No outdoor sports competition in Equestria has ever been rained out. Every parade takes place under clear skies. The weather is scheduled moons in advance, and those arrangements are enforced by government employees. So in theory, the mere existence of the Weather Bureau should keep ponies from having something to complain about.
In reality, the existence of the Bureau gives ponies an address they can write to.
And when you factor in Ponyville...
(Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.)
Chapters (1)
Author's Very Public Note: the Complete tag on this one is a little tentative. I reserve the right to add future sections as inspiration for additional letters might permit.
You know, the pre-recorded message for Amazon has to tell people to hang up and call emergency services for actual emergencies.
“Thank you, for all those cards and letters…”
If the 'fake color' shoutouts are anything to go by, I love your taste in literature.
Cheerilee's part was hilarious!!!!!
I am surprised that Cheerilee didn’t have Applejack and/or Rarity along as well. Hopefully they could have stopped what happened but I doubt it would have changed much.
How has Cheerilee lived this long?
10060553
that's like asking a earthquake to look after tornadoes
"Come on, Dash, this is very important. For science. All you have to do is blow me.
"Why are you laughing?
"This is serious! I've already set up the rotational apparatus, so once you blow me I'll get a really good screw!
"STOP LAUGHING!"
See, depending on exactly where in the Continuum this is placed, timeline-wise? I'm genuinely curious about exactly who triggered the School Excursion disaster. The Crusaders seem the obvious choice, but I wouldn't want to underestimate Snips or Snails, and Diamond Tiara just deciding that this would work so much better if she turned that dial there to a better number because her Daddy mentioned that sunny days bring more customers, or even a Crusade-Independent Apple Bloom Jus' wantin' to know what the big red button does...
...or do we safely assume All Of The Above?
Hmm, 2 / 5? letters got a follow up letter.
...
So many good and funny parts!
...
...
Oooh, we get Cheerilee's surname!
"I must say, dearest sister, that I enjoy our times together in your study during the winters, just you and me--" Luna plunked down in the overstuffed chair, produced a book, propped her rear hooves up on the nearby stool and relaxed" --with a roaring fire and a good book."
"It's the simple things that really help deal with the stresses of our jobs," admitted Celestia from her own stuffed chair in front of the fireplace, and under a fuzzy blanket too. "Someplace where the only thing we have to worry about is overheating our shoes and scorching the carpet when we're done reading." She turned a page in her novel and gave out a yawn. "Toss another bundle onto the fire, would you please?"
"Certes." Luna hefted a bundle of papers, then frowned. "I am glad we are not wasting trees on our leisure activity, but what are these, exactly?"
"Complaint forms from the Weather Department." Celestia turned a page. "You can toss on a second bundle if you want. We've got about a year's backlog in storage."
I can think of a letter that might be somewhat in character: a mailpony writing about lead in the local drinking water.
10060598
Twilight, please look up those phrases in this *gives her copy of 'Phrases that mean more than one thing'*
10060559
This chapter from Cheerilee's Thousand should answer your question.
More letters! Please!
And Cheerilee is really a forgotten hero of MLP. The amount of bullshit she have to deal with would make others quit after the first school trip. I wouldn't mind more stories featuring her.
I mean, Rarity doesn't have an unreasonable idea. She's just taking it a bit far.
Well, at least Nyx isn't going up there for another bake sale.
... Are we sure they didn't get invisible marks in causing mayhem?
This is not where I expected a paranoid rant to the rainbow factory to go, and the fact that you looped it around back to canon is all the more amazing.
And then it kept getting better.
And that ladle's probably long gone. It may end up braining the next major threat to Equestria.
Lovely madness throughout. Thank you for it.
10060643
I wonder if that is where the mail service complaints go, too?
10060655
I'm pretty sure this is a running gag with Triptych Twilight. Remember the "escort service" incident?
10060529
Oh, please do! This was just so fun!
10060598
I was about to make a Beverly Hillbillies joke after the windmill incident, but then I read the infowars bit and my brain threw a cylinder.
Featured ?
This story will get featured ?
"Told you so."
Roseluck's segment cracked me up as much as it left me concerned.
Since Equestria manufactures its rainbows while those in other places presumably arise from natural processes (in so far as the term "natural" is meaningful in a magical land), it strikes me as entirely possible the colors are different. I mean, given the level of bureaucracy we've seen, there's probably a multi-page form describing the proper arrangement and colors of an officially sanctioned Equestrian rainbow factory rainbow. (Now with pink!)
For those who are curious, all together in one place:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_fictional_colors
I am amused by the notion of the swamps of Equestria being overrun by fast-breeding frog-oranges (do they grow from eggs or seed?), squirting juice in the eyes of predators...
There being a disaster relief form specifically for the CMC makes too much sense.
She did warn them...
10060627
Yes.
Lololol
Estee, you did it again. Pure brilliance. The best part is the fact that Cheerilee literally not only hedges bets but fully expects disaster. Sadly the only way for her to win is for the children not to play.
Plus Rarity and her sewing needles. Eventually she will get something sensitive of Rainbow Dashes, or at least Twilights Balloon so she can personally get some petty revenge.
That or look for a napping RD.
10060737
Above The Everfree Forest, clouds moved and shifted, beginning to take shape. Almond shaped slits formed, filling with lightning, and blinked. A mouth opened wide, wind blowing inward as the thing took a deep breath. A crude head shape took form, resting on a neck. Two limbs stretched out and out, the ends uncurling into hands.
It had happened. At long last. It had taken life times, but it had finally happened.
Erebus had returned.
Just long enough to wonder what was flying toward him.
Thus it was, that he had become a laughing stock among villains, for not only had he returned less than a minute before being defeat, but the source of said defeat was... a ladle.
10060531
reminds me of an old "tech support" story: someone called tech support and said, "the printer is on fire. fix it."
tech: "hang up and call the fire department!"
user: "no, fix it so i don't have to use a different printer ten feet farther from my desk."
tech: "hang up and call the fire department!"
user: "you'd better hurry up and fix it, the flames are shooting 3 feet in the air."
tech: "HANG UP AND CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!"
user: "FIX IT!"
i swear i'm not making that up!
This might have been said before, but I find it consistently true: Whenever I'm checking the feature box, I can tell when it's a Estee story. Something about the title, cover image and description instantly make it clear before I can even check the author. I can't even think of any other authors I can tell like this for this consistently. It's legitimately impressive that you're able to express your writing style so strongly that I can tell who wrote the story from often just the title.
10060823
oh, you mean " EQ19PNYCMC3." i missed that!
BUT it made me think of a line in the classic story "fallout equestria": "the override code to open the door is CMC3BFF."
here's an AMAZING video based on that chapter:
best way to end it right there
I remember an episode of "Laugh In" where Goldie Hawn was doing the weather
"There's a whole lot of weather over here and some over there, but none at all in-between."
Looks puzzled. Cut to the next bit.
and all restroom facilities even MORE clearly marked. I've dealt with little kids
ICR where I read it but somepony said "Everyone does something about the weather but nopony ever talks about it". Yeah, the Weather Bureau should be so lucky
too
many
words
10060940
I know right, it's uncanny
10060836
I can see it now. Snails turns up the humidity because it's optimal breeding conditions for a certain type of Aphid he's fascinated by this week. While Sweetie Belle turns the temperature way down because she heard Rarity complaining that the heat is frazzling her mane lately. And that goes against Diamond Tiara turning the sunshine up so that there's pleasant shopping weather. Meanwhile, Dinky turns up the wind, because it's excellent kite-flying weather, and Scootaloo releases a few thunderclouds because who doesn't think lightning is awesome?
And of course there are safeties in play, because the Weather Bureau isn't stupid, and all these weird and impossibly-contradictory orders in the system won't do any harm. Nopony is going to actually make these things happen, especially not all at once. Which is why it all would have been fine...
...except that Apple Bloom saw the button. And really, this big, standout, red button in plain sight where anypony can walk up to it, it's practically begging to be pressed. Obviously, they must've wanted ponies to press it. Otherwise the button wouldn't have been out there in the open, right? If it was a bad button, it would have been put somewhere quiet, out of sight, safe, where nopony could press it by accident. That's just logic. And there's so many machines all around, clearly pressing the button must make them do something impressive, and since the button is right there and they obviously want it to be pressed...
Ah Rarity, quite amusing.
Yes, I can see having a government form specifically for the CMCs actually be a net positive for reducing hassle.
Ok, Twilight, but be sure to let Rarity have her chance at creating a strong windflow directed at your victim first.
P.S. I'm surprised Rainbow had enough wit for that.
Hah! It seems we have a "wizard" on our hands. A very crazed one with a tinfoil wizard hat.
Those other weird names are probably other references but I don't get them at all. At least I got this.
P.S. I liked that callback to the frog-orange.
Also, that's not how PROOF works silly pony.
I skimmed the conspiracy theory and the obvious first draft. I’m not apologizing.
10060559
Earth ponies are tough.
Never thought about it but it is possible that in Equestria ponies complain about the weather as we complain about, i don't know sports matches or movies, cartoons, etc ("worst. storm. ever" "I have seen better snow in Appaloosa"). Just because they know what to expect is not a good reason to not complain.
I deny it! A rainbow actually has a near infinite number of colours, for a certain definition of colour.
Haha, this was a delight. I really enjoyed it, especially Rainbow's letter (while also cringing at the obvious first draft parts but it was still entertaining!). Like how your voicing is so strong you can tell who's writing what, and the Infowars bit combined with Rainbow Factory was inspired. Good work! Hope you enjoy the superbowl and get some rest.
10061348
This comment provided a link
10060791
"The Color Out Of Space" was a 1927 story by HP Lovecraft
(It was an alien)
Hooloovoo is from Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy
(another alien race)
10062364
The Hooloovoo is a shade of blue, but I'm not sure the Color Out of Space is a color rather than a gaseous, formless alien entity that happens to have that color. It gets tangible enough for a character to feel it brush by them in one scene, which is behavior I don't normally associate with colors.
10062455
Picky, picky, picky
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Picky+Picky+Picky+Meme&&view=detail&mid=3BA1C174EB3227A403C13BA1C174EB3227A403C1&&FORM=VRDGAR&ru=%2Fvideos%2Fsearch%3Fq%3DPicky%2BPicky%2BPicky%2BMeme%26FORM%3DRESTAB
My doctor actually has that on his message system to call 911 if it's an emergancy..
Noted the end of the form Cherilee referenced is CMC3 a form just for the Cutie Marker Crusaders
To me, it means that:
# carbon paper is currently in use,
# carbon paper was in use, but now "carbon copy" is just a legacy term, like how it's an email field despite emails not involving paper unless we want them to, or
# the initialism has another meaning for the same basic outcome in this continuity.