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  • E Mortality Report

    Celestia writes a report to her queen about what she's learned from living among mortals.
    4,313 words · 18,314 views  ·  1,488  ·  27
  • E Experience

    Celestia is thousands of years old, and has experienced almost everything the world has to offer. But there's one ordinary thing she's never experienced.
    1,289 words · 4,140 views  ·  647  ·  15
  • E Big Mac Reads Something Purple

    Twilight asks Big MacIntosh to read to the Cutie Mark Crusaders while she runs an errand.
    3,720 words · 4,893 views  ·  409  ·  11
  • E The Magician and the Detective

    Has Holmes met his match, in either sense, in the travelling showpony Trixie?
    14,788 words · 5,226 views  ·  308  ·  9
  • E The Saga of Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade, Interior Design Alicorn

    Should the incredibly powerful new alicorn pursue his destiny as savior of Equestria, or his love of interior design?
    4,940 words · 10,263 views  ·  810  ·  34
  • T Bad Horse's Bedtime Stories for Impressionable Young Colts and Fillies

    Bad Horse retells bedtime stories to teach foals the real facts of life.
    2,641 words · 1,224 views  ·  240  ·  7
  • T Fluttershy's Night Out

    Fluttershy would like to be a tree. But she doesn't want to be an animal.
    7,936 words · 11,531 views  ·  479  ·  20 · sex
  • T Old friends

    Philomena is reborn after she dies. Ponies are reborn before they die. Kind of. A little. It's hard for a phoenix to understand.
    1,582 words · 1,544 views  ·  262  ·  9

Blog Posts336

  • 1w, 3h
    @#& *&#$%#$% #$%$#%!!!

    After the recent site update, the list of users who favorited a story is NO LONGER AVAILABLE.

    That's a catastrophe for my recommendation system. With favorites by story, I could just pull the favorites on the top 1000 stories, and that provided enough data to bootstrap the system. More importantly, I could get the favorites off new stories as they come out.

    About a year ago, the site stopped giving you the full list and truncated it at the most-recent 200. That was pretty bad. It meant the lists were biased in unpredictable ways.

    But now, I have to get favorites from user's pages. That means that to have daily updates, instead of querying 100 new stories a day for a list of who favorited them, I'd have to query 100,000 user pages a day. I can't do that.

    I don't think my recommendation system can work anymore. Or, if it did, it wouldn't be able to recommend a story until a month or two after it came out.

    I can get crude estimates by taking the current user's list of favorites, finding a list of "similar" users, and querying the favorites off of them. But I don't think that will scale well.

    14 comments · 194 views
  • 1w, 1d
    Something Not Safe for Ghost

    58 comments · 562 views
  • 1w, 2d
    Everything I Needed To Know About Life, I Learned From Supervillains

    I wanted to refer to my reblog of "Everything I Needed To Know About Life, I Learned From Supervillains" in a PM to Causal Quill. But it looks like I never wrote it. Did I never post this before?

    Everything I Needed To Know About Life, I Learned From Supervillains

    is an awesome blog post by PJ Eby, author, self-improvement guru, & LessWrongian, on his blog, DirtSimple.org . I can't improve on it; I'll just quote part of it:

    In the movies, the villains typically:

    - Have a vision and goals, for how they'd like things to be in the future

    - Believe that they deserve -- and are capable of obtaining -- everything they want in life

    - Proactively seek the fulfillment of their goals, and persistently work towards achieving them

    - Are willing to plan and prepare for years, then execute that plan in a well-disciplined manner, having anticipated as many issues as possible, with well-thought out contingency plans

    - Are very willing to delegate most tasks to their staff of loyal, highly-motivated employees...  who they somehow managed to recruit, train, and persuade to follow along with their shared vision.

    Meanwhile, the heroes tend to:

    - Be reactive, rather then proactive -- they wait until something bad happens, then try to solve the problem afterwards

    - Be reactionary, rather than progressive -- they try to put things back the way they were, instead of changing them for the better

    - Rarely promote a shared vision, preferring to work alone or with only a partner or two...  who they don't trust with anything really important!

    - Rarely anticipate the possible failure modes of their plans, to the extent that they plan anything at all!

    - Use their talents and abilities rarely, for emergencies only, instead of keeping them in top condition or proactively using them to improve things

    - Not believe they personally deserve anything good out of life, or that things will ever get better for them

    ... I didn't really think all that much about it, until this past week.  It just seemed like an amusing, cynical observation about Hollywood: that movies are designed to make people feel better about their crappy lives, by allowing them to subconsciously identify with the "good" guys.

    ...

    But that was only because I didn't realize just how much this applied to me.

    Or that on the inside, I was still trying to be the hero.

    And that it was perhaps the single biggest source of pain in my entire life!

    ...

    What's good about being special?  "I'm better than everyone."  What's good about that?

    ...

    - If I'm a hero, I won't get hurt

    - If I'm a hero, it's okay that I'm alone or have few friends

    - If I'm a hero, it's okay that people look down on me, because that's just my secret identity

    - If I'm a hero, I'm strong on the inside, even if I seem weak on the outside

    - If I'm a hero, it's okay for me to strike at those who hurt others, the way they hurt me

    All in all, the superhero fantasy was more attractive to my 7-year-old self (the approximate age where these thoughts originated) than I'd ever realized.  And consciously, it had never even occurred to me that they were anything but idle daydreams and escape fantasies.

    I had no way of knowing that, when I adopted this superhero ideal, the following personality traits would come along with it:

    - If you're a hero, you're just strong and successful and equipped... automatically -- you don't have to practice or work out or really do anything at all to become successful (Impatience with details and implementation)

    - If you're a hero, you should never use your powers (talents and abilities) for any personal gain...  unless it's an emergency.  (Procrastination, not to mention failure to pursue non-work goals)

    - If you're a hero, it's your job to right wrongs...  not to make good things.  (Perfectionism!)

    - If you're a hero, it's your job to do the impossible, or at least the extraordinary...  so leave the ordinary things to ordinary people  (More perfectionism, not to mention elitism!)

    - If you're a hero, you have to rely on yourself...  so don't share your secrets with anyone, or expect anyone to be able to help you with your problems...  frankly, it's laughable that they'd be able to understand your issues, let alone help.  (Arrogance, closed-mindedness, and other a**holery)

    - If you're a hero, everything is serious business.  Deadly serious.  All the frickin' time.  You can enjoy other people being happy, but don't expect to have any free time that can't be interrupted for something more important.  (Recipe for struggle, suffering, and general life imbalance.)

    The post goes into more depth on how this subverted his attempts at self-improvement. I don't know if his course or books or whatever it is he's flogging are good, but I think this post is brilliant.

    28 comments · 328 views
  • 1w, 5d
    I don't want to know...

    27 comments · 328 views
  • 1w, 5d
    Fifty shades of marketing

    My question about "story views" reminded me...

    "Fifty Shades of Grey" was a spectacularly popular Twilight fan-fiction; it had over two million downloads online. The publishing giant Vintage Press saw that number and realized they had a hit on their hands. They filed off the Twilight serial numbers, put it in print, marketed it like hell, and now it's sold 60 million copies, satisfying a huge but previously unrealized market for bad BDSM chick-lit-porn.

    Part of that is true.

    Though the Twilight fandom was very large, it was still too small, I thought, for one story to have two million reads. A little searching and I found the original quote was "over two million hits". It was reported by Anne Jamison, author of "fic: Why Fan-Fiction is Taking Over the World". I emailed her and asked where that number came from. She replied,

    The "millions" numbers I had were not public; I had them from screenshots from various writers. The counts were from fanfiction.net which, for the Twilight fandom, remained the biggest hub--most if not all stories that were also posted at Twilighted.net and TWCS were also posted on ff.net. Ff.net tallies reads but doesn't--unlike Wattpad or AO3--make them public.

    But for all the sites, read or hit counts are for every time someone clicks on the story--so if they click through the front page to get to chapter 37, that's 2 reads.

    Fan-fiction is published one chapter at a time. "Fifty Shades of Grey" has 26 chapters, but when it was originally published on fanfiction.net as "Master of the Universe", it had over 100 chapters.  More digging by gwern showed that the story had over 40,000 reviews when it was on chapter 70. It had 37,000 reviews when it reached 2 million hits. So let's say it had 65 chapters when it reached 2 million hits on fanfiction.net.

    fanfiction.net adds 1 hit every time any page of the story is reloaded. If you go to chapter 1 and read all the way through to chapter 120 in one sitting, that's 120 hits. If you log in, see it updated, go to chapter 1, and then go from there to the new chapter, that's at least 239 hits to read the book. If you refresh the page, that's another hit. (I verified this myself by refreshing one chapter of one story of mine 3 times on fanfiction.net, checking the stats before and after.) If you read half of one chapter one day, and log in again and finish it the next, that's at least 2 hits. If you leave it in an open tab on your computer, that's 1 hit every time you open your browser. If you reread the story, the hits double. If you click on the story each day to see if it's updated, hits go way up.

    Two million hits on a 65-chapter story means a theoretical maximum of 2,000,000 / 65 = 30,769 readers had read it on fanfiction.net when that "two million" figure was reported. More likely, given re-readings, users who always go in through chapter 1, users who quit halfway through, browser refreshes, etc., perhaps 10,000 readers finished it on fanfiction.net, and let's say another 10,000 on other sites. That's about as many readers as finished My Roommate is a Vampire.

    What actually happened was that a fanfiction that had been read by at most a few tens of thousands of people was reported on in a way that misled publishers into thinking that it had millions of readers, when really, it just had a lot of chapters. So they put a major marketing campaign behind it, and sold tens of millions of copies.

    But was Fifty Shades of Grey really what people wanted? Or would the same thing have happened with almost any book they'd marketed as heavily?

    27 comments · 264 views
  • ...
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Source

Two silly short stories about Luna, Celestia, fashion, and legal theory.  "Slice of life stories if your life is crazy royalty cake with cinnamon sprinkles." - JadeCriminal@SpaceBattles.com

Go to the Equestria Daily story page to see the stories in this set by Georg and Dennis the Menace.

First Published
24th Aug 2012
Last Modified
24th Aug 2012

Sisters had the perfect Equestria Daily pre-reader.  In stark contrast to my other pre-readers, my only message from him or her said, in full,

Congratulations. Your story has been accepted, and will be posted within a few days.

Thanks to Cobra Commander for telling me it needed more Fancy Pants and a dash of Trixie.

I wrote "Betting the Moon" because of a comment on another story, from an Equestria Daily pre-reader, who said: "Ownership phrases of the sun or moon should be taken out and shot."  I was writing a snarky reply, saying, "When I say 'Luna's Moon' it doesn't mean she can use it as collateral for a bank loan," and then I thought:  What if it did mean that?

If you liked these, the next logical story to read is In Celestia We Trust, All Others Pay Cash by Georg.

Thanks to bookplayer for telling me it was funny when I couldn't tell anymore.  I wrote much of this while streaming an E Nomine playlist off YouTube.  You probably didn't want to know that.

Never thought I'd see the day when a story about Luna in socks had me grinning from ear to ear.  An event of that magnitude deserves at least a favorite.

Easily one of the most hilarious stories I have ever read. Bad horse, I insist you write more.

I think I love you.

Liked. Fave'd. Your welcome.

I find the image of a guard trying to burn the remains of a furnace amusing

These are nice. Luna and Celestia have about zero screen time for actual development, and the whole ruling sisters dynamic just sounds like so much fun. ANd you've proved it works! I loved the part at the end in regard to luna's commands to the guard. Funny stuff, creative stuff, short, sweet, and I want for more. Great job.

I am glad that Celestia understands the great importance of good tea, though I prefer jasmine over chamomile. Many people and ponies forget how soothing a nice cup of tea can be.

Ah abuse of power. How very godlike. :pinkiehappy:

Twilight certainly learns from her mistakes.  Can't shake her up if she's already on the floor!

Calvin and Hobbes + Celestia and Luna. my mind has been blown into a whole new dimension of Yay :yay:

>>1145832  Gotta agree, came for the cover image, stayed for the story.  Lots of LULZ had by all!

I think the Princess should continue to wear socks cuz they're superstylin'!

Yeah, I've always kinda had a problem with the fact that Celestia and Luna are tyrants. Good tyrants, but tyrants nonetheless. I only endorse the idea of a benevolent dictator if I am going to become said dictator.

Secondly, YOU DID NOT JUST MAKE LUNA CRY! YOU WILL SUFFER FOR THAT, SILVER WHATEVER!:flutterrage:

you truly are the thoroughbred of sin you magnificent bastard!

Have any other great ideas for this?

The ownership of other celestial body's is really going to be a pain in the ass when we humans finally take off.

Ponified Calvin and Hobbes?

Someone make it happen right fucking now.

"Your majesty," he said, as they bounced off his face.

MY Godesses that was LMFAOROTFL. I lol'd.

I loled at the cover.

"All right, civil case, then. Princess Luna, it's customary at this point for you as defendant to bow to yourself as judge."

As always in every reality, the legal system is stupid.

Funny, cute, and very heart warming. You have my personal seal of approval.

On to the next chapter!

"It doesn't do anything. It's not like I was asking for the sun."

INSTANT DEATH

"Take your time. Although it is nearly sunset.":trollestia:

SOCKS!!!!!!  I MUST HAVE SOCKS NOW!!!!!

I don't know where the socks thing came from but I've come to accept it.

HUZZAH! the socks have been doubled.

Calvin and Hobbes style cover art?

Insta-faved. Will read later.

This is silly and wonderful and I wish to see more.

That cover art...I LOVE CALVIN AND HOBBES! Now uh I'm gonna be reading this story now.

This is incredibly silly. Especially Luna.

Sometimes I hate my brain,:twilightangry2: I can't see chamomile tea without thinking about the main villain from The Saga of Seven Suns.:facehoof:

Other than that I liked this story!:twilightsmile:

There's a 34 version of that last picture...

Sees story on front page...sees cover pic...realizes pic is a pony version of Calvin and Hobbes...likes story immediately :pinkiehappy:

>Sees calvin and hobbes pic

>insta fav, track and read

:twilightblush: So I guess implementing my ideas from those human fiction books is not a good thing?

:trollestia: The possibilities.

CALVIN AND HOBBES REFERENCE IN THE PICTURE!!!!

SHITTTTTT!!!!!

Too cute :raritycry:

Glorious! The added Trixie scene and the expanded Fancy Pants scene were executed with perfection. The pictures were also a great touch. Onward to the next chapter! :moustache:

I tried writing this comment about five times, each time having to start over, because I could not think of a way to properly praise how doubleplusgood I found this story to be.

Well played, sir. Well played. :moustache:

>>1125938

I... I assassinated Dolan... Are you...are you proud of me? Bad Horse?

She cried. Wailed, really. I should have seen it coming. I really should have. But I did not. Good job.

This is simply Brilliant. :moustache:

I demand humbly request more!

this wins the universe. Calvin&Hobbes forever.:twilightsmile:

>>1145905

Georg is thinking about having Celestia and Luna compete in the Sisterhooves Social.  That story will end up on his user page, but I'll probably add it to the Equestria Daily links for "Sisters".

>>1146758

Proud of you?  Dolan was one of our most evil members!

Now you have to replace him.  I hope you know how to use MSPaint.

>>1146968

Well, I'm absolutely terrible at it, so I should be fully qualified!

>>1146348

It is by Junglepony.  I expect the Rule 34 version came first.

In all honesty, Luna looks much better in her socks than Celestia does.

Which is rather ironic considering how this chapter ended.

Wow. I am loving this.

In all honesty though, with as much as we make fun of the legal system, it's still a great deal better than the alternative.

Reading a nice little story called Njal's Saga, set in the time when human laws were first being made (the name is Norse, like Thor, in case anyone was wondering), put it into a great deal of perspective for me.

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