"It's not easy to be the bad guy. Sometimes you've got to raise towers of iron and magic in a testament to your power. Sometimes you've got to blanket the land in black flame just to uphold idle threats. And sometimes you've got to remind a filly that she is grounded - that's right, I mean you, missy. Don't give me that look, you've got homework to do."
- Excerpt from An Interview With Lord Ironblood.
Forgath Ironblood is a man who values power and might. He spent untold years developing his dark magics, and years more using ice and iron and balefire to claim and rule his domain. But it didn't last; a group of bold and plucky rebels broke into his inner sanctum and unleashed a magic he was unprepared for, a magic that cast him into the void between worlds. At that point, he was no longer their problem and the peasants rejoiced.
The world he fell into, however, was another story. It was a world rich in magic. A world full of innocents. A world he could bend to his will and carve a new domain out of.
He never knew what hit him.
Idea adopted from Whiskylullaby, as seen here, written entirely for the fun of it.
Chapters are dated for the reader's convenience; BNM for "Before Nightmare Moon", and AB for "After Banishment".
Amazing work, Empirical! better than I could have imagined!
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Aw shucks, I'm glad you liked it; it's been fun to write so far!
And please, call me Ed.
This is a brilliant start! You've seriously pulled off Whiskeylullaby's idea perfectly! Keep going, Ed!
This is wonderful! Please keep up the good work!
I really like it so far
So its a Sombra story with Sombra as a human?
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Nope; Forgath is entirely his own man. He merely has similar...aesthetic sensibilities.
At the time the first chapter takes place in, Sombra is still at large and rules the crystal ponies (hence the escaped slaves); at the time the second chapter takes place, Sombra has been banished to the ice of the north and neither he nor the Crystal empire has returned yet.
Hahaha! I love character like puffy, they are both adorable and amusing at the same time. Really glad that I decided to stay up late to browser more pony words.
AB as in After Banishment?
This has a lot of potential. The filly of the top of the helm was adorable.
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Indeed so! Referring to Nightmare Moon, of course.
Congrats on making the Featured box again!
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ED! You're featured! Congrats!
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Heh, thank you, both of you. Though I don't think it lasted very long.
Edit: and it's back. Darn fickle algorithms.
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Your story is well put together so far, easy to follow and without any jarring moments such as poor spelling & grammar or ridiculous style shifting. You've also managed to make a fairly interesting character in your protagonist -- I'm intrigued how he got from the first chapter to this one, development-wise; from my experience that seems to be a difficult feat when the only thing your story has in common so far with established canon is the setting. I'm certainly interested to see where you'll take this, so I'll give it a track and a tentative like. I would've liked for the two posted chapters to each be a bit longer for more exposition, but you've managed to get enough story in your word count for it to not feel like something rushed.
I look forward to more.
This is a good start, can't wait for more.
This is great! The first part of the story fills me with curiosity, excitement and intrigue about the creation of a new city; and the second part is cute heartwarming and funny.
Alright, you've got my interest. That was a really good first chapter.
And chapter two was hilarious. You did an especially great job switching tones between the chapters to take him from being genuinely evil to just "evil", all while still keeping his core personality intact. I'm really, really looking forward to seeing what you can do with this story.
About the only thing I can possibly complain about is that there are some run on sentences in the first paragraph that could be smoothed out for the sake of clarity, and one or two minor spelling errors.
I had no idea I needed this. THANKS! Faved!
This is amazing.
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Thank you, all of you, for the kind words and encouragement; it makes me all the more eager to scribble a few more chapters! Knowing you've enjoyed it is quite rewarding.
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I'm especially glad to hear that there's interest in Forgath, and how he got from Point A to Point Dad; building that bit of intrigue was the reason for telling the story from both ends. That, and not wanting to wait to write him as Father-Lord; it's just fun to write those fillies. To address a few specific things:
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Oh, I can understand wanting more exposition; I was trying to be cautious to keep from overdoing it, but right before publishing I noticed that I hadn't yet mentioned the names of the foals nor of the city itself.
Have no fear, now that the premise is established there will be more fleshing out in further chapters.
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Thanks for the critique as well; I smoothed a few of the more egregious bits of the first paragraph and gave it another check for spelling errors - turns out in the first chapter, Puffy had had "patients" at one point - but do feel free to point out further issues if you spot them!
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And that was exactly what I felt when I read the writing prompt that inspired it; I didn't know how much I needed to write it until that moment. Glad you enjoyed!
Last, but not least:
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Forgath would respond only in cackles, as befits his role.
i cannot wait for more.
Pretty good
by the gods.....he.....he makes.....he makes dad jokes.....*shudders in abject horror*
Celestia has her "little ponies" attitude. Maybe somebody doesn't like it, but everybody has their own quirks after their second century.
Forgath has his pathos. And ponies around him respect this and keep up with it - at least when he's looking ))
OK, so the Crystal Ponies adore their "evil overlord" and completely ignore his "evil minion" speeches and attitude, because they are used to it. Meanwhile all the inhabitants outside of his kingdom probably think how this guy is the next Sombra in disguise...
...seriously, how is he still there 1000 years later? Did Celestia never care for him? I somehow expect the Element Bearers to appear in order to defeat the "evil wizard".
Oh, and we shall always remember the Lord's first most trustworthy and legendary minion of all... Puffy. May her soul rest in peace.
Is that pronounced Fore-Gath, or Fore-Jath/Forge-ath?
Sunset demands MOAR.
Pretty sure you meant the "exalTed ponies". Unless someone was breathing on them. Or they were breathed out, from the mouth of something? The ponies exhaled and then stood straighter? They exhaled as they were exalted? Pretty sure it was supposed to be "exalted".
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I have been pronouncing it "Fore-Gath".
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Something like that.
Give it a few chapters.
Without giving too much away, Celestia is aware of them, and thanks to their locale they get much of their trade and tourism from Equestria by the millennial. But it didn't exactly start that way...
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Whoops; missed that one. Fixed, and thank you!
really enjoying this story, especially the whole evil overlord thing that appears to be actually smart evil instead of either becoming instantly nice or acting like an idiot. I can see this story going up to the point of the crystal empire reappearing and then a sequel happening where Forgath claims the crystal empire and ends up meeting with Candace and co. who were sent by Celestia to do the same thing. Funny thing about it would be that Forgath would actually have a relevant claim to it as his empire is made up of descendants of the inhabitants of the empire.
...you got me interest in this. With a like from the dad joke.
Definitely going to be tracking this. A very interesting premise, and the jokes are on point.
Puffy, the greatest hero of the north!
Little Filly, never ever give openings to a dad, they are ruthless creatures of comfort and horrible, terrible humor.
I can already tell this will be hilariously cute. Have a like and a fave as a token of belief in this story and you.
I love this story idea and I look forward to seeing where your going to take us.
The Monk
This reminds me of Dungeons 3. Does he have an evil laugh? All good evil overlords need their trademark laugh.
i await more, this stuff is great
So he's turned from 'Evil' into ' "evil" ', huh? That sounds like a fun story. I sort of hope he hangs out with the rest of the immortal princesses and stuff at some yearly get together or something and they see through his attepts at keeping up the evil part of his evil overlord shtick. That's the scenario that comes to mind when I think about the given premise of your story at least.
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That would definitely work... at least for me. Depends on what the author has in store (but I'd love to see it happen).
You have me hooked with how brilliant this was. 10/10
That was the single greatest execution of a dad joke I have ever experienced.
I am hooked. This is very promising.
Very cute, I can't wait to see more!
Btw any chance this story will cover after NM? So we'll see th main 6's reaction to an 'evil' overlord!
Though that kinda sounds more like a possible sequel.
Anyway, good luck!
Yeah. You've got a solid start here. The alternating timelines (for now?) are interesting as standalones, and together create more mystery and intrigue to them. Keep up the writing, plenty of interesting stuff, past and present both, that prove to be interesting.
There's also the fact that Celestia will most likely know of him. Should be interesting, past and present both.
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While Forgath would be the first to tell you that he does not laugh often, hours of practice have allowed him to refine a shiver-inducing baritone cackle. Tragically, he's never had the bass range to pull off the "dark chuckle" lead-up.
Ah yes, Dad jokes, the most villainous of jokes.