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Joined May 2012
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Somepony struggles to remember their childhood. But something's wrong. The facts aren't lining up, and things are becoming blurred. What's at the bottom of this mystery?
...Unbelievable! How could you ever doubt such a masterpiece that is this? My friend, it is, in my humble eyes, a perfect story.
First, I'd love to point out the metaphors, so cleverly imbued with the numerous elements of the story, such as and most importantly, the Kaleidoscope. Very well maneuvered.
Honestly, the structure is sound, lovely and detailed just right. It's like looking through a map of nothing but crossroads. Begging to ask the question of which is truly the right, and true path. All riddled down to the correct place.
By all means, you have nothing to worry about. This story is ready and, in time, will catch on and be graced with the numerous likes and applause's it deserves. Why? Simple. It is unique. I've never read anything quite like it, and it is indeed a refreshing taste of the ever growing evolution among writers, at least to me it is. Well done, Vulpine! 
I'm going to be honest: some of the elements in this story were literally just there to mess with the heads of people that were familiar with my stuff. That's why the start has elements of a long, slice-of-lifey, serene account to it; I wanted to make it seem typical of other things that I've written, so when it all kicks off, there's a nice surprise.
Glad you liked it!
To be fair, I'm not a super popular writer due to my erratic schedule. Plus, it has the most generic description possible and the only listed character is 'other', so the search engine won't be picking it up too easily; honestly, I don't predict this getting a lot of views outside of people who watch me anyway. But for those people, it's like an unexpected Christmas present. I guess what I mean to say is that even if it gets barely any views, I'll be proud of it. 
Well, my original thought when I finished it was, "wow, this is pretty awesome". Whenever I think that about my own stories, I try to immediately go and seek second opinions to make sure it's not just my ego talking. I like to think I don't produce anything too awful, but I'm really not what you'd call an objective judge of my own work. 
So, it was a case of "don't doubt the story, doubt the writer". I'm glad you thought it was worth the read!
Hopefully they lead to a satisfactory conclusion. 
Well, as of the time of writing, it has more likes as you could count on two hands and two feet! In all seriousness, though, the points I made to Sypher should explain why I don't really expect this story to get super popular. The people who have seen it seem to like it, which is all I can really ask for. I'm really glad you enjoyed it enough to say that kind of thing, though.
It really is a very interesting aspect (he says awkwardly, trying not to spoil his own story in the comments section). How things work are never really explained, so there's a lot of wiggle room to play around and have fun. Glad you enjoyed it!
Well, I try! Originally I planned it to be longer and to have one more 'segment' than in its current incarnation, but somewhere in the process of writing the rest of the story, I decided that what I had planned would be superflous and cliche.
It works out that way, sometimes. I bet there are a whole bunch of amazing stories that are hidden away under the sheer volume of fics on site. Although more love would certainly be nice, I'm satisfied so long as this story provides a nice treat to anybody who does manage to stumble across it.
Well, that's just the nature of the beast, I suppose. It doesn't matter. So long as the people who do see it enjoy it.
Good eye! From what I was told be both the pre-readers and commenters, it seems the moment of 'getting it' is pretty variable; some people twig it straight away, whilst others don't get it until the really obvious hints start dropping right before the reveal. Since the whole Pinkie section is made to both lull you into a false sense of security (and act as a bait and switch, considering the frequency of 'Pinkie goes crazy' stories on the internet), it seems that a fair number of people just skip over that first big hint.
Because I'm a horrible person and I enjoy terrorising the innocent? 
Thanks. It is a pretty powerful idea; I'm just glad I managed to avoid botching the delivery.
>>1845548 I missed that. I paused at the green eyes and the tens or hundreds of brothers and sisters, but just chalked it up to fanfiction weirdness instead of trying to figure it out. Seems obvious in retrospect, was not obvious to me at the time.
This story is practically perfect. The ending, from "When I was a filly, I wasn't a filly" onward, is perfect. (Okay, EqD will tell you to reformat your ellipses. But other than typesetting quibbles, perfect.) It feels presumptuous of me to comment on it at all.
((COMMENT CONTAINS SPOILERS))
>>1845548 Yeah, that line slammed me to a halt too. "Perhaps even hundreds" of siblings simply wasn't something I was capable of glossing over, and then with the green eyes, I was reading the whole thing thinking, "Welp, this is a changeling story."
It was still a good changeling story, don't get me wrong, but I feel like I read the punchline before the joke. I don't think the story benefits from having foreshadowed it so conclusively and so early on. (Based on >>1849246, I don't think that was the intention, either.) I think my brain would still have gone to changelings around the time of the Applejack/Rarity transition, because that's just a natural place to go when somepony's got such conflicting memories, but a little more ambiguity would have let me savor the descent into the story a little bit at a time.
All that having been said, the Chrysalis twist at the end was still a good one, and the image of her true childhood was extraordinarily powerful.
Ah, the 'presumptuous to comment' feeling. Rest assured, you're not the only one-- I often get it when looking at some of the really good stories on site. It's irrational, but it still happens. (EqD has rules on formatting elipses? Wow. I guess it's lucky that I never even thought about submitting this there.) Glad you enjoyed this so much!
This. This is valuable. As sorry as I am that it spoiled the story for you, this kind of feedback is really the sort this story needs. Since I'm the author and knew the conclusion before the story even began, I can't judge exactly how important or necessary each clue is. I think I'll probably lose the green-eye descriptor in that sentence, since that seems to be the huge, concrete giveaway (and the many brothers/sisters is explainable by virtue of exaggeration or foggy memories, both of which are in context for Pinkie's account). I was thinking of doing it after FanOfMostEverything's comment, but now I know it isn't a one-off I can allow for it in good conscience, without worrying about disturbing the fabric of the story unnecessarily. Thank you for taking the time to comment about it instead of just hitting the thumbs down and calling it a day!
It's a hard call, but another reason to tone down that sentence--maybe remove one or the other of "green-eyed" and "perhaps even hundreds"--is the context people read the story in. We read a new story here, esp. by an author we haven't read before, expecting it to be badly-written. The biggest problem I can see with your story is being in that context. Some people will start reading it, come across things that don't make sense, and jump to the conclusion that you're an idiot and your story sucks. Some will cut you some slack because the writing style is so good so far, but many will not, and some aren't capable of telling the difference.
I can see what you mean. I've already removed the green eyed bit. One thing I will say is that, when you make purposeful mistakes in a narrative like I did in this one, there's always a chance people will just interpret it as the author themselves being an idiot rather than a key part of the narrative structure. Which is fair enough; nine out of ten times, mistakes are just mistakes. Ultimately, I think it's a great shame if people jump to conclusions within the first two paragraphs (despite the description of the story all-but-explicitly warning them that some statements/'facts' would not be true), but in the end, there isn't much I can do about it. The mistakes are important, and a certain subset of people will always misinterpret them.
There's also the fact that if the assumption is 'new writer --> probably written badly', the only way for a writer to change that assumption is to write well, which can only be done by making good stories. If the reader then makes the assumption that those stories suck before the piece has really had time to show what the author is capable of, nothing ever changes. It's sad, but also just the way it is. Essentially, if someone reads this story without the intention of giving it a fair chance, my hands are tied; nothing I do will make them give it one, and arguably I ought to be focusing more on the hundred or so people who know I can write, who will give it a chance, and who will get some enjoyment out of it.
All in all, it's a large issue, and I simply have no idea what to do about it. I'm unwilling to lose or relocate that first mistake entirely, since then the whole section goes from 'believeable account with something just off enough to notice' to 'believeable account that justs stops for no reason when the speaker decides it's not actually the right story.' I want there to be a reason, visible to the reader, that explains that the narrator might not be telling the right story ahead of time-- especially since Pinkie's section is the longest. I get your point, it's a good one, but I have no real answer to it. (I do like discussions like this, though.)
Aah! Nice story! Changeling Queen mentality here reminds me a lot of the Bene Gesserit Reverend Mothers from Frank Herbert's Dune series. Must be a very strange existence, where consuming one's food has the potential to make one's essentially naturally schizophrenic state even worse. This further makes me wonder whether the older a changeling queen gets, the more fragmented she becomes...
In any case, this was well written, beautifully executed, and thought provoking. Bravo!
well i have a new story to add to my favorites, which means i need to get rid of one.....anyway i want to ask you two questions
one, i am a member of a website called FOB Equestria, a site for military bronies, i would love to do a review of your story.
secondly, this story is begging me to read it as in, make it a youtube video.
i just wanted to ask your permission to do this.
[Comment contains spoilers.]
I love this so hard. I think this is the best thing you've written for the MLP fandom yet. It's just brilliant, and I love everything it implies about changelings and Queen Chrysalis.
I'll say that I didn't realize it was a changeling story until the end, since others commented on that--that might be my own obtuseness, though. I'm not the most observant person. I did notice the reference to the "hundreds" of siblings in Pinkie's section, but that just made me think, "Oh, this is unreliable narration. Something's not right." but not "Changelings!" When the story shifted into Applejack's fillyhood story, then Rarity's, I still didn't catch on. Instead, I wondered if something had happened to the Elements bearers that fused all of their memories into one jumbled mess.
The ending's reference back to kaleidoscopes was just ... oh, man. I thought it was just great. It managed to be a lot creepy and a bit sweet at the same time, and that's an impressive combo to pull off.
My thanks to DB for directing me here. And my compliments to you for such a well-written story. It makes all too much sense...just like another fic that Seattle's Angels reviewed called A Certain Point of View, the story depends on the reader not knowing its premise.
The story itself does this quite well, though I do think that if readers twig immediately to "changeling" that it has less of an impact.
But what am I saying? It's extremely creative, executed to perfection, and how did I not find this sooner? The theme of a kaleidoscope, the constant shifting between POVs, the amazing reveal...all of it comes together like a jigsaw.
It's woefully inadequate, but well done.
I would do the 'Comment Contains Spoilers!' thing, but I think that train has sailed as of FanOfMostEverything's first comment. 
I've never read the Dune series. I've always kind've wanted to, but my local bookshop never has more than one in stock, and it's never the first. That kind've thing really discourages me from getting into a lot of the more long-running sci-fi series. (Also, my take on the matter would be that, since the Chrysalis persona is passed down and solidified by the raising process in each iteration, it would essentially form the 'core' personality, like an achor of sorts. Amounts of schizophrenia may well occur due to feeding habits, but the influence of the Chrysalis persona would mitigate it by providing a strong personality to default to. In that sense, you might actually call it an evolutionary adaptation. Sucks for the rest of the changelings, though. Of course, this is just random pontification. )
I don't see any reason why not. It isn't like I own the characters or the setting. I'm glad you asked first, though. If nothing else, it's good manners.
(Also, I thought you could have as many favourites as you liked on this site. Was I wrong?)
I'd agree with you in terms of my contributions to the MLP fandom. As much as I love making funny little shipfics (and as much as I think they're actually pretty good, since I wouldn't post them if I didn't), I don't think they're really as impressive as serious pieces can be. The problem is that I can start comedies any time I want and for any simple little reason (most frequently 'I need more practice' or 'I'm bored with what I'm writing at the moment, let's just do something funny'), but serious stuff I tend to need a little bit of inspiration for.
One thing that does surprise me is how many people suspected some sort of fusion happening between the Elements of Harmony or their memories. I can't help but feel that would've been a somewhat 'gimmicky' (for want of a better word) plot for this context. Maybe it'd work in a multichaptered fic, where the consequences would have to be examined and the cause would eventually come to light, but for something as simple as a oneshot I don't really see it. Mind you, maybe if element fusion had occured to me first when I had the idea, I'd be calling the actual plot gimmicky right now.
I wondered if anybody would pick up on the somewhat sympathetic vibe I was going for towards the end. As much as I wanted it to be creepy, I also wanted to show some kind of repercussions for the memories discussed, and perhaps a little tingle of hope. The main thing that's taken forwards is the idea that the world is beautiful, which is expressed in the first, most stable section; in essence, it's something that was learned from experiencing Pinkie. I wanted to give the impression that, even though it's being used to justify less admirable goals, something of moral worth has been passed on, and with enough time and exposure, things could change for the Queen.
Ahaha! As for 'how did I not find this sooner', I think I'll quote myself from earlier in the comments:
To be fair, I'm not a super popular writer due to my erratic schedule. Plus, it has the most generic description possible and the only listed character is 'other', so the search engine won't be picking it up too easily; honestly, I don't predict this getting a lot of views outside of people who watch me anyway.
Of course, this story has already recieved more attention that I thought it would several times over, mostly because of people like DB and Skywriter who were kind enough to draw people's attentions to it; my initial estimation was that it'd get maybe seventy views whilst it was still in the New Stories list and then disappear after that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I have no idea who the Seattle's Angels are, though.
Thanks. I try!
Glad you enjoyed it!
I think your funny little shipfics are darn good. I said what I said not to denigrate your other stories but just to emphasize how much I loved this one. Just for the record and all.
And yeah, I definitely picked up on the sympathetic vibe. I thought she was very sympathetic, and I thought it was almost sweet that Pinkie's sense of the world being beautiful lives on in the changeling queens, in a way.
>>1886482 Thanks for bringing me to this one, Donny!
Wow. Okay. That was brilliant. Of course I spotted right away (Pinkie doesn't have hundreds of brothers and sisters!) that we had an unreliable narrator, but I didn't get it until the end. I, too, thought we had some sort of Element mind merger. That or simply a pony suffering delusions. The main twist was great, and the very last bit, where she assumes her new identity, is even better.
I guess if I'm going to dare comment, I should pick out one specific thing I enjoyed, rather than writing a full-length critical analysis essay...
Well, one thing I loved but which I haven't seen commented on is the monochromatism. "Twilight" remembers the Sonic Rainboom as pink – oh! which I belatedly realise is a reference to the end of A Canterlot Wedding; reading over it again, there's a lot of neat little hints like that – rather than rainbow-coloured. "Rarity" doesn't remember the Rainboom's colour at all, but remembers the gems in her rock as all green, rather than rainbow-coloured. It's just a little thing, but makes me think of each memory as being a single facet of the kaleidoscope.
A fellow talkhausian here, saying thank you for linking this, t'is a beautiful piece of work.
When I read stories, and especially fanfics made from already existent stories, I look for new ideas, new concepts, new ways of looking at things.
And to be blunt, the ending made me giddy, it's a unique and very interesting look at how these creatures work, and it fits well both within your own work, and the works it is based off of.
The actual story that comes before it is nice as well. You have a deft hand, you did not drag on too long with any one part, but you gave enough that it felt plausible that each section was a "truth", and not just something to be skipped through to carry along a point.
You built up the tension very well from beginning to end, the emotion slowly changes as the story progresses, until we get up to the final act, where it reaches its peak, and is used nicely to end the thing. A lot of first person "unreliable narrator" type stories tend to be either too heavy handed with points, or just confusing about them. It's actually done fairly decently here, and it makes me happy.
So yeah, all and all, enjoyable fic thing you got here, I now intend to read your other works as well.
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