Tatsurou
Joined 13th Dec, 2012 ·
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Tatsurou · 18k words · 195 18 · 4.3k views
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fungeek.cz/288-607-large/tricko-meme-poker-face-panske.jpg
Complete? Aw. It was just starting to get good. Your writing is pretty fun,
Oh man, this was actually good. And it's complete.
I guess since you're uncomfortable writing clop and incest, it's to be expected that 'it was all a dream', but I can see a really good fic about how Pound struggles with this able to come from here.
Hell, I can see a lot of potential fic material here.
the story was good but I am not a huge fan of the Cakes so much. But still weird but good story.
Any chance of you getting back to Whatever it takes, i love you?
Yes, incest!
Too bad the story ended where it did, I could certainly see some potential for continuation. Don't let your uncomfortable feelings get in the way, I have them too, it's no reason to stop writing depravity. It's fun.
Not bad even if it did stop rather abruptly. Some spelling errors to fix tho.
(Pouler)with the fillies [popular]
how (warn) she felt (agaisnt) [warm] [against]
as he (assed) by the kitchen [passed]
wingboners to (Punpkim) [Pumpkin]
Otherwise not bad at all.
And then Luna hears the prayer.
...
While drinking something.
Not bad. Aside from the allready voiced complaints about grammer and abrubt ending, I see nothing wrong with this fic.
I personally would continue it, maybe somthing from Pumpkin's perspective or a straight out sequel.
And don't let such petty things as discomfert get in the way of this or any of your projects. If you don't like the way a story is going in your mind, just changed it round a bit...like fitting in a puzzle piece.
Oh look. Incest, Twincest, and Foalcon. Why don't you just hit another controversial topic.
2179614
I agree that it definitely seems odd to have this marked Complete when it's so short and only just getting started. It's not bad, by any means, but it could use another edit pass and some expansion, even before continuing.
well done there is potential for more
2179722 They are aged up no foalcon here.
2179948
In the short description.
2179722
Well, since this story is all about exploring those aspects of writing I'm not comfortable with, any suggestions?
2179081
That might be a while, I'm afraid. The reason I'm writing these other things is because I've hit a massive writer's block with that story.
2179614
I honestly don't know how I would continue this.
2179962
The mention of High School, I was trying to imply they were about 16, which seems to be the common fanon interpretation of Equestria's age of consent.
2180054 I've got no issues with you, nor the story. Though I do not approve of, well, everything about it, I'm not voting it simply because it is your thing and I understand that this was somewhat of a practice session.
Looking at it. I can say one thing for sure.
rainbowdash.net/file/loak-20110722T040314-6wkjsct.png
Never use * to exclaim anything in a story. It's lazy and it comes off as rather terrible looking.
Did you intend feet, or were you shooting for hooves?
Oh, it was a dream. Well shit, that makes me feel pretty dumb looking back upon my previous comments.
Anyways, to the sex. It was good, but you lacked description, though I don't know if that's what you were aiming for. Either way, too short, much too short. Your writing is quite good, better than most, and you use punctuation and everything else perfectly as far as I could tell, so kudos to you there. But this idea, you could have spanned it out into something four thousand words long, and instead you kept it to one hand a half. You could have really played out the sex, (after all, it is a dream) played a lot more with emotions and internal thought. What you had was great, but it would have been so much better had you added more.
But yeah, this story is great, the only thing doing it in being the shortness and lack of time to really get into it.
Great work.
[edit] And sixteen, okay, that makes more sense, although in my canon you can not tie age to ponies since they age differently than humans, I get your gist.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_liec3ejFJy1qdnf85.gif
Twincest is wincest, there is no doubt there. Now,
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/35398000.jpg
Need Moria
bad pun iz bad
Goes a bit too fast but overall a good story
2179722
Aged up, nigga!
2180232 One, don't call me nigga' because I'm whiter than fucking sour cream.
Two, look at my latter comment so you can take your dislike back.
2180264
1. FREE WORLD NIGGA. I am white also.
2. You should have edited your epiphany into the first comment.
2180283 That would suggest I had something to hide.
2180400
No, in the same way you did the last comment.
[EDIT] Oh wait, it's aged up.
Something like that.
2180459 You're really going to argue this?
...
2180478
*shrug* Nothing better to do.
is Twincest still Wincest?
survey says; yes
this either needs a follow up or it needs three more chapters cause a oneshot does not do this justice
2180058 Well you could just end it there. It's a geat story. Just put small epilogue and go on to do other stories. Your an awsome writer if you think you are done with it then be done with it. But if you feel there is more then I understand.
MOAR!!!
2180937
No, I want to continue Whatever it Takes, it's just the next chapter has me a little stumped.
2181314 If you don't mind me asking, How so?
bravo im glad you decided to continue this
first
2191008
Any comment on the chapter itself?
Hah, that twin language was a cute idea. Nice story.
2191453
Thanks. Got the Twin language idea from - well - everything I've ever read or watched that had twins as main characters. Most notably "Polgara the Sorceres" by David Eddings.
Wooo! This chapter is where the story starts getting good... please keep it up!
Well, knowing Twin would make things soo much easier in life. Especially if you were getting tongue tied all the time
but the other person would have to know Twin also.... grr.
>this updated
gifsforum.com/images/gif/excited/grand/Jake-Gyllenhaal-excited-eccbc87e4b5ce2fe28308fd9f2a7baf3-628.gif
Also this:
2191008
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/8/28/l1A4270xX020IxemosHcPA2.jpg
Good job working on something you're not familiar with. It can be a great way to bloom as a writer. The emotion you add is wonderful and really brings your characters to life. Pumpkin's cute little misunderstandings are great, and I love that Pinkie's oddball nature seems to have left her with interesting gaps in her knowledge, I hope we'll see more of these in the story.
The twin language is neat, but a bit cliched. Try not to over use it though and it shouldn't be a problem, so far you've done well with it, but the explanation of its use and depth does take the reader out of an extremely intense moment at the end there. It may have been better to move more of the explanation to its first use so that you can just have a quick line about the use of a name near the end to keep the reader more in the moment.
The clop in the first chapter was quite brief, but fitting for a dream sequence, although I'm sure if he was having that dream when she walked in, he's lucky he always sleeps on his stomach
. When you get to the two of them together, remember to take your time with it. Focus on feeling, emotion, & reaction to bring the scene alive for the reader and don't skimp on detail because each little bit will draw your readers into the scene and make it real for them.
2201247 I find your reply almost as amusing as this story have a
2201463
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Yeah, I'm not going to be using the 'Twin' language too much beyond some rather specific plot triggers for later.
And whether or not the twins 'get together' as you put it is still up in the air. I haven't decided how to take that.
2201743
Why thank you, sir. I shall spend it wisely.
Good ol' Spike.
Go spikey!
btw damn you i thought it was a oneshot
damn you know how to hook a reader
2204548 So I've been told. I'm glad you think so.
2204539>>2204493 Yeah, I figured Spike was the best one to give Pound advice on this. Although, when the available guys for him to talk to are Spike, Big Macintosh, and Shining Armor...
...yeah, top of the short list. Still best option, though.
And 2204539 , yeah, that's what happens a lot in my writing.
A story about Pound Cake's lust for his sister should not be giving me feels like this! Damn you!
Also, close twins, aren't they? Regular Dipper and Mabel, they are.
Just a spelling error I found, you misspelled "begin" when pound is eating his dinner. Other than that, I like your idea of their twin language, very clever idea.
Spelling error for "chuckled". Again, well written, and I like how Spike, one of the few guys in ponyville, is the one who talks to Pound, and even gets caught off guard when Pound confesses. I kinda want to see how this ties in with the rest of the story. Speaking of the story, I like how it's not a hardcore clopfic, just little bits and pieces here and there, it makes it let weird to read.