Evening Storm
Joined 15th Jun, 2012 ·
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Nope.
Nnope.
NNNNNNNOPE.
I AIN'T READING THIS SHIT
Just... no.
No.
No.
*away*
2557045 at least you have the decency to leave a comment. thank you.
2557051
Seriously, though - what did you expect when you submitted this story?
(Reads summary)
... Nnope.
(Puts hat on, picks up briefcase and walks out door).
Actually, I think Randy can put it better...
2557062 i expected hate and alot of it for it to be gay incest but seriously why the fucking hell would you downvote just because it has something you don't fucking like?! look past the damn thing. leave it alone. if you cant see past the story dont vote
DA BUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!
2557068
Why would people downvote it?
Because some people have moral boundaries.
The exposition is incredibly stilted and the dialogue doesn't seem very natural. That said it's okay for a first try. Keep trying.
2557075 thank you. ill keep that in mind next time
They wanna be jerks and down-vote your story just because they don't like the idea...Join my group against the thumbs down without comment. Here is a link to it. I Don't Give A Flying Feather About Your Thumbs Down, So Shove It Up Your Ass If You Need To Do Something With It!
2557087
If you ever need a pre-reader to help you with another story fell free to PM me. I'm not a great writer, but I know a thing or two.
Not my cup of tea, But it was nice... Feels a bit rushed to me though~
2557098 *shameless self-promotion*
2557051 You released it without letting me edit!!!!
You are insane if you thought it would be okay without any editing.
2557075>>2557125 As his editor, you have no idea how much I wanted to stress that this wouldn't be well received and that it needed more work.
I'll read it sometime.
Yeah... No moral objection to the content or whatever, it's a story and they both consent yada yada but seriously, this has some problems with just how it's written. I don't mean that offensively but purely objectively. It has poor pacing and just is generally not well done. According to the comments you have a willing editor, use them. No matter how good your writing gets an editor is an invaluable tool. Especially at your first time writing or your first time with a particular genre.
2558524>>2558755no worries. I only posted it to get initial feedback. I plan on sending a copy and then reporting it
I feel obligated to give you an honest review despite me thinking this subject matter is...a bit more than off-putting.
1. Pacing - Dude, your pacing is rushed. Big time. I mean, no major foreplay, no kinks, and he penetrates Lumin without any lube. OUCH, MAN! That would freaking hurt! Do you have any idea how much it hurts to have something shoved up there dry? Actually, I imagine you do.
2. Plot - So we have the father and son making breakfast when - oh, hang on - "I LOVE you dad." Just gonna throw that out there like it's a little thing like getting a new pair of socks. Honestly, I feel that the overall plot could have been more well thought out and more naturally flowing instead of having all of the expositions thrown at us in one big mess.
3. Clop - Honestly, the clop wasn't that arousing. Like I said above, no major foreplay, kinks, or anything interesting were here to make the clop more appealing. We just have the father (you) ramming his son's ass DRY. On top of that, it wasn't as detailed and in depth as it could have been
Major Detail: You put this up before your editor could edit? Tsk tsk tsk. I thought you would have known better. Either way, that was not a smart move.
Overall Grade: 4.3/10 (can't clop to this)
2559300 Oh my. I'm totally on your side with the review. (even though I would have scored it lower than 4.5)
OMG! Throughout your review I was busting up laughing.
Why wouldn't he let me and my dream team of editors swoop in and make this fic decent? (there was like no way possible for it to be made into a good clop with such an odd pair of lovers.)
2559402
Believe me, the 4.3 was being generous.
2559416 Oh, I believe that. I would have looked at this in reviewer mode and said "The fuck is this shit!?" 1/10.
2558793
You know, editors are what you use for initial feedback you silly person. Next time just trust them so you don't have to deal with the comments and potentially hurt your reputation.
2560365
I don't mean to be rude, but you don't need to jump to his defense. Not only have many of the comments been, surprisingly, constructive, but Evening himself seems to be taking it rather well. It's especially rude when you're comments are directed at people who did not have the information you are blaming them for ignoring.
2560365
Yeah, well... I don't read incest.
are you going to make a sequel?
jesus, so many pissed off people, calm down children and take a chill pill. yes its not good. but its a story none the less. that yes i agree it needed editing. but if you read the stuff before reading the story, it did say unedited. so why flip out so angrily/angrilly <---don't know which is right/ meh. anyway im not rating this but not saying its absolutely bad, read alll of it all the way through and figured its not horrible but didnt much like it either XD.
2558793 I kinda liked this story. It looks good considering that it is meant to be a rough first draft. Certainly needs some polish and refining, but there is the core of a tender story in there.
I'm guessing that this was your entry for the now closed comp, so is your request for editing/proofing still open, or do you have someone already?
2560365
If my jets weren't cooled, that review could have been a LOT more thorough considering my history with Mr. Storm.
2560932 yeah if you would like to
2560799 wow
you actually liked it enough for that?!
thank you
i wasnt planning on it but i could try. since your the only one who seems to like it would you care to help me?
Well, as an editor myself i cant hel but give an honest oppinion.
1. Putting the story up without editing was a tricky move, though you have amazing confidence, that isn't enough in this doggy dog world!
2. The intimacy was a bit.... BLAND! There was no foreplay, no explanation, there was actually no intimacy present at all, it was like you(the father) were cramming yourself up his (the son's) dry ass, and im sure everyone can agree that is slightly disturbing.
3. You don't have to tell us, the story itself makes it obvious that this is the first clop story you have written. A few tips: make a few rough drafts before posting your work to be judged by the public, people can be brutal and can affect your entire writing career. Keep people hanging on the edge, give it a bit of a twist, dont jump to the point.
Use these words for they are wise.
2563766 yeah. i failed pretty bad
i dont mind negativity though. i enjoy it so im happy. i write for me. what others say doesnt negatively affect me. if they like it yay. if not meh it isnt good and i know that. i should have got editing done. i should have slowed down. im not perfect and niether is my writing and im ok with that. if others hate it no skin off my nose
2563817 I have respect for you, and i agree, write for yourself not for others but keep in mind the tips we give. just watch yourself. you have talent but going the way you are could ruin any chance you have of a writing career
2563840 i hear you. it isnt really a career though. i just write when im bored and so i just post it. thank you for helping. ill try to do better next time.
2563963 i am here to judge and help. Im here if you need
For a first clop it could be a hell of a lot worse. Ya got spunk kid. (Pun intended)
2565152 heheh thanks. I'm glad somepony likes it. Also thanks for the watch and favorite
2565307 I'm watching you. Always.
2563750 i could try but i'm not that good at writing stories, i'm more of an idea person
2565371 well its good to try. if you have skype we can talk when im out of school. you can reach me with EveningStorm1234.
red hod onl
had
athroom on my bedr
in
internal toughts should still have full quote marks
ome of his sons fla
son's
Evenings ba
Evening's
only wanted to do some corrections ive been behind my quota
also really slopy not a huge fan of this, not just because incest is wrong, but the writing is kind of piss poor
Well, that was an interesting read.
2573387 May I ask why you type like that? Not that there's anything wrong with it, I honestly couldn't care less, I was just wondering.
"Piss poor writing", eh?....Well, I'd normally take offence to someone saying that to a client of mine but he kinda deserves it for not letting me edit it. Also, I agree with you statement 100%.
2606833>> define "type like that" imnnot being sarcastic or facetious I honestly don't know what you mean
2573387
I mean like that. I don't quite get what Language it's typed in.
2617269 he/she is removing part of the sentance and fixes the mistake.
2617317 Well, that explains alot. Normally reviewers don't do that, I guess I haven't seen all the styles of reviewing.
2617317 exactly
2619111 what he/she said
its enough so put into the ctrl+f to find that exact spot and fix any mistakes.
Luminous shadow? ORIGINAL!