A soul is a powerful and fragile part of you, a part that goes unnoticed and unappreciated by most. It’s a crucial part of every living being, but a lot can happen when you got two.
Hmmmm... the first two chapters feel really rushed and there are a few errors here and there... but I can't really find any other problems beyond that. Still not completely invested in our 'hero' yet either, but I think that will change as we get to learn more about him. Good work so far! Keep it up
nothing to major but the possibility was still present.
Too.
in whatever this was
Generally people use 'is' even if it is wrong grammatically. I hate dialouge, have to skip grammar for personality...
“Surprisingly well. All of them are alive, unconscious but alive.”
Death is more expected here? Sounds like this lab is full of trouble.
knocking out most of
The ponies inside the complex before an intense cold came over them Still barley conscious
Why the extra space? Also, Barley is a type of wheat I believe.
and I thanks whatever force
Sigh, Thanks only works while speaking. Again, rules of speech is annoying.
that he deserved for what he did to us…
If you you added 'I think' before it would work.. But 'He clearly deserved that' would work better.
Kind of interested, but I have to ask what the point of making him human was. He could've been a pony, or he could have simply not remembered. Also, you made him a dragon. With hair. brain.exe has crashed, do you wish to end this program? Y/N
Hmmmm... the first two chapters feel really rushed and there are a few errors here and there... but I can't really find any other problems beyond that. Still not completely invested in our 'hero' yet either, but I think that will change as we get to learn more about him. Good work so far! Keep it up
Hmmmm interesting story fav looks good so far but will read on
Too.
Generally people use 'is' even if it is wrong grammatically. I hate dialouge, have to skip grammar for personality...
Death is more expected here? Sounds like this lab is full of trouble.
Why the extra space? Also, Barley is a type of wheat I believe.
Sigh, Thanks only works while speaking. Again, rules of speech is annoying.
If you you added 'I think' before it would work.. But 'He clearly deserved that' would work better.
Kind of interested, but I have to ask what the point of making him human was. He could've been a pony, or he could have simply not remembered. Also, you made him a dragon. With hair.
brain.exe has crashed, do you wish to end this program? Y/N
Wow, this stories really good, better than my first attempt at writing in fact most stuff is I'm totally reading more of this, it looks great