Epilogue
Before the end: The Boy in the Dark
Bucking plot, Sam would have said… then told him “Horseapple! Don't repeat that around Mother, squirt, or I swear!” Usually, that sort of thought made him giggle, but he really didn't want to these days, and Sam, well, he was the whole problem.
They'd talk about the Elements of Harmony. Tom had been ready to yell at them all for what they did to Sam, so they'd sit together in their living room, with Eric helping retell the story. It had been okay, until he'd said why he had let the Elements hit.
“Because if we had managed… if what we did worked, our friends here might have died.”
Tom hadn't gotten it. It just had been impossible. In that one moment, his big brother had looked like a stranger.
“T-then why did you try in the first place...?”
Tom had seen through the fake smile then. It was one of the worst Sam ever put up. It was sad all over, and he might as well have cried – not that he would, cooler than that an' all.
“Because Mom and Dad missed you. And you missed them.”
Sam had been right. It got even worse after… well, when he'd been told they wouldn't get back home. It was impossible.
He felt a bit empty when he looked around and he remembered Mom or Dad weren't going to be there. Once in a while, he just… he wanted Mom to tuck him in or to play with Dad. Sam did both. He did everything, tried real hard, but it wasn't the same...
He missed them…
But if he cried, Sam showed up, all concerned and nice and… and… he didn't like making his big brother worry. Felt really unawesome when he saw the bags under Sam's eyes. The mornings, it was just Eric. Sam was always in Canterlot by the time he woke up.
Even he could tell it was getting bad.
The chains that dumb guy had drawn all over Sam's fur sometimes changed a bit. Like they were tighter. He hated how they looked around Sam's throat. He could swear it would twitch and squeeze whenever.
He hated those things. What gives?! They were so unfair!
When it looked like more silver than gold, Sam disappeared for the day, and it was Eric that looked after him during that time. He'd almost told him, when Tom asked. It was obvious from the look on his face that he had wanted to. In the end though, the colt had been sent back to bed without an answer.
The next week, Sam got nightmares. Bad ones.
They didn't think he heard. T'was hard not to, but he'd pretend to stay asleep. Sam had whispered something like “Damn, I hope I didn't wake him up.”
When Eric had argued about telling somepony, a therapist or hay, maybe even Celestia if that was what it took, Sam had argued about the money and the trust that required. Tom had been angry. It was stupid! Why wouldn't he just want to get better?! He hadn't jumped in though, 'cause, okay… the money thing. It was his fault a bit, maybe.
He'd told them, Celestia and the others in Canterlot. “If Sam's not a prince, I'm not a prince either!”
Their cuz had nodded, and he'd dropped down the title or whatever it was. The money hadn't felt very important. Diamond Tiara had looked at him weird after she heard of it. He was sure she was gonna be mean about it, but she never really said anything. That was good, 'cause he hadn't been in a mood to let it slide.
He had real important stuff to do.
It was his turn to save his brother. No matter what it took.
Aftermath one: The Prince of Fools
He felt like such a fool.
He was one.
That morning had been one of the most surreal in years. The night before, he had been enjoying an evening with the bearer of Generosity. They had spun over the dance floor, before Princess Twilight's dragon assistant had requested one out of his partner. He had bowed out, and allowed it despite his want for more.
Going to bed, there was nothing making him think the world would turn upside-down yet again.
He distinctly remembered waking up, feeling hopeful that Lady Rarity might accept to have breakfast with him in the royal dining hall. Granted, she would have been invited regardless, but if he could ask her first…
His guards informed him that she, as well as the rest of the bearers had left during to night to fight a threat to the kingdom.
And his fr--… mentor had been the threat. The gaudy cape Prince Calx had showed up at court with, stolen. The stars hidden by storm clouds as far as the eyes could see. Disasters possibly ravaging his beautiful country.
His cup of tea had exploded against the wall. His favorite one even. The guards hadn't reacted to his threats of demotion for such defamation of the royal family. The answers hadn't changed despite all his royal blood.
“You lied!” he accused, and he wasn't sure which pony he meant.
The Alicorn had left the docks the very same day. It hadn't returned till a week later, when the whispers had finally made it clear they wouldn't leave his mind.
It always seemed to have been the same words.
Not a good stallion. Not a good prince. Not a good pony. He had claimed it many times, and it had always felt true to him. Before in regard to his unseemly arrogance and behavior, after… well, there really was no need to illustrate the thought further. They were keeping him hidden again, and this time he wasn’t exactly sure where they’d sent Ventus Vinco.
He nearly slipped into old habits. He did, somewhat. The engineers were the victim of his frustrations for the first two days, then they sat him down and talked.
“A prince can be afraid. A prince can feel lost.”
What did you know about being a prince? You were never one.
He was following the teachings of a monster. He should have stopped. Truly, it had been proof of his rightfulness all along. He’d seen it, from the very beginning, him, not his aunts, not his cousin, and certainly no other noble!
But one of those same engineers had saved his life. The gratitude he felt had not dimmed in the slightest, and no, he could not pretend that treating any of his employee like they were beneath him appealed to him.
He really should have stopped acting as he was, Blueblood mused once more, helping a maid steady a shelf with a little burst of magic. He then dismissed her words of gratitude, though not unkindly, perhaps a few words of advice if he could be so qualified. It would be a shame if she were so injured.
His princely blue eyes trailed after her, trailed after the smile in the corner of her lips and the hoof over her chest, and he shook his head.
He really should have.
But he was a fool.
Aftermath two: The Betrayed Mare
He was often there in the middle of the street, little beads of sweat making his coat glisten as he trotted. After some time, she had noticed his frame growing thicker, bulkier, not unlike Shiny when he first entered the guard. It made her giggle back then, when her father started complaining that his son would be bigger than he. Now, there was no laughter to be heard. The way her heart turned at the sight… it was so unfair, she thought.
Everyday of the week. Everyday with the same colt in tow. Sometimes, she could hear the younger one complain about school being boring, with perhaps a more legitimate claim to this than most. One of his essays lied on her desk waiting for her corrections. It was fascinating, in a way, how in-depths his knowledge of the soil and rocks went. Pinkie's sister had given a glowing review to his essay on rock farming techniques.
What would Ventus tell her about the skies if she asked…
Every time the urge came, her mind went to a dance above the clouds. The touch of wind over her fur, stroking her face, her chest, her wings. He would show her the world from the eyes of a true alicorn. He would whisper it to her with his deep, gentle voice.
But she never left the library when he crossed the street.
Every time, he looked both happy and sad. He smiled, all the time, rivaling even Pinkie Pie in that department, but it didn’t always reach his eyes. Most of the time, they held a strange emptiness, a piece of him gone missing. Ventus Vinco seemed still so lost.
But he tried when somepony looked his way. Ponies smiled back, but a few would hurry along the way. It wasn't always a convincing smile. Mostly, from what she could tell, the genuine ones he kept for Calx and Thadal Fragor. And Thunderlane, surprisingly enough.
She didn't want to know what she would do if he smiled her way.
“C-come on, Twilight! You love him, don’t you?” She startled, and rushed to hide the blush that Spike did notice. “You were looking at him again! So why don’t you try to talk to him? He’s still there!”
“I can't, Spike. You know what he did!” Her voice lashed like a whip, harsh, sudden. “I can't trust him. I can't trust...” Myself, she almost said.
Twilight turned to her books in a flurry of purple feathers and fur, her scowl as if set in stone. The base of her horn, right where her crown was meant to rest, burned. It had taken a word. Just his voice. And the greatest magic in the land had been subverted.
But you knew he was not serious.
His eyes had scared her that night. No, not serious, not inflexible. But angry, terrified, disgusted. And once, once so cold that her heart had seized in panic that, maybe, maybe she had misjudged him. She had known the truth of it too late, when he stopped short of ever reaching the circle.
The Elements of Harmony could have sealed him away. It could have taken a thousand years before Ventus was allowed freedom again.
He played her into blasting him.
“Give up, Spike. It is over between us. We've had to choose, and we did. There's nothing more to it.”
“Yes, but… don’t you love him?”
Celestia be good... The memory of their only night together still haunted her. While their kisses had felt like whirlwinds at times, they had lain in tenderness. Slowly, gently, both of them too scared they might lose one another otherwise. They had been one. His warmth lingered over her skin, his voice husky in her ears.
He asked her to weight it against her family, her friends, herself.
“Will you follow me?”
And she saw Cadence again, radiant, Shining by her side. And the announcement… The hoof on Cadence's belly reminding her of the precious, priceless lives that could have been lost. If they hadn't showed… If they had been late...
“I… I have to prepare for my appointment with the yak prince, Spike. Princess Celestia told me his people are very proud, and I cannot insult him by refusing to entertain his courtship, at least.”
Her little brother frowned, his arms folded over his chest. “That wasn't an answer.”
No, it hadn't been. Talking, speaking, telling, listening… They were different things now. She would never be able to quite forget what it meant to verbalize a thought now. There would always be a chance, there would always be the possibility of him hearing.
Her throat tightened, but even she could not pinpoint why. It would have been prudent, wise even, to place wards, to study the phenomenon until it could be understood under all its forms. Oh, yes, it would have been wiser, smarter and all around practical, to simply reply with a few written words. She didn’t have many to give back to her little brother.
It would have been a far wiser alternative.
Her eyes finally leaving the window and the outside, she turned to him and sighed.
“Yes, I do.”
Not staying longer to see the slitter of hope in her little brother’s eyes, Twilight trotted back to her room and locked the door.
Aftermath three : The Childless
A small box, amidst shredded brown paper, lied between the driver’s and the passenger’s seat. On the grey leather, it contrasted strongly, its cover showing a collection of characters of pastel and flashy colors.
The bearded man let his pale blue gaze wander over the childish forms, fingers clenched over the package's buyer address. He had looked it over, suspecting perhaps a mistake in the delivery. But the name that he had found through the website had reminded him of the same young man, begging to be listened to.
‘Season Four’
“Come on, Linda. We have to be there early if we want to get to my sister’s apartment. The movers' truck will not wait forever.”
His wife startled, looking back from the now empty living room to him. Her coat closed well over her form, she rose her hand behind the door frame.
Linda Miller placed her finger on the switch, lingered, and darkness filled the house.
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...Damn. Just. Damn.
I sorta want to see an alternate where he did go through with it.
I... kind of wish you didn't publish this epilogue. The ending of the previous chapter was very good. Nothing in this epilogue really added to the story and it didn't feel as much as an ending. And mostly, I think the problem laid in the style, not the content.
I've read many epilogues, some of which did have many little parts like this. And the way you present and write influence a lot the impact of the epilogue. In this case it was a bit "Pétard mouillé"
The last chapter also was slightly disappointing, mainly at the beginning. The moment before Sam's return could have been shorter. I can't shake the feeling that it was unnecessary drama. Mostly the beast attacking. And maybe you should've played with the style to reinforce the moment. A bit like Hugo did in Les Misérables when he did almost an entire chapter with Jean Valjean in the sewer without period to give a feeling of exhaustion and suffocation. The part with Judicium also felt too long. Stretching the moment was useless, put the blame and get on with it.
Eric/Thadal point of view was also lacking. For such an important character that even part from is point of view earlier in the story, to be brushed aside at the resolution...
On the other hand, the aprt with Celestia and the subsequent moment with Discord were very nice and fitting. They gave appropriate closure. As for the very ending, well as said earlier, it was very good. Maybe not fullfilling, but you did write a drama. (No, I insist, it is not a tragedy). It was very appropriate and you could've hardly write it in a better way.
And as a whole, I really liked the story and the climax was awesome.
And into the favorites it goes!
Great story i liked it alot.
The epilouge was a bit weak, it dident put closure to the characters in the chapter it was left so open ended that I can't but hope for a sequal ath a later date.
Those poor poor parents.
I was right in the end, they got the worst of it.
But no one really 'won' here. There's no 'happy ending', not for anyone.
GREAT story though author nonetheless. Well done.
well this was a great ending
, I much prefer ambiguous ending over complete happy ending in such stories, I feel that the uncertainty it leaves things more open to other trial that live will troughs at the characters in the future and that they must always tray ready to face them
. trough the course of our lives we lose we gain things in the great many experience that we will over time. This was a roller coater of a ride and I loved every minute of it when leases to it I draw on my desk. We feel the hole spectrum of emotions in this thing and that signalizing this fic showed me a little on how to pull on heart stings of readers.
In the story itself, I have a few confusion on what happened in the stroy.
Has Sam permanently lost one of his wings? I know that in realty it is possible to reattached limes to a body provided that yout bring both fast enough.
.
I have a hard time understanding what what Sam and him friend punishment exactly.
I understand that they both had a mark of sham on them to spirits and that Sam's seem to change colors a certain times or circumstances that can actually have adverse affect him. I don't understand the Tartararis part doe, does he has to spend a day every year in their or is Equus his prison now.
I find that Luna is really bitchy in still holding a grudge against Sam even after he got his punishment; she should be the first to at least understand what it is to be punished by the Elders and be separated by a loved one. I don't seem that will really start to care for him ever
I have a hard time understanding that all of Sam's scheming was just a desperate cry for help on his part.
Why is Sam now swearing Pandora's name now? Is it because he is a chaos alicon
I understand Twilight's feeling on the matter of how she got her feeing played with by Sam and Twilight. I seem to sort of understand in her last words that she was willing to give it an other try. Understanding implied or subtle messages is not my strong suit with me.
On that same page, it sound that Pandora has left a gift to Sam's parance to give them the chance to go see their children again; is that right?
Also what happened to all this balance of Harmony and Chaos ? Isn't T's presence forces this world to bring out an other force to counter balance his presence?
For what I understand, Celestia has taken great length to protect the two siblings, because event if they are not actually kin she still love them all the same and that family alway have to support one an other when on one els will.
I wander if Shining will take the chance to torture Sam in his training for braking his sisters heart.
I hope to see this sequel that you are planing
This have been a heartbreaking, yet strangely at the same time, a heartwarming story. I feel sorry for the characters, each of them suffered in some way or another, all thanks to unfair circumstances. But it could have been worst, and maybe, Sam and his friend will get a break eventually and be forgiven. Everything, at least in my opinion, seems like it have been wrapped up nicely and things seems to ended good enough, considering the pain and suffering the characters have been through. All I can say now is great job with this and keep up the excellent work~!
I don't think I mentioned it yet, but... well. Sometimes you come across a movie, or a book, that resonates with something inside you. And afterwards, your first thought isn't "I was entertained" so much as "I'm glad I saw this".
This story has been one of these for me, I think. I believe I would've missed out on something if I hadn't read it.
Uhh not a good ending at all... it doesn't even feel like an ending , So for the rest of forever he has to go to hell for 12 hours a day? It feels rushed.
No resolve on anything.. it's like you set up "EVERYTHING" to be a cliff hanger but you claim to not want to write a sequel anytime soon.
I don't really have any standards for stories after reading so many, that said, this is a pretty good story.
All the drama was a bit much, but that's just me.
Also, I advise rewriting some of the earlier chapters.
That was an interesting thing you did at the end. There are still loose ends to clean up and a story to be had but if this is the end you left it hopeful for the future. A nice way to start up again later but not so much it can't be an end . Nice story is nice.
6886991
It said form the dawn of the sun to the fall of the moon so 24 hours or whater longer or shorter for the version of this story.
Whelp, busy weekend, coming back to lots of comments... you guys are so awesome!
6885281 I quite like those comments you left. It's interesting to hear those details and those critiques. Let's see...
I'm glad you noticed the discrepancy. As the author, I am very tempted to ask you a small question in return. In the events that Judicium cannot technically be unfair (which is a bit of bs, but hey, hypotheticals), what would it mean if he now tried to judge Sam?
Oh, and this one is good, because that is more or less what Sam thinks. Judicium is a truly unyielding knight templar. He will go after one he knows deserves to be judged and his punitions, if he hands out some, are proportionate to the crime. Similarly, so are the rewards he handed out to the girls. Now, about Tom... Sam is paranoid, isn't he?
COUGH, giant sand monster attack, COUGH...I'm kidding. Or am I? Okay, enough me, that's way too much kidding around. They'll smack you in the face. Heck, I'll do it myself. *SMACK* ...there, one less tooth in my mouth.True, but by this timeline, Discord has not betrayed them. Neither has Luna. Funny how easier it is to forgive those that you didn't trust first...
and maybe there is a bit more to it than that, with Twilight.6885345 Now, for the second part of the commenting, yikes. Hurts a bit, but that's writing for you. Okay... let's see. You're right in two things at least. One, the ending to the last chapter is the end of the narrative. The epilogue itself does not make it move further, I really only intended it to give a glimpse of who had ended up where, for a few key characters (those that learn of his betrayal and are most affected). It's a bit of why Eric does not get his own in the end, and part of it is because he already has minimal interactions with Tom. You're not going to learn more from him, and he made his stands in the previous chapters. It just didn't felt as if he could add anything more. I do understand why his absence was felt, but I truly could not think of how to enhance it. If you want to know a little more though, well, Sam and Tom's parents did not buy that DVD, it was given.
Well, that was a bit of a near miss guess you made in that other blog, about how long it would take for 'Sam' to return. True, not really the point, but I'd argue that if not the style, the events themselves were needed. It tells a lot about Tom and Eric with just that, I feel. After all, Tom knows his brother asked them, that he let them, but that really means too little then.
I... can't really argue for style. You have a point, though I'm not sure if I could have made it work. I'm also sorry about the Judicium part, length and all, it kinda feels right to me, but I have a biased perspective. After these few reminders of the Alicorn Elder throughout the story, would it have been better to let him make so little impact in his presence? (I'll be the first to admit enjoying Discord giving him a good smack last chapter though, as I did with the Discord and Celestia part, it felt a bit more in my chords... I have a writer's type, sweet Celestia!)
Anyway, thank you for the critique and the comment, I will try to consider them as much as I can for my future writing. Thank you.
6885342 Well, as Pandora said... Sam gets intense amnesia, a lot of innocents dies, and the people on Earth are somewhat reunited. Every ending hurts. That was the point, Sam had to choose and even choosing 'right' did not make things greatly happy. They're simply... bittersweet.
6885393 Awesome! Glad to hear you find this worthy!
May I offer you this scroll of alicornification/dimension-hopping as a boon, sir?6885490 Yeah, I see a trend with this epilogue... Well, I'm afraid I won't write a sequel to this. I really don't plan to. Maybe a spin-off depending on my workload and if it ever lessens, but that's a big if... Anyway, yeah... the epilogue was less for closure than a peak into those few characters' lives, those that seemed to have lost something through the fic. I can see why this feels a bit disappointing, I do apologize for this last minute misstep.
6885626 Yup. Summed it up pretty well. Once bonds had been created, there couldn't be a way to let everyone be happy. As it stands... raw deal for those poor Millers. And thanks, really, thank you for the comment. Loved it.
6885624 No plans for a sequel yet. Honestly, I don't think there will ever be. People have been asking, but Sam's story is told...
...You are making this harder... I just don't think I can. I've got quite a few more to work on, and well, I want to finish them too. Maybe someday... snippets from their future.
I'm honored by your appreciation of Sam. It's been quite the ride.
Here, well, Sam's punishment is not eternal, merely long lasting. When the last creature he threatened on that day finally passes, his chains will break on their own. As it stands, there's at least a few thousands years for Spike to still live. His punishment still allows him to stay with his family, his friends. Judicium just wants him to remember and to understand. Every year he is still alive, that's another year people that he might have killed would have missed. Sam endangered Spike, and that's why Spike's natural lifespan is used to make him understand. His punishment will end, and till then, he has loved ones to help him go through it.
As for Luna, she spent a thousand years sealed inside the moon already. Judicium could have gone after her, but probably not quite for this exact misdeed.
I do hope this clarifies things a bit more.
6885966 I loved that too. I just... when I began to envision the scene, I realized that they had to. That it would be the most like them, and that they would make another Elder back down. Two for two.
And Celestia... well, Sam's always paranoid. It would be weirder for him not to. But yes, of course Celestia would forgive him. Celestia, on the show, is probably one of the most forgiving ponies, and I love her for that. Her bond with Sam's was one of the best thing he got out of Equestria. It was easy to think of her as family.
6886991 6893481 The punishment is a single day in Tartarus every year. It's one cycle of day and night. Sam is merely busy during the day with his royal guard training. And thanks Dangerfang.
6889981 Yeah, I know Sam's a bit wangsty, teenager with superpowers obliged. But then again, I just liked writing it, so there's me too... well, it's good to know, I'll remember this for next times. Still, thank you. I'm glad to hear this. (a revision couldn't hurt, but I'm a bit out of writing time generally, so I might just wait some more time before trying)
6886088 I am honored you feel this way about my story. It's a great reaffirmation of everything I really aspire to do with writing. Thank you again.
6885782 I'm glad you liked the way this end. They all have a future, some a bit bleaker, some a bit happier, but none is absolutely, definitely lost. Heck, a few were even made a bit wiser by their experience, (looking at you, Blueblood!). I do feel like I learned some things from this story, including when not to overdo it (for the next ones).
Unto your questions:
1- Sam lost his wing in the last chapter, but he also can rematerialize another. It was an effort, but it did the job. Wouldn't have lasted, but then the Elements of Harmony were used...
2-Sam and Eric have different punishments. Eric's is mentioned in the blogpost. Sam's is to spend a day in Tartarus every year. He cannot leave the material world until the sentence is over, and it is guaranteed to last a thousand years, quite likely more (dragon's lifespan). So, in theory, Sam has a few thousands days of Tartarus ahead of him, but all separated by at least 364 in Equestria, with loved ones and the likes.
3-Spirits in general will feel Judicium's power on the markings. They will at least know that he has been judged by THE judge of all spirits, so they can't raise a fuss without earing an Elder's ire, but at the same time, they are likely to be wary of Sam.
4-Luna, as the show has demonstrated, has a lot of trouble forgiving herself. She hates the things she did as Nightmare Moon, and even her Harmony-given punishment didn't put her at peace. And Sam... Sam hits so close to home for her. He's the reincarnation of her previous lover, the one she failed to save. He did the same thing as her. She just... she can't. Not yet.
5- Sam might have or not. Even he isn't quite sure. He lied to everyone, himself included. He intended to do it. He really, really meant to, and Judicium does believe he would have if not for the Mane Six. Sam believes that, but he lies and lies, rolls in his lies and get tangled in the web of it. He called himself a monster a lot, but was he trying to put himself in his place, or convince himself? It's complicated.
6-Sam swears on the higher powers. Pandora just reminded him that she was technically his patron deity, so, he might as well. He can't exactly go "Sweet Celestia!" to Celestia's face, can he?
7-Twilight... might. Might not. I don't want to reply to that. Her feelings have been used against her and it'll take time, if she ever gives it a shot.
Luckily, Sam is not going anywhere.8-About the Balance... well, the Elements of Harmony are basically a power that forces it back. And Judicium did manage to get entry as counterbalance. Eric being of Chaos... it fits the bill on some level. But really, there's always something about to happen in Equestria anyway. I'm sure the girls will manage whatever comes their way.
9-Shining is definitely punching Sam in the face. As for the rest, he might ask for a transfer.
Here, hopes that answered everything.
That's it, guys, so happy you made your opinions known. I'll try to remember each one and till then, later.
6895377
Thank you, I tried. You worked a lot on your story, working a bit on my comment was the least I could do.
Good question, being a biased and imperfect human being, I won't try myself at giving the unbiased perfect answer.
But, on a philosophical point of view, I say that punishing doesn't solve problem. Healing like Harmony and Pandora does. While going to Tartarus to reflect on the gravity of is action might be a good punishment, it is only retribution. It causes more pain. The pain that Sam inflicted doesn't give other the right to inflict him pain in turn.
I would've made him do something constructive. Say... working hard in the guard to protect the lives of ponies?
Anyway, It is still very unfair to the human characters. They are the first to be victim and the spirits contributed to this by cornering them more and more. Celestia did help a bit, but she waited too long before being direct and played game with Sam and Tom a bit too much. Character’s flaw I guess.
Yeah... But is it really a matter that should be handled by Judicium? Do we involve la Haye's tribunal for children's temper tantrum?
I wasn't even thinking about Discord's betrayal with Tirek. That one really is absurd. And irrelevant to the situation.
Discord is the one who threatened the universe's balance by trapping human into becoming alicorn. He interfered with Justice itself and get away with it and merely an "I don't care about him" from Judicium and Fluttershy still caring about him.
Despite a betrayal of some sort. He did help Sam...
And of course, being kind to Discord is important, but being kind to a suffering pony like Sam is too much to ask
Now... Luna not betraying anypony? Really?
And I was not thinking about a personal level. I don't think it should be easy to mend things with Twilight, although if she takes the time to try to understand is position, she might do so. She IS depicted as a compassionate character.
I was more thinking about how Sam is the only one getting punished further after being hit by the elements.
Sorry about that.
About that little bit in the spoiler, I was under the impression that it was Eric's gift. Thinking about it, it doesn't make sense. So maybe Pandora's gift? (She did appear to be such a troll...)
I suppose it can. I didn't really liked it, but it is your story, not mine. It's just that seconds, minutes, hours or even days, that part should've been shorter. The climax was already over, it was time to move to the aftermaths.
Maybe I am putting too much faith in you, but I do believe you could've done something grand. I am so sorry for the pressure!
To me it felt empty. He is having a big impact, but like in physics, applies a force on a larger surface and it becomes less efficient. It was too stretched.
Of course, you are right to say it a matter of personal perception and preferences.
IT'S A TRAP!
6895377 what about the alicone parents of the brothers, what do they still conciser them selves as their parents? do they know that it is all a lie? Also, what do the Alicorns think of the fact that their three beings are imposers? What happened to the rewiring of their memories this was a large part of why Sam was pancaking in trying to find a way to go back home? before their forget their very identities.
6895874 Didn't Sam himself told Magnus that it was a lie? And if Judicium knows the truth, I guess the four (including Thadal's) parents knows too. And it was implied heaavily that at Calx and Ventus' parents "forgave" them and still love them as their sons. Thadal's parents are an unknown at this point.
Well, on the long term, their human's life are going to be so far away back and so insignifiant...
But yes, it is an interesting question, Discord did state that the speel was meant to create confusion by slowl erasing the human. So are they "stable" or is that thing progressing?
the story superb vary well written with a exultant ending.
but here is a problem. you state in the epilog you do not plan on a sequel but here is the problem the epilogue is set up for just that as it opens so may question.
Twilight , love?
parents moving on but yet same is missing them?
I am sure there are other questions.
I normally do not say this but a sequel is not going to cut it here.
if any thing I see a sequel that is looking at things from a different POV.
A fitting ending indeed. Great story, it was a wonderful adventure.
Keep going! ;)
6895873 Whelp, a few more good things to wonder about. Let's see...
Two things here. One, Sam's always seem a very fickle person, doesn't it? To make one opinion last to him can be a bit of a challenge. But yes, the difference between Judicium and Celestia shows which one lives with ponies every day and who doesn't. Celestia wielded Elements of Harmony, good luck getting the same out of Judicium.
Should he be involved with Tom? Good question. Disciplining an unruly child is a thorny question, I suppose. It's not as if Calx isn't already punished a great deal.
On the subject of betrayal, Luna indeed did not betray any of the Mane Six, they first met the version of her that had been corrupted and fallen. Building trust from that is much easier than with Sam at the point in time. They did trust Sam/Ventus, some could call passably good relations with him, and he completely betrayed Twilight. They are well within their rights to be angry on her behalf, on behalf of everypony he met and considered unworthy. It's much harder to forgive when you are personally touched (though I imagine Flutters and Pinkie to be faster to do so).
6895874 Memory modification is still going on in the background. There's no escaping it. For Calx, it won't change much. For Thadal... eh, he'll be happier in the long run. Ventus... he's already there.
6897186 The epilogue really doesn't set a sequel. THose characters are simply directly influenced and changed by the events of the fic. Blueblood's and the Millers' arcs are done. Calx's ideas would probably take decades. And Twi... well, there's no guarantee she'll ever bulge on that point. Sorry if it disappoints. I hope the rest made up for it...
6899708 Thank you for reading. I'm really happy to hear this.
6906499
Hence my "What a douche!" comment
Loophole exist don't they? Suppose they tought about justifying human knowledge by including in their backstory "spent time as human", "followed closely the live of a human", "was heavily influenced by a human" or even "(somehow) got their hooves on the memories of a human". While not perfect, these would've helped preserve the importance of their human memories and values.
It's not perfect, but since they can do about anything with reallity to fill their backstory, a little bit of thinking migth've brougth them far!
And as an unrelated side note, there is a thing called "open ending" where you close the story without answering question and hinting that life will go on for the characters even if it will not be told.
People should remember that.
I think.
Well then, I am looking forward to the next chapters of The Dream of Many and One Horn Too Many.
Was it up to standar-
Dude, you just set the fucking standard.
This was a truly wild ride that left me dazed and satisfied, while at the same time wanting for more.
I remembered this fic from when I read fanfictions. It was halfway done if I remember correctly. I came back not long ago to see what was left and I ended reading the entire thing since you had recently uploaded the final chapter.
To be honest, I don't get it. The fic was amazing, but the ending baffles me. It almost seemed... rushed. We go from rock bottom, Sam is touched by the friendship laser, then... something happens, I don't know. Finally, he accepts his fate, gets a cursed tattoo and stops being a prince.
This ending gives me the same vibe as the genocide ending from Undertale. It was made purposefully to seem anticlimactic. To make you feel bad for killing everything. However, here, it is not deserved. It seemed like so many plot points were just left there, hanging. Maybe it's because I sat there, reading, until 2:30am in order to finish it and I am too tired to see what is in front of me, but this ending just made the entire quest of trying to get home insignificant if, in one single scene, Sam goes from 'I want to leave' to 'whatever, idgas'.
I might also be a dumb Quebecer trying to grasp some literary concept that never entered my consciousness until now.
Hmm... how to comment on a 420k long slice of life story, guess I'll do a short good/bad list.
Pros: What I found stood out.
Story was consistent throughout and had a good start, middle and ending. Romance was very well done. Good character interactions. This qualifies as a real book.
Cons: What I found somewhat meh.
The main character wasn't very likeable (although I get the reason why). Astral alicorns. While the overall story was good, there never was a chapter where it got so good that I wanted to go back and re-read it.
After re-reading this i have come to the conclusion this story needs a rewrite or a sequel, or at least rewrite the epilogue. I still really enjoyed 95% of this story, all the way to the point where Eric proposes to Luna that was literally just a random idea you came up with so you could start the beginning of the end, and felt rushed. You also ended this off really in-conclusively for not planning on writing a sequel, don't do that it's annoying. I feel like a rewrite would befit by removing the world destruction consequence and instead have him steal the cape and go home to earth and have the elements have to follow them and get it back. I'm also really confused on whether the elements restore his empathy?(Wow after posting this i also noticed that the elements somehow teleported from canterlot to the sea about 300 miles in about 20 minutes going from the map of equestria.)
I'll admit it straight out: I really didn't expect this story to be good. Not in the slightest. With a name like that and the premise, can you really blame me? It sounds like something that should be cheesy, cringe-worthy and awful.
And while it sometimes really flirted with almost descending into that, I have to say, with pleasant surprise, that in the end, this really was a strong story. Much, much stronger than I expected. The ending in particular was intense and emotional in ways I really didn't expect I'd see from it.
This was good.
Excellent story! Thank you for writing it, but i still think Celestia with her trampling of self will snap eventually.
Hoped to the end that there will be happy-ever-after for Sam and Twilight, but well...
It was a good story but I do not like tragedies, we have enough bad things happen in real life to read tragedy here imho.
I'm glad I skipped the last 3 chapters - your writing is good. And quality written tragedy and betrayal are definitely not something I would enjoy reading if there is not happy ending somewhere.
Still - thank you for the story. I spent this weekend reading it in one go and got a lot of fun from it, even if it did not have lighthearted ending I hoped for.
A bittersweet ending to a good story about supposed gary stu or Mary sue alicorns
Cried a little at the heartbreaking scene. .... tragedy is deep. Finally lived up to its tag
I...I....I don't think I can cope with this.
It's a great story, and I really felt connected to Sam.
But I think that's why I can't cope with it. At the beginning, I was really worried about Tom and Sam, and I was really hoping that things would turn out okay.
But they didn't.................
.......memories rewritten............ lives replaced...........
..........I'm not satisfied................
.....I can't, no, WON'T accept this!
I was really hoping this would be a happy ending!
Maybe it is to you, but it isn't for me! I can't! I just can't!
I don't want this! I don't!
I'm not hating, I'm not!
I just.......can't accept it.........
Because of this, the thought of going to Equestria terrifies me.
Is that what you wanted?
8671507
I was making a joke or a snooty remark!
No I hated these last few chapters and I’m leaving a dislike!!!
I just spent the last few days devouring this story and holy crap, it was emotionally devastating in all the best ways. Like a red-hot claw gripped my stomach and wouldn't loosen its grip until I finished.
Almost the whole time reading it I just felt some kind of dread for everyone involved, the former humans for their loss of identity and Twilight's inevitable heartbreak especially.
I like that the metamorphosis is more than just 'I wish I had hands, it's a bit weird being so short, oh well I'm used to it after a day or two', you really went into depth with just how uncomfortable and psychological and wrong it feels for Sam/Ventus.
Oh, and I also loved the meta-fiction angle with the in-universe fanbase reacting to the new characters and threat of possible retconning by Hasbro, with Sam being aware of how the show works and thinking about if he's 'on-camera' or not, I've barely seen that before!
Plus the absence of it when Eric's perspective moved to Equestria helped empathise the disconnect between our protagonists and earth, therefore reinforcing the dread of being marooned.
I appreciate what you were going for with the ending; less definitely concrete and more 'this is where these characters lives are going.' It's appropriate given that quite a few of them are immortal, I don't think something 'definitely concrete' would feel right at all.
I just love all the epicly scaled stuff with the Alicorns, and just how evocative you managed to make a lot the abstract stuff like how the alicorns engage with their concepts, all that was really great.
I still can't help but wonder about what actually made it into the show, did the audience really see Ventus's wing getting bloodily cut off? Did they see his entire scene with Pandora (and in the process reveal that he IS a human to the audience?)? Hell, just how much context for that final battle did the audience get? What happens if Hasbro puts Ventus or Calx into something semi-canon like a comic or trading card? Could they even create something with them in it without it happening on it's own?
Insignificant details, of course. I'd say it's a mark of quality that this story got me so invested that after reading it I'm gladly stewing on questions that I know don't matter.
Bleh, sorry if that was all a bit of a mess, I'm not used to writing critique.
Admittedly, I can't imagine something that amounts to 'I liked these things' on a years old story is partially constructive but eh, I'd guess that it's always nice to get feedback and I just wanted to tell you that I really loved it.
To be honest your story was so good at ripping my heart apart that I couldn't read the second half of it. Good Job man
Basically a bit of reality ensues in this epilogue, it really shows how everyone is pretty much living their lives now and it shows while they don't have closure to most of those things but at least things aren't as bad. The tragedy tag really fits in here as this is a very bittersweet ending for everyone even in those pangs of hope in the . Especially with Twilight and Sam, though I feel like they really need to talk to provide closure either getting back together or breaking up and I feel like their break up would be pretty similar to Finn and the Flame Princess' break up where FP tells Finn he was using things he personally knows about her to hurt her (just to see a cool fight and make sure a prophecy happens) and they can't get back together because of that. I can even see it going worse if Twilight pretty much got over him and the wound is completely healed until he accidently open it up again by simply saying hi just like with Bojack. The way she forgave him in the final chapter also reminds me of what in TV Tropes about what happened with Bojack and his friend where it ended saying "he doesn't want to leave him, but he has to."
I can probably say what I feel about this ending will be the same feelings I have when the show itself actually ends, where I will feel there should be more to it in the ending, but at least everyone is doing fine and sometimes that's good enough.
Oh yeah, there was one thing that was missing from this epilogue. The bronies reactions to this entire story and what did they actually see in all of this?
This fic was pretty good the ending was pretty sad and it made good use of psychological horror and drama
Like it was kinda chilling to watch Sam and Tom slowly getting replaced and assimilated by foreign consciouses far older than them
With the spell turning lies and stories into reality it made it even more terrifying .
And from the look of it Sams human side may have been erased or destroyed with him only keeping the memories