Oh man, this was actually good. And it's complete.
I guess since you're uncomfortable writing clop and incest, it's to be expected that 'it was all a dream', but I can see a really good fic about how Pound struggles with this able to come from here.
Hell, I can see a lot of potential fic material here.
the story was good but I am not a huge fan of the Cakes so much. But still weird but good story. Any chance of you getting back to Whatever it takes, i love you?
Too bad the story ended where it did, I could certainly see some potential for continuation. Don't let your uncomfortable feelings get in the way, I have them too, it's no reason to stop writing depravity. It's fun.
Not bad even if it did stop rather abruptly. Some spelling errors to fix tho.
(Pouler)with the fillies [popular] how (warn) she felt (agaisnt) [warm] [against] as he (assed) by the kitchen [passed] wingboners to (Punpkim) [Pumpkin]
Not bad. Aside from the allready voiced complaints about grammer and abrubt ending, I see nothing wrong with this fic. I personally would continue it, maybe somthing from Pumpkin's perspective or a straight out sequel. And don't let such petty things as discomfert get in the way of this or any of your projects. If you don't like the way a story is going in your mind, just changed it round a bit...like fitting in a puzzle piece.
I agree that it definitely seems odd to have this marked Complete when it's so short and only just getting started. It's not bad, by any means, but it could use another edit pass and some expansion, even before continuing.
2179962 The mention of High School, I was trying to imply they were about 16, which seems to be the common fanon interpretation of Equestria's age of consent.
2180054 I've got no issues with you, nor the story. Though I do not approve of, well, everything about it, I'm not voting it simply because it is your thing and I understand that this was somewhat of a practice session.
Never use * to exclaim anything in a story. It's lazy and it comes off as rather terrible looking.
He scampered to his feet,
Did you intend feet, or were you shooting for hooves?
Oh, it was a dream. Well shit, that makes me feel pretty dumb looking back upon my previous comments.
Anyways, to the sex. It was good, but you lacked description, though I don't know if that's what you were aiming for. Either way, too short, much too short. Your writing is quite good, better than most, and you use punctuation and everything else perfectly as far as I could tell, so kudos to you there. But this idea, you could have spanned it out into something four thousand words long, and instead you kept it to one hand a half. You could have really played out the sex, (after all, it is a dream) played a lot more with emotions and internal thought. What you had was great, but it would have been so much better had you added more.
But yeah, this story is great, the only thing doing it in being the shortness and lack of time to really get into it.
Great work.
[edit] And sixteen, okay, that makes more sense, although in my canon you can not tie age to ponies since they age differently than humans, I get your gist.
2180058 Well you could just end it there. It's a geat story. Just put small epilogue and go on to do other stories. Your an awsome writer if you think you are done with it then be done with it. But if you feel there is more then I understand.
This must be the greatest title ever. It's short - just three words, four syllables - but after reading it I immediately got that this is a romantic clopfic starring our favourite aged up pony twins. Clever.
2269029 Really? Must be a subtle one. I've watched all his episodes and read this chapter twice, and I couldn't find it.
Ooooooo... interesting... just what I need, another pairing for me to get into, gawd xD hehehe. This is a pretty good start, good lordy lordy.
I like it, Nice job!
6081619 ... Dang you, I listened to this and now I have it stuck in my head... Damn this is catchy. Also, what anime is that? Do you know I am interested.
As he passed by the kitchen, he was once again reminded of why that was. The glow of Pumpkin's magic surrounded nearly everything in their, as she continued to bake more sweets even as she minded the front counter. Princess Twilight had once suggested that Pumpkin be enrolled in Celetsia's school, but she had declined, as baking was her true passion.
fungeek.cz/288-607-large/tricko-meme-poker-face-panske.jpg
Complete? Aw. It was just starting to get good. Your writing is pretty fun,
Oh man, this was actually good. And it's complete.
I guess since you're uncomfortable writing clop and incest, it's to be expected that 'it was all a dream', but I can see a really good fic about how Pound struggles with this able to come from here.
Hell, I can see a lot of potential fic material here.
the story was good but I am not a huge fan of the Cakes so much. But still weird but good story. Any chance of you getting back to Whatever it takes, i love you?
Yes, incest!
Too bad the story ended where it did, I could certainly see some potential for continuation. Don't let your uncomfortable feelings get in the way, I have them too, it's no reason to stop writing depravity. It's fun.
Not bad even if it did stop rather abruptly. Some spelling errors to fix tho.
(Pouler)with the fillies [popular]
how (warn) she felt (agaisnt) [warm] [against]
as he (assed) by the kitchen [passed]
wingboners to (Punpkim) [Pumpkin]
Otherwise not bad at all.
And then Luna hears the prayer.
...
While drinking something.
Not bad. Aside from the allready voiced complaints about grammer and abrubt ending, I see nothing wrong with this fic.
I personally would continue it, maybe somthing from Pumpkin's perspective or a straight out sequel.
And don't let such petty things as discomfert get in the way of this or any of your projects. If you don't like the way a story is going in your mind, just changed it round a bit...like fitting in a puzzle piece.
Oh look. Incest, Twincest, and Foalcon. Why don't you just hit another controversial topic.
2179614
I agree that it definitely seems odd to have this marked Complete when it's so short and only just getting started. It's not bad, by any means, but it could use another edit pass and some expansion, even before continuing.
well done there is potential for more
2179722 They are aged up no foalcon here.
2179948
In the short description.
2179722
Well, since this story is all about exploring those aspects of writing I'm not comfortable with, any suggestions?
2179081
That might be a while, I'm afraid. The reason I'm writing these other things is because I've hit a massive writer's block with that story.
2179614
I honestly don't know how I would continue this.
2179962
The mention of High School, I was trying to imply they were about 16, which seems to be the common fanon interpretation of Equestria's age of consent.
2180054 I've got no issues with you, nor the story. Though I do not approve of, well, everything about it, I'm not voting it simply because it is your thing and I understand that this was somewhat of a practice session.
Looking at it. I can say one thing for sure.
rainbowdash.net/file/loak-20110722T040314-6wkjsct.png
Never use * to exclaim anything in a story. It's lazy and it comes off as rather terrible looking.
Did you intend feet, or were you shooting for hooves?
Oh, it was a dream. Well shit, that makes me feel pretty dumb looking back upon my previous comments.
Anyways, to the sex. It was good, but you lacked description, though I don't know if that's what you were aiming for. Either way, too short, much too short. Your writing is quite good, better than most, and you use punctuation and everything else perfectly as far as I could tell, so kudos to you there. But this idea, you could have spanned it out into something four thousand words long, and instead you kept it to one hand a half. You could have really played out the sex, (after all, it is a dream) played a lot more with emotions and internal thought. What you had was great, but it would have been so much better had you added more.
But yeah, this story is great, the only thing doing it in being the shortness and lack of time to really get into it.
Great work.
[edit] And sixteen, okay, that makes more sense, although in my canon you can not tie age to ponies since they age differently than humans, I get your gist.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_liec3ejFJy1qdnf85.gif
Twincest is wincest, there is no doubt there. Now,
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/35398000.jpg
Need Moria
bad pun iz bad
Goes a bit too fast but overall a good story
2179722
Aged up, nigga!
2180232 One, don't call me nigga' because I'm whiter than fucking sour cream.
Two, look at my latter comment so you can take your dislike back.
2180264
1. FREE WORLD NIGGA. I am white also.
2. You should have edited your epiphany into the first comment.
2180283 That would suggest I had something to hide.
2180400
No, in the same way you did the last comment.
[EDIT] Oh wait, it's aged up.
Something like that.
2180459 You're really going to argue this?
...
2180478
*shrug* Nothing better to do.
is Twincest still Wincest?
survey says; yes
this either needs a follow up or it needs three more chapters cause a oneshot does not do this justice
2180058 Well you could just end it there. It's a geat story. Just put small epilogue and go on to do other stories. Your an awsome writer if you think you are done with it then be done with it. But if you feel there is more then I understand.
MOAR!!!
2180937
No, I want to continue Whatever it Takes, it's just the next chapter has me a little stumped.
2181314 If you don't mind me asking, How so?
Great beginning! I'm looking forward to readin a lot more!
I sense a reference to the Nostalgia Critic.
2269029
You're the first to notice that, I believe.
2295505 I hate to be such a, pardon my french(english), dumbass, but who/what is the nostalgia critic?
This must be the greatest title ever. It's short - just three words, four syllables - but after reading it I immediately got that this is a romantic clopfic starring our favourite aged up pony twins. Clever.
2269029
Really? Must be a subtle one. I've watched all his episodes and read this chapter twice, and I couldn't find it.
2269029 Nostalgia Critic????
Man oh man, you're good at this.
This is disgusting.
I can't believe you actually put this out for the world to see.
Metaphor does NOT end with an 'e' mister!
For shame!
No, but seriously, this was an interesting start, and it really resonated with me.
NOPE
Hmm... It's like one of those hentai plots. Odd, but very intriguing.
Proper good job, mate.
delisious! WANNA C MOAR
Ooooooo... interesting... just what I need, another pairing for me to get into, gawd xD hehehe.
This is a pretty good start, good lordy lordy.
I like it,
Nice job!
6081619 ...
Dang you, I listened to this and now I have it stuck in my head...
Damn this is catchy.
Also, what anime is that? Do you know I am interested.