Every action we take, we do because it seems like the best. Most of the decisions we make is with the interests of others in mind. How would people think, react, or feel if when we do anything? That is what concerns us. Not enough people in the world have the courage to follow their heart. To do what feels right, to make themselves and those around them happy for a decision that was made with their very soul. So what happens when all seems lost and the world confused, what choice do we have left then to follow our own heart?
A/N: This is a story that I have made with permission from TOOS0BER as collaboration with his story Love and Tolerance if you haven't read it yet then please do, it is a very good story.
Also, cover image was something that I found on the web, I DO NOT OWN IT!!! If your interested I found the link that belongs with it too.
*Story currently undergoing editing.
Wow, this is pretty good Sparky. The pacing flows naturally, but it seems on the verge of being on the fast side -- but it does work. Spencer seems pretty adept at using four legs almost right away, almost a bit too fast (but to be honest, I did pretty much the same thing, so it's all good... derp
) Paragraphing and formatting is pretty flawless as far as I can tell; not many run on sentences and the few that are don't appear to be a huge problem. Although the three huge paragraphs describing the background and personalities/habits of Spencer's family create quite the wall-of-text (it wasn't a problem for me, but some people get annoyed with that quite easily). The easiest remedy would be to split them up into more paragraphs.
However, I would suggest that many of those habitations and some of the more distant (or "old news") history be told through actions that happen in the story, or told through thoughts when they relate to something happening in the story (even if it's pretty vague). Describing the family was important, but it just went too into depth with too much all at once.
Spelling and grammar are pretty good, but you get some words incorrectly used. It's not a bad thing, as the mistakes made are easy ones that most authors make (even professional/experienced ones). Words like "They're", "Their", and There"; "To", "Two", and "Too"; as well as "Here" and "Hear". It's nothing a good proofread won't fix -- and they're not a big deal, since as I've said, most authors make these mistakes quite frequently. If you'd like, I could add in another comment (or a PM) sentence examples of how to distinguish those words. I suggest that when you're done writing up a story/chapter, take some time away from it -- anywhere from a few hours to even a couple days. What this pause does is allow your brain to "unwind" from writing, and when you re-read the story/chapter for that last edit before posting, you will notice a great many more errors than if you'd tried to proofread immediately after writing. It's an excellent tool for making a much better story, and makes reading a lot more enjoyable for your readers.
And don't feel bad for missing them once, or even twice; heck, every now and then when I need to re-read something in one of my stories, I still find some errors that seem painfully obvious -- and I go
as a result....
I liked the interactions and characterization for Spencer and his family. I kind of feel sorry for Conor, since his little boy Chase has been turned into a pony -- I can't imagine the helplessness that he must be feeling, especially as a single dad.
I wonder what it is Axel said to Paul and Jason in the basement... Hmmm, curious 
(I have a pretty good idea though, 
). Haha, and stairs, I swear, just plain don't like ponies! It's like a cruel cosmic joke. 
This is an excellent start, and I can't wait for the next chapter. With any luck, it won't be several months before the next! I eagerly await more.
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7114675456/h2626EFE3/
2233971
Alright, as soon as I get home (Since I'm at school at the moment) I'll try and either shorten or delete all the paragraphs that have the uber explanations since, you're right, they're a bit excessive.
And that little secret talk, well, since Axel is a brony...
You'll just have to wait, but it will make for an interesting action in either the next chapter or the one after.
And furthermore, yes, post a second comment to explain the previous stuff or whatever, any help is definitely wanted! :D
2234478
Friggin love that picture, saving it when I get home.
2235581
, it's awesome
2233971
Alright, got rid of all the unwanted extra long people describer stuff.
I'll try and use it throughout the other chapters I plan on posting.
Now that I look back at it though, it's a little weird so I'm now gonna spend some time on the actual document to fix it so that way it's better.
And a message to all those who have read that part, congrats, you got a sneak peek at the characters.
If you came by to late and would still want to know more but the changes have finally been uploaded...
Too bad, your gonna have to wait.
faved!
cant wait to see where this goes!
2392335
Woot! I'm becoming popular!!!
Can't wait for more!
2394451 yher
I guess I did over do it with that last chapter... 11k words... musta been high...
But really, Sparky your story does have a great deal of detail. Could it use a little more? Sure; but it's definitely not sub-par.
I'm liking how this is going. Also, I'm curious now. Just what did they do to Terry on April fools? I wanna know damnit!
I have a feeling that's gonna be pretty rough for Spencer. Going to school as a pegasus right now.
2395181
Yeah... 11k words is a little intimidating.
Also, thanks for the support.
As for what happened on April Fools two years ago...
Use your imagination.
Anyway, on a separate note, I'm surprised commented on the batman pajamas being torn, that was my favorite part!!! XD
2445483
Thank you for the awesome comment!!! :D
I get so few...
I so love the original. So when I saw this collab I had high expectations...
Now after reading this...
You man, you have totally exceeded my expectations. I want moar!!
Don't let the next chapter take too long to wait for ^.^
2445729
It's already done, I just need to heavily edit it!!!
I made a promise on one of my blogs that I will try to get at least one chapter at a max of one month time in between. (So like 30 days max wait)
I am incredibly slow at writing but it's great to see people enjoying it. :D
2447730
Thanks! :D
I'm surprised nobody noticed the big/funny error I made near the end... XD
Because of grammar I realized I made the sentence mean something else than what I meant.
Man, so much stuff goes over my head...
2449265
Boy.
Anyways, you said you're interested in a good gender bender story?
(For some odd reason I'm getting into those...)
I've had an idea in mind for one for about a year, even before I started my FimFiction account.
Listen to this recording:
2449341
Wow, there's a lot.
I don't have much to say yet, so i'll just say this story is great so far!
Fav'ed.
Love it
e : I propably missed it, but could you please show us how does the main character looks like in his pony form? And what his new name will be, lol...
2465690 Unless I'm reading it wrong I do believe the main character is a female.
Amazing story though, and I look forward to new chapters. I did notice at least one error in there though.
Ahhh... magical hooves. Been mulling this idea in my head for a while, just how much "pony magic" to put in. I can picture Spencer and Terry eating like that. It's like, revolting and adorable at the same time, hehe.
That awkwardness demonstrated by Spencer with the clothes thing was great. Makes me wish I had added more for Sam, heh. Practically no errors, you've done very well.
Sorry to hear that things are so busy, but I know that feel. I've made next to no progress sadly... hopefully I can make some time soon...
2465690
I do have one that I made in pony creator but I might want to tweak it.
Also, I plan on doing one for Terry and Chase as well.
As for names, well, as you can tell from the previous chapter, I based it as a female version of my OC.
My main OC's name also happens to be Blue Spark...
Anyway, if I was to name this character then I do have a name for her as a pony.
I've had this story idea for her (Dunno if I'll ever write it...) and I always fantasized over her being called 'Aquamarine'.
So yeah, female 'Blue Spark' is called 'Aquamarine'.
Not sure if they would/would not have the same cutiemark though...
2482832
You, my good sir, are not reading it wrong.
The main protagonist has indeed been genderbended.
Also, an error, you say?
Spill it! I would really like to know so that I may fix it if it is a major problem.
2483059
Glad you're liking it even more so far!!! :D
Also, quite ironically, some awesome and not so awesome things happened on my B-Day yesterday...
Okay, awesome stuff down, I had a lot of fun and got a lot of cool stuff!
Bioshock Infinite Premium Edition
Dead Island Riptide
MLP: FIM Season 1 on DVD
3 cases of Mountain Dew
And so much more!!!
I also got some really nice speakers for my computer!
And now for the bad, slightly ironic part...
I took my computer to school today because I wanted to work on my Senior Project (Which I need to graduate High School) but when I brought it there it refused to work.
It would freeze while it would try to turn on so it's kinda useless now...
I think it got an electrical charge while I was in my Dad's car when he drove me to school due to the seats being VERY fuzzy.
If an electrical charge gets too high for a computer then the motherboard could short out and the computer would be broke.
This is what I think happened...
Anyway, I can't work on it anymore but I can still probably save the hard drive and what's left on it (If I really am right about what's causing the problem...) or I could take it to a computer place that I volunteer at and they could help me fix it.
Either way, I'm kinda stuck.
The only reason I am typing now is because I am using my Dad's laptop but it doesn't have any good typing programs on it.
I'm afraid I can't work on the story for a while.
Positive is that I am volunteering Saturday at the computer place so I could get it fixed then.
Least I have my Playstation 3 to pass the time, as well as some new games!
2464862>>2465690>>2482832>>2483059
I just want to thank all of you for all the support and praise that I am receiving!
And also...
Do any of you have any idea why the first couple of days after I upload something, nothing happens, and then much later I suddenly get LOADS of feed saying that people are favoriting my story?
Seriously, I should make a pole for this.
When do you guys even receive/read my story anyway?
Just curious.
Aquamarine Spark... that's adorable
2483622 Truthfully, you actually pretty light on him for a girl.
Ok I have no idea what you are trying to say here.
Hopefully this wont be as hard as trying to descend stairs.
"won't" not "wont"
It's much MUCH more harder.
Take out more, though I also thought you might have done this on purpose I don't know.
while as I directed my eyes anywhere but her.
Try "while I directed my eyes anywhere but at her."
I couldn't bring myself to say I by she motioned to me that she knew what I was getting at.
'But' not 'by'
It would almost look like Zacora's except that mine is puke green,
Zecora
Terry passed by me and gave a curious look but went by to stand by the front door where Mom stood.
Take out the first 'by'
I mumbled out a word a thanks and we made our way to the car.
a word "of" thanks
That's all I got.... wow took me a good 30 min. to find all these but I hope this helps.
2483680 I found it when it was first posted in rule 63 but I didn't bring myself to read it for a while.
And the only reason I can think of for the explosion of favs is because you said it was a lot like and will intermingle with "Love and Tolerance" so some might have thought it was a HiE fic, since some thought that about "Love and Tolerance" and there is a small chunk who are not fans of HiE fics.
(I say while rainbow dash stands on top of the comment box.)
2484540
Aquamarine Spark...
Never thought of it like that...
I like it!
2484871
This so helpful, thank you!
Only problem is the part about Zecora...
Maybe I wasn't clear but I was actually talking about Zecora's cloak, not Zecora herself.
I might need to go back and change that bit so others understand it better.
Also, the reason for why my story gets suddenly popular makes sense.
I'll make sure to keep that in mind in the future.
Furthermore...
I didn't know there was a Rule 63 section.
Huh...
Note for future reference... If someone has to look around beyond your Synopsis and Main Tags to find out what your story is about... Maybe a Synopis rewrite is in order...
Or at least an addition... The current one feels more like Purple Prose or Poetry more than a description. Which although nice is telling me very little about the story itself. Which makes things harder to sift through to Fics I want to read as of this moment.
... Not that it will keep me from reading it... But It could be better...
For example... My Own Fic that had the beginnings made after several soft drink binges, and is generally able to elicit from me (while trying to write it) the response of... Erm...
[youtube=ct72rlVULew]
And yet I still managed to make the Synopsis Sane... For the first Sentence before running off on an insanity warning.
"Rainbow Dash Saves Luna's Life and So they Start a Hero's Guild."
...
Man, I must sound so critical...
Not that I won't read this fic, I'll probably read it later after I've done some other things, but I should probably check out that Other story you mentioned first.
2485313 Oh no I understood you were talking about her cloak but you spelled her name wrong.
2486467
Oh, yeah, I see it.
Sorry, didn't notice the difference between the e and the a until now.
Easy to mix those up sometimes...
2485626
Synopsis...
Do you mean like the description?
Yeah, I probably need to change that...
You see, I'm really bad at that kind of stuff and I don't know how to approach it.
Hence, why it seems kinda fancy because I put way too much thought into it.
If you haven't read "Love and Tolerance" yet then I highly recommend you do but so far there isn't much difference what order you read them.
The story hasn't gone long enough for both universes to collide yet.
*Ahem*
cdn.motinetwork.net/motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/0809/your-and-youre-your-you-re-grammar-nazi-demotivational-poster-1220600636.jpg
With that out of the way.
sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/keep-calm-and-use-correct-grammar-2.png
2508485
I would but my computer doesn't have auto grammar correct.
2508654 doesn't have to, that's what your brain is for and with a story that has as much potential as this one does it's obvious you've got one. You just need to train it is all. Hence my showing you your mistake.
2508714
I know what proper grammar is but it's easy to miss it sometimes.
If people pointed out mistakes throughout the story as they read, that would be very helpful.
I think I'm getting addicted to these sorts of stories- might even have to make my own at some point.
Anyway, on a note relative to your story,
Wow! You did a really good job on this, I love the way you portrayed the family and their reactions. So many times the MC is a single dude living on his own, a few years out of the nest, aka the typical portrayal of a brony.
Now, back to the part that does not have to do with this story in particular.
I'm seriously considering doing a GB HTPOE story similar to this one and Love and Tolerance, but not quite the same universe. Do any of you beautiful, wizened, intelligent authors of the genre (Or Samaru) happen to think that you could lend a helping hoof with it? If I'm gonna write something, I want to write it right.
2518056
You know, flattery will get you nowhere with most people.
Luckily, I am not most people.
I'm not sure if I would be qualified but I am willing to help.
If you need more input you should also talk to TOOS0BER.
Anywho, I have loads of ideas and as long as it's not my writing I can notice if parts of a story seem weird easily.
So, my final words are;
What of my assistance dost thou require?
(I swear to god all of this attention is getting to my head and I LOVE it!!!)
2518650 It's more the reactions that I think I may have trouble with. I'm unsure how to write a character's reactions in a natural way that wouldn't come off as copied off of you guys, or First Pony View(No way am I gonna be able to write that detailed). You've made yours successfully, and I am asking of you how you did it. Did you take how you believe you would react to the situation from yourself and twist it to apply to the character, or did you think about how the character would react directly by thinking about their backstory and emotional mindset? There seem like so many ways to accomplish this, and I have no idea which could yield the best results. Have you any ideas, Author?
Also, flattery isn't something I try to do as a form of persuasion. Honestly, I just usually use that when speaking with any entities that I have placed upon a certain nonphysical pedestal that I use to remind myself that they are deserving of such praise. In my own words that I thought up myself,
Being as polite as possible to every person you meet is something you should always do, for you never know how influential they may be to your own life.
2518747
Hmm...
So let me get this straight...
You're essentially asking how I come up with my story as well as my writing style?
Or at least something like that...
Like how I come up with the writing process?
Well, that's actually both simple and complicated at the same time.
My mind wanders a lot and when I usually read a fanfic I get ideas.
Eventually, I have the big picture of a story thought out, example is after reading TOOS0BER's "Love and Tolerance" and thinking a bit about the universe.
Then, I try to think of cool interactions that will make the story seem more lively or interesting, depending on the main characters feeling, attitude, origins, etc.
I'll come up with transitions between said parts and liven it up with some well placed humor and snide remarks and you eventually come up with what I've been giving everyone.
So, here are some step by step instructions that you could follow, keep in mind that this will all be in your head (I know it is for me) and it won't be finalized till you think more about it and start typing:
1. Concept: Where do you plan on going with this? What is the point of the story?
2. How does the story begin/end: It's good to think about this, even though you might not go with the same ending in the end it can still help you think of an awesome finisher along the way.
3. What are some cool scenes that you can include: Anything that is action packed, interesting, deepens character development or more should be filed away for later. These would be pretty big/important scenes in a story that will capture a readers attention.
4. How will you transition between said scenes: Essentially, this will be filler. You don't want crap, boring filler either. It needs to be interesting and keep hold of the readers attention. An example in my latest chapter is, well, the entire chapter. Things will get big when Spencer goes to school (SPOILER!) and I just decided to have some fun along the way until he gets there.
5. Think back to number three: Are you still going to stick with a certain big scene? Sometimes there might not be room or they could clash. This is also a good time to think of different ways to approach a certain scene. Think of at least two to three different ways you can do it at least you're not blindly going in and have at least a choice between what could be a good or bad idea.
6. Typing: As the thing says, begin typing your story.
7. Rethink ending?: Eventually, you may have an idea for a better ending and may want to change it or you're not happy with how you originally thought it out. It is better have a generalization in the beginning and mold something out of it by writing more.
8. Profit: Profit
Okay so yeah, these probably wont help you, but this is kinda how I go through my thought process when I want to write something.
It takes me at least a good few days before I have a solid idea of how a story can come out. Furthermore, character development will have a huge impact on chapters. If you think that the character wont do what you had originally planned out next then you're going to have to adjust it so that way it fits them.
I easily fix this by making almost every story I ever have an idea for a self-insert.
1. It would be pretty kick ass do do half of the things that I can come up with.
2. The main character will think similar to me so it will be easier to figure out what their next move will be on an upcoming scene.
The characters are tweaked a little so they aren't all copies of me but have a close enough mind set to know what they're thinking and what possible actions I could take by using their logic which will be similar, if not close, to mine.
Dunno if this is helpful or not or just plain confusing.
I'm still not quite sure what you're asking help for but if I'm doing it wrong then please be more clear.
Anyway, if you have anymore questions or are unsure about anything (which I'm pretty sure is about all of what I just write) then message me again or whatever.
Furthermore, knowing wether or not this was helpful would be good too, I think I was mostly rambling but I'm unsure...
Anyway, good luck and stuff!
So awesome!
2520309 Wow. That was much longer and much more in depth than I expected, thank you! I think it is safe to say that that is very, very helpful. I have a significantly clearer idea of how the story creation should go, enough to get started on the story itself. I thank you once again, and have a good day (or night, if you're reading this then.)
2521612
Glad that I can help! :D
I'm surprised that this isn't all confusing...
Really good first chapter, bro...And EXCELLENT CLIFFHANGER!!! You have earned a title.
'Epic Hang' Achieved.
Hmn...Author I think you should do this Q/A session, and thus my question/s for you are...In the matter of a Twilight/Pinkie list...
1. How did you come up with the ideas, other than those of T00S0BER, In this fic?
2. To Spencer....what's your favorite fruit...and do you like Moon Tomatoes....*hands over a moon tomato* and the place where it comes from.
Cucumber: Do you 3 like?
How was your date?
3. To Terry....How was the shopping trip with your mother? Did you get new clothes?
4. To The Mother and the Father: How are you handling these changes?
5: To entire cast: Do you like mmmm Bananas?
Edit: Please answer these questions in Q/A
2559453
I'm glad someone thinks I should do the Q&A session but I need more people to go with it if it is to happen. I'll ask again next chapter if I should do it and if I get enough responses then it will happen.
2561713 OK...thanks for responding to this comment TFRTTC! ...hmn...I'm not sure if that works...Does it?