friendly. Maybe if you try talking--"

"No, no! This one's evil, I can tell!" I glanced nervously around the crowded network. People dressed in all shapes and sizes of avatar wandered in and out of crowded sites, skimming past Facebook walls and sampling the wares at news kiosks, smelling faintly of onions. I glanced at the alley I'd just left, where furries lurked under the dim light of greentext and memes. "You've gotta help me! I don't have enough karma to deal with Snoo! I even tried going dark, but the Anon just mocked me while the 'chans laughed! I tell you, he's after me!"

"All right, calm down. We can help, hook you up with an alt or proxy. We'll need your soul, of course, for the NSA database, and--"

"Right." I gulped down a breath, letting it out slowly. "Yeah, maybe that'd work. But you'd better be fast. This guy's good, and I think--" I stepped around a corner, bumping into something tall and unyielding.

"Hello? Hey, you there?" The phone clattered from my nerveless fingers. "Hey, trace this faster!" I barely heard the quiet chatter as I looked up. The horse dropped his cigarette and ground it calmly underhoof.

"--and I think he's smarter than me."

#246 · 3w, 5d ago · · ·

Hey there, bad horse. I'm sure your hammer strikes a mighty blow :raritywink:

#245 · 4w, 3d ago · · ·

first a Bad Dragon

now a Bad Horse

this Divine Comedy of mine has led me to meet some very interesting ponies, i tell ya what but you're a horse, so...:ajsmug:

#244 · 6w, 3d ago · · ·


No. This is my latest story. Thanks for inspiring it!

#243 · 7w, 5h ago · · ·


Oh my! I wish it were mine. Bestes Ding das ich seit langem gelesen habe. I’m so honoured you thought of me. But it can’t be. discord is a System V command. The corresponding BSD command is luna [-F fun]. I would never use a System V command. I hate System V. I stick to my sockets.

I should  translate it in French and publish it here?

Ça ne sera jamais que la troisième…

Your humble thrall.

PS: I wasn’t registered on write-off. Now I am. Peggio per voi!

  • Viewing 243 - 247 of 247
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First drafts and illegal stories


  • E Beneath your feet, what Treasures

    Spike has a secret hoard, but now he must part with some of it--or must he?  · TheJediMasterEd
    1,445 words · 2,572 views  ·  385  ·  24
  • E Twilight Sparkle Makes a Cup of Tea

    Sometimes, a cup of tea is just a cup of tea. This is not one of those times.  · GhostOfHeraclitus
    1,671 words · 8,482 views  ·  1,123  ·  26
  • E Broken Roads

    Dinky Doo and Silver Spoon travel through a shattered world.  · Not_A_Hat
    9,853 words · 172 views  ·  23  ·  0
  • E The Iridescent Iron Rat

    Equestria's golden age of Harmony has virtually eliminated crime, but one of the few "rats" who can still slip through the cracks is planning a billion-bit heist. If only he hadn't made the mistake of stealing from a dragon …  · horizon
    9,423 words · 1,000 views  ·  205  ·  4
  • T Along Softly on the Tongue

    A deranged human journalist is invited to explore the newfound world of Equestria, the land of magic and whimsy and adventure. To the ire of everyone involved, and especially Twilight, he isn't particularly impressed.  · HoofBitingActionOverload
    13,073 words · 701 views  ·  56  ·  5
  • T Save the Records

    Whether you tacit or play along, all songs must end in silence.  · TheBandBrony
    2,771 words · 253 views  ·  42  ·  2
  • E Wings

    Spike is searching for something precious.  · Not_A_Hat
    3,629 words · 755 views  ·  127  ·  1
  • T Naked Singularity

    Twilight attempts to write a sensual romance novel.  · Cold in Gardez
    10,524 words · 51,064 views  ·  2,511  ·  44 · sex
  • T Hard Reset

    Twilight gives her life to stop a changeling invasion. Repeatedly.  · Eakin
    37,399 words · 47,646 views  ·  5,300  ·  82
  • E Collaborators

    Ahuizotl threatens to sue A. K. Yearling for libel unless she stops writing the Daring Do books. She makes him a counter-offer.  · Baal Bunny
    9,949 words · 2,159 views  ·  450  ·  3

Evil League of Evil membership roster (secret!)

1,099 members follow Bad Horse

Bad Horse follows 154 members