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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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1989293 glad to hear you liked it, I plan to have music at various points to reflect something similar to what is going on music wise in the story (there are exceptions where I intentionally leave out music). Enjoy the read!
1991093
Linkin Park, One Republic, my God, you have great taste in music. I suggest you incorperate Awake and Alive by Skillet at some point in the future. As for your story, increadible, however puncuation errors are killing it a little for me. I suggest a proof-reader. Aside from that, awsome story. I have a friend who was addicted once. He got a girl pregnat, droped out of highschool, and left his family. He has repaired his relationships, quit, and now is a father with a steady job. With that story, this chapter hit it pretty hard in me. I am thoruoghly captivated by this story. Good job, and keep it up.
1991696 I actually do have an editor, We will go over this story to find these errors and fix them. if you want PM me the errors or reply here with them and I will fix them, as for that song It would actually fit perfectly with a scene I recently made, but I am unsure if I can work it in. however, there will be some low points (read: the darkest thing I have ever written that I will put some serious warning on) and trust me, I will try and hold that attention as best as I can. Thank you for the comment and support though, keep up the good work yourself!
1991708
The nite is darkest just before the dawn. And I'm glad that I could be of help.
^^^ Feel free to use that if you want. Chapter 4 of my story will be out soon (as in today or tommarow), just thought I would let you know.
When is the next chapter ???
1992357 well first I need to get my editor's words in on the chapter and what needs to get fixed, after that well, It will go up relatively soon, until I get the list of edits I need to get the next chapter won't come out. Then again, I am not pushing my editor (Deadpony) to do anything quickly. Judging by the amount I had to edit this chapter (including timeline mess ups) I need to wait for that
1992381 k :) looking forward to the new chap :)
The story heats up now.
Reality check please...
man. oh man oh man oh man. the emotion in this, single chapter, was just that awesome. totally looking forward for the next chapter! but do take your time, this is really really great.
Shit man. You really got me into this story. Keep up with the amazing work.
1994020>>1994050
I have said it once I will say it again, I have actually written more then twice what you are able to read. Just need to discuss with my editor the errors in the next chapter then that comes out. Sadly the next two chapters after that are short so they are coming out together... and the two after that need to come out together as well... Oh well, C'est la vie. Just don't worry about the story running out of steam soon. At the rate I am writing, we got a long way to go before I make this marked as complete. I am literally brimming with ideas. I am still writing even more as I think of ways to move the story along. But I will always have time to respond to my readers!
As a fellow author I wish to give you my two cents.
First and foremost, avoid describing things as "amazing" or "the best". I would go as far as to say that you should never use hyperbole (note the pun). It puts a roadblock in the middle of your sentence that shows how your inexperience (for we all do not have experience here, but we can fool readers)
Secondly: please do not state an aspect of the character. The author should not, in my opinion, tell the audience the characters personality, but show it. For example, you have the main dude become lost in his music, then you say "I get lost in my music when I play". The audience noticed that.
I hope this helps
1995594 Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment like this. I will take these into consideration in the future and more then likely come back and edit such things in the story. I appreciate the time you took to leave this comment, again, thank you.
I hate it when I miss perhaps the biggest error I can make in probably the best scene in this story, I made a mistake during Sam's tirade. His mother died before this whole series of events started, and his stiep-mother... yeah. let's just say I made a big mistake in this chapter. Sucks, I had a good tirade going...
2001139 hmmm. the legendary fic reader High_Wind has appeared, now where are my master balls....
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It's moments like this that make me wish I could up-vote more than once
2001152
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Amazing! please continue this amazing story!
My mask is my only protection for the world from the thoughts and feelings that that gnaw and swirl within.
please put ths song in somewhere!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOYOSwUk_kU
I found one errof. The chapter ended.
2014557 amen brother(sorry if i offended anyone with that comment). this story is awesome. "you needs to makes us more chapters! we needs to reads more of yours story"- say quotes in a smeagol voice-
2035330 well, to quote the word count section on my user page...
I just need edits done. I am also working on a Princess Luna one shot which I plan to publish after getting a pre-reader for it. Expect stuff done soon!
Wow. That really escalated.
I'll have to start reading more of this later.
I lived it my high school year 4 years she destroyed me some how some way she controlled me and I'm not easily manipulated that's why I joind the army to get my shit in order that bitch better still be rotting in jail if all I care
2326556 I have seen you on a lot of stories in this group. Also, I'm very sorry to hear that. No one should have to go through with what you went through. I don't even know the Bitch and I agree with you.
I immediately thought of this music when he said his brother had finally found the connection between her and him.
Although there was a whole lot of telling this story but it turned out alright for the very end though about something that people be careful about then. So I wonder if this experience has made him incapable of understanding romantic cues but do understand them but to the point that he ends up ignoring them all together and can never really date anyone until he breaks down this wall or make a door to this wall.
I think that the underlined portion aught to be edited out.
strong chapter made me think of the song best of you by foo fighters
I don't know if this is a sequel or something, but some parts to this need to be explained because it is confusing to just throw it in there without explanation, such as why he talks to Luna
4141907 It is done in the next chapter.
A few things irked me about this chapter.
1. LSD is not taken through injection, it is taken through blotter papers that you slip under or on your tongue.
2. Who the fuck would put the name of the drug on the syringe? Are they asking for trouble?
3. LSD is not some kind of mind control drug that you use to make people "follow your beck and call". It's a very pleasant experience actually. It isn't addictive. This proves either two things: your OC is a colossal bitch, or you have a broken backstory.
4. "The scars still to this day prevent me from falling in love or seeking a relationship." Scars from what? LSD isn't injected, so what? Did your girlfriend beat you or something? Also, you are aware you can hide scars on your wrist, right? I really don't think this would prevent someone getting a job.
This chapter has effectively broken my immersion in the story.
4315449
A few things to you as well
1) LCD can alternatively be taken by a syringe
2)LCD impairs your ability to think straight and your decision making skills and causes long lasting psychotic disorders
3) the reason labeled it was to not get confused with other drugs because he is a drug dealer and he is going to have other drugs
4) once you take drugs illegally its in your permanent records. Which your imployers have complete access to
So please just shut the fuck up you have no idea what heroin, LCD, cocaine, meth, and other drugs do to you and your life