You find a tape recorder in an abandoned hut.
You wonder what could be on it.
What will you find? Could there be other humans around?
Better listen to it and find out.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 26th Feb, 2012
- offline last seen Feb 27th, 2022
Scarves
I enjoy reading more than writing. Even though I sometimes wish it was the other way around.
Scarves
Joined 26th Feb, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Neon Icy Wings · 66k words · 1,245 19 · 17k views
- Admiral Biscuit · 1.6k words · 368 4 · 3.4k views
- Minalkra · 133k words · 4,403 156 · 50k views
- Flammenwerfer · 269k words · 1,603 57 · 30k views
- Dalek IX · 27k words · 283 5 · 9k views
- Admiral Biscuit · 3k words · 218 3 · 2.2k views
- paladinwolf · 61k words · 440 12 · 9k views
- Bucking Nonsense · 95k words · 1,928 91 · 28k views
Featured In1
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.092 seconds
Total duration
970 users online
58,407 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Um since no one commented I have a question can you give me a brief summary of these conversation bureau stories or something cause I can't find them in order so of you would tell me it would help u debts ad.
also favoriting this
My bad I meant to say understand at the last bit.
Lastly I love the story
I like it, but a little more info would be nice.
Pretty good, as long as the pontification doesn't spread by biting, its all good, and dont forget the "One, to , tree ,for walls , phew I am safe.. as I sat down, the 4rth wall splintered to bits, as pink blur came through the rubble..."
2116315
Conversion Bureau is just a collection of stories by different users.
The first one was made by some guy called Blaze on DeviantART, no one liked it because it was pro-ponies or something, so other types of authors took the story and changed it into something different. Soon a massive flux of stories popped up everywhere and quite a lot of them are made into their own categories and series.
Just search in Conversion Bureau in Google and see what you can find or ask another author. I don't know much about it either.
The ending was my least favorite part.
Okay, this is just a rough idea of my thoughts at the time of completion.
To start off with, there's barely any plot. Literally if I had no prior knowledge of TCB, I'd have no clue what was going on. So, my suggestion is to develop an actual story to tell.
Next, you give barely any description of the world through which the character moves. I felt like the characters were simply standing and moving through a plain white hallway. You need to show us the world, as opposed to just telling us what's going on.
Lastly, your pacing is jerky, swinging from moment to moment, then skipping abruptly across 4 weeks in a single sentence, then back to moment to moment again.
My honest suggestion is to rework the entire story, walk us through exactly how the character got to where he is and what the situation of the world is like. And most importantly, slow down the pacing. Slow it way the heck down.
Very rushed, and ponies are incredibly OOC, with no explanation. (TCB in of itself is not an excuse for OOC.) Second person's not really such a good idea, but I suppose you were consistent enough in it. You might want to tag your TCB.
2116315 TCB is a sub-genre in which:
A) Equestria and Earth come into contact.
B) A formal institution is set up by which humans may become ponies (or in one parody, ponies into humans).
Within those criterion, there is a wide variety. Some have it so that the contact between Equestria and Earth results in the destruction of earth, others not. Some TCB stories have conversion change people mentally as well as physically, while others may not. There may be organizations actively opposing conversion of any kind, or attempting to force conversion. The important thing to know about TCB is that within those two criteria, there is a wide degree of stories. Just like X is a changeling, shipping, or other genres, there are some that are not as good as others.
And now for my suggestions to the author on improving their writing both in general and in TCB.
1. Use either the first or third person, second person serves no function, as first person already exists to allow the reader to insert themselves into the story.
2. Add descriptions of the environment.
3. Slow down the pacing, expand on the world and explain it.
4. If ponies are widely and systematically forcing ponification, give them a darn good reason. If you're using the Alternate Universe tag, it doesn't give you an automatic reason to stray completely from the show without explaining such a detail.
5. You either have a new paragraph, or you don't. There is no such thing as a "Soft paragraph". So either double space all new paragraphs, or indent them.
2116315 Thanks!
2118542 Why? I did kind of rush it and wanted to finish as quickly as possible so that was a cheap way of doing it. Any idea's on how I could change it?
2118624 Yes it was rushed. I tend to do that when I am just getting the idea out of my head. Also,
I have no idea what this means sorry! Could you explain?
2118936 Thanks for your input! Some of those points didn't even occur to me. I just wanted to get a story out of my head. So your advice will really help! And I am a little unsure of you mean in point 5. Could you explain it a little more?
2118616 Yeah, everyone was telling me to slow down. I can clearly see why now that I reread it.
Thank you for telling me exactly what I needed to know. I will take you up on your suggestion to do a total re-write. Although I may still keep it in second person. Still no sure how that will work out.
It could use some work and if it was a larger story i think it would have been better but i do prefer the 2 person story to any thing. I do think that you should try and make a larger plot to this story and keep going with your idea
2119081 A "soft paragraph" is when someone hits enter on their keyboard once in order to start a new line, but they do nothing else to separate the paragraphs, this is a bad writing convention. Here's an example of "soft paragraphs".
Now, the proper way to paragraph is ALWAYS either like this....
Or like this
Notice how the latter two have it so it is much easier to differentiate between the different paragraphs? Yeah, that's formatting, and it is something that should be given utmost attention to for consistency.
Now, OOC is an acronym that stands for Out Of Character. Part of writing fanfiction means portraying your characters as they are in the show. That means ponies that while potentially fearful of the exotic, are largely accepting and promoting of free will.
Lastly, the only thing you should rush in a story are unimportant things. Walking down a hallway and nothing happens? Go right ahead and stuff that into one sentence. That said, there are limits. Condensing 4 weeks of in-story time into one sentence after you just spent one thousand words on listening to a recording and a conversation is too much of a shift in pace.
2119285 Again, Thanks! This really helps and I have started to rewrite it already. I really didn't know that much about formatting and I never thought they might be out of character. Hopefully in the rewrite I will fix this.
2119320 Some American spelled a word the American way on an Australian author's comment page!
So scarves:
1) I agree with everyone else that it is rushed.
2) There is very little character development so I don't really feel for 'me'
3) Maybe add some comments from the tape that trigger monolougraphic flashbacks in 'my' mind to better tell the story and build other characters that 'I' have lost.
4) I don't remember what the pegasus looked like, so either you didn't describe him or it was so terrible I couldn't remember it. So drag it out with extensive thought processes of descriptions of places, objects characters.
If your rewriting then send it to me and I'll have a look through it for ya.
Take a like n fave.
2120316 Okay, thanks!
lol
4145937 what are you lol-ing at?
*Raises eyebrow in suspicion*
Aw damn it! Why did he have to be ponified?! ;c
I was really hoping for a one last final stand. Ah well, at least it ended realistically. Good job, considering I was a bit worried at the word count, but it surprised me by it's content.
5421231 I do prefer ones in which they make a final stand, and I was thinking of rewriting this one. But it is really old and I would rather move on to new stuff. TCB has kind of died as a popular writing theme on Fim fiction. Anyway, thanks so much for reading and commenting on this! And Merry Christmas!
5423029 Merry Christmas to you as well, keep on writing son. Or girl, whatever.
5424684 You had it right the first time. Guy or girl or whatever you are. No one knows your a pony on the internet. Actually, they really would. Hooves cannot type.