In the beginning when there was nothing, the Universe was alone. There was darkness in every direction, and this left her with no one to talk to. There was no sky, or ground or cups of tea, or in fact even a planet on which to have any of those things, just the emptiness of the void.
The Universe was lonely.
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Total winning. I heartily approve of this little tale
Hmm... I like this story. An interesting portrayal of the ponyverse and it's origins.
That was really good. Gives a bit of insight through creative liberties.
But with all creation stories, there's usually the simple fact that everyone is related.
But that's a existential conundrum and this is just a simple, yet great, story. Have a moustache
It is simply beautiful. You honestly got me to shed a few tears to how wonderfull it was.
Squeak, you never fail to amaze
!
Hey Squeak! It's me Codemasterc.
As always you have exceeded my expectations. You really married the significance of friendship to the creation of the world of Equestria. I can totally see this tale being told by a mother to her young filly. It flows nicely, explains well, and every new element is given significance (Even NOTHING has significance) as any good creation story should. Also it gives an interesting perspective on what loneliness is and the what one thinks when it comes to old and new. A very good short story indeed.
Hmmm....
From her description, the first pony seems very similar to Flower, from Gaia.
*Strokes invisible beard*
Interesting.
*Grins and applauds* Truly beautiful and sweet. I love the universe and the star and the stone as well as the mention that she was only a little tiny she. You have such an incredible way with words. I wish I could borrow it so I could express how wonderful I find it to be.
Since I can't however, my own simple words will hopefully suffice.
Not a fan of 'How everything came to be' stories, but still gave it a read.
First off, I'll point out a few mistakes:
Double space, and two missed capitals. The apostrophes should go away too, they're ruining the meaning (and my experience)
Missed a few spaces. And you might've forgot an 'of' there
Never knew the best insight was blue
I doubt that comma deserves existence
I should also add that the capitalized She/Pony thing was pretty confusing: to me, at least, it seemed like you got a bit lost there yourself. And I still find the way you format paragraphs to be awkward and unnerving, but whatever.
Everything else aside this fic is not something I've enjoyed all that much, the main reason being that creation stories always leave more questions, namely how Celestia and Luna came to be - even if their presence was obvious, how they actually became alicorns remains unknown. Also, the story overall felt like a myth - something serious, even if mystical; yet there were a few slips into fairytale (the children ones) territory - I could mention the way the Universe played with Sun and Stone - all the games they played during the brief mention stood out quite a bit. The good things are still there - I like how to make anything, even the Universe has to give something of herself. I also like how everything began because of the lack of friendship, but went on because friendship was made.
All in all, pretty good, but it felt lacking. Something. I don't know, but one of the main reasons I dislike creation stories is because they're all very vague - everything coming to be is an event of universal magnitude, and trying to describe it all in a few pages of text feels really redundant and steal-the-feel like. I guess it applies here as well.
3/5
2068425
Thanks for pointing out all those little errors I shall fix them post haste. As for the nature of creation stories and myths, quite generally they're either stories for children or a story to explain away the unexplained. This one being the former in the vein of Just So Stories and other mythic tales. In general looking for actual answers to the questions of the universe or their magnitude within those kinds of stories just kinda robs them of their fun. I find a lot of people think way to hard about these kinds of things and also find it a general problem with the fandom. It's kinda like taking a toy truck and instead of pushing it along the carpet making 'Vroom' sounds you put it in a glass case and go over it with a magnifier. It always kinda struck me as missing the point. Though while I have no issue with examining something you like critically, I do find a lot of people take it a touch too far and miss just having fun with the thing they're examining. In anycase, that tangent done, thanks for reading and glad you enjoyed some bits.
2068527 Some just like the examining part the most. You're pretty much right about the creation stories - that's exactly why I prefer to take just one issue and read a universe-sized explanation of it, instead of just loading up a toy truck with the explanations for the universe and play around with it. Any sort of criticism, if it can be called such, goes towards the genre, not your writing
Beautiful Truly Beautiful. You really are an master of the brush you use.
Your story is amazing!
I saw the video first and had to come check this out, hearing this story made my day, so thank you!
I'm going to ensure my friends read or hear it because few stories have this much heart behind them, and it should be shared.
Thank you so much for writing it,
-thedarkprep
I'm also sorry about what happened (that note at the end of the video) and I send my condolences. I'm sure you don't want me posting about it here, but I still felt like I needed to say something. My thoughts are with Sketch and the rest of your team. *hug*
that was so touching. when the universe gave herself entirely, tears were shed. just beautiful.