Angels and Demons

by lunabrony

Sneak Peek at Angels and Demons 2: Timelock

The dull thobbing began in the back of his head, he may very well have to call upon Alicia at some point. The sun was barely risen, just after sunrise. He was considering going back to Earth, when a bright light appeared before him. At first it was just a glowing sphere, but slowly began to take a shape. The shape of a pony. As if that wasn't enough, it spoke to him. "Silver Key!"

Climbing out of the fountain, drenched, shaking himself off, probably taken either for a cider-laden unicorn who had tried for a quick trip home, or for a teleportation beginner still out of practice. A nice big jug of cider would be just the right thing right about now. The sight of a pony materializing out of nowhere blinded him a little and he shielded his eyes with a hoof. Interesting, he'd sent himself to a random spot and someone showed up. Coincidence was unlikely. Someone was watching him. It wasn't Novaria though. "Yes... I'm Silver, who are you?"

The large sphere seemed to be made of light and fire itself, and his brain slowly processed this. It wasn't just a random appearance, it was an ethereal projection. And only a couple ponies were powerful enough to do that. As the form took shape, within the glittering fires he could make out not just the shape of a horn, but large majestic wings as well. "I need your help, Silver Key. You must get to Canterlot Castle, as quickly as you can!"

There was only one pony this could possibly be. "Yes Princess Celestia, I'll get right there!" He smiled, there was always the off chance that this was Luna. The voice commanded respect and dignity, ergo it wasn't the new princess Twilight who from the few friendship speeches he'd seen her give, though confident was young. This was the voice of a majesty. Luna was unlikely, she was rarely seen in the morning. Also her magic tended to be shadowy and dark. He genuflected. Something to get his mind off things. How had Angel come to read.. and what had she read? Who had given her something to read? Puzzle solving. No answers presented themselves at the moment, the pieces weren't in. He wondered whether the trainyard left for Canterlot this early, although the Castle was merely on the other side of the city. Teleport? His headache mingled with a throbbing sensation in his horn, better not. But his only alternative was to run. He'd have to suck it up. Teleporting would be faster.

The Princess sounded urgent. Scared, almost. "Luna has spoken of your abilities most highly. I have a conundrum for you to solve, Silver Key. The fate of Equestria may depend on it. Please hurry! I will do what I can here to hold it back." The pony of light burst into fragments, and sizzed into smoke as the fragments hit the ground. Something was wrong.

He looked up through the spires of Canterlot, to where castle straddled the mountain. A unicorn, he'd break wind soon enough and it wasn't good for his headache. Deciding that there would be medical assistance up on the castle, but that there was an even faster way to get up there he rushed up to nearest royal guards with wings patrolling the city streets. "Silver Key, Princess Celestia contacted me urgently I need a quick trip to the castle pronto." He held a shard of the ethereal projecting that had been left, hoping it was proof enough. If not, he had a gem that might be good bribe. Then again the royal Canterlot guards were moral to a fault, a bribe might send him to a jail cell... but since that was in the castle, that would still work to his advantage.

If it was or was not enough, he was not told. If the guards did or did not believe him, he was not told. However, between something he did and something Princess Celestia had told was enough. The guard nodded, and touched his horn to Silvers own. There was a brief flash and moment of disorientation, and he found himself outside the Castle gates. He was ushered inside, the gates swinging open to accommodate him. "Princess Celestia is expecting you in her throne room immediately." One of the guards said politely.

Silver's headache was singing an aria about how much agony was in his skull. He rushed through the gaudy corridors and up the wide stairs, bursting into the throne room. Being friends with Angel, he had been through here without it being a tour, though he'd never had an audience with the regal princesses, except his short brush with Luna where he had asked her for her blessings.

Something was wrong. The throne room was empty. But he'd been told to come here, where was Princess Celestia? Or at the very least, Princess Luna, if Celestia was going to be late? His head hurt and his eyes needed a moment to adjust. Something was moving at the far back of the expensive room, something large and bright purple. But it wasn't an organic being, what WAS that?

Alarm clocks started ringing. He was a unicorn but he didn't know any form of defensive or offensive, firstly because magic like that was deemed dangerous enough that it was taught to very few unicorns, and secondly he doubted his meager horn could punch a hole into anything if he wanted. He decided against giving away his position just yet by announcing himself. The princesses would know he was there, and if they weren't here when he arrived… the Celestial figure had said something about holding something back. Keeping close to the door he tried studying the purple spectacle.

It was a light, no, that wasn't right. A bubble. It started at the back of the room, encapsulating everything it touched. Wall to wall, ceiling to floor. And it was moving towards him at an alarming speed. From a side hallway barreled a brown earth stallion, with an hourglass on his flank. He took only one look at Silver, an expression of urgency and fear on his face. "Run!"

Something had definitely gone wrong. He didn't know the earth pony next to him, but he judged his assessment of the situation was as good as any and ran back out of the large set of doors, holding them open for that pony, in case he wanted to follow. The castle doors were fairly sturdy. He had no idea whether they resisted magic, but seeing as Luna and Celestia were magical users, them not reinforcing the doors with magic would seem odd. Then again ponies weren't always known for the strategic forethought.

The bubble was fast, too fast. In the moment he stopped to hold open the door, they caught up with him. The earth pony was gone, which was absolutely strange seeing as he hadn't come through the doors, he'd only been there a moment ago, and there was no other way out. But either way, he was overtaken by whatever it was that had consumed the throne room. It hurt for only a moment, and then he found himself completely blind.

No, not blind. Everything was still in its place. The door in front of him, the throne room behind him. It took him several minutes to regain his bearings, and finally become able to see the chaos behind him as his eyes adjusted to the overwhelming darkness. The beautiful, decorated throne room he had been in only moments before was completely destroyed. The thrones for both Princesses had been torn apart and broken, and lay useless, overturned. Rats scurried amongst the debris. The chandeliers hanging from the ceiling had long since fallen to the ground, their crystals deformed and irreplaceable. But perhaps the most heart wrenching sight was the stained glass lining the windows. Somepony had once spent hundreds of hours on the half dozen or so works of art, and every window was now smashed, thousands of pieces of multicolored glass lined the hallway. Not even a puzzle solver could put them back together.

Comments

[Brutydude]

Hmmm i like it
There is one problem though.
Your thoughts arent quite in order, which makes it on the harder side to read.
You are also both repeating, and contradicting yourself, for example:
When Silver got to the throne room, in one paragraph you had him say "Im here!" Two paragraphs down you had him think to himself, "I wont say anything to give myself away."
Its slightly confusing. Lol
Other than that, its good.

[lunabrony]

2303212 I removed the announcement, so it flows better. Secondly, that's the downside of two of us writing this adapted from a roleplay, as our thoughts and intentions sometimes conflict, and while I catch most of them in editing, some of them slip through. I do my best to tighten things up, but I do not always 'make' him say anything, half of it is my writing and half of it is my friends writing, though neither of us are pefect, I think we're fantastic storytellers. Thanks for the keen eye!

[Brutydude]

2305141
Np and thanks

[Noble]

this is based off an RP?..do you have a specific site you go to to pony RP? cus wherei m at isn't all that great :P

[lunabrony]

2307035 This is adapted almost word for word from an RP my brony friend and I do, I just tighten up the continuity and fix mistakes and such.

[Leonhard]

Its interesting seeing how this rp was adapted as a fic. I expected to see a lot of changes done to the text but it was written pretty much as it was played. That is probably the reason behind its textual idiosyncracies. We do paragraph sized rp posts-counterposts, where lunabrony lead the story and I supplied the actions and thoughts of Norman/Silver. Usually I tend to lead.

I freely admit the weaknesses of the story character. Silver adapts quickly and readily to ponyhood, falls in love without too much development because we did it all within the context of an rp. It was a lot more fun to roleplay, than it is to read as a fic. To get the story to succeed it would have to be rewritten from the ground up again, and I don't blame lunabrony for not doing that.

If anyone is interested in doing a long complex roleplaying session, and they don't mind writing a lot, then send me a pm. ^^

[StrawberryGamer]

I've considered turning my rp into a fanfic. The problem is it's so BIG!

[Phoenix999]

Read up to chapter 18. Found the story entertaining, but not a masterpiece by far. I'm going to be honest, it was a hard read at times. It seemed that you focused more on what the main character had in his head than anything else. The premise wasn't bad, and I liked your pacing and characterization, although I think you could have focused more on the actual interaction instead of thoughts inside the main characters head. I'd give it a 3/5 (average). Since you didn't fall into too many HiE pitfalls, I shall give you a like. I realize this story is a bit old, but try to keep your writing broken up, you don't want two different characters talking in the same paragraph.