sweet an update no further clop at this point, how... disappointing. but enough of that I love this story so much and hope to see another chapter soon.
A problem that has plagued me for some time in my writing; I don't want to keep saying their names because it feels bulky, but the pronoun issue does arise.
Well, the elements won't be complete without her. I'm also building a bit of a something through these few chapters which I'm proud of, laying the foundation for something gradually is a skill I've lacked and I'm glad to see I'm getting better at it .
2607983 The confusion caused by overusing pronouns is far worse than the marginally slower speed of using names.
Toss a little LUS in there if you must, but relying exclusively on pronouns to avoid using names is merely replacing one problem with another (worse) one. And it'll only get more problematic as you introduce more characters.
Actually, the funny thing is Lilith was originally a placeholder name. I'm terrible with names, so I stick one in there while I'm writing and fix it later. Obviously, I decided to go with this one after all.
Normally I would object to RD being to easy so persuade into lying to her friends. But, considering that it was one friend that turned her on the others I could see it happening.
Wait, was there supposed to be something supernatural about Dash's easy submission? Because I didn't notice anything until Twilight does the glowy eye thing after having already kissed Dash.
As is it just feels like Dash gives in really easily, and it's hard to tell if that's supposed to mean Dash is just an idiot or not; sexy thoughts about Twilight are one thing, but Twilight's appearance screamed "I'm a bad guy now" and Rainbow already has an idea of the nature of the opposition, right? Her letting Twilight get that close to her without a fight felt foolish. Anything after the kiss I can buy her being under Twilight's influence, but prior to that there's just no way for the reader to know if Dash's mistakes are intended to be typical of her or not.
Not in the next 40 minutes The next one is Dash-centered, and I want to make sure it comes out right. I've also been considering redoing Flutters chapter.
sweet an update no further clop at this point, how... disappointing. but enough of that I love this story so much and hope to see another chapter soon.
2606624
Sadly, no clop in the next chapter either, but after that is the longest bit of clop I have ever written, as well as some personal self indulgence.
2607320Sweet I await with great anticipation and bated breath.
yuck rainbow dash but i still loving this story
2607807
A problem that has plagued me for some time in my writing; I don't want to keep saying their names because it feels bulky, but the pronoun issue does arise.
2607896
Well, the elements won't be complete without her. I'm also building a bit of a something through these few chapters which I'm proud of, laying the foundation for something gradually is a skill I've lacked and I'm glad to see I'm getting better at it .
Hot dog, even the non-clop is awesome. Seduced into obedience Rainbow Dash is best Rainbow Dash.
I wonder if Twilight is becoming another Succupony.
2607983
The confusion caused by overusing pronouns is far worse than the marginally slower speed of using names.
Toss a little LUS in there if you must, but relying exclusively on pronouns to avoid using names is merely replacing one problem with another (worse) one. And it'll only get more problematic as you introduce more characters.
Haha! The stakes have been doubled!
World domination
2564894 so a former good guy can be the bad guy
lilith as in this lilith?...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvHg0tDSkIo
2668879
Actually, the funny thing is Lilith was originally a placeholder name. I'm terrible with names, so I stick one in there while I'm writing and fix it later. Obviously, I decided to go with this one after all.
2673553 hm i see.....
but is your story as cool as lilith is the real question?.....
Normally I would object to RD being to easy so persuade into lying to her friends. But, considering that it was one friend that turned her on the others I could see it happening.
2699464
Enthralled or not, Twilight is the element of magic. I'm sure there was a bit of persuasion there.
2700850
Wait, was there supposed to be something supernatural about Dash's easy submission? Because I didn't notice anything until Twilight does the glowy eye thing after having already kissed Dash.
As is it just feels like Dash gives in really easily, and it's hard to tell if that's supposed to mean Dash is just an idiot or not; sexy thoughts about Twilight are one thing, but Twilight's appearance screamed "I'm a bad guy now" and Rainbow already has an idea of the nature of the opposition, right? Her letting Twilight get that close to her without a fight felt foolish. Anything after the kiss I can buy her being under Twilight's influence, but prior to that there's just no way for the reader to know if Dash's mistakes are intended to be typical of her or not.
I hope you still plan on continuing this, I'm really interested in seeing where it goes!
2717410
Not in the next 40 minutes The next one is Dash-centered, and I want to make sure it comes out right. I've also been considering redoing Flutters chapter.
2717948
Ah.
Well, I'll be here when it's ready!
o good, i was worried this was abandoned since it had been a while since it updated, glad it will continue