I'm a new brony. Got here from reddit and got stuck. I appreciate good writing and this site is full of it.
'Alchemy, the science of understanding, breaking down and reforming matter, however it is not and all powerful art, in order too- wait, why do i have hooves?
Yep...Edward Elric in Equestria...How will the Full Metal Alchemist handle being in a world of talking ponies.
I......can't do it....I'm sorry......forgive me for wasting your time....
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Well, it's a start, and an interesting concept at that. There are some issues with your basic story structure and grammar though, your descriptions of the enviroments seem to bounce around a bit and should be tightened up more consistently. Kinda exhausted right (haven't had my shower yet haha), but when I have some free time I can come back and make some more coherent suggestions.
However, like I said, this is a really interesting concept and with a little work can really shine, do don't get discouraged
Not another one! *Sigh* Track. We need more FMA stories.
Number one issue honestly: cut the (parenthesis). If you need those to break the story to explain something, you wrote something wrong. Also, work on pacing. I felt like you rushed it
Loved the concept though!
I'd cut the cutie mark picture, unless you link to it via hyperlink
Describe it first to the best of your ability before you straight up show what you're describing :l
Good start, seemed a little rushed but I'll give it a chance.
I`ll track and it does seem like the story is going to be good but your writing stile is almost as crappy as my first chapter that i posted to my first story.
Try adding in more details explain what the characters feel, what their expressions are like, also try and describe his suroundings a bit better.
AHAHA i am very interested consider yourself tracked and watched! :D
P.S. If you need help for the next chapter contact me or KIckass222urmom or burroite he will have a darkblue picture of a pony with a stripe on his wing
i dont know how to put pictures but read this story for inspiration!
Oh also forgot to say
i think you should keep going i absoloutly LOVED chapter one i look forward to seeing more
183845 i agree, it's a great start, this story looks like it'll be fun to read, hoping to see more
i just read the original and i was wondering, why did you make him a unicorn instead of an earth pony?
You're gonna rewrite the first chapter? Fair enough, I shall come back when you've done so
-Glassed
183936I liked the story but the picture of him in pony form made more sense to me as a unicorn.That's pretty much why.
damn, i so had this idea before but the main thing that kept me down was how the law of magic and science would fit or intertwine, so in order to avoid that i decided not to write it, good luck to you though, it's an ingenious anime on its own with rules and basic principles that somewhat are linear to earth now.
This could be so much better.
No breaking the fourth wall with your comments. Extensive overhaul with detail. Plot sounded good. Could be good. But out of character and hashed together. I say give it to someone else if you can't step up. Harsh words, but only because I can't stand to see a story fail like this.
FMA crossover? COUNT ME IN.
Jeez! over 500 hundred views in one day! You people really want to see this thing float huh?
HAY YEAH WE DO! THANK YOU, LUNA, FOR CREATING ALL-CAPS MODE!
Just so you know Ed lost his right arm (front right leg of a pony) and left leg (rear left), other than that and the extremly fast opening it looks good. Tracking.
185166
Riiiiiight...Thanks for the info....I forgot that bit....
Oh and just so you know the symbol on Ed's coat (And in this case flank) is called a Flemel.
186680
Thanks...I REALLY didn't know that!
The More You Know
Good Job man! I'm tracking
BTW i like the fact that you rewrote it, its a much better beginning than what I did.
186750 If you need a prereader you know where to find me. (says this in hope of spoilers)
Okay, looking better. Just so you know the Alchemy Wall that you refer to is called "The Gate of Truth" in the context of how you are using it however replace "his Alchemy Wall" with "his Gate." Like how you did the section regarding Luna's name.
Full metal alchemist one of the best aqnimes of all time combine it with mlp = fucking genius Oh and faved
183963 i see, but he would also be conflicted as to what to beleive, after seeing Twilight and rarities magic ignore equivalent exchange he could be even more confused as to the idea of magic.
193226
I see where you're going. I'm already there..Just wait. You'll see maybe Thursday
Um....2 words.....HOLY SHIT!!!!
So many READERS
I hope this doesn't crack me....
YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!
Its cool man. You've still got my track.
Awwww... Don't worry, you do not have to feel pressured into posting the next chapter. It will read better if you take your time anyway. Do what you need to do first, don't worry about us.
Don't sweat it dude, your good at this I'm sure its worth the wait.
That's nice. I thought you were all gonna be pissed.
It's okay, I'm not going to brake out the tar and feathers. I'll still track this story, good luck with school.
I need to watch FMA
Yes
I tracked
DOnt worry you will be great!
Good luck with schooL!
Its amazing
Im blown away by it being so
i1081.photobucket.com/albums/j360/HardRockC0ck/1277604778482.gif
Traking You
The most Epic Picture of FMA
Wow. Just... Wow. You are an amazing writer. Defenitely continue.
*Looks at next chapter*
s3-ak.buzzfed.com/static/imagebuzz/web05/2011/2/6/23/fffffffuuuuuuuuuu-3495-1297052541-0.jpg
revive this