- Member Since 23rd Sep, 2012
- offline last seen Feb 27th, 2021
PinkiePiePlease
Avid brony. What else need be said?
PinkiePiePlease
Joined 23rd Sep, 2012 ·
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dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_rainbowkiss_flip.png
DAW!!
i loled at macdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/eenope.png
Ahh another good AppleDash with a touch of romantic love good show to you.
i.imgur.com/qXcGu.jpg?1
Your first fanfic?
BLASPHEMY!
This was a masterpiece. I totally loved it. Write more like these, please. Oh, and if this really is your first one, welcome to FIMFiction.net!
Thank you!
It is my first fanfic but I will be honest and say this is not my first time writing.
and I think Applebloom finally learned to knock before entering AJ's room XDD
i really liked this one you could take out the clopfic part and still its amazing good job pinkiepieplease good job
Too sappy. Reads like Rarity wrote it and worst of all. "Dashie"? Applejack would never use such an inane petname. The writing other than the dialogue and plot wasn't bad.
1334889 I agree. Dashie is something Applejack would never say. Other then that its good. The erotic part was an added touch to enhance the scene and it went well. I dislike calling it clop as I find clop to just be pony porn really. This was more about erotica then just X pony ruts Y pony blah... blah... blah...
It's romance, but just a small piece of sex. Speaking of the "sex" in this fic, there's more to it than just rubbing clits.
Quite cute, but perhabs the 'Mature' Scene is a little too rough?
It sort of fits Dashie's personality, but I still think she went a little bit too far.
Note to self: Notify Webster Dictionary Co. that the definition of 'Pretty risque' has been changed to 'Well written pornography.'
But altogether a good story, the risque scene didn't ruin it so that's good.
Enjoyed the piece you did. And I agree with lordwubz, you didn't need the clopfic to have made it a good story. Personally, I just skimmed through that part. But I did enjoy the snuggling section of it.
Hoping to see more from you.
Thank you! I am planning to post more but don't expect anything for a while. The next story I want to do won't be nearly as short. To those of you who weren't a fan of the clop, my next one won't have any so you need not worry. I hope you read my next one.
Well Done Excellent first shot IMHO.
i86.photobucket.com/albums/k98/wolfantix/12992703848.jpg i1036.photobucket.com/albums/a446/sdf12q/My%20Little%20Pony%20Friendship%20is%20Magic/rainbow_dash_approved_by_ambris-d4b.png i134.photobucket.com/albums/q100/TheSteveslols/My%20Little%20Pony/applejack_approved_by_ambris-d4ivla.png
Not a small amount of badical.
A fine amount even.
One of the best Appledash stories I've ever read, and also very, very good for a first fic
I really enjoyed this, though I have to say it seemed a little...fast.
What you'd written in several thousands words could've been at least 15-20k. My suggestion here would be to try and draw out scenes a little longer, because the transitions seemed to happen too quickly and didn't allow the reader to really get into the moment before it changed.
But other than that, this was great, especially since it's your first fic
This is quite possibly the best AppleDash I have ever read... There were very few errors, which I can find for you later, but like I said, this has to be the best AppleDash I have ever seen. I look forward to future works from you gladly! And I'm sure if you had had even more time on this, it would've been on everyone's read later list!
This was a great story, hard to believe it's your first one! I can't get enough of AppleDash, they make such a perfect couple. Maybe it's cold in here, but I swear I wanted to wrap a blanket or something around myself when I was reading the part after the cold bath. Very well written! ^^
This was awesome! Seriously, it's just fantastic. I loved the build-up and their inner thoughts throughout. Applejack and Rainbow Dash really do make the perfect couple. Now, for my criticisms. Some of the sentences didn't make sense, your formatting could be a little bit better and the sex was a little too short....AND THAT'S IT!!! Everything else was fantastic! Even the sex, while too short, was loving and passionate. Im not exactly sure that Applejack would call Rainbow Dash "Dashie" I loved the drama and sense of peril when Rainbow Dash had her heat stroke. It was very easy to tell that they love each other. Fantastic story! Just purely awesome. I give it a 9/10. Really solid work, especially for a first fic!!! Keep at it!!!
Loved it.
One thing, though: Use some sort of marking to signal a time difference, or a different scene, instead of just saying so. For example:
Instead, try this. It's minor, but it makes a huge difference:
I added two commas, an enter, and those stars. * * * * * It helps your readers know that some time has passed by, or the narration has shifted to a different scene.
I'm open for editing, too. PM me if interested.
That was beautiful *a single tear rolls down cheek*
1412147 I completely agree
Congrats on a very well written fic. I very much enjoyed it.
Two suggestions for future writing though; when quoting an internal thought, it reads much better when italicized. And second, AJ would indeed never call Rainbow Dash "Dashie," that was pinkies thing if you're going with what is commonly accepted for canon in the show. However, on numerous occasions, Aj calls Rainbow R.D. a much more fitting pet name I think.
Barring that, it was wonderful.
Awesome! o/`
This is only your first fanfic? Really?
This sounds like something I could write. Hell, it reads better than that. It's got enough sap and a perfect touch of sad, and a nice dose of clop!
This was fantastic, really.
1727540 Thank you!
Wonderful story! It has an amazing mix of feelings and is something I will definitely be reading again and again throughout my life.
First fanfic?
Goodness you are brilliant!
1743063
That's very sweet of you. Thank you for reading! You can expect to see more like these after the new year.
I really enjoyed this. Short sweet and. Terrific ending.
1939618
Brilliant, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
This is a wonderfully written story. Especially for a first fic.
, definitely faving this * Gives Cookie*.
1939673 This makes me nervous, because it escalates so quickly. Rainbow Dash and Applejack are both blindsided with an epiphany that they love the other. And in the same day, they have sex. Basically, this reads as relationship escalation for the sake of clop. We're not given any flashbacks or vignettes highlighting character qualities or events which causes the other to be attracted to them. Instead both they and we the reader are blindsided with the epiphany, but without any supporting evidence. Then there's the whole victim/ hero sexual interplay which concerns me, as it cheapens the sincerity of their love for each other, because it conveys attraction to each other due to a stressful/ dangerous event. It makes Applejack's feelings appear as though motivated to comfort Rainbow Dash. For Dash, it makes it appear as a need for security and reassurance, due to the dangerous event, i.e., the victim's attraction to a hero. Then, instead of a gradual building of their relationship, with sex somewhere further down the timeline, instead, the same day, we're plunged abruptly into the sex. Just wanted to bring it to your attention, my concerns.
If however, it's purposefully written to read like a porno plot, well alright then. Then I'll be content to let clop be clop.
Peace,
AuthorGenesis
2661190I do feel the same way about it. And I agree with you. Let the clop be crop
amazing story. especially for your first one. love it.
3211866
Danke.
Amazing!
Rainbow's near death scene had me on the edge.
Applejack's emotional response was handled masterfully.
Your first fic my ass... This was way to good for a first fic.
Anyway fantastic job!
OMG this fic was amaziningly brilliant ! u should totally do another
I'm a sucker for stories with cuddling.
This was... good. Entertaining. I smiled a lot and thank Celestia, the sex-scene didn't send that massage "I'm the real center of this story!" At first, I had the impression that the entrance might be a bit to... rushed. It looked like they discovered their feelings at that morning, but as I read on, that impression simply died out.
Authors notes, like the ones on top and bottom of the text, should be separated in some way. It was a little confusing to run into a 'thank you', realizing it wasn't another part of the story.
The only thing I couldn't see past: Falling asleep right after a second climax. I had exhausting sex and I had exhausting days. Although I didn't combine those two things, I just can't imagine even being able to fall asleep after that. But maybe that's just my personal experience. When I read it, though, I couldn't help myself but think "Wow, stop, what? No way!"
Nonetheless, a good one.
Thank you.
5236141
Thank you very much for the comment. I'll take a lot of criticism for this story, especially the sex scene. But to be fair, I was 16 when I wrote it and was still a virgin so I was working mostly off of imagination.
5237364 Considering that, it turned out pretty good.
Pretty amazing, I love the follow up with AB... just my 2 cents.
Wait, this story only has 18 words?
*binary mode deactivated*
oh, my bad
Also, great story!
.....
I'm in heaven....
So cute! <3 I loved it so much!
*Reads story*
Wow... This... this was really good! This is actually one of the best Appledash clopfics I've read in a while! How many followers does this guy have?
*Checks*
Oh.
How? How does something this good not get you recognized? I mean, this is... wow. It says you have 39 followers right now, but you're about to have one more.
6672654
Haha, Thanks for the follow, but I haven't posted anything in an eternity. Maybe you can check out The Devil's Advocate if you want more to read.
First thing I noticed was the way you lead us from Applejack's dream into reality:
I love that metaphor s o m u c h ! Her subconsciousness telling AJ what her heart desires in an (actually) realistic way - great work ^^ can't wait to get this comment done and keep reading, but I just HAD to point this out :D
6919677
Glad you liked it~