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The Elements of Harmony have released a new evil into Equestria with the blame falling on Princess Twilight Sparkle. This unholy demon takes on the form of an alicorn and calls himself Gray Umbra. Gray plans to tip the scales of the natural order between chaos and harmony and it is up to Twilight and her friends to once more band together to save Equestria, this time from the One-winged Alicorn.
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Ohmai, an alicorn fic? You truly are the pinnacle of originality.
2451521
Thanks! I do try!
Well, I found it to be easy to work off of and not too high maintenance. I know it may be lacking in originality but hey, I'm not competing for first prize.
2451651 Fair enough.
After reading, the final verdict is: 7/10 kept me interested.
Wow, that last bit there I was thinking he was gonna say:
"I am Grey. Christian Grey. From 50 Shades of Grey. Yes, that is why the Elements are Grey."
I understand that Grey is more based off the song than Sephiroth himself, but i feel that him admitting himself as evil incarnate is a little ooc. Sephy was just trying to take back what he thought rightfully his, he didnt think he was really doing anything wrong... well, to an extent, i guess.
You've got my interest though, and i shall contiue reading.
Enjoying the rewritten version so far!
It's slower and feels like it has a stronger foundation.
Yep, very much liking the rewrite!
I do kinda miss the name Shades of Grey, I'll admit...
2831564
Yeah, I struggled really hard with that decision, but it had to be done for certain elements of the plot.
Thanks for the compliments as well! Glad you're enjoying it!
2831575
To elaborate - the dialogue feels longer and more fleshed out, and more things are built up with, as I said before, a stronger foundation. Dispel any doubts in your mind - this rewrite has vastly improved the story!
I see the DBZ references have been cranked up to eleven! And Discord's taken a level in badass too.
Safer Gray Umbra?
It's like Majin Buu all over again.
Methinks I'll keep an eye on this story.
Gray Umbra is quite similar to Omega Shenron.
And gathering the hope and Harmony from everywhere on the planet, sounds a lot like a Spirit Bomb.
3126745
Not very hard parallels to draw. I'm just saiyan
3126806 Definitely coloring this pic guy, because it's badass. :D
First 500 word review.
Your dialogue is a bit clunky in places, but not too bad. Mostly I notice the saying each others names unnecessarily. Reading your dialogue out loud to yourself is a great way to check how it sounds. Work on showing more
That's all I could really pick out. Good story over all.
3259448
Yeah I've been told that a lot too. I'm working on it. I just get paranoid and assume the reader doesn't know who's speaking to whom all the time. My dialogue feels like guidelines for a script rather than actual speech. Thanks for your review!
Ok, is this Alicorn red and black, and have a broken horn as well?
3287195
The second chapter explain his appearance, and by broken horn do you mean broken as in shattered or broken as in overpowering?
Also, he's only an alicorn because that's the mode he likes best. He's actually a shapeshifting-like mass of evil that can turn into anything, but you'd have to read the story to figure that out
3287209 In other words, he's a fucking Gary Stew
(a Mary Sue with a trenchdigger)
3287216
Gary Stu.
I'm pretty sure the one you're talking about is a legitimate character
3287216
Also, he's not red and black. he's rather monotone since he isn't supposed to be flashy or anything.
3287256
3287319
Why the facehoof? Just go ahead and say it. I won't delete your comment.
Let me know how he's a Gary Stu so I can fix it, or at least keep him consistent as I continue the story.
3287195 Dragon Ball TX
The title is misleading I thought it would be a crossover with FF7 and the main antagonist would be Sephiroth:
3358523
It gave you some despair then... right?
“I’m legitimately upset. There’s no way I can have any fun with this thing firing lasers at me!”
This nearly made me crack open a beer just so I could do a spit-take. xD
One of the best "take me out of context!" lines I've ever seen.
Hi! I'm here because your story was submitted to the Good Grammar Directory. Unfortunately, your story does not qualify to be added to the group.
The main problem (at least, in the first 500 words of your first chapter) is specifically this: when someone is addressed in dialogue, a comma should go before/after the person being addressed, as mentioned in Ezn's writing guide. I'll explain:
Here are some examples of doing it correctly:
Whether it's a name (Twilight) or a pronoun in place of a name (my friend), a comma should separate the character being addressed from the rest of the line.
I found several instances where a comma was missing. Here are a few of them:
There should be a comma between "sorry" and "Princess".
There should be a comma between "comment" and "Princess Sparkle".
There should be a comma between "nation" and "my little pony".
There were also a few other errors, like a misplaced comma (“I wonder, if it has anything to do with Ponyville,”) and a missing hyphen (Princess Celestia pensively stated to the smaller lavender hued alicorn).
For these reasons, the story was not approved for our group. I understand that you may not want to make changes, or you yourself may not have submitted your story to our group in the first place. However, if you do decide to make changes and want to try again, feel free to pm me, and I'll take another look at it. Also, if you have any questions, feel free to ask me. Otherwise, have a good day. :)
Edit: I should also mention that your title might be grammatically incorrect. If you're referring to an alicorn with one wing, it would be "One-Winged Alicorn" or "One-winged Alicorn". "One Winged Alicorn" refers to one alicorn that is also winged. Whether "Winged" in "One-Winged" should be capitalized or not is a matter of style, but whether the hyphen is there or not is important.
3358523 That what I thought too.
1-media-cdn.foolz.us/ffuuka/board/tg/image/1335/77/1335772396717.jpg
3481605
I haven't responded to your comment because I put the story on hiatus, but now that I plan on reviving it, I will take into account what you have given me.
I understand that this story is riddled with errors of an amazing degree, but I plan on fixing that. It will undergo a serious proofread upon the publishing of the next chapter, and eventually all chapters will be managed accordingly.
Thank you for your review, and your time!
Was this the Clu? Like from Tron: Legacy?
3794955
Erm, no... I kinda just liked the name
3794968
OK, then. 
2922241
References I've spotted so far:
DBZ (multiple and obvious)
Gurren Legaan (drill horn)
Soul Calibur ("Begone!")
Star Wars ("I find your lack of faith disturbing," "It's working? It's working!")
The Dark Knight ("Why so suddenly severe?")
The Legend of Zelda ("Well excuse me Princess!")
I'm sure you've hidden heaps of others in there. I will find them, and I will ki—just kidding.
References continued:
Super Smash Bros ("New challengers approaching")
Rage faces ("that went better than expected")
Star Wars ("unlimited power!")
....Meh. I'm sure there are others, but despite that, I'm greatly enjoying this. I admit, I've had to turn off my editing goggles to do so properly, but it's still a great, fun read
References again!
Star Wars (“How rude”)
Lylat Wars (Starfox 64) ("Whaaaaaat")
Diff'rent Strokes (“Whatcha talkin’ bout willie?”)
Looney Tunes (“Beep beep!”)
Any RPG ever (teleport in front of the Harmonolith)
I heartily agree with you, Sir.
Woo! Now I'm actually caught up. Feels good. Can't wait for more!
3959374
... A lot of those must be new via the rewrite. I also haven't read the latest chapter yet...
Sounds like I'm missing quite a bit.
3959215
By all means... place those goggles back on and hand me the summary, my friend.
I'm actually rather serious. If you have the time, that is...
3959382
Yes you are. And a majority of them are new via rewrite. 3959215's been spot on as well. Damn near got every one XD
There are a few more, probably, but it's been so long since I viewed the previous chapters that I'd have to do a through search. I usually place them in on the fly, or after I pre-read the chapter and think to myself, "insert snide remark here..."
Interesting, will give it a read... and I will read all of it....
LOL
4904695
Yeah... I get that a lot... It's more or less the trope of one-winged angel, as opposed to actual Sephiroth, though the main villain is inspired by the character!
3518545
Same here.