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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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One of the things that sort of confused me is that in one of the earlier chapter you mention that Sam is modest, yet as soon as Vinyl mentions good cooking, he immediately starts talking about how he is practically a five-star chef.
I think, that if was as modest as you said he was, he would would say something that would downplay his own cooking skills
1985769
Ill put an extra line in there to make it more clear, thought I edited it already but guess I forgot. Thank you for pointing this out to me.
As much as I like this story, I can't help but be bugged by the small mistakes (sorry ). I was just wondering if you had an editor? If not, I'd be glad to give your writing a quick review, as to point out some stuff and hopefully make it better.
I mean, if that's okay with you
1985789 The editor is me, myself and I. I try and edit as best I can. Mostly at this time I am writing my timeline of events for actual publishing to help clarify a few things (such as age and when the story takes place). I would love to have an editor though.
1985811 Would you mind if I co-edited?
Also, I found a few character perspective mistakes in 'Audition'.
1985834 I would appreciate any and all assistance for this work, if it is actually going to be somewhat read, I would like it to be an enjoyable read for all, instead of a mess of errors. and please do feel free to point out errors.
More more moremoremoremoremore....that is if you dont mind
1986684 I'll be dead honest here, including the timeline chapter for an easy reminder of past events I have 8 chapters more ready and waiting to be edited and go. My editor and me are working through them, so expect an update by Friday!
1986702 If you don't mind my asking. Are you going for a romantic argument in this story?, or it is more about the mature part?
1988278 to respond to this (after asking the reader to elaborate) this story is more focused on the romance aspect then the clop aspect. There will be clop, but I am not going to just write it at every opportunity, I am not as good as the author of Xenophilia to be able to bring in sex often but while increasing knowledge or relationships while doing so.
Nice story. Cant wait for the next chapter.
Goes to high end restaurant with a few mares.
Wakes up in hospital with knife wound in chest.
Sounds about like my life...
I'll be honest, I'm slightly disappointed that there isn't going to be some competition between Vinyl and Octavia for him. It would've been fun.
I dont know if somone has mentioned this or not, but you keep switching from 2nd person to first in certain places within 'What a trip!'. The more you know.
2039698 Thank you for this. I only recently got an editor so I need to go back over these, just been busy, well, writing ^^;
I awoke looking at walls of white, judging from the pain in my chest, I guess It wasn't a bad dream,
Not bad injury but I can top it my friend was well uhh lets just say doing this girl and since he was in Iraq with open windows a sniper shot him in the arm
P.S. he told me he waited to go to the hospital after
2001409 definitely woulda been better
"Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge."
without an editor this is how I feel about this fic.
its a good story but the grammatical errors and sentence structure make it hard to read
2842966 A reference to Wilfred Owen's "Dulce est decourum est pro patri mori" is that the worst you think of.
Um. Hate to be a stinker so late but you have some glaring mistakes indicating a switch between first and second person. Example:
Oh man, sorry Vinyl, you alright?" Getting out of bed, you are glad that you took to wearing pajamas upon moving here. It got cold at night.
"Yeah, it will take more then that to really hurt me. You on the other hand, just had one heck of a nightmare.
Taken from Spinning to a New Tune, by Lyruil
Taken from here, now.
I know there are only so many ways anyone can discribe the same thing but, you have to admit, that's eerily similar.