Thunderbird Resurrection
Joined 5th Aug, 2012 ·
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I think that you have a lot of skill as a writer. Your prose is excellent, and your setting is well developed.
I have two suggestions.
First, although the factory you describe is horrific, number 54's lack of personality makes it hard for me to care. I think it was Stephen King who said that a good horror story gives us a character we love and puts them through the meat grinder.
Second, try to engage more of the senses. It's one trick horror writers use to evoke powerful emotions. In an adventure story, the cave walls are covered in slime; in a horror story, the slime is sticky, and you can't get it off of your face.
2132881what do you mean by personality, like I didn't explain what he looked like or isn't as developed as the other characters?
Well here it is. Tell me your thoughts on it and tell me your opinions on the characters. Protagonist and antagonist
Bravo Bravo they should be hunted as a sequel the others get killed. 88 and 54 meet an OC (maby me) and destroy the RBF
2133929 why thank you my good sir, and I have thought of a sequel. It will have a different Oc and a new High Drone that will replace the original.
No dislikes so far, this is looking good...
I laugh a little bit knowing that a copy of the mere real thing. Awoken has already been written, by a writer here named Syn3rgy. Good stuff, but hopefully this story wasn't meant to replace THAT Awoken.
2134101there are about over ten awoken fanfics that I came across. It's like September, I don't really know who the author that made the first one is.
Sry I'm on a phone so can't hit the reply butten anyways what your saying is we are going back in the RBF as a different OC with a different high drone¿¿?¿¡
This fanfic is amazing, its definately in my top 10
2133128
How is 54's attitude towards events different from 88's? What choices would one make that the other wouldn't?
Furthermore, the only difference between those two and the other workers is that they decide to escape, but I still don't know why. When was the moment of decision? When one of the prisoners tried to escape, they didn't show her any compassion; they just wanted to harvest her for spectra. Did something happen after that?
2134254
(warning spoiler!)
yes it will, I thought of it and decided to make the sequel take place three years afterwards.
This story has been reviewed by The Equestrian Critic Society.
Story Title: Awoken
Author: Commander Resurrection
Reviewed By: M1SF0RTUNE
In short, Awoken is a disaster of great ideas and potential with poor execution. If the story had more careful planning and was supported by prereaders and proofreaders to straighten out most of its' flaws regarding the plot and pacing, we could've witnessed something truly special. Unfortunately, Awoken crumbles under its' own weight, and adding the lyrics of the song only serves to make the reader wish even more for what could have been than what currently is.
Full Review
Score: 4.7/10
sad
2175945 I'm going to take the story down and go through the painful process of remaking it. It'll be longer, the characters will be more unique and will have better quality to them. And it will help me fix most of the errors that I overlooked in it..
2409271 ouch that is painful but good luck
I liked the story and i do like the fact that this must have been worked on for a while. And great detail. No sanity was left. Awesome.
