Warning: Side-effects of getting hit by a magical rainbow are, but not limited to: Lots of pain, turning to stone, odd abilities, and death. Seriously, look it up. Rainbows kill!
Chapters (4)
Chris-Cross13
Joined 29th Jan, 2013 ·
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Could be better. 6.1/10
I understand that the use of the beginning was accidental, but that's still kind of lazy. You had time to change it up before you hit the submit button. And there are still a few mistakes that the previous one had that are popping up in this one. I still don't know how these people got here in the first place, but all of a sudden they're buddy buddy with everyone. And Vague just comes of as a typical OC that everyone wants to hook up with. Not good.
The part the bothered me the most? The dialogue, grammar and the writing style in general. It's so awkward and rough! I have to stop and read some lines several times just for them to make any sense.
Why is the last line a sentence all on its own?
Redheart let off a soft sigh, as she thought over her previous decision, which apparently took longer than a few seconds. She was abruptly brought back to reality when six angry mares surrounded her, demanding answers to their numerous questions.
This isn't a great example, but it was easy to do and it a flows a lot more smoothly. I notice paragraphs and sentences like this EVERYWHERE!
Is this some sort of hint that Twilight and Christian have something going on? Are they really left howling "throughout the evening and continuing through the night."
"How about the two us actually dating!?" Twilight added, before she fell into another fit of laughter. The jokes and the laughter went on throughout the evening, until the exhausted group finally parted ways.
Another simple example, but it still works a little better than the original.
Overall this story has a ton of plot holes, spelling errors, grammatical mistakes, and a poor set of OC's.
2.1/10
2297114 Thank you for giving me an honest opinion. I understand that my grammar isn't the best. I will try to improve this as time goes on.
"bordom"
2298250 It's not done yet. Wait for it!...
2300821 Thank you! I hope you enjoyed it!
2300821 And yes, I know that means troll.
2296941 That ts less than the dislike to like ratio which is 6.66667/10
3345604
troll.me/images/serious-owl/no-fucks-given.jpg
Who is Vague? In which fic does he appear in?
6787025 Heh, Vague first appeared in Princess Trixie's Revenge. He is a good friend of mine's OC that he allowed me to use in my stories. Vague is essential one of Christian's friends on Earth who helps him in Equestria.
If you want to know my friend's Fanfiction acount: It's BronyOfTheMist