Chicken
Chicken.
It was my nickname at school, and a joke by everyone. My friends started calling me it as a joke one day, and they overheard. Once they got ahold of it, it usually referred to the fact that I couldn’t fly. I still can’t, mostly. It was almost always used as an insult. Hardly anyone even cared if there was a reason behind my flightlessness, they only saw my tiny wings and assumed that I was a worthless chicken.
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were the worst about it, their hooves in my face every day and night and in between. Sometimes, I think they just followed my friends and I to pick on me, on us. They kept alternating between ‘Blank Flank!’ and ‘Chicken Wings!’ I would yell back in defiance right in their faces, calling them “Snobs” and “Bullies” and “Jerks”... but it didn’t help.
It never helped.
Cheerilee would get them to lay off during class, but there was nothing she could do about after class. She had no way of knowing that even with her divine intervention, I still went to an empty home each day with invisible cuts and scars that hurt worse than any mishap with the Crusaders. It was a battleground after class, with Diamond and Silver being the enemy commanders, and their words being their weapons. I was nothing but cannon fodder, my friends and I being the ones to endure the brunt of their wrath. We said nothing, but held in everything, and turned to each other for solace.
We weren’t the only ones.
I had a classmate. She was a cute little unicorn filly, about my age. A normal filly, who thought the world of everyone around her. She saw no evil in anyone, and thought that the only reason people would be mean to her is because she did something wrong. She was the very picture of all that was good and right in the world.
And they attacked her.
Not about herself, no-there was not a single thing they could say about her looks or her smarts or her friendly nature. So they attacked the only other thing they could, the thing guaranteed to bring any child’s world tumbling down-they attacked her mother.
Her loving mother, hurt in an accident in her youth but the kindest, gentlest pony you could ever meet. Those mismatched eyes looked down at her child with the strongest of love and care, and I admit, I was jealous of her. My own parents were long gone, taken from me in an accident in foalhood. Every day, I thank Celestia that I never told anypony what happened.
But it killed me inside to sit and watch and see these bullies, these jerks, these snobs, come down on her adoring mother for having strange eyes. It killed me to see Dinky’s face drop, undefended against the sudden ambush from somepony she likely considered a friend. And inside, she felt as if it was her own fault. She felt as if she had done something wrong. They made her feel as though her own mother was too ugly to be deserving of the same love and adoration she gave to everypony around her. As if it was her fault that her mother had been disfigured at foalhood. As if she herself would never be worth anything as long as she continued to be the willing and loving daughter of a freak, a retard, a moron.
They snickered behind her back, spreading rumors about that moron’s daughter who was too stupid herself to befriend. And I would see those brilliant golden eyes grow larger and even brighter as the dam broke and she wept. And, of course, they taunted her for that too.
I should have told her, should have gone to her and told her no. Don’t listen to them. I should have hugged her and comforted her and made sure she knew that loving is always superior to hating. Told her that she always has a friend, that somepony out there still loves her and by it’s very nature that made the other pony worth loving back.
But foalhood cowardice runs deep, and jealousy deeper. I went home those nights to my own home, empty and still, and curled on their cold bed and just cried, wishing to Celestia, to Luna, to anypony that would listen-even Discord-that I could have my parents back.
She left last year.
Ditzy Doo, that loving mother, had to see her own child off. And I know that behind those strange eyes lies an intelligent brain that blames herself and curses herself for an accident that was not her fault that drove her child from her. Blaming herself for the cruelty of a filly who saw fit to torture her daughter. Dinky is in Canterlot now. When we ask if she’s written any letters, or if she’s coming to visit, I see that brave smile on Ditzy’s face as she assures us that she’s just... busy.
I should visit. I should bring her muffins, and tea. I should sit beside her and let her cry on me, let her know it’s alright, let her know that I was there, and it’s not her fault. Let her know that every mother is the epitome and definition of beauty to every foal because their foals do not care one whit about what Mom looks like. They care what she is like, and it is not and never will be her fault that some spoiled brats shook her child’s world down.
I hate Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon these days, or as close to hate as pony hearts can get. The spoilt princesses. The beauty queens. The foals whose hardest decision in life has been which strand of pearls or over-elaborate tiara to wear that day. Whose only problem is whether or not they’re still hip with the latest trends.
They never understood. And for all that I may hate them with some part of me, I hope they never will. For everything that has happened, that they have done to myself and my friends and others, I still cannot wish the hardships seen by any of us on them. I couldn’t wish that on anyone.
It wouldn’t be right.
As I started to grow up I thought, maybe, they would stop. Maybe ponies got nicer. Rainbow Dash had a huge circle of friends, all loyal and true to the end but I found out later-she was a lucky pony.
It’s hard to be a pegasus teen that can’t fly. Everypony else is up there, doing tricks and flips and playing tag through the clouds and all I can do is just sit there. As much as I have learned to love myself and know that flying is not absolutely everything in life-I still hear it.
Chicken.
Teenagers are mean. Children are cruel. Princesses are wise and just but even they, the divine goddesses of Creation itself still wave it off with golden-shod hooves saying, They’ll grow out of it.
They might.
But some of us never grow through it. Some of us are kept back by the chains, by the unhealed wounds of having the core of our very selves broken down day after day after day by these ponies. We grow up, thinking that no one would ever really love us, that no one ever really cared, that we were unworthy. That the only reason we were alive was because they needed targets.
It’s not true. But it feels true. On those empty nights curled in my dead parent’s bed and remembering their words and actions, all I could do once the tears had stopped was wonder. Wonder if maybe they were right.
I think, maybe, this is how love finally dies. When it hurts more to love than to just be indifferent or even hate. When we are taught one thing by adults and then turn around to receive the opposite from our peers, the very peers that should understand this more than anypony.
Apple Bloom got mean, for awhile. Lashed out at everyone just for saying “hello” or telling her she’s pretty. Even with the big sister and brother she has that raise her right and show her love-they still got to her.
I sat her down, one day, and asked why. She got angry with me, told me that after what she had endured, what her friends had endured, nopony deserved her trust and if it made her feel better to unload on somepony, she would. And under that, between the words and excuses she wove so expertly over the years to hide her pain and sorrow and anger... clear as the town bell I could hear and because I’m not worth being kind to.
I don’t think she expected me to cry, enfold her in my forelegs and still tell her she was wrong now but wasn’t when we were children. I told her I wanted my friend back. I wanted cheerful Apple Bloom, who even when she scraped her knees up because I dumped the cart by accident like a stupid chicken still hugged me and said it was okay because accidents happen.
We’re still close, and she’s been getting better.
Standing between being a foal and being a grown mare, straddling that strange line known as ‘teen’ I look around and wonder more. Wonder why, when foals are so miserable at school and after that the adults still chuckle indulgently, looking down and saying how they wish they were still foals and how good we have it. It doesn’t feel good.
Maybe they forgot.
Maybe they wanted to forget.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Axel Nyan · 1.7k words · 12 1 · 558 views
- electreXcessive · 2.9k words · 15 1 · 833 views
- LightFeather · 32k words · 48 4 · 3.5k views
- Rainboom_Flash · 1.4k words · 29 34 · 2.3k views
- ArtsyUnicorn · 1k words · 29 3 · 1.2k views
- EvilRat · 3k words · 41 4 · 1.3k views
- MidnightDancer · 1.2k words · 58 1 · 1.2k views
- Doccular42 · 4.8k words · 71 2 · 2.3k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.104 seconds
Total duration
1,030 users online
2,415,113 hits today, 2,818,023 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
<3 Thank you for letting me write this with you. We shall have to do this again, sometime. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/yay_red.png
This was really good.
Not to lesson the value, I kind of want to write a spoof called "Dictionary"
2195839 i'll be honest, I cried a little when we were writing it. It's been an emotional evening
2195852
Tis definitely that kind of fic. So many sad feels, but good ones too...
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSMhMhmYm9qkkGBby_h2HbIXfm50fHfOkGid7ExFfu6YMZhTIZl
I know this is in poor taste, but it helps to laugh:
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/29865549.jpg
That said, a beautiful story. It's a bit short, but it does hit home.
Damn you wrote that fast.
Also, beautiful. You did the original justice, my friend. This is featured worthy.
This needs to be featured.
2195941 2195944 Too short, IIRC, featured stories have to have 4k words.
But you're awesome for saying so ^_^
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m46p33Bez71qkqsfb.gif
That was brilliant! Beautiful writing.
2195952 I knew that, but screw it, let's break the system and do it anyways.
2195952
Damnit. Perhaps you should do something from the other CMC's PoVs, have three chapters, each focusing on different fillies and colts. Twist could be one, and perhaps a chapter that involved either Snips or Snails (or both, if you're so inclined). If each is as long as this one, it should be enough to pass the 4k mark.
2195963 Thanks! Can't wait til Axel wakes up and sees that people like it so much <3
2195967 ah, if I could
2195969 see my skype reply for that
2196304 Congrats on making it through-I am glad you have friends around you to support you (and of course, this wonderful fandom). Check out the To This Day Project, you might like it (even if it gives you a bout of tea-I mean, liquid pride)
2196885 thanks I will
I cried. Beautiful. 10/10
's
God damn it, why must I listen to To This Day while reading this, just feels, ok? No other words, just feels.
I shed a lot of liquid pride.
Damn. That was beautiful. Well played, you two.
*sniff*
Them damn feels. Them damn feels.
Excellent work on this, guys. Short, sweet, and a real heart-wrencher.
THEM DAMN FEELS!
2195613 'Course! And we really should do more of this "Collaboration" stuff. Seems to be working.
2195693 ... That might've been in the works for a possible "Continuation"
2195839 ... Not sure if good thing that I made people cry... Here, have a heart.
2195862 ... Again, gonna assume this is a good thing.
2195883 ... They're doing anything and everything.
2195941 ... I'm happy someone as cynical and assholish as you says that. That really does me wonders.
2195971 I'm afraid that these are all alts created simply to troll people like this.
2195944 ... Thank you, truly.
2195953 Poor Captain Canada...
2195963 ... Thanks.
2196304 ... Sir, I hope you know that I support you fully. I'm glad you're still here, and I hope you know that you've made me happier in knowing I've touched with someone through these words.
2196992 Well, thanks!~
2197637 Dude, try forgetting that you downloaded To This Day on your phone and have it set on repeat. I spent the entire day depressed. In a good way. I think... Not sure how that'd work.
2198230 th08.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2013/053/a/e/liquid_pride_by_xtailsdudex-d5vwdvn.jpg Just an image I found that helps.
2198695 Well, coming from you, that means a lot. Thanks.
2198795 You're too modest. *hugs up her Axel*
2198804 I'm realistic! Although I am getting better at this "Writing" and "Story-Telling" thing. *Hugs back*
Axel, Dancer, this...
This is fucking gorgeous.
2198951 ... Thank you.
2198769 'Gain, thank ya.
I cried.
2199771 ... I'll take that as a good sign. Thanks!~
2199788 It's only a good thing.
This made it to Popular Stories, it needs to get higher!
The video was brilliant, and this story does it justice. Good job, you two.
The saying, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never break my heart isn't true. Sometimes the can hurt you, harshly.
*sniffs* that was beautiful.
That was beautiful.
This was just excellent!! As a tribute, it works, as a one-shot, it's to the point and doesn't overstay its welcome, and is just a great spin on Scootaloo as a whole. She's one of my favorite ponies, and you and Midnight both deserve credit for doing ol' Scoots sad, beautiful justice. Kudos. Many, many kudos.
Keep doin' wat'cha doin', kid!
Always and forever a writer and reader,
-Ghost
2237013 Thank you <3
i am crying right now..........
I've finally gotten my lazy bum in gear and I'm looking over your story now. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about that review you asked me to do, considering your nice work reviewing Racer And The Geek.
2398050
>Inb4 I never asked for a review.
Much appreciated, though. I look forward to your thoughts on this small achievement of mine and Dancer's.
I'm now reviewing Chicken.
My initial impressions of the story were quite strong. This is a story that definitely deserves the sad tag and several times more attention than it has seen.
You did a nice job on reviewing for Racer And The Geek, so I'm returning the favor by looking at your piece. I am truthfully struggling to find meaningful criticism for your story. The mechanics are at least sound. I could give it a thorough combing like a college English professor who moonlights as an Equestria Daily prereader, but that wouldn't be productive or help you out in any real way. It's not that your story is insubstantial. Rather, the problem is with me. There were no glaring faults to this piece. To be honest, changing it would in any noticeable way would pervert the narrative and ruin the effect. Sure, this story could have gone on longer, but then it would have just been flabbier. Sure, the story could have gone into greater detail, but then it would gotten bogged down. This is the single most infuriating type of story to review. It's not infuriating because it is long and awful. It's infuriating because it's difficult to criticize. The story and characterization are extremely well done. All the characters act like themselves. The story is relateable, but removed just far enough to make it interesting. The pacing is close to perfect. The technical aspects are excellent; it ought to be great, but it just isn't. It's a seriously damn good fic, but I simply cannot figure out why it's only damn good and not great instead. I like your story a lot. I'm going to definitely recommend it to others. However, I'm here to give it a review instead of just simply gush mindless, although well-deserved praise. It would be extremely easy to just label it as being really good and just giving out hollow praise. I've had to give it a lot of thought before I could think up any real criticism for it. There isn't too much I can really complain about. I'll explain what I can with some degree of detail. This one is seriously not at all an easy review to write.
If I can find anything to complain about, then it has to be some of the exchanges. There is too little action and too much summarization. I looked at the exchange between Scootaloo and Apple Bloom. All I can really say about that one is that just a bit of it reads like a bad fanfic. As much as it fits with the story to narrate things as if they were events that occurred in the past, However, I found it annoying that I saw the formulaic "W happened, but X said that it was Y because Z" a few times, such as when you were talking about Apple Bloom. I do wish that you had used more dialogue. Even just a few more conversational snippets could have drawn me more effectively into the story. Oh, and that reminds me, do a little less stating and a bit more implying.
That brings me to another point, reading your fic is a flat emotional experience. There aren't any ups or downs in emotion. All we get is gloom, gloom, and more gloom. While that works well for establishing a decisive overall tone, it feels vaguely cheap, as if the story was cynically designed around the principle that the audience will feel sad if you keep reminding them that they're supposed to feel sad because unhappy things happen to the main character. Trying too hard to force emotions onto your audience can make them apathetic, and that's what I have to point out: you're layering on the dysphoria just a tad too thickly. Some happy or bittersweet moments would counteract some of the gloomy and bitter, which would make those parts stand out more strongly. I also think that you should make the age of Scootaloo and her time of life more ambiguous. Making her a teenager works well as a time between child and adult, but leaving her age completely untouched upon would remove an unnecessary distraction from the story as well as make it possible to envision her at any time of her life looking back upon her childhood.
Now, you did a lot of things very well. As I said earlier, the characterization was excellent. From almost the beginning, all the characters were very well established. They all acted exactly as one would think. You did a very good job of getting into the mind of Scootaloo and showing a different aspect to the character best known for being Rainbow Dash's fangirl and not being able to fly. All the other characters were done quite well. I really cannot find much to complain about. This is easily the single best part of your story. The whole thing hinges around the psyche of your central protagonist, and it works beautifully. The combination of youthful immaturity combined with a precocious bitterness combines for a very interesting, introspective, story.
The mechanics and such were fantastic. There were a few instances of grammatical errors, but they were minor and it would be jerky to point them out. They are present, but they did not detract from the story in any noticeable way. You could go back through it one more time if you really want to.
The storytelling was nearly perfect. The pacing was amazing. The story never felt like it dragged on. However, it did feel rushed a few times when you were dealing with conflicts, but it is a forgivable fault. You came, told a story, spent just enough time to develop an idea, and then you moved on. I have to congratulate you on how you interspersed introspection and narration. This is a style I seldom see, and I really like it. The balance between the two is simply stellar. Both of them are equally important to the story, which is a mark of true skill. It is extremely difficult to integrate introspection and narration. The plot was good. Scootaloo is a victim of bullying. It's far from adventurous, but the way in which you handled it with so much thought, nuance, and subtlety really makes it stand out from scootabuse or grimdark. It's a dark tale but it makes perfect sense. It's sad, although that is slightly oversold.
Your story has a strong emotional impact. I had been bullied quite badly throughout most of my childhood. I knew exactly how Scootaloo felt. The way in which she handles it is extremely realistic. I was vividly reminded as to what all that feels like, and I genuinely felt sorry for her. I also felt her hatred for her tormentors. Most stories on this sight make me either wish for booze, or just get a blank stare from me. While I didn't cry, you still got the honest emotional responses from me that you intended. I am definitely going to remember this story for a long time to come and will almost certainly revisit it in the future.
Overall, this story is really damn good. It's not perfect, but is it definitely fantastic. I'm slightly hesitant to call it great, but I'm just stalling. You win 9/10 flutteryays.
2401078 Welp. That certainly was quite a read. Now then, to address a few points.
Normally, I'd agree with this and would have given some more happy undertones, but to be honest, I wrote this feeling extremely sad. Everything both me and Dancer wrote here was meant to be sad. If we had included happy moments, I think it would've detracted from the main tone of the story. But that's just my thoughts.
Anyway.... Well, that's it, really. Thank you for the review that was never asked for, I appreciate it immensely.
I legitly cried.
Just beautiful.
Why is this so beautiful?
Maybe because I can relate.... 
2774319
Ohey. People are still liking this?
Well, glad I can still reach out to folks with this story!
Well written and awesome! i.imgur.com/4v9XJp9.gif
I almost cried!
This is so beautiful.