2191453 Thanks. Got the Twin language idea from - well - everything I've ever read or watched that had twins as main characters. Most notably "Polgara the Sorceres" by David Eddings.
Wooo! This chapter is where the story starts getting good... please keep it up! Well, knowing Twin would make things soo much easier in life. Especially if you were getting tongue tied all the time but the other person would have to know Twin also.... grr.
Good job working on something you're not familiar with. It can be a great way to bloom as a writer. The emotion you add is wonderful and really brings your characters to life. Pumpkin's cute little misunderstandings are great, and I love that Pinkie's oddball nature seems to have left her with interesting gaps in her knowledge, I hope we'll see more of these in the story.
The twin language is neat, but a bit cliched. Try not to over use it though and it shouldn't be a problem, so far you've done well with it, but the explanation of its use and depth does take the reader out of an extremely intense moment at the end there. It may have been better to move more of the explanation to its first use so that you can just have a quick line about the use of a name near the end to keep the reader more in the moment.
The clop in the first chapter was quite brief, but fitting for a dream sequence, although I'm sure if he was having that dream when she walked in, he's lucky he always sleeps on his stomach . When you get to the two of them together, remember to take your time with it. Focus on feeling, emotion, & reaction to bring the scene alive for the reader and don't skimp on detail because each little bit will draw your readers into the scene and make it real for them.
2201463 I'm glad you enjoyed it. Yeah, I'm not going to be using the 'Twin' language too much beyond some rather specific plot triggers for later. And whether or not the twins 'get together' as you put it is still up in the air. I haven't decided how to take that.
Just a spelling error I found, you misspelled "begin" when pound is eating his dinner. Other than that, I like your idea of their twin language, very clever idea.
I don't think the twin language bit was cliche at all, just poorly timed. I think the exposition on what Twin language is was beautiful, but it distracted from the emotion of the moment. I mean it didn't add much to the events of then and there between Pumpkin and Pound. It could have been shortened or maybe explained elsewhere when the moment wasn't so tense, perhaps after you described their words and thoughts to one another.
This is fantastic though. I love an emotionally charged dramatic love story. What better way than twincest to achieve it?
Awwww maaaaan, this is deep. I love the idea behind the Twin language, its cute And wow, this is just, powerful to me man, I love these kind of fics, the drama, the emotions! They're real bro.
When Pound joined her at the table, she smiled, pleased to see the effect the smell of dinner had on him. As he sat down to ebgin eating, she tasted the food herself. She was glad to see she had done such a good job.
6449594 I agree. It's not just another clopfic, it has a lot of deep feeling to it. It doesn't just make you read about the characters and look at what they do, it makes you FEEL the characters and EXPERIENCE what they do. That's art, no matter what anyone says.
bravo im glad you decided to continue this
first
2191008
Any comment on the chapter itself?
Hah, that twin language was a cute idea. Nice story.
2191453
Thanks. Got the Twin language idea from - well - everything I've ever read or watched that had twins as main characters. Most notably "Polgara the Sorceres" by David Eddings.
Wooo! This chapter is where the story starts getting good... please keep it up!
Well, knowing Twin would make things soo much easier in life. Especially if you were getting tongue tied all the time
but the other person would have to know Twin also.... grr.
>this updated
gifsforum.com/images/gif/excited/grand/Jake-Gyllenhaal-excited-eccbc87e4b5ce2fe28308fd9f2a7baf3-628.gif
Also this:
2191008
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/8/28/l1A4270xX020IxemosHcPA2.jpg
Good job working on something you're not familiar with. It can be a great way to bloom as a writer. The emotion you add is wonderful and really brings your characters to life. Pumpkin's cute little misunderstandings are great, and I love that Pinkie's oddball nature seems to have left her with interesting gaps in her knowledge, I hope we'll see more of these in the story.
The twin language is neat, but a bit cliched. Try not to over use it though and it shouldn't be a problem, so far you've done well with it, but the explanation of its use and depth does take the reader out of an extremely intense moment at the end there. It may have been better to move more of the explanation to its first use so that you can just have a quick line about the use of a name near the end to keep the reader more in the moment.
The clop in the first chapter was quite brief, but fitting for a dream sequence, although I'm sure if he was having that dream when she walked in, he's lucky he always sleeps on his stomach . When you get to the two of them together, remember to take your time with it. Focus on feeling, emotion, & reaction to bring the scene alive for the reader and don't skimp on detail because each little bit will draw your readers into the scene and make it real for them.
2201247 I find your reply almost as amusing as this story have a
2201463
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Yeah, I'm not going to be using the 'Twin' language too much beyond some rather specific plot triggers for later.
And whether or not the twins 'get together' as you put it is still up in the air. I haven't decided how to take that.
2201743
Why thank you, sir. I shall spend it wisely.
Just a spelling error I found, you misspelled "begin" when pound is eating his dinner. Other than that, I like your idea of their twin language, very clever idea.
This #Drama pleases me
A dramatic chapter I must say.
I don't think the twin language bit was cliche at all, just poorly timed. I think the exposition on what Twin language is was beautiful, but it distracted from the emotion of the moment. I mean it didn't add much to the events of then and there between Pumpkin and Pound. It could have been shortened or maybe explained elsewhere when the moment wasn't so tense, perhaps after you described their words and thoughts to one another.
This is fantastic though. I love an emotionally charged dramatic love story. What better way than twincest to achieve it?
Wonderful story, so deep with emotions and so much hurt... this deserves an honorable feature
Brief
space it
Begin
Awwww maaaaan, this is deep. I love the idea behind the Twin language, its cute
And wow, this is just, powerful to me man, I love these kind of fics, the drama, the emotions!
They're real bro.
Nice job.
6449594 I agree. It's not just another clopfic, it has a lot of deep feeling to it. It doesn't just make you read about the characters and look at what they do, it makes you FEEL the characters and EXPERIENCE what they do. That's art, no matter what anyone says.