When a wild Pikachu (Mind you, this isn't a normal Pikachu) falls victim to the heavy attack of non other then Arceus itself, after having been the victim of the crossfire of a Trainer trying to capture said Legendary Pokemon. She awakes to find itself... safe and sound. Only, not in the forest she had called home.
This story is more or less... a beginner's story, but with multiple chapters and a plot-line. Any ideas or judgement will be appreciated.
-Cover image from dragoart(dot)com-
Chapters (2)
Here's hoping for moar soon.
Overly demanding readers, check.
.... never before have i felt sad for catching legendaries...
2806085
(This goes for everyone as a Mid-Spoiler)
I understand why you feel sad, but there is a reason why I chose what I did. See, out of all the Pokemon Trainers, Red is the only one with the 'Power' to face Arceus.
That triple Finish was strictly ripped off from Super Smash Bros Brawl, no Copy right intended.
2806311
obviously
how about a encounter with zecora? with sparkler wondering what pokemon she is.
2807077
*What kind of animal
Here's to a new revised chapter!
Cheers
Now, back to my one-shot
I'm just gonna put this out there...I didn't like that chapter. Sorry. But the bit where it's in pokemon world is written quite badly.
For instance
Should be
And also Arceus hates Dialga and Palkia. Dialga and Palkia are more like Giratina's little brothers.
2810439
To be fair, I've almost no experience with writing anything about Pokemon unless I look up the Pokedex.
What I DO HAVE experience in is MLP, so I was trying to set a pace to get to the Pony World.
2811694 the bits in Equestria were pretty good. But at the end when she says where in the guardian am I?
I think just where am I would suffice. Keep up the good work.
2813594
She is talking about her home, the Guardian Forest. it makes MORE sense to say about her home, because she doesn't know about the current land.
2819286 fair enough.
I was a bit unsure about the story after reading the previous chapter due to the writing quality, but this chapter was much better. If you keep with this quality I'll probably keep a good eye on the story.
So... did you restart the story? Because this seems like the beginning of the story instead of chapter 2.
2875919
The Prologue is a RUSHED entry, what I use to give viewers the General Idea of what is to happen. It is why it is Skip-able, and you would not miss a single thing.
update update update(itsa chant)
update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update
when is it likely for this to continue?
its awesome
WHAT THE MOTHERLY FUCK! WHERE is the next chapter you...you.... ARG!
Delete the previous chapter. This would be the first chapter, and you wouldn't have a prologue. That previous part isn't worth the kilobytes it's taking up on Fim's servers.
A few major issues that I see immediately:
1. How can a Pikachu use Synthesis? That really needs an explanation.
2. A "beam-type Flamethrower" isn't a Flamethrower. A Flamethrower attack is a stream of fire.
3. How does the MC know she's an equine? She sniffed her legs?
4. The first three paragraphs of the last scene need to be rewritten badly. They make almost no sense. The grammar is terrible. Capitalization is used incorrectly, parts are worded awkwardly to the point of nonsense (ex: "she couldn't really feel any nerves." This means she can't feel her limbs at all, and yet she can move just fine). It's just bad.
5. There are similar errors as the previous point throughout the chapter, but not to the same concentration.
My Poke-nerd brain hurts form this chapter, dood.
3468037 *shoots tranqulizer darts* threat neutralized
I LOVE PIKACHU that is all
We require more of thine entertainment, entertain us!
holy shit it updated!
IT NEEDS MORE!
its alive! cant believe its been almost 2 years
5720061 I KNOW RIGHT!?
What really!
Ummm. I kno u did a rework on the first chapter but... damn thing makes no sense now. Lot better before.
Ps IT UPDATED!
I require more, more of this delicious fimfic.
Huh? this story updated?
Spelling has hugely improved, looks like this story is back on my radar.
But seriously, get someone to look at the first chapter, first impressions count for a lot, and its currently cringe-worthy.
It's also a tad bit fast in my opinion, could do with a bit more character development.
Anyway, tracking.
MOAR
5720061 omg your pic is awesome!
Can you do more please
When will you be able to do more?
more please
Moar plz!
Doing a rewrite of this where it left off, starting with a "Chapter 3" with flashbacks.