Bad Horse

Joined April 2012
96,485 story views
3h, 53m ago

Favourite sweet

  • The King of Carrot Flowers The so-called Slender Pony exists in the minds of most as a murderous beast. (Fluttershy-centric.) by ShadowBoxingKing 1,890 words · 1,172 views · 104 likes · 3 dislikes
  • Thou Goddess Scansion wakes up to find beautiful poems he doesn't remember writing. Is the lonely goddess of the night reaching out to him in the only way she can, or is he chasing shadows? by horizon 5,172 words · 1,978 views · 382 likes · 11 dislikes
  • A Canterlot Carol Dotted Line discovers the true meaning of Hearthwarming, mostly by accident. by GhostOfHeraclitus 6,461 words · 4,211 views · 603 likes · 5 dislikes
  • The Best Night Ever Grand Galloping Gala meets Groundhog Day time-loop by Capn_Chryssalid 53,935 words · 27,081 views · 3,097 likes · 44 dislikes
  • Princess Celestia Hates Tea Seriously, a lot. by Skywriter 8,536 words · 32,668 views · 3,146 likes · 44 dislikes

Favorite savory

  • Eternal Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle's bond is tested by miscommunication and guilt. by device heretic 159,827 words · 22,226 views · 2,245 likes · 55 dislikes
  • Biblical Monsters "Put your boots on," Adams said. "There's a biblical monster in my house." by Horse Voice 10,947 words · 10,241 views · 1,296 likes · 134 dislikes
  • 'Destiny' and Other Lies Told to Foals Twilight wakes in the middle of the night, haunted by a terrifying dream—one that's not so hard to see coming true. by Sunchaser 10,644 words · 3,493 views · 526 likes · 20 dislikes
  • The Arbitrage of Moments When you have so little, and another has so much, it’s easy to justify theft. The more precious the commodity, the easier it is to tell yourself you need it more than they do. And what is more precious than time? by GaPJaxie 12,168 words · 1,833 views · 240 likes · 9 dislikes
  • Kaleidoscope Somepony struggles to remember their childhood. But something's wrong... by TheVulpineHero1 3,085 words · 1,112 views · 182 likes · 3 dislikes

Featured on Equestria Daily

  • Moving On Celestia has taken on a new private student, and Twilight must find something to be other than the Faithful Student. But how? by Bad Horse 9,259 words · 2,744 views · 389 likes · 23 dislikes
  • Sisters Stories about two sisters who are best friends, and rulers of Equestria by Bad Horse 6,515 words · 12,729 views · 1,259 likes · 18 dislikes
  • Mortality Report Celestia writes a report to her queen about what she's learned from living among mortals. by Bad Horse 4,313 words · 15,300 views · 1,426 likes · 28 dislikes
  • Long Distance It's a long way from Canterlot to Ponyville, even for magic. by Bad Horse 3,704 words · 2,232 views · 144 likes · 5 dislikes
  • The Saga of Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade, Interior Design Alicorn Should the incredibly powerful new alicorn pursue his destiny? Or interior design? by Bad Horse 4,940 words · 9,679 views · 786 likes · 34 dislikes

Other stories I'm not entirely ashamed of

  • The Magician and the Detective Has Holmes met his match, in either sense, in the travelling showpony Trixie? by Bad Horse 14,685 words · 4,653 views · 289 likes · 9 dislikes
  • The Twilight Zone 15. The Quiet One (Luna): Some ponies express emotions differently. by Bad Horse 12,338 words · 3,305 views · 346 likes · 17 dislikes
  • Friends, With Occasional Magic The magic of friendship is showing people the good in themselves. Sometimes, with ponies. by Bad Horse 2,857 words · 599 views · 66 likes · 8 dislikes
  • Fluttershy's Night Out Fluttershy would like to be a tree. But she doesn't want to be an animal. by Bad Horse 5,337 words · 9,993 views · 387 likes · 15 dislikes
  • Twenty Minutes Would you risk your life to save a stranger? What if you could only save her for twenty minutes? by Bad Horse 3,344 words · 1,141 views · 100 likes · 4 dislikes

Index librorum prohibitorum

  • ExperienceCelestia is thousands of years old, and has experienced almost everything the world has to offer. But there's one ordinary thing she's never experienced.1,275 words ·3,519 views ·590 likes ·12 dislikes
  • MomentsPractice makes perfect. And Princess Twilight wants everything to be perfect. Especially the end of the world.8,326 words ·1,995 views ·347 likes ·25 dislikes
  • Happy EndingAfter seeing the destiny of the son he is to have with Rarity, Blueblood tries to change the future for the better.3,827 words ·2,229 views ·201 likes ·20 dislikes
  • All the Pretty Pony Princesses...or, "Magical Mystery Cure" if it had been written by Joss Whedon.1,926 words ·871 views ·67 likes ·20 dislikes
  • Alicorn CiderBig Mac is a farmer, always has been a farmer, and always will be a farmer... right?2,256 words ·5,530 views ·292 likes ·19 dislikes
  • Long DistanceIt's a long way from Canterlot to Ponyville, even for magic.3,704 words ·2,232 views ·144 likes ·5 dislikes
  • Moving OnCelestia has taken on a new private student, and Twilight must find something to be other than the Faithful Student. But how?9,259 words ·2,744 views ·389 likes ·23 dislikes
  • The Corpse BrideFluttershy's love has kept Equestria safe from Discord ... till death do them part. But what happens after that?2,764 words ·3,025 views ·185 likes ·13 dislikes
  • TrustCelestia teaches Trixie a lesson about trust.2,353 words ·2,506 views ·179 likes ·11 dislikes
  • Fluttershy's Night OutFluttershy would like to be a tree. But she doesn't want to be an animal.5,337 words ·9,993 views ·387 likes ·15 dislikes
  • Mortality ReportCelestia writes a report to her queen about what she's learned from living among mortals.4,313 words ·15,300 views ·1,426 likes ·28 dislikes
  • Burning Man Brony: Fear and Loathing of EquestriaOne brony finds himself with the help of a bag of mushrooms and some ponies. He doesn't like what he finds.9,568 words ·2,128 views ·87 likes ·7 dislikes
  • SistersStories about two sisters who are best friends, and rulers of Equestria6,515 words ·12,729 views ·1,259 likes ·18 dislikes
  • The Saga of Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade, Interior Design AlicornShould the incredibly powerful new alicorn pursue his destiny? Or interior design?4,940 words ·9,679 views ·786 likes ·34 dislikes
  • Twenty MinutesWould you risk your life to save a stranger? What if you could only save her for twenty minutes?3,344 words ·1,141 views ·100 likes ·4 dislikes

Not canon · 4:30pm

Bad Horse · 232 views · Report

I'm not misunderstood. I'm just bad.

Do YOU want to join the Evil League of Evil?

There are two ways to join:

1.  Demonstrate your heinous nature through crimes and malicious acts disruptive to the fabric of society  Please, no tying people to railroad tracks or kidnapping sidekicks.  We get a dozen of those every week.  Show some creativity, or at least an ironic self-awareness of your lack thereof.  Legitimate evil activity include tumblring Dolan comics or writing alicorn OC fiction.  Document all evil activity and submit to the Evil League of Evil headquarters in Washington, D.C.

2.  Click the "Watch" button on this page.

Don't hesitate to comment on my stories! If you see something you like, or don't like, or have an idea how to make it better, say so. If you don't comment because you come in thru EqD or Spacebattles & haven't ever bothered to make a fimfiction account--stop that! It's pretty damn selfish. Make an account. It takes about thirty seconds.

He rides across the nation, the thoroughbred of sin

He got the application that you just sent in

It needs evaluation, so let the games begin

A heinous crime, a show of force

A murder would be nice of course

Bad Horse, Bad Horse, Bad Horse --

He’s Bad!

The Evil League of Evil is watching so beware

The grade that you receive will be your last we swear

So make the Bad Horse gleeful or he’ll make you his mare...

You’re saddled up, there’s no recourse

It’s Hi-Ho Silver

Signed, Bad Horse

(See "Bad Prose" by Sordid Euphemism.)

If you know of any brony groups or events around Washington DC, let me know.  I based my avatar on a drawing by kim1486.

Evil League of Evil official business

#1099930 · 1w, 3d ago · · ·


#1089429 · 2w, 3d ago · 3 · ·

I think you need a glossary for your blogs (or something like what bookplayer has on her author page). Seriously. Every once in a while I try to search something up that I recall you writing about, but it's an arduous search, both because of how many of them there are and especially when so many of your blogs are interesting enough that I sometimes re-read them just for the hell of it.

#1084477 · 2w, 5d ago · · ·

I was very pleased to see your RCL recommendation make the Equestria Daily headlines. The Magician and the Detective is an excellent piece, though I er... well, it's a couple of years old. I should really read it again. I recall I'd liked it, at least. Back then, you intimidated me too much for me to actually make any comment, dare you responded. I still battle that sort of crippling paralysis, honestly. I don't mix well with water, hum.

Do keep up the wonderfully reflective blogs - they're a bonafide treat.


#1084377 · 2w, 6d ago · · ·

Hey yo BH congrats on snagging a spot in the Royal Canterlot Library with The Magician and the Detective! :twilightsmile:

#1064702 · 4w, 4d ago · 1 · ·


That's very encouraging of you. Thanks! :raritystarry: I actually have been writing my own stuff. None of it's very polished, but I'm hoping to post my own finger paintings eventually. Honestly, I'm still quite internet shy, despite having been more talkative and posting fics up in the far past, but reading your words urges to me to be less skittish :fluttershyouch:

But yeah, most of what I've written is smut :pinkiehappy: There's a distinct lack of bisexual smut and that needs to be remedied. There's a bit of dark and horror in the pile, too. Oh, and tickling, too! There needs to be waaaaaay more of that on this site.

Someday, I hope to repay you for All the Pretty Pony Princesses. I don't know how, but I know it will involve words. You may be remorseful, having caused suffering and confusion, but it is simply not enough. The roles must be reversed. I'm all about bathing in emotions, and what you have felt is what I wish and what I have felt I wish upon you. Simply put, quit hogging all the regret and remorse, Mr. Horse! :rainbowwild:

Heh... I haven't signed my name the same way since reading that thing. I sometimes forget to put in some semblance of an "r".

What I meant by "Moar grimdark please" was an urging for you to stick with being, well... bad? Yourself? It was a bit of a stab at Ghost and Blue Paladin who are like all, "why can't you be nice, Bad Horse? It makes me super sad in my insides." I get super sad in my insides from reading your stuff and I appreciate it, enjoy it even.

Originally, I was going to put "Boo Ghost Boooooo!" on the side of the sign to be a bit blunt about it, but decided against it. Quite frankly, it would be like firing off a cannon. Too antagonistic. Too impactful if seen on a neon paper sign from the realm of real life. I don't want to start a fight. Just heckle, eh?

He's one of the many doves on your shoulder and I a raven with many kin on the other.

... No. That's too cli-shit. Imma try that again.

He is one of the many seagulls on your shoulder and I a magpie with many kin on the other. We both caw different things into your ears, but we'll prolly both steal from your garbage when you ain't looking, leaving an unholy mess afterwards.

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First drafts and illegal stories

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