3) Celestial dining
Roseluck could not believe her eyes as she was wandering through the 'forbidden' section of the gardens. The last time she had been to the castle grounds was on a school trip, but even their professor, the renowned botanist Amerylis, had not been able to get them into here. And now here she was. Walking in Celestia's private garden with Twilight.
How had the mare been able to do this? They had simply walked in, but where Amerylis got barred with a couple of spears, all Twilight did was simply nod to them, and they let them in.
But still, with her confusion aside, she looked at the various flora around her. The small patch of ground had lived up to all her astronomical expectations. However, her musings were caught short by the voice of the mare with her.
“Well here we are, please take a pillow. I believe tea will be served in a few moments.” As the lavender mare took a seat of her own, she looked nervously at her companion, who had been silent for almost the entire trip through the garden.
“So euhm, what do you think of it?” Looking around once more, Roseluck saw a teak pergola covered with bright white spring snowflakes which, like all other flowers, seemed to defying nature by staying in bloom even during autumn.
The fading light shimmering through the lushly leaved silver ferns gave it all a fairy tale-like feeling.
The setting combined to the radiant mare waving at her was enough to cause her to start stumbling over her words. However, a deep breath later, she managed to get a half-decent answer out. “It... it’s simply beyond words. How did you even manage this? Not even the university and my professor could get us in here when we visited.
The question placed Twilight in a rather difficult position, as she had no intention of revealing her close relation to the princess. As she thought, Roseluck joined her at the small table, looking at her with an expectant gaze. It had been a gaze similar to what Moondancer had once given her years ago. With the thought of that mare,came a idea on how to explain. She just feared that Roseluck wouldn’t even want to be near her for the deception, or, even worse, that she would turn into a proverbial gold digger. With a deep breath she looked down and started to talk, hoping for the best. “Well, its like this...”
She was cut off as a small bell interrupted her speech, an indication that their tea had arrived. Both mares watched silently as the tea was poured and placed. Twilight, because she did not want the maid to interfere with her explanation, and Roseluck because she did not want to seem rude and potentially ruin her chances with the mare by pestering her to continue.
But before the maid left she turned to Twilight. “M'lady, your mother wishes to know if you and your marefriend will be joining her for dinner?”
Both mares looked and each other and blushed heavily before looking at the maid.
Twilight was still doing a very good impression of Big Mac's coloration as she replied. “Y-Yes, please let her know we will be there.”
The maid just nodded and smiled “Perfect, I shall be sure to send somepony to fetch you two.” With those words she left the two still blushing mares behind. Nearing the end of the small clearing she turned around and added with a wink “Now have fun and don't do anything I wouldn't do.”
The awkward silence in the air was so tense that if it had been stretched any further it would have snapped clean in half. At least it was, until Roseluck found her voice again.
“So euhm, Marefriend eh?” Her voice had been steady and calm to the point of almost having said it jokingly. But internally her heart was pounding. This was it for her, that small chance she had been hoping for for a few months by now. To not only get to know that cute Unicorn better,but also convey her own feelings. Spending the night and the day with her, those feelings has only grown.
Sure, there was that slight neurotic tick, and the seeming obsession with scheduling. But those traits could be worked on with some TLC and patience, and besides, it was kind of endearing as well. But that soft personality and sparkling character, intelligence and caring combined. And that was just the tip of the iceberg of why she like the mare. Besides the obvious nice round plot, cute face, and as she discovered last night, very nice taste and a even more nimble tongue. What was there not to like about her?
And all that made the following words come even harder. “Well, we could be you know. That is, if you want to try. Being marefriends I mean.”
The last words came out a bit mumbled as she could barely hold her own courage together enough to look even remotely at the other mare. Who had, in turn, been shocked into needing to reboot her brain.
But after a few silent moments of no answer Roseluck dropped her head, only to have a gentle hoof pick it up. No sound had been made when a pair of soft lips gently kissed hers to snap her out of her self-imposed stupor of rejection.
“I- i'm not sure where it will lead, but like a experiment one might never know where the outcome leads once you begin.”
Twilight proceeded by removing her hoof and simply look into Roseluck's eyes “What I am trying to say is that yes, I think i`d like to at least try. But we can sort out the exact hows and whats later on, but first I kinda have something to tell you before I get to introduce you to my adoptive mother.”
Setting herself down on her pillow again Twilight looked at the other mare. Her face previously a tad flustered but smiling had changed into anxious and serious. With a deep breath she let out a sigh, obviously not comfortable with what she was going to say. Something Roseluck picked up quite well.
“Twilight, listen to me. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I`m sure I can handle not knowing her name and why you are adopted in the first place.”
This elicited a brief but genuine smile before the lavender mare sank back in her previous mood. “The thing is Rose, nopony who knows this about me has ever treated me normally afterwards. But if we are going to atleast try and create a stable relation then it is pretty vital that you know the whole truth before meeting her.”
The raspberry maned mare tried to speak but a raised hoof from Twilight stopped her. The Unicorn closed her eyes and took a deep breath to steady herself for the story what was to come. She just hoped her story would be believed and not seen as some rather far-fetched bragstory.
“About 12 years ago, when I was just a little filly my biological parents brought me to the entrance exam of Celestia's school for the gifted Unicorns even though was only five at the time and by their standards nearly five years too young to even start to try and apply. Simply because I had not only been able to use levitation more than three years before the typical Unicorn could, but I had fully mastered the spell to the point that my skill and that of an adult were on the same level.But during the exam, something triggered a dormant part within me and caused my magic to go haywire.
“Long story short, after having overpowered nearly every safety ward in the examination room, and using Spike as a growth-spurt-induced ceiling redecoration, I attracted the attention of Princess Celestia herself.After several attempts, she was finally was able to seal much of the excess energy I was emitting away. Impressed by the sheer power of a filly barely old enough to be in magical kindergarten, she took me in as her personal protogé. I was overwhelmed with joy to be hoof-taught by the princess herself.
“But my celebrations were cut short, a month had passed when a lawyer sent by the high nobility stopped by my parents. They had been orederd to withdraw me from my tutelage under Celestia because it was against an ancient law the nobles had passed. To put it simply, the never-before invoked law states that only a member of the either the highest noble families or the royal family could be taught by another member of one of those groups.
“The Princess were furious, of course, but she knew better than to try and fix old wrongs by rubbing those snobs the wrong way. Instead, she chose an unexpected route and somehow got my parents into the deal as well. Her idea was for them to give me up for adoption and that she would then adopt me. That way I would technically be a direct relative of Celestia and thus a high ranking member of the royal family meaning that any of those 'tradition protection' laws would be completely bypassed.
“So there you have it, I am not just another mare or just the royal protogé. But I am,by raising and law, Celestia's daughter and therefore a princess in my own right. However, I never took on the official title as a princess. And yes, I do still see my biological parents on several occasions.”
All Roseluck could manage was the blink a few times while the information was slowly processing. The only rational thought to come to her was why she had never heard of this before. It would be more than logical that Celestia adopting a little filly would be world-shattering news. However she was so lost in thought she never heard Twilight mentioning that a complete media-silence surrounded her after a rather rude paparazzi had started stalking her in order to get pictures, leading to one being published of a small filly Twilight being bathed by Celestia. And that because of the media-silence her identity had faded into the fog of more 'important stories' making her more like a urban legend than real news, unlike certain other members of the royal house.
Her brain still a bit awkwardly scrambled from the revelation of her newly found marefriend all she could utter was “Well if its not much to ask, do you perhaps something suiting to wear I can borrow? To be honest I wasn't expecting to meet your parents and brought nothing appropriate for a dinner like that and especially not as formal as it appears to be now.”
The still little confused face on Roselucks face combined with somewhat joking manner it had been spoken in elected a giggle from Twilight. Who in her own right had been relieved. The exact manner Roseluck was behaving soothed her a bit. Her ex only had eyes for her because of her connection to the princess, not for who she was herself. A small tear formed and was swiftly shook away at the the thought of how she and Moondancer had split up. The other mare crying out to take her back while that blasted stallion was still mounting the cheating mare. Perhaps there was hope, perhaps Roseluck was different and was the genuine thing she had often read and dreamt about. But like with everything she knew that only time will tell. It was a thought consuming her mind enough to stop her from worrying too much about the upcoming dinner.
~~~
It had been close to dinnertime as Twilight and Roseluck were walking towards the dining hall, their tails had intertwined a little. It had not been a full on braid like many couples often had, but it was obvious to all who looked closely enough that the colors had mixed instead of just two friends walking beside each other. They had stopped at the door when they heard two guards talking about the obscure punishment Princess Luna had administered to two rookies for dishonoring the armor. One had been sentenced to serve prince Blueblood as a personal bodyguard for a full year, the other was given an undercover assignment along with a maid who, unfortunately for the newly appointed guard, had been absolutely smitten with him to act as a couple while investigating the claims of discrimination from a local landlord.
The descriptions mentioned sounded very familiar to Roseluck, but she kept her chuckle to herself, but miserably failed to keep her smile in check. At least one of them got what she deserved. She only hoped it would be Brazen who was stuck with a mare. Maybe then she'll learn why mares are so much better than stallions.
A gentle voice snapped her out of her daze. “Rose? I hope you’re ready because we're here.”
When Roseluck looked a bit more around she could see that they had passed through a set of oak doors.
A large table had been set within the middle of the chamber, Roseluck had to admit if she wassnt freaking out over the fact that she was going to be dining with not only her new marefriend's fostermother but also the ruler of the entire nation, to be honest it was kinda freaking her out right now. And setting eyes on said ruler who was patiently waiting on the two of them with a patented everlasting smile.
The only comfort was the lavender mare brushing softly against her coat as they walked in side by side.
Well the comfort only lasted until the princess spoke up. “Ah, Twilight so nice of you to come. I was hoping we could at least spend one dinner together.” The Alicorns gaze then turned to Roseluck, who in her turn was shuffling a bit awkwardly and uncomfortable under the direct gaze of the solar diarch. “And welcome to you as well, Miss Roseluck. I'm pretty sure that further introductions are not in order, so please be seated.”
The dinner went rather well, and surprisingly, the princess' mask of an everlasting smile dropped for a few minutes in the whole ordeal revealing, a ordinary mare who just happened to have a few more centuries of life-experience. Although when they had left Roseluck was absolutely terrified of breaking Twilight's heart. Receiving the 'protective parent/sibling' speech from a immortal demi-goddess has a way of placing the fear of the creators in just about any soul. And now she was laying back into the same bed they had slept in last night. Twilight had curled up snuggling against her, softly snoring a bit. The Unicorn had done quite a bit to ease her mind on the little speech she had received when Twilight had been 'asked' to see when dessert was ready. But still it was a bit freaky.
Freaky, but not something she could not look passed. Sure it would be strange having a marefriend who was the rulers’ adoptive daughter, but she knew that the relatively normal life she had now meant more to the mare in question then titles and all that came with it ever would.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- theblankbrony · 4.4k words · 169 7 · 7.7k views
- hellar · 1.7k words · 122 3 · 2.9k views
- Novel Idea · 20k words · 142 5 · 5.5k views
- My Little Scribbler · 17k words · 17 1 · 902 views
- xFluffers · 2.1k words · 21 3 · 812 views
- Systemfail · 27k words · 185 5 · 3.8k views
- BlueEricsson · 5.2k words · 19 1 · 2.6k views
- dartmaul15 · 5.4k words · 60 6 · 2.6k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.134 seconds
Total duration
1,111 users online
2,157,758 hits today, 2,782,760 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Wait, one paragraph? The whole dinner was one paragraph... Aww.
I wouldn't have minded if you had taken some time and actually written down the scene.
2807278
It might come up later, i have a few things in mind about it. I just could not get anything rational on paper.
That and i dont want to make any spoilers this early on.
"Roseluck had to admit if she wassnt freaking out over the fact that she was going to be dining with not only her new marefriend's fostermother"
Wassnt should be wasn't is the only one I noticed here. Other than that, the dialogue and text seem a little stilted but enjoyable.
Yay, an update! And a great chapter it is, too. This chapter was brilliant fun to read.
That should be "past".
No twilicorn?
Thank goodness...
2807502
Nope. It's correct.
2809766
"Passed" refers to movement and is always a verb, "past" refers to time or location and can be used as an adjective, noun, preposition, or adverb. To "look past" something is to disregard or not be distracted by something. Also, being that the verb in this sentence is "looked", "past" is being used as an adverb. Therefore, "past" is the correct word and usage.
http://www.wordreference.com/es/translation.asp?tranword=look%20past
http://www.dailywritingtips.com/passed-vs-past/
Well goodness me, I am just somewhat disappointed about the short dinner scene, is all. I was hoping for some dialogue from Her Majesty, the Princess Celestia of Equestria.
It felt like it was going to be an important scene coming right along and, dadgummit, you blasted right through it. Such a terrible shame, I dare say.
2809817
Drat, and I was so sure of myself, too.
*relentlessly smashes face in keyboard*
2809818
Like i said before, that scene will come later.
It contains aspects of the plotline i am not willing to state right now.
The Princess were furious
should be was :P
2807502 2813058
Noooooooo
I must work harder!
2813058>>2832545
And you have, it is waaaaay better then what it was before in terms of grammar and wording
Much improved over the last chapter, but still a plethora of errors persists. Sadly, it would take me more time than I have at the moment to go through them all. Oh, what the heck.
Should be one sentence. "Walking in Celestia's private garden with Twilight." is a sentence fragment.
This could do well, merged with the paragraph above it. Not really enough here to stand on its own, and there's no dialogue necessitating its separation.
Needs a comma after setting, change "to" to with, and needs a comma after her.
Need a space after the comma.
Needs a comma after breath.
I know it seems counter-intuitive to what you've been taught about run-on sentences, but this should all be one sentence, as it conveys a single idea. Change the period to a semicolon, and you've got the right sentence to put across what you're trying to say here.
Needs a comma after "now" and "fun".
Needs a comma after tense and further. Also, as this paragraph mentions one character by name, you could probably merge it with the paragraph below it. Not entirely necessary, but it would help tidy things up a bit.
Needs a comma after "so". Also, that "euhm". Were you trying to write "ahem"? Finally, those last two sentences need to be joined. Preferably with a comma, and put another comma after internally.
These two sentences just scream to be joined. I would recommend changing that period to a semicolon, and putting a space in the bolded area.
This sentence is just awkward in a way that I find hard to explain. You could probably fix it by adding a "by" at the beginning, though. Also, you might want to consider combining this paragraph with the one below it, as it stay on the same subject.
You could break this up into two sentences, actually, at the bolded area. Just get rid of the and, though.
You have one too many "and"s here. When listing things, you only need one and just before the last item. Also, this is a sentence fragment. No predicate.
And another sentence fragment here. We have a subject, but no verb or object.
Needs a comma after experiment, and capitalize that 'I'm"
That first sentence needs punctuation. Capitalize that "I'd" Get rid of the bolded "but", and put a comma after "first". Also, it's kind of out of character for Twilight to resort to the word "kinda". Being super-literate, she would tend to keep away from that and use "kind of". That's just my take on her, however.
Needs a comma after "again", "face", "flustered", "smiling", and "sigh". Also, that last sentence is another fragment. Either put an "It was" at the beginning, or join it to the previous sentence with a semicolon. Also, also, you need to merge the paragraph below this paragraph with this one.
Needs a comma after "brief". Also, Twilight's second sentence could work fine without that "but", or would work even better by changing it to a "However". Also, also, change relation to relationship, and add a comma after it.
Raspberry maned needs to be hyphenated.
Needs a comma after "filly", School and Gifted Unicorns needs to be capitalized as they are part of the name of the school. The wording of this sentence is awkward as well. "brought me to the entrance exam" makes it sound like they're offering her up as a sacrifice. Try making it something like "allowed me to take the entrance exam". Also, you need a comma after "Unicorns", "time", and "standards". While grammatically correct, that bolded "but" is one too many in so short a time. Try changing it to "however".
As there are only two items in the list, you don't need the comma after "room", nor do you need the hyphen between growth and spurt (keep the second one, though). You also need to add a space after the period in this sentence.
Change the comma after "short" to a period, as that works fine as a sentence on its own. You also need a comma after "Celestia".
Change "were" to "was", and remove the comma after furious. You need a comma after the bolded "way", and after "Celestia" and "family" in that same sentence.
Need to change that first comma to a period. Add a comma after mare, add a space after the bolded comma, and "daughter".
Change the bolded "the" to "to", and add a comma after "times". Add a comma after "However" and "thought". No hyphen is needed between media and silence (though blackout would work better than silence), and a comma is needed after it, and "stories'".
Need a comma after marefriend and was. Also, the bolded sentence needs rewording as it's difficult to tell what you're trying to say. You need a comma after "honest", "Parents", "that", and you should consider dropping the last "and" in the last sentence.
The bolded portion has a redundancy. Drop the first "face" and add a comma after the second "face". Also, I don't think you meant "elected" here. Try "elicited". Also, the sentence that follows it is a fragment and needs to be joined with the sentence before it.
Bolded sentence is awkward. Try adding "in which" between "manner" and "Roseluck". You also need to change the period after "split up" and join that sentence to the one that follows it. Change the comma after "hope" to a period as that works fine as its own sentence.
Needs a comma after "enough".
Need to capitalize Prince here, as it is appended to a proper name.
Him or her? I though this was about Rose's two "friends"?
These two need to be joined. Also, that comma in the second paragraph needs to become a period, and remove the extra s in "wassnt" and add an apostrophe. Foster mother are two words, not one, and needs a comma following it. Change the comma after nation to a period, and join it with the sentence that follows it. Oh, and add a comma after patented.
Join these two paragraphs. Put an apostrophe in "Alicorns" to show possession, and remove the capitalization.
Remove the comma after "revealing" and place it after "ordeal". Also change tha "a" to "an" as the following word starts with a vowel. Add a comma after "left".
These two sentences need to be joined.
"passed" needs to be "past". A comma is needed after "Sure".
Oof. A lot more than even I had anticipated when I started this comment. Ah well. I'm off to bed now, and hope that this will help some.
Wow.
(except the spelling and grammar errors). Please, please continue this. 
An interesting premise for sure, but it's also really well done.
I've never seen this ship before, and I was skeptical about how well it could work, but with the way you wrote it, it just feels natural. I love it, every part of it.
3537610
I`ve got the next chapter with the editor
3800892
When i get it back from my editor......
Huh, interesting premise with a good start. I do think Twilight wouldn't "sleep" with someone that fast, but I suppose it was an emotional night for her. I suppose we'll find out more in the coming chapters, including about how long she's been "out"
I am confused about something, though.
What does Brazen Force have to do with this, and why would she be stuck with a mare? If she’s part of the Royal Guard, you didn’t mention it before (Although I suppose the name is a hint), and you refer to the guard as a male.
Unless I just misread the whole thing?
4000958
Nope it is a mare, and it will be revealed in time (i just hope my editor is done with the chapter one of these days)
4000963 Huh
Okay than, I'll just have to restrain my curiosity until the next chapter comes out
4000975
It doesnt anwser it in that one. But its planned.
4000992 All the reassurance I need
We get more story soon?
4000992 so is this story dead...or what?
6293137
Yes