Discord decides Equestria is a little too boring. Instead of risking his own neck, he drags the newly appointed Guardian of Fun from Earth to help him with his task. Little does he know the Darkness is still out there looking for its next victim to corrupt.
[Rise of the Guardians/MLP FiM Crossover]
Page generated in 0.197 seconds
Total duration
1,027 users online
70,646 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Yay a Guardians fic! Jack is sexy.
You have an interesting start here with no glaring errors. I look forward to future mischief.
2476755
Hopefully I don't disappoint. The next chapter is shaping up to be a doozy.
This looks like it will be fun. I now wait of the update.
pointi9ng
2479618
Thank you, fixed.
Replace "Jack Frost" with "Eyeless Jack" and you have my kind of story.
Oh, well. It was still fun to read the first chapter.
Even if Rise of the Guardians is extremely overrated...
I want to live in that shed. It sounds perfect for me. I love not making sense, change, or cash. What fun! 'Screw gravity.'
2483374
I'm not the biggest fan myself, but I enjoyed the film and this idea popped into my head.
2483381
I just feel like if Discord would live anywhere it'd be a funhouse meets a hall of mirrors on crack.
hmm jack seems a bit ooc he IS a guardian
2485582
He is a guardian yes, but Discord has basically enslaved his mind, so to speak. Otherwise Ponyville wouldnt be experiencing a second winter during their summer.
And now we wait.
Classiest dubstep ever
2506144
probably my favorite song of hers. Expect the next chapter sometime this week, the weekend by the latest
2506467
Thanks
MORE DUBSTEP NOW!
Dat drop
My reaction
HEY HEY HEY, STAY OUTTA MAH SHED
2483381
Indeed
I just know that knowing myself will make me know about knowing
Update?
soon, life got in the way of ponies.
Whens the frikin update?
So will you please update, please.
Ok, not a bad concept, but let's see if we can point out some areas that could use some polish.
In the beginning you don't really describe Jack's appearance. While it's true that you don't want to over-describe your character right off the bat, a few details here and there should aid the reader in the visual dept. Just assume that the reader has no background with the other material your using when doing cross-overs. (And yes, I know your basing this off the "Rise of the Guardians" movie)
This is really "telly". Why? Because your just telling me how he feels. Try to describe Jack's contentment through actions. Like how you might see an actor move.
I would probably simplify this to "Jack's untrustful nature..." You can also insert some internal dialogue here, like a What's that?
Change the first period to a comma. (dialogue punctuation)
Comma splice. Use a semi-colon here.
Doesn't Jack Frost use magic by breathing? I mean... I would consider his abilities, or possibly his existence, to be the product of magical forces.
Again, a bit telly. Could have him jump back or Jack's eyes widen or something here.
KIND of a bit monologue-ish. Also, a bit out of character for Discord. He tends to play with his prey a bit more. He would probably try to make some joke like "What? Don't I look normal? I'm a high-school girl!" (Not necessarily that, but you get the picture)
I'm not sure, but is Jack supposed to be under Discord's influence here? If so, this wasn't very clear. He was refusing to leave just a few paragraphs ago...
Overall, not too bad. It can use some polish but it's not the worst thing I've read by far.
Update
is this dead
Keep this up. Its starting to get good.