2619379 One thing I know we can agree on... I wish there were more people like you and I!
But not everyone, then there would be no one to make fun of or troll.

That was amazing. This is one of few stories i have read and commented on. And I only comment on stories that i think deserve it. You definitely deserve it because you just wrote an amazing story! But if i had that power and had Vinyl or some other pony under control i would not use them for what Octavia did, Id just be like "Rub my feet"

2622121

I appreciate it! I'm glad you found it amazing. I had good help with it. ^.^

That's kind of the point -- she's so repressed, unlike most people. So when she gets absolute power over someone else, her id starts driving.

I'm already about 1/3 of the way through writing a sequel, and I'm also considering writing some side stories about different ponies discovering the Sonatina.

2622333

Positively delicious!

Once again I find Psychology in a cruel format, bravo!

I guess I could add some more senseless praise but I shall skip that.

Delicious praise! Delicious, delicious pra -- -- I mean, ah, yes, of course.

Studying sound waves and their effects on the human mind is something I am still very much active in and this is exactly the focus many of my fellows aim towards, mind control, which is laughable really when you consider the fact, as you said, that there are too many variables.

Yeah, justifying it in-story requires some unholy psychology/science/magic, or a combination of two or three of them. That's one of the things I like about writing MLP fic: Magic! It's just there! Everyone accepts it.

This story is beautifull for many reasons, the biggest is Tavi's obvious fall into the madness of power and then the instant regret when her humanity crops up (ponanity?). Anyway I love this story and its theme so have a Like, a Watch and a Follower.

(I like 'equinity', because it fits with the way the ponies see themselves as 'above' other animals, much the same way humans do.)

I'm really glad you liked it! ^.^ I've got more of the story planned, as I mentioned in other comments. Hopefully I can keep walking this tightrope.

...and vinyl just wanted to say "hi"

i positively feel like any chance for some happy octascratch?

[also, are some settings for the story a bit off? faving got me 2 unread chapters and they wont go away for some reason]

2623862

There's a sequel in the works, but I can't figure out a way to redeem a rapist in the eyes of the reader. I do want to do more Vinyl and Tavi, but the Sonatina versions are pretty much destined for a bad end. (I've only managed to come up with one possibly happy ending to this, but it feels like a real ass pull to me. I might drop it as an alternate, though.)

Nobody else has mentioned a problem with the chapters. Dunno.

part of me, oddly enough, would like to see more not-so-happy octavia and vinyl stories since fimfiction is flooded with the happy ones. did you by chance take some inspiration from another writer who had vinyl using mind control on an unwilling octavia using her music? I did notice a few similarities, but in yours you didn't leave vinyl a mind slave to octavia, so I'm wondering where your sequel will go when they meet again.

I'm also curious if there's more backstory to Octavia you'll bring up. she sure seems to have a profound need of control, over everything and everyone. will you push octavia towards a more sadist impulse? could she take pleasure in inflicting physical and permanent mental harm on other ponies? then of course, knowing that sonatina can make her concerts more profitable, that she can literally force through suggestion that dubstep or other forms of music that aren't classical to dissapear, or other musicians to take up a new career.

but what I really wanna see is the sonatina backfire epically on octavia. I'd actually be happy seeing Octavia crumble and fall apart, the karma circle punishing her for forcing another mind to her will. brainwashing of any form I can never appreciate, and the people involved in it. okay, now I sound like the sadist.

Very deep and psychological. I like it.

2624733

A lot of the next one is Octavia breaking down because she can't forget what she's done.

Let The Music Flow is one of my favorite guilty pleasures, yes. It seemed OOCish to me that Vinyl would take pleasure in controlling other ponies, though, and that's kind of where this came from.

We're all capable of sadism. No worries. (And FWIW, I don't like this mind-control-rapist Octavia either. That's part of why I don't want to go for an actual happy ending, really; Victim Falls For Rapist is a pretty disgusting trope.)

2624744

Happy to oblige!

2624852

i shall here on these tenterhooks and patiently await the next part

oh well, maybe i'll pm a mod for help some day...when there are like 10 buggy stories

And here I thought I was the only one who reversed the Vinyl/Tavi dynamic. Perhaps I should clean up my little drabble.

2624970

Vinyl always struck me as the sort who'd make the first move, but out of exuberance, not actual dominance.

I look forward to reading yours!

2624939

It might be a bit! Careful with those tenterhooks!

2625009

i'll quench the pain with more stories .
and there's no need to hurry...the result is what counts, not the time it takes to complete

Extremely interesting and awesomely original. Thoroughly enjoyed it!

2632104

Well, I can't claim it's absolutely entirely original -- I was kind of inspired by Let The Music Flow -- but I'm glad you liked my take on musical mind control!

I'm working on a sequel already. More emotional devastation! MOAR!

2632114 I was referring more to your particular characterization of Octavia. I've read few fics where she could afford to take a chill pill or two, but ZOHMYGOD is this one ever a bitch! It's certainly an interesting take on her.
And I definitely see a similarity between this and "Let the Music Flow". Namely, the desire to throttle the one doing the controlling for their apparent and extreme lack of empathy. You sir, have made me angry. WELL DONE

2632217

Oh! Well, thank you! I was shooting for 'ice queen given unimaginable power', and I think I kind of hit it.

Of course, now she's obsessed with Vinyl and doesn't realize getting rid of what you're obsessed with leads to withdrawal. You might get angry again if you read the next one.

Damnit, that ending made me really sad.
In a good way, the fic was really well-written and did a fantastic job of invoking emotion, it just...

I'm not used to clopfics giving me feels.
Vinyl Scratch was so nice, and Octavia totally abused her!

2632114
Ah, Let The Music Flow, I can definitely see the similarities.
Gosh, when mind-control gets thrown into Vinyl and Octavia's relationship things sure do take a turn down grimdark alley rather fast, huh?

2632478

Yeah, being in this Octavia's head isn't all that pleasant. So tightly wound, so closed off, and now she got her first taste of power. Plus, she's obsessed with Vinyl and she's going to go through withdrawal (so to speak).

Someday I'm going to have to write something happy. Someday.

2632486
This Octavia is definitely one cruel cookie.
I don't think I've ever felt so bad for Vinyl before.

2634457

She certainly has her issues. I'm glad you enjoyed the ride!

Well done! An engaging read some unexpected developments (and while Vinyl is more or less a blank slate, Octavia's character was darkly fascinating).

I confess that I find myself intrigued by Noteworthy most of all, though. The diffident, would-be coltfriend. I've no doubt you have plans for him in these 'side stories' you mentioned, though I wonder if he'll lose what little will he seems to have... or find power more to his taste.

2624852
This may have just been my failure as a writer, but I was trying to convey Vinyl not as a sadist, or a pony who seeks satisfaction in dominance, but as an incredibly misguided altruist. Somepony who actually believes they are improving others' lives by freeing them from responsibilities (the orchestra makes you unhappy? The quit. You come to a nightclub to have fun? Let go of all your inhibitions).

2652563

Noteworthy gets played with a little in one of the side stories I have in mind, but Sacred Sonatina (and Sacred Sonatina 2: Electric Boogaloo) are almost entirely about Octavia.

The hedonist spreading hedonism was an angle that hadn't really occurred to me, and I don't want to say it was a failure on your part -- it probably wasn't. I read it as a sort of damaged love: Vinyl wants Tavi to be happy so much she's willing to resort to mind control, and doesn't realize she's imposing her sexual fantasies on her. (I frequently read sadistic pleasure into things that lack it.)

I have my own set of issues, yes -- why do you ask?

Music is Magic... unnecessary clop is unnecessary, but I love the idea, breaking into old earth pony magic through song. Magnificent. :D

2704367

The intention is to demonstrate that Octavia's repression of her sexuality is A Really Bad Thing. This gets examined in depth in the next installment -- the reasons she repressed it, the fallout from what she's done, and the emotional breakdown from understanding why she did it.

I felt the sex scenes were important. If you didn't, then I'm glad you liked the story despite them.

2704408
Oh, I loved the story, it was a great little read, even had some nice feels at the end. ;n; Scratch all sad 'n stuff knowing that she is going to forget.

2704562

I really am glad to hear it. Hopefully the next one doesn't disappoint!

2704594

Time will tell, but I like your writing style. So just give it the love and care it needs and I will possibly read it. If I have space for it... I read like 129819461398471 fics at a time so yea.

2707457

I've been struggling with it a bit in private, honestly, but it'll get out. I have no intention of rushing it.

Ah... Thank you for the pain, thank you for the heartache, thanks for the misery, that disturbs my waking state.

If only, if only, I could... go back... Remove the memories of the pain... ful past.

Now I lay, scared and... alone. Waiting for you... who'll never, come home...

Amazing story, perfectly executed. And the way the complications came in at the end... Beautiful.
Thanks for creating such a work,
Zeta

2761223

I'm glad you liked it!

I'm working on a continuation. My motto is always "NOT ENOUGH PAIN YET, MORE PAIN, MORE PAIN!"

Seriously, I am working on a continuation. (I mean, who goes home with bruises on their face and missing time and doesn't try to find out why? Other than me, I mean. I drink a lot. )

2772460

I really like this characterization, and I want more. It's very uniquely placed compared to almost all Vinyl and Octavia stories. I kind of wanted Octavia to keep Vinyl as a pet, but that's just my fetish. Even in a non-cloppy way, I think that sort of story would be interesting, too.

2772517

My original idea for ending for this was Octavia song-brain-washing Noteworthy too, and keeping both of them as living sex toys. (I might release it as a deleted scene or something eventually.)

2782726

Oh, just a robot girl.

Living in a robot world~

2787644

Sigh. I wish that was me.

2787668

Why do you think it's my avatar?

2787699

Touche.

That was pretty good. :3

2817197

2817230 To go into more detail, I really love your characterization of Octavia here.

She's a stuck-up, petulant bitch, socially inept to the extreme, haughty and arrogant. It's hard to feel sorry for her abusive childhood when you see how she handles it. Rather then deciding to move on and become a better mare, she lives in the past and allows the negatives of her home life to overcome her and block out any truly positive emotions she could feel, such as love or friendship. She needs help, but she's too self-obsessed to get it. It's a great example of a classic tragic protagonist- Her hubris, while it doesn't bring her to ruin, makes her cold and unfeeling. It's a refreshing take on the character- Ala Holden Caulfield, you absolutely hate this bitch, but you can see where she's coming from.

All that said, I felt Vinyl's characterization was much weaker, but her purpose here isn't to truly be in character. She's simply the conduit through which Octavia pushes through years of trauma and abuse and recycles what she has learned. Noteworthy is almost comical. I half suspect he's better off not trying to understand Octavia, since he's barely able to handle his own social ineptitude.

Overanalysis ahoy! : pinkiecrazy:

2817263

Awwww, Badgerpony . . .

2817263

Also:

All that said, I felt Vinyl's characterization was much weaker, but her purpose here isn't to truly be in character. She's simply the conduit through which Octavia pushes through years of trauma and abuse and recycles what she has learned. Noteworthy is almost comical. I half suspect he's better off not trying to understand Octavia, since he's barely able to handle his own social ineptitude.

That's about how I was trying to do it; Vinyl's seen through Octavia's eyes in this, as she tends to see other people as things and not entities capable of action or thought as she is. (I take some time with Vinyl in the next one, though.)

And Noteworthy . . . well, I had some other aspirations for him (that might eventually come to pass) but he's meant to be the Good Thing Octavia's incapable of noticing or, indeed, returning most feelings for. He's sort of the Wilson to her House, in a very loose analogy (since House clearly feels a lot of things about Wilson even if he can't admit it), and I spend a bit of time with that too in the next one.

2883679 2883679

You kids and your schtick.

2961688

That was actually something I fiddled with for a while.

My intention with that message was to demonstrate how oblivious this Octavia is to love and feelings, so I wanted it easy to solve (so that readers wouldn't find it inscrutable), but not trivial (because Octavia's not an idiot). Fifteen seconds feels about right, because it'd suggest that Octavia didn't scrutinize it at all, and that's about where I was going with it.

I'm glad you like the story! I'm still working on the sequel.

2961688

Also: It was meant to be all hyphens, to communicate clearly how many letters were in those spaces. But I use -- as an em dash (old habit from writing a lot of text files) and then do find and replace, and as a result it swapped out and screwed it up for me. Blarg.

So it should have read:

My greatest work --- -- th--, but my greatest l--- --- you, -- d----- beloved Double Time.

But like you said, it's still figurable.

My greatest work may be this, but my greatest love was you, my dearly beloved Double Time.

at long last, i can say something about this story

we've already spoken about your use of internalized through process. here, more than ever, i feel like it detracted from the impact of the story's description – every time we have an opportunity to think something, it seemed like the italics were meant to shove it into our head. the scrambling, frenetic pace of the internal monologue would have worked much better in first person. as is, it just kind of came off as overbearing.

i feel like the tone of the voice was consistent throughout, though a little bit over-the-top so much as to be unrealistic. i feel like if you're setting out with a notion of Octavia as a ridiculously fastidious fuddy-duddy from the classical school of education – and, what's more, one with serious Daddy Issues and problems with affection overall – you need to define her a little bit more. it's much easier to root for Vinyl in this story, which is interesting if it's a choice – but having a flawed protagonist means that the reader will be disenfranchised as the story goes on, unless there's redemption, which there certainly wasn't here. it also means the thoughts we see that are used to drive the narrative are even more at odds with our own perception.

the main things i took away elsewise were the pacing and elaboration. i felt like there were a lot of interesting threads broached, but not explored, like the story was kind of a project outline for a grander idea, but without enough time to flesh out the details. as a result of that, the pacing felt very rushed. i could see all these things ostensibly happening, regardless of how unrealistic some of the actions and thoughts/choices felt, but they needed much more of a build up. Vinyl snapping her glasses makes a bit of sense (and was also super hot), but going from that to pissing herself to sex with only the slightest 'hm what next' from Octavia totally broke my suspension of disbelief.

i know you've come a way since writing this anyway, so a lot of what i have above might be a tad moot, but i wanted to share to show that i'd finally read it. i hope it doesn't all come off as negative; i did enjoy reading it, and as always, there's a grain of so much unique voice and ideas themselves burbling in the application of a specific style that there's more than enough material to be something amazing: i just think it needs to be shaped out a little more.

looking forward to part 2 when you get around to it.

Ok this was a new twist for me on the pairing and I must say...it was very conflicting with my emotions and I think that Tavi made it all the worse, I have to say I reather enjoyed this story.