Mare Do Better

by Cynical

Epilogue: All Was Quiet

Friday

The clock tolled midnight; the sonorous bells rang out across the deserted town below.

Twelve headaches later, a pair of ponies pulled their hooves away from their ears only to hear the world ring afterwards.

“Remind me why we had to camp out up here?” one of them asked, her bronzed cloak reflecting slightly in the light.
Mare Do Better sighed, “Because it’s the highest viewpoint we have available whilst still remaining invisible.”
“I still think you should have let me get a few clouds together…” the other cloaked pony replied, turning a white mask towards the town below again.

Mare Do Better chuckled to herself, shaking her head slightly.
“So Twi?”
“Mare Do Better, Rainbow, secret identities remember,”
The other pony shrugged, “Same difference, anyway… I think I have a name for myself.”
Mare Do Better turned to face her partner, her brow raised under the mask.
“How about… The Pegasus Falcon?”

She couldn’t help it, Mare Do Better laughed.
“What’s so funny about it?” the self-proclaimed falcon demanded.
Mare Do Better snickered, trying desperately to stifle her laughter before she spoke again, “Nothing, it’s actually quite a good name.”
“Then why the laughter?” The Pegasus Falcon shot back.

“Come on, you have to admit it’s not what anypony would expect you to pick,” Mare Do Better snorted, “what happened to ‘Daring Dash’ or ‘The Wonderbolt’?”
“Hey!” The Pegasus Falcon protested, “I thought you said we needed to have secret identities or whatever, anyone who knows me will know who Daring Dash or The Wonderbolt is straight away.”

“Alright, alright,” Mare Do Better replied, smiling beneath her mask and raising a hoof in surrender.
The Pegasus Falcon chuckled softly, “Happy birthday by the way.”
“Thanks Rainbow, I-”
“Falcon.”
“Yes, yes. Anyway, I could definitely use something a bit more mundane after this week.”

The Pegasus Falcon snorted loudly, “Mundane? You were the one that let Rarity go to Canterlot to design something for your birthday, that’s almost like asking for froufrou and glitter.”
“I’m rolling my eyes Falcon,” Mare Do Better dictated.
“Sure you are, just like I’m rolling my own.”

Mare Do Better just smiled and shook her head slightly, letting the silence rest around them for a while before speaking up again, “Actually… everything seems pretty quiet tonight, why don’t we just drop the names and the masks? It’s pleasant enough out here to warrant it.”
The Pegasus Falcon sighed happily, immediately setting about trying to tug off her mask, “Thought you’d never ask… I still can’t get used to calling you Mare Do Better.”

Twilight Sparkle smiled under the mask, using her magic to remove her own hood followed by Rainbow’s.
Rainbow’s mess of colourful bangs flopped out of the hood in one great lump and she shook her head vigorously, “Finally, I know Rarity’s one for fashion and all, but would it kill her to make something breathable too?”
Twilight chuckled again, her own mane falling flat over her head almost immediately, “That depends on how many colours breathable fabrics are available in.”

Rainbow laughed, “Yeah, that’s true,” she started, trying to speak around the giggles, “I don’t envy you for when you get Rarity’s present, you’re going to be a walking peacock.”
Twilight rolled her eyes, “But I’ll be a walking birthday peacock,” she stressed, almost hiding her smirk, “and since you’re so quick to doubt Rarity’s present, what did you get me?”
“Not saying,” Rainbow replied, sticking her tongue out at Twilight, “you’re not getting it until later, you know, when everyone else gives you their presents.”

Twilight let out a loud and mournful groan of disappointment.
“I’m serious,” Rainbow chuckled, “I’ll give it to you later or else it’ll make everyone else’s presents look rubbish compared to mine.”
Twilight turned to look at Rainbow, pouting slightly.
Rainbow stuck her tongue out in response, to which Twilight only returned Bambi eyes.

“We-ell…” Rainbow started, finally unable to meet Twilight’s gaze anymore, “I could give you that other present that I might have had for you…”
Almost immediately, Twilight’s face split into a grin, “Another present?”
Rainbow rubbed the back of her head self-consciously, “Well, yeah. I mean, the other one’s still going to completely blow your mind, but this one’s pretty awesome too I suppose.”

“Alright, so where is it?”
Rainbow laughed, “And you call me impatient?” a glance towards Twilight revealed that the Bambi eyes had made a reappearance, “But alright… close your eyes and I’ll give you your present.”
Twilight’s eyes snapped shut moments later, engulfing her in darkness as she waited eagerly for her first birthday present of the day.

There was almost a lull in the night air as the world fell silent for a few moments, then she felt something press into her cheek, gentle but deliberate, and her mind stopped working shortly afterwards. Several long moments later, her cheek was bared to the night air once more. She thought she knew what had happened, but the conclusion it left her with was somewhat absurd.

When she opened her eyes again, she stared, flabbergasted, at Rainbow Dash who was blushing slightly. “Did you- Did you just-”
“Kiss you?” Rainbow cut in, smirking as her blush died down, “Yeah… I guess I just did.”
Twilight let her jaw hang loosely as she tried to process the information, almost certain that Rainbow could hear the frantic passage of thoughts shooting between synapses in her brain.

“Uh… Twi?”
Twilight blinked and looked around wildly, blushing madly and realising how badly she’d just zoned out.
She shook her head suddenly, trying to clear away the haze that had accrued itself before she spoke, “Um… what was that for?”

Rainbow rubbed her head, smiling somewhat self-consciously, “Well, it was my thank you for the past week I guess.”
“You mean the week that was a waste of time?” Twilight asked with a sly smirk.
Rainbow just shot her a look, “Yeah, yeah, that week that was such a waste of time that I’m thanking you for it right now.”

Twilight chuckled and the conversation fell into a lull for another few moments.

“So… what did you think?”
“About the…” Twilight let her words drop off as Rainbow nodded slightly, “Well… um- Aside from being somewhat unexpected,” she started, watching Rainbow’s reaction as she did likewise, “It was… nice?”

“Not awesome?” Rainbow asked.
Twilight shook her head solemnly and Dash’s own head drooped visibly, “I think I might know a way to improve it though…”
Rainbow raised an eyebrow as Twilight got to her hooves and offered Rainbow a hoof which she grasped and pulled herself up.

Twilight just smiled again and lit her horn, causing the hatch into the clock tower to swing open.

Almost mesmerised, Rainbow followed Twilight into the relative darkness of the clock tower and into the centre of the clocks.

The hatch swung shut behind them.

Author's Note:

*Falls over dead from excessive updating*

Comments

[anommalcolm]

Will we get a sequel to this? I want to see what happens when they start fighting crime together.

[Arzoo]

A nice ending. Epilogue was probably the best chapter.

I think the whole story could have really used some more tension in it. There really weren't any climactic moments or times you worried for characters, and the romance was very light (not that that's a bad thing).

[Fox-Sama]

2557724

you have no Idea how much I agree with you, I am dieing for more!!!

. This last chapter was cute, but I feel it was too short

[anommalcolm]

2557766
eeyup

[The Lone Shadow]

Nicely wrapped up.

[Cynical]

2557724 2557766
I may have had a sequel in mind when writing that...

2557725
Tell you what, if I do write a sequel which I actual aim to be tense and dark and whatnot, I'll try and have a word with Mr Tension and see what we can come up with. But still this whole story was meant to be quite light-hearted and not that much of an action/adventure thingy.

2557878
Hope you enjoyed it

[Flying-Claw]

WHAT?! Already Epilogue ? You are kidding, are you ?

[The Lone Shadow]

2557912 That I did.

[Cynical]

2557978
See hint of sequel above.

[dragondude2201]

sequel please?

[Cynical]

2558771
Related

[dragondude2201]

2561029take all the time you need

[Timaeus]

Well...that was a sweet ending. Guess it now falls to me and Sub to get our acts together, huh?

[Cynical]

2561275
Only 2 days left.
no pressure

[Timaeus]

2561282 Hush including today that's 3 full days. I just need my editors to actually get back to me.

[Karrakaz]

Plenty of telling rather than showing, minor stunted dialogue, and little to no romantic inclination from either of them until the out of the blue kiss.
Yet enjoyable all the same.

The story was nice. You handled the mare-do-well premise well, although Twilight fighting a street thug twice her size to a standstill with only theoretical experience? highly unlikely.

I think that Dash's suspicions would be roused earlier, hell, I'd think she'd have them from the start, but I was okay with how it happened. In contrast, the way everything went her way: Finding the costume in the first book, tackling Twilight which reveals the costume straight away, Twilight immediately confessing... I know you were on a deadline, but I really hope you'll go back and improve on this.

Reader expectations. Like I said, there was no hint, at all, that Twilight was mare-do-better. And while I do believe that Twilight is at least a decent actress when she wants to be, she'd have at least some deception leakage, the absence of which made it confusing.

The romance? I wouldn't say this story merits a romance tag as it stands right now, a single kiss does not a romance make. And we don't get any inclination on feelings from either of them.

In the end, I liked the story overall so you've earned yourself a follower. (It could be much better though) 5.5/10

[Cynical]

2566436

You again?
*sigh*

Don't worry. The editing storm will happen.
It probably won't happen today or tomorrow, but it will happen.
Soon...

Also I do leave hints in there, it's up to you whether or not you spot them.

[Karrakaz]

2566494

Sorry if my comment causes grief, most people like feedback. I'll try to keep it in mind for next time.

[Knight of the Raven]

Well, that was certainly a nice ending. The romance came a little out of nowhere but is still very enjoyable... In fact, I really like its subtlety. Seems pretty light for the romance tag though.

Here are the lines I liked;

'Twelve headaches later, a pair of ponies pulled their hooves away from their ears only to hear the world ring afterwards,'

'The Pegasus Falcon snorted loudly, “Mundane? You were the one that let Rarity go to Canterlot to design something for your birthday, that’s almost like asking for froufrou and glitter.”

“I’m rolling my eyes Falcon,” Mare Do Better dictated.

“Sure you are, just like I’m rolling my own,”'

'“But I’ll be a walking birthday peacock,” she stressed, almost hiding her smirk,'

'Twilight turned to look at Rainbow, pouting slightly.

Rainbow stuck her tongue out in response, to which Twilight only returned Bambi eyes,'

'There was almost a lull in the night air as the world fell silent for a few moments, then she felt something press into her cheek, gentle but deliberate, and her mind stopped working shortly afterwards. Several long moments later, her cheek was bared to the night air once more. She thought she knew what had happened, but the conclusion it left her with was somewhat absurd,'

'Twilight let her jaw hang loosely as she tried to process the information, almost certain that Rainbow could hear the frantic passage of thoughts shooting between synapses in her brain,'

'Twilight blinked and looked around wildly, blushing madly and realising how badly she’d just zoned out,'

'“Not awesome?” Rainbow asked, which was so in character (and where you forgot the period)

and

'The hatch swung shut behind them.'

[Cynical]

2593397

Thanks for the numerous pointers, I think it's safe to say that you enjoyed this story?

Maybe...

But the reason for the romance tag was because I didn't quite know how much it would come into play when I wrote it... As with a fair few of my stories, I could cut the romance tag and the paragraph of said romance and you wouldn't know the difference, but hey... foreshadowing and basis for sequels everywhere.

[Lunarian]

Personally I prefer things staying lighthearted with little drama or tension. It gives the reveal and following conversation a real believable flow. There isn't entire chapters with angst-y ponies, or dark and life threatening situations. It reminded me a little bit of 'Twilight's List', where both parties kept a cool head and really understood and empathized with each other to avoid a big blow out.

[Cynical]

2609686
Glad that you liked it then
That's an... odd comparison to say the very least.

[BenRG]

I, personally, thought a good name for Rainbow Dash would have to be either something relating to her speed powers ('Stormwind' or something similar) or a cryptogram of her own name, using a kind of psychological double-bluff to convince ponies that she'd never use a name so similar to hers ('Prismstreak').

Nice story; I'd have had Twilight start out with her 'Ponyville needs a champion' spiel and slowly work down to the 'bullied filly becomes saviour' trope. That said, this is a good story, particularly in its characterisation of Rainbow Dash. I think you got into her head quite nicely.

[Cynical]

2800438
Falcons aren't fast?

Thanks, I think I can see the benefits in a story written on those lines, however it'd only really be applicable if the story was written from Twilights point of view throughout. Otherwise it's just a matter of reading into how the words are ordered in the last chapter. That is if I'd do that idea properly with a fully developed character arc.

Thanks for reading .

[Cynical]

4875781
BatMare: Coming soon from DC.

Also probably coming from me at some point because dat dark vibe

[Yubella]

So we're bullying dash again? Great.