A person who loves ponies, pokemon, yugioh and much more. This is my hobby and I love it. :)
With Twilight now being a full on princess she has to grasp the new responsibilities she has been given with. She now has to balance these duties with spending time with her friends back in Ponyville . At first she is ok with the balancing this but sooner or later she may be indifferent to the idea.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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to be honest, it was nothing special. a good first draft but it could use a bit of refining. The characters seemed...off in this, and that kind of ruined it for me. Also there were a number of errors that kind of annoyed me a bit:
Why would she yell "Where is he"? it just doesn't work. It would have been better to write "Spike! Spike! Are you there? It's me Twilight!" and then have her say "where is he?"
Sorry this is kind of harsh of me and I'm being a bit nit-picky, also I haven't written anything myself but I just wanted to make sure these were pointed out. Overall its not bad but It could be a lot better with a bit of fixing up. keep at it, This idea has potential, I'd recommend getting someone to pre read future posts though.
Both the newly added (and inutile) intro and the second chapter need some proofreading. (And If even I are able to tell it, it IS very much needed.)
You have made some repeat and telling errors that you can have easily spotted if you have proofread yourself.
English isnt your primary language is it? i think you should get somebody to lok over this and help you clean it up some. i will give you a like just because i feel like it.
In chapter 3, the guard said "Princess Cadence has requested your presence back in Canterlot. You must come with me at once."
Isn't that supposed to be Princess Celestia?
Alright this project of mine will be put on hold for a while. I really want to wait until season 4 to finish this
, but I have another story in the works and it will be out soon
. It will be finished so don't worry. I just want to see where the writers are taking Twilight so i can write her more effectively and more in-character. So I hope you check out the new story once its out.
Update: New Story out: check it here http://www.fimfiction.net/story/115992/twilights-journey-in-battle-city