Ever wake up expecting things to go your way for once, only to have things end up completely out of proportion? Yeah, that seems like a bit of an understatement ever since I woke up in the body of a near-immortal psycho-pony.
This is my first attempt at a story, period, no I don't expect to be treated as a child, all I mean is that I am open to constructive criticism. That means you Regidar. This story is my attempt for the ponyearthverse group.
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I like it so far and it is well written, alot better than mine anyways. If you keep writing like this you will have no problems
I just hope you don't go too nuts, then you'll start being counterproductive.
Just one issue that really stands out:
When a different character speaks, you probably ought to start a new paragraph each time.
Otherwise, it gets really confusing when two characters go back and forth.
But, um... you know... whatever you want to do is fine.
2093097 These are the kind of comments I want to see, pointing out a flaw and trying to help solve it instead of just complaining about it
I will keep that in mind as I write the next chapter.
good job, you deserved the role I couldn't find any insperation to write it so I was stumped, well have fun as the master I will just have to find somepony else
-trots off-
2093810 Good luck to you on finding a role to play
, sorry you didn't get it the one you wanted
2093886 It's cool bro, I found one and found insperation and wrote the first chapter in the time that it took you to respond... I'm now going for Pound Cake
2094042 Someone who isn't even a year old? That can't end well...
2094246 I made him slightly older but he still can't talk anymore
Considering the master went nuts because of 1 song repeated ad infinum, I kinda know how he feels. Christmas songs can do the same thing.
Nothing totally obvious here... *shifty eyes*
The sarcasm police will never take me alive!
2120910 Thanks for pointing that out.
My only complaint is that you've misspelled psychic. Aside from that, not bad with Master, still a bit of an asshat, but one who seems to have figured out which way is up... for now.
For a bad case of insanity, take 1 pillow and call the Doctor in the morning.
Morpha. Definitely Morpha.
2180679 Sorry, never could get that spelled correctly. stupid frickin' spelling rules... Thank you for pointing that out though.
2182233 Actually, physic is a word, indeed a very correctly spelled root word for terms such as physical. 'Twas more of an accidental switching of two very similar words that aren't entirely clear on how they are spelled going by pronunciation.
2182612 I now that it is, it just wasn't caught by Gdocs when I typed it out, but I thank you for that nonetheless.
2181695 Haha, you have no idea what's going on...
But remember this, morpha has a core, meaning if it's removed from its element, it has no power.
2181392 witch one normal or timelord
2291171 Well, seeing as the 'D' is capitalized, I'm going to have to say the Timelord.
Thinking about it for a moment, I would not be surprised if The Master were responsible for the invention of a phrase regarding consuming a certain fruit within a 24 hour period.
Grey pegasus mare...Sounds familiar...
Nope. I got nothing.
2293860 I'm sorry, what do you mean?
2294533 An apple a day...
2295139 Ah, right,
sorry, got a bit of a headache that day, couldn't think straight, but thank you anyway.
>>ShackledTime, Funny thing about your debate regarding characters who would win in a fight. One of those has already had a researched Death Battle result.
...
2295139, You just blew my mind.
2298725 Yeah, I know, me and my brother still argue it though, since he's a FF fan, and I'm LoZ fan, we tend to go more in depth than they did.
Man...Once I ignord this, and one episode of doctor who later im back here wanting to read.
2094042 I'm going to have to read that.
Genius, not genious.
Other than that, great story so far.
2376127 Thank you for that, for some reason Gdocs didn't catch that.
Morning not norming.
I never really thought about the age difference being an issue during the merge until now. I don't recall it being mentioned as an issue between Princess Celestia/Luna and Lauren Faust/Tara Strong so... Time Lord issue?
Obligatory MOAR PLEASE type picture:
i.qkme.me/7blh.jpg
2376165 No problem. I've been plowing through all of the PEV stories the last few days and I have to say great story so far! I actually like this one better than the Doctor Whooves story.
This made me think of your story:
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7269417728/hEB31FA51/
2409630 Well, glad I could make an impression.
2376385 You also have to remember, most of the time with Celestia and Luna was peaceful, The Master, however, had to live millenia at a near warlike state of insanity, so, yeah, Time Lord issue I guess.
It is interesting enough so far. I look forward to seeing what comes next.
Um... is that really what you meant to say? I mean, you do know how corrosive HCl really is, right? Surely you meant hydrogen peroxide (antiseptic). That would serve much better in healing your cuts.
...
Other than that, splendid meet up with Ditzy.
2488736 Right, sorry
, I was running on fumes when I wrote that, thanks for pointing it out.
If mr. silence was referring to The Silence from Dr. Who, you might want to change it to "the" instead of "mr."
2489028 Wasn't there some guy in this 'verse known to the internet as 'Mr.Silence', if I remember correctly, he helped found PAPA.
This is the same Master, right? There's not a nice Master, is there?
Mr. Silence was a nice touch. The leader of PAPA hardly gets any attention.
2489942 Well, old Master wasn't nice, but that was really my thought, not his. But yeah, thanks for remembering Mr.Silence, not too many of us have *Looks at Hope.* >.>
2489951 yeah I'm lame and forgetful like that lol. Ignore me!
Always be careful in public restrooms. They are scary even for those who don't use their feet replacements to handle their food.
Living Gak would win. Do you know how evil that stuff is exactly? ITS OFF THE CHARTS!!!
fuck yes
2661199 Wow, didn't think you'd like it that much.
Oh god I love this story.