One thousand

by TwiwnB

One thousand

The huge window was completely open, revealing the beautiful and peaceful night that Celestia had contributed to create. She was watching the stars shining far away in the immensity of the sky, burning and calling, but always as inaccessible just as if there had been bars at the window.
Celestia sighed like she had every evening for a thousand years, after the disappearance of the sun would have revealed the big cosmos above her. Celestia loved the cosmos. Just looking at the constellations, she could feel the space all around, touch its freedom and smell its breathtaking scents in an intoxication she always blamed herself to enjoy.

The grasp of reality took her back in her room, before the open windows she had to close to go and get some rest for her next day when, in the morning, she would have to raise the sun once more.
She was waiting for it. In a thousand years that her sister was gone, there hadn’t been one morning when she wouldn’t be there, on time, to take the big ball of light and heat high in the sky. From all her duties as a princess, raising the sun was the only moment she didn’t despise. Her vacation in some way: a handful of seconds when she would be by herself, caring only about herself, alone and loose from all obligations but her own desires.

Nonetheless, Luna was back. And even without her sister, the ponies had proven themselves capable of taking care of that particular task. She smiled to forget that it had been proposed to her to let go of the sun to have more time for her other duties. She was the royal princess: they would try and help her in any possible way.
If something had always proved itself true, it was the ponies’ loyalty. Their relation as servant and master had been the most harmonious one, as neither one nor the other had ever tried to rebel against the other.

Not that she would have minded that much. But she had made a promise, she had changed and she couldn’t come back on her decision. She was their princess, she couldn’t abandon them. She wouldn’t be able to bear her own existence if she did.

There was one honorable way out. Not the best one, not one she would particularly enjoy, but still a way out.
And she was willing to try it, again.

She called the two pegasii that she knew were standing guard before her door. They entered immediately, ready to serve with all they had, body, life and soul.

“How can we be of help?” they asked.

“What do you think of me?” asked Celestia in return.

Both pegasii stayed silent for a moment. But the oldest of them, who was also the bravest, answered:

“I think you’re the kindest most caring and best ruler Equestria could have ever hoped for. I think you’re worth more that the sun that you handle for our sake and more than me. I think you’re worth dedicating and, if necessary, sacrificing my own life.”

Celestia looked at the guard and couldn’t hide how moved she was by such an honest gesture of love and confidence.
Which she would have, and she was already regretting it, to betray.

“I’m not the one you described. I called for you to confess a crime.” replied Celestia, startling the two guards. “In fact several crimes.”

The pegasii watched each other, not knowing how to react.

“I’ve murdered ponies. Several of them. It was a long time before you were even born, but the fact is I did it. I plead guilty and will accept the sentence of the justice.”

The guards kept their heads down and didn’t respond.

“Aren’t you going to arrest me?” asked Celestia with a little plea in her voice.

The guards stayed still. They felt the princess was serious, but didn’t want to hear. They didn’t want to know who, when or why.
Finally, the oldest one replied with a deep and terrifying conviction:

“No.” and he added: “I won’t arrest you, whatever crimes you may have committed.”

The princess looked at the determination in the guard eyes.

“Do you have any children?” she asked.

He had two.

“Consider that I’ve killed foals and fillies just like your children.”

He lowered his eyes. But his answer stayed the same. He refused to arrest the princess.

“Guard, you’ve sworn to obey my orders. I order you to arrest me!” told him Celestia with her most imperial tone.

She scared the old guard, and he was clearly fighting himself over the situation. But still, he managed to say, with a very clear and assured voice:

“I’m sorry, I really am, but I refuse. I’ll be dead before anypony lays a hoof on you.”

Celestia turned to the other guard.

“And you? Are you going to ignore my order too?” she asked.

The poor guard kept his head down and replied:

“I’m sorry. I can’t follow that order.”

Celestia silently observed the two pegasii and finally told them:
“That will be all.”

They couldn’t have missed the bitterness in her voice. But they both said, at the same time, with the same degree of devotion, and before they left:

“Thank you, your majesty.”

Celestia looked at the window one last time. She could see the nonexistent bars hiding the stars outside. She was still their princess: they weren’t ready. She had to keep on with her work, the same from the last thousand years, and one thousands before that, and keep on even if it had to take another thousand years.
At least she wouldn’t be alone for those.

And as she closed her eyes to get her rest, she felt, running on her cheek, the thousandth tear in a thousand years.

THE END

Author's Note:

I discovered that Mr Stargazer has tried and succeeded way better than I have in the same challenge of that story. So... here is the link of his story:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/99657/monster

***

The title one thousand refers to the number of words I had at disposition.
I had to use the category "teen" because I speak about murders.

This story is a challenge I wanted to accomplish, to try quality over quantity, filling a whole story into the limit of one thousand words.
(note: word and fimfiction do not count words the same way... and I couldn't accept to sacrifice the "the end" at the end)

Those one thousand words took me several hours to write, but still way less than I would have thought it would. In that aspect I failed, confirming, once again, that I'm no writer. Still, I'm pleased with the result.

Originally, Celestia was lying about being a murderer. But then, "Keep calm and flutter on" came on my screen (just yesterday) and I decided that Celestia and Discord didn't have to be that far apart.

In the opposite of "the sugar tears", I actually like the idea of Celestia having such a background, because it doesn't change my perception on her.

The story is a little cryptic, but it's really hard to tell all that we want in just one thousand words. I tried to:
- give a sense to using only 1000 words (1000 years... mostly)
- adress the problematic of the ruler and the servant (mostly which is which one)
- create an atmosphere as poetic (at the beginning) and awkward (after that) as possible.
- Describe the ponies as well as Celestia in grey, with qualities and defaults.

Celestia is guilty, so are the ponies.
And I just see that I forgot to add "Everything is was going to be fine" in the end. Well... would be a whim, I won't add it.

If you've seen another story trying the same challenge, please tell me, because I haven't had much time to find those and I'm always curious.

note: made some minor changes (correction):
- removed the "only" from "There was only on honorable way out" and added a "again" to tell that it isn't the first time (which was my idea from the beginning)
- changed "the thousandth tear in a thousand years" to "the thousandth tear of the thousandth year" (and then changed ot back, ...)

Comments

[Mr Stargazer]

[James Washburn]

It's an interesting idea, to be sure, but maybe needs fine-tuning.
Who has Celestia murdered? Why? You don't have to out and say exactly who and under what circumstances, but some kind of idea might help.
Also I get the sense she gave up too easily. If she's had all this time to mull this plan over, I think there might be a bit more to it than "Arrest me" "No" "Please?" "No" "Alright then".
Okay, that's a hideous oversimplification of the actual events, but not the actions of someone who's really trying to get arrested. Tho' I suppose that's kind of the point.
Maybe it just seems a bit rushed to me. Everything came and went a bit abruptly.

[Spacecowboy]

1989895
I believe the author was playing into the expression of 'a picture is worth a thousand words', which is WHY it was so abrupt. Honestly, I thought it was rather brilliant all told, both with sticking to the literal expression as well as doing a quick expose on the 'darker' side of ruling that most folks tend to skip over when writing.

Kudos Twiwnb.

[TwiwnB]

1989895
Well, I never thought she was trying to get arrested. She was trying to cease being a princess.
Why did she give up?
- the ponies have proven to not be ready (they accept to have a murderer as their ruler... everyone can judge that how he or she will...)
- that's not the first time she had tried (the thousandth tear in a thousand years)
- she knows she is prisonner of her position, as she can see the bars at the window that prevent her to leave.

But I understand your point. Maybe it was just a bad idea to try and fit a whole story, as simple she may be, in a thousand words.

How could I make it less rushed? I would take any proposition (as, for once, I could easily even rewrite the whole story, it isn't that long or complex).
My only limitations are:
- the core idea is that Celestia is her subjects slave, prisonner of her status, and want to escape
- I have only 1000 words
- I need to give a sense to using only 1000 words in the story itself (as indirect and easy the sense could be)

I like the result because it allowed me to say everything I wanted to say.
- Celestia knows she is a ruler and a servant
- the guards are fanatics
- I have the youth and the old speaking and agreeing, the brave and the coward, all accepting the situation
- etc... (some other minor details)

Maybe I could perfect it by going with my initial idea of having Celestia just lie about being a murderer. That could solve your issue and explain why she doesn't try harder. I just wanted to give a shoutout (silent one) to "keep calm and flutter on" that I enjoyed.

1989949
Yes, I tried to use that expression, even if I failed in my opinion.
Thanks for the "brilliant". I'll take it as you say it, because, hell, I'm human and I still like those, were they true or not.

[TEK101]

It is missing details that could add to the enjoyment of the story, but it was good overall.

[Spacecowboy]

1989956
There is something to be said to sticking to an idea, and you definitely did. That is where the brilliant came from. You gave yourself a defined parameter, and you met it. Yes, it was somewhat abrupt, but, you really cannot fully explore the concept you were aiming for without making it much, much longer, at least not in my eyes. So, doing what you did and how you did it, it came across well enough.

EDIT - I think a lot of folks are missing out on the obvious (to me anyways) 1,000 word constrainment.

[TwiwnB]

1990013
"EDIT - I think a lot of folks are missing out on the obvious (to me anyways) 1,000 word constrainment."
That's their right ^^. After all, they can expect to get a real story and not an experiment. Still, I thought focusing on a core idea and taking the time to choose the words would grant that, seems not.

1989969
Thanks.

[Celestias Paladin]

Well... that was... interesting. I can't agree with it though, I really can't see Celestia wanting to be arrested, not like that. Yes she has killed but why? Did she kill to protect her family, her nation? To end reign of the Chaos Tyrant, an Usurper King, or a Corrupted Princess? It is the same moral issues that solders must face in combat. Still you do raise an interesting point, a good leader could be considered a servant of their nation, it one of the Costs of the Crown.

While not perfect I think the video sums it up nicely.

While not perfect I will still give you a thumbs up for this.

[TwiwnB]

1990440
I respect your opinion on that. In fact, I'm pretty happy you were able to appreciate it even if not agreeing with what I wrote. It happened to me too, so I perfectly understand.

If you want to understand how I build the story (only on a narrative view), I thought that it was logical (but not clear, I agree) that the princess wouldn't use an act that isn't illegal to escape her duties. Also, I hoped that the fact the guards take her seriously would be enough to show it wasn't a "I did something horrible but was forced to do so" thing. Didn't work obviously ^^.

I'm surprised that you (and I mean all those who have commented) can be shocked by the princess's behavior/past, but not by how cowardly those guards are behaving. Seriously, they are the shame of Equestria (in my opinion) and their hypocrisy (thanks you your majesty, come on...) is, still in my own opinion, just as disgusting as the difficulty of the situation they are put into.

[Loganberry]

I'm always a bit suspicious of stories with super-long A/Ns, but this one didn't do too badly. It's a scene rather than a story, but quite a readable one. I was reading it purely as a story, without regard to its experimental nature, so I was a bit frustrated by the fact that its brevity means you couldn't do much with the interesting grey morality featured herein. Still, other than "pegasii", nothing really bothered me. As I say, it's pretty readable.

[TwiwnB]

7549247

As I say, it's pretty readable.

Thanks .