Edward and Alphonse Elric are tossed into a world of chaos after they attempt to regain their bodies using a faulty Philosopher's Stone. Can the famous Alchemist and his brother make it back to Amestris? Or are they stuck in Equestria forever? Read to find out!
***notes***
I'm rewriting this. It was pretty bad before. Hooray for second chances! Right? Right??
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not much a full metal alchemist fan... but i know enough to understand. gonna track this.
take some pinkies
Well this is my first FMA crossover i have ever read, and this is actually lookin good. No pressure but i want MOOOOOOAR!!1!!1!!!!
Very interesting.
I look forward to reading more!
ANIME + MLP ARE GOING TO RISE!!! KEEP WRITING ANI-MLP fics fellow bronies!!!!
Its my eye's turn to spot some mistakes!!!
1: "Oh man, my head..." You groan, sitting up after your impromptu "nap".
Make that improper...
2: "Brother? No!" You scream as the purple ^ engulfs Ed's body.
Purple what?
3:You look down at your own armor, which is slowly being swallowed by the same thing that took your bother.
Bother? or Brother...
ahh.. thats all I saw...
Not bad for a prologue. Though I don't think your choice of perspective works too well. Perhaps a 3rd person view would fit better with all of this. Or at least not so many swifts all the time
Will track and continue reading
-Glassed
Wow dude..You're good so far. Keep it up! maybe we'll both grow in this type of thing.
hoping this turns out well....been waiting for this exact thing!
great start
189293
Beat me to it.
FMA for the win!
189583 You bet brony
FMA! WOAH! 
-Glassed
189293 yeah that was really only for the prologue... I plan to have ech chapter from the perspective of only one pony, or 3rd person. dunno.
189776 Fair enough, you decide how you wanna do it. I can only manipulate... eh, try and help you get better
-Glassed
I cant belive that Fullmetal Alchemist would be something i like to read about in a FiM Crossover. Cant wait to read more. But why is Al still in his Armor?
190757 guess you'll have to wait and find out!
Err...the perspective thing kinda throws this a bit off for me....Eh..but whatever Its good in many other ways.
ok sorry BACK UP your going to fast
i don't know about you but if i was suddenly transformed into a pony i don't think i could walk/trot right of the bat
and i don't think Twilight would would let them follow her without some answers plus i think she would be pissed at Winry hitting spike with a hammer.
what you need is a pre-reader/editor to help you and give you ideas.
but despite all that i think your doing a vary good job and remember the most important question you can ask when writing a story is WHY, then writing the answer down.
thats all, sorry if this upsets you, im just trying to help
191069 thanks for the input, and that will be explained later, im simply going to explain it as time goes on.
also, i have no pre-reader
do you know of any?
thanks bro.
Okay I like the story but the first person is killing me for some reason. Normaly I don't have a problem with first person but I think the number of different perspectives is causing the problem (it is hard to keep track of who "you" is). In my experience 3rd person works better for multi-points of view stories.
Edit: Also I agree with Shadowslick, Twilight would not be happy with Winry hitting spike with a hammer (although why she would be hitting him to begin with is another issue). Other than that the story is looking good.
I just have one q: all the characters agree to go with Twi without a moments hesitation, and you say they are reluctant? other than that, this story does have potential :)
196607 no, sorry if i was not clear enough on this...
They go with Twilight willingly but Twilight is confused as to why. JUST WAIT GEEZUS
Well this chapter was a lot easier to follow; not sure about the whole attacking Twilight for info thing, Ed maybe since he could be looking for someone-or-thing to blame for what just happened but Al and Winry would be OC to the extrem. Celestia's little psychotic episode is fine as is your reason behind it. Overall I'd say the story is looking good.
Yes, I'm not getting past the whole 'Violent Winry' thing; I know many people love the tsundere nature of her actions and like using sudden violence that people 'deserve' to made readers connect her with the proper one, but...well...unless you are going for an overly comedic story, it is a pretty bad idea. Especially when she's attacking those she doesn't actually know (yes, it's 'funny' as some see it, but the 'justified violence' shouldn't be aimed at certain targets that a reasonable person would not smack around. Bit of a problem when someone beats the child you live with unconscious and attacks those that know her, after all...
Onsite Psych counselling, binding her with physical(magically created) implements or even looking to the guys she just attacked and asking "Hey, will this chick beat any other children she comes across?" and getting a guard depending on the answer all seem more appropriate...and pretty likely given it's Twilight.
Just ignoring the child you live with being attacked doesn't sit right with me. Inviting the attacker to come with you is even stranger.
Princess is a moth a fuckin bitch
Not bad. I quite like the 3rd person perspective; it flows better with this story
Pinkie and Edward? I'm gonna like this, aren't I?
-Glassed
I would have no problem becoming a proofreader for your stories
190981 threw you off a bit? i was screaming in rage as my mind was trying to process how i was supposed to think and feel. it was odd being 4 different ponies in the span of a few minutes.
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okay i just picked ya'll out because you didnt like a few things.
BUT I TOOK YOUR CONSIDERATIONS AND FIXED EM!
1. First Chapter is ALL 3RD PERSON!
2. Winry isn't violent anymore. She's cool. And she doesn't hit Spike anymore.
3. It's now explained why they went with Twilight. It was raining. And Ed WAS bleeding. But we shall find out why later brahs. Please leave your newfound complaints/errors in le comments.
First chapter A whole lot better now! Im going to be reading on.
Read the revised chapter 1, looking good. Thanks for making those changes it really made it easier to follow the story.
at least he thinks ed isnt dead
.........Celestia is talking bull.
Bravo ! Bravo ! I really enjoy your fic !
Story is shaping up nicely. There are a couple grammar and spelling errors but they are minor. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Awww, poor Al
...this makes no sense. The perspective keeps shifting, people are acting out of character, and everything is rushing by too fast.
258159 if you haven't seen the show, im not surprised.
if you have, ive failed.
You misspelled Amestrian.
Other than that, you're good.
283090
heh.. nopony's perfect?
LOL twilight said 'shit'...and for the romance part, first one, cause Al and fluttershy are almost the same, Sept for being turned into a pony.
hmm lets see..... i think about: Al & Luna/Winry, Winry & Al/Mac, Edward & Twilight. Anyway, nice Story. Fullmetal Alchemist FTW.
Winry & Ed, I'm a fan of the cannon pairing. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Al and Fluttershy.
It seems to switch between third- and second-person perspectives randomly. A proper third-person narrator should never refer to one of the characters with the pronoun 'you'.
You did, apparently, change it so Winry doesn't hit Spike... however, you didn't change Twi's line afterwards, so she still talked like Winry had hit Spike, and that confused me until I read the comments.
332060 lol whoops il fix it now thanks for the help
The most Epic Picture of FMA
Some questions why is most of this present tense? Secondly third perspective doesnt include you's eg. Twilight thinks to yourself.. Twilight thought to herself.
2 good story idea and concept apart from some minor mistakes good job.
448057
I realize I have problems with the verb tense-I've gotten numerous corrections to fix and I also realize about the perspectives.
Thanks for your input!
Al and fluttershy would work kinda well. As for Edward, I would pair him up with Pinkie Pie cause she's the ONLY one who HASN'T called him short.