Fragile Bonding

This story has been marked as having adult content. Please click below to confirm you are of legal age to view adult material in your country.

Confirm

Comments ( 9 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 9
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Sorren

Sorren #1 · Mar 5th, 2013 · · ·

I just kind of skimmed the first bit

her wet slit ached the more she thought focused on details

Small error.

This is pretty good. We need more good authors who decide to write clop.

You keep this up I love you long time.

GrottMongo

GrottMongo #2 · Mar 5th, 2013 · · ·

2216603
Ahh, noticed it and fixed!
Thank you and I'll do my best

howitrackstory

howitrackstory #3 · Mar 5th, 2013 · · ·

>have gotten
>she's get
huehue

Tchernobog

Tchernobog #4 · Mar 5th, 2013 · · ·

Artist is KP shadowsquirrel, though I forget who did the coloring.
As for the fic... it's okay. You're hitting a lot of cliches though, wounded animals, a trip to canterlot, pinkie taking care of the babies and so on. You could do with twisting the situations a little and using different ideas.

Also, you seem to do a lot of "tell" vs "show". As in, you tell us the situation, rather than having the character themselves be the one describing the situation for us.

Have a look at the EQD prereader's omnibus. There are a lot of good tips there which you might make use of. I'm tracking this as it looks mildly interesting, but it could do with some tweaks :)

Private Riften Guard

Private Riften Guard #5 · Mar 5th, 2013 · · ·

How will she proceed? Does she have the guts to risk their friendship? Will love prevail and form an even stronger bond beyond friendship? Or will it end in something worse?

Oh no it's going badly I just know it!

Posted