It's a been a long day for Applejack and she could use the rest. On her way through her home and up to her bedroom, though, she finds herself pondering her existence as well as her life on Sweet Apple Acres.
Inspired by this song. Please feel free to listen as you read.
I do not own the cover art, song, or MLP:FiM.
Page generated in 0.083 seconds
Total duration
619 users online
944,143 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Seriously good. Gave me lots of feels, and was a great exploration of Applejack's character.
Aww man...this can't be a one-shot. It has to go on!
You've given Applejack things to consider which may questionably pass through her head from time to time. Maybe she wants to do more than just live on a farm for the rest of her life? Does she have aspirations? Unless she decides to take some sort of initiative, she will probably never leave the farm.
Still, I don't really know why she's comparing herself to her friends, much less why she thinks no one likes her. She has strengths and special talents just like the rest of them, so why worry?
This also makes me wonder what her education level is at. I've seen some interesting fanfiction that delves into it and this story could easy do that, too.
Great job on this! I may keep my eyes peeled on your work!
I really think that this story need to be expanded. It's to good to just finish like this.
2228239
I love that question! "...but does she want more from life?" It is definitely something she considered as a filly, but how well has she swept it under the rug since then? Can she really leave the farm, leaving Big Mac the sole caretaker? Would it force AB into the same life she led, robbing her younger sister of the possibility of an even greater future? Nopony knows...
With friends like the mane six, who are always being heralded as "best pony"s, I'd be hard pressed not to compare myself. When you get older (me not knowing how old you are) sometimes you see your friends achieve amazing things, and it makes you ask yourself, "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm really glad you enjoyed the fic, and hope you also enjoy my other work if you happen to give it a shot in the future. Cheers
!
2229146
Hehe, I'd love to, but I really don't want to take it anywhere from here. I like leaving things up to the readers to ask themselves "why this" and "why that" without the use of plot twist/holes. I'm glad you liked it so much though and I hope it makes you think about AJ, even just a teeny bit more
2228001
.
Props, I talk to you in person, but here is a thank you comment anyways
Really love this story, and I wholeheartedly agree, Applejack needs more attention. Guess some people just aren't too keen on country folk, I dunno.
I'd like to start by saying that you have a distinct talent for description. Even the most mundane tasks are given weight and it all is impactful, sincere, and a pleasure to read. Thank you for writing it and sharing your talent with us. Furthermore, this almost-meta discussion is thought-provoking yet feels incredibly natural, which is another outstanding feat you've put accomplished. Little to nothing feels forced or out of place in the piece, yet the issues aren't lost, the images don't impede, and the world is all the better for its natural treatment. Many kudos to you.
Applejack has always been a bit of an interesting point to me, mostly because of the position the writers put her in the show and what that means for her development. I could probably put a mass dissertation on this, but neither ranting nor attempting to convince anyone of my opinion of Applejack is the purpose of this. Suffice to say that I've always found her motivations, and therefore her episodes and development, lacking. This despite that she's the one I relate to heavily and enjoy watching. This means that seeing and reading things that explore her character more are practically always welcome and I certainly enjoyed reading.
That being said, I had a few issues throughout the story. The first are just a few mechanical things, a misplaced word here or there, a few misspellings. I've included a few examples below, and perhaps when I have some time I'll go through with a bit more fine tooth a comb, however just be warned that as a reader, few things take me out of a story quicker than a misplaced word:
.
Also, mostly early on, the sentences got a little choppy which, for me, interrupted the flow. There's an overabundance of sentences that start with "She (verb)ed". She smiled, she stepped, she waved, she passed, she let out. Now granted, there's only one pony we're following so its not as though we need an identifier, however there are a lot more interesting ways of starting a sentence. Using things like the present participle can be a nice way to break up the pattern (ie Chuckling quietly as she stepped... or Smiling gently, a single tear). By no means am I trying to rewrite your story for you, but read the first 4 paragraphs or so and take note of how many times you start a sentence with "she" and how many times you use "she" overall. I didn't check the number but it certainly seemed like a lot.
As for the content of Applejack's character, for the most part it seemed very in line with the character we see from her in the show. I also have to say that you've got her voicing down fantastically, it all felt absolutely right whenever she was speaking. The self doubts, what ifs, what should I do's, all of these seem like they fit perfectly with her character. The scene with Applebloom in particular was was incredibly touching.
I was going to argue about the medal itself, but I suppose your explanation does enough for it to make sense. You're not writing for my headcanon anyways.
So, at the end, please don't come away from this thinking that I didn't enjoy the story. I did, and immensely so. I can't wait to see some of the other things you do. And, as with everything, these are simply my opinions and nothing more. Feel free to agree with or disregard whatever you wish, though I would say that I hope you will take a few of these things to heart.
I commend you on your work, and I only wish the best going forward.
-Duskrider
2235092
First of all, thank you so much for this amazingly well written and thoughtful comment. It was actually a pleasure to read such a constructive critique! I am still learning how to write in this style (fiction) so any advice really helps.
I'll comb through it again and fix the errors you've pointed out as well as a few of my other readers. I know how jarring a misspelled or misplaced word can be and it really has no place being there. I will also take a look at the "she's" and try to patch some of them too.
I'm really glad you enjoyed the read and that you felt the character was spot on. I really had a lot of worries about her accent or reactions being too overemphasized, but I'm happy they weren't. I really enjoyed writing the Applebloom scene as well, because I feel she has a really strong connection with her sister that isn't always portrayed in the show.
I can say wholeheartedly that I agree with all of your statements and critiques and commend you for being so positive and constructive. This kind of feedback can only help me to become a better writer in the future. Thank you very much
!
2233916
I love AJ so much! I think people just can't relate to her is why, but to me, she is one of the strongest female leads! I adore that type of character, because they set such a good example for everyone, and admittedly, I'm tired of every damsel being in distress or being overly tomboyish just to purvey a masculine personality.
2237180
I'm glad you found it helpful, that's the whole reason I do any of this. You've got a fantastic way with descriptions and I know you're going to do great things. Good luck to you.
Just did a reading of this!
Very nice story, I'm a big fan of AJ, I enjoyed the music aswell
2289144
Thank you for the compliment! I love AJ a lot too~