Soarin became a Wonderbolt to fly freely. Rainbow Dash wants to be a Wonderblot for more awesomeness.
Soarin loves to be safe. Rainbow Dash loves adventure.
Soarin can't wait to find love. Rainbow Dash doesn't believe in it.
Chapters (1)
R4inb0w-D4sh
Joined 25th Jan, 2013 ·
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Great start! I can't wait to read on :D
I saw about 3 errors, but they don't matter ;)
Not sure why you're getting so many downvotes, This story is a lot more readable than a lot of other shit out there. You've got a good knowledge of grammar and punctuation which is one of the biggest turn-offs for me if I see it poorly done in a story.
I'll give you a few pointers.
- More. Give us more. More content per chapter. You scraped past the 1k minimum but that's not really enough. We've got a basic idea of what's going on, but there's no meat to the story. No description, nothing interesting. At the moment it's X did this, Y did that. Z happened. It works, but it's not very interesting. You need to add descriptive words and flesh it out a bit.
- IT seems a bit choppy. Try reading a paragraph aloud to see how well it flows. You may have to rewrite it a few times to get it good. Don;t worry though, this will come with experience, so just keep practising. I'll give you an example of how I'd make something a little better.
Fiddle around with it a bit.
See how a little tweaking and padding can make it more interesting? In my opinion, I think my version also flows better but your mileage my vary.
You've got a lot of potential. Don't give up on something that could turn out good, I like what you've got and I'd be quite disappointed if you gave up on it.
TL;DR: Go back and read what I wrote filly, I'm not doing this for my own amusement.
I'm gonna take shot in th dark and guess that English wasn't your first language. Still a decent story though.
Huh. Is this kinda based on that story, "The Golden Armour", or something?
like it
, are you gona continue?
Huh....Cool, a little choppy, but I like it. Keep up the good work!
now following and added to favourites i would like to see where this story goes
Helloooooo.... im going to follow yoour story noow.... im waaaaaiiiiiiiitiiiiin
This story so great needs to have more chapters pease add more please...please...please oh and if you do reply back
I was about to say isn't she the only one who can perform a Sonic Rainboom!!
This is interesting... when willu continue?
wow awesome start. can't wait for more. I can tell this is gonna be epic
Wheres the next chapter? I NEED IT IN MY LIFE XD
Um, helloo! That quick picture moment at the wedding!