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[NEW VERSION HERE]

With the help of forces beyond their control, six friends discover their true importance in Equestria’s timeline. With this new knowledge in hoof, they must try to figure out whom or what has crosshairs on their foreheads. The Elements of Harmony aren’t the only weapons of mass destruction in Equestria.

First Published
12th Nov 2011
Last Modified
4th Mar 2012
#1 · 162w, 2d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

This story is awesome. Really really good. Probably needs a Dark tag, though, definitely because of this chapter, haha.

Tracking for more. :)

#2 · 161w, 6d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

woah

#3 · 161w, 6d ago · · · Chapter Five ·

Wow. :O  This just got really freaking cool. Can't wait for more. <3

#4 · 161w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Seven ·

Jeeeeez :O

I like this story a lot. :heart:

#5 · 161w, 4d ago · · · Chapter Seven ·

I wasn't sure reading with the music would be worth it, but it so totally was!

Someone has a hard on for Kingdom Hearts...

#6 · 161w, 4d ago · · · Chapter Seven ·

>>5179 Just so anyone else thinking about commenting about my mainly Kingdom Hearts music selection, there are quite a few reasons why.

1. I'm a diehard KH fan.

2. They have a wide selection of beautiful pieces, from six different games. I typically, though, will only use games from the console series and Birth by Sleep, because the DS has poor sound quality.

3. Since I know the series, it's very easy for me to navigate and find the right song. I know most of the characters and their themes by heart anyway.

I don't stick STRICTLY to KH, I do deviate from it time to time, but when it comes to setting the mood Kingdom Hearts music is the best option. I don't want to stumble blindly into a random FF soundtrack or look up songs with lyrics. And thanks for commenting!

#7 · 161w, 3d ago · · · Chapter Eight ·

Envy referred to Dash as "Generosity". Was that intended?

Other than that flow-breaker I enjoyed this. Adding Trixie always makes a story better :trixieshiftright:

#8 · 161w, 2d ago · · · Chapter Nine ·

Nooooo, Apple Bloom! :(

#9 · 161w, 2d ago · · · Chapter Nine ·

Ok, I don't know if it has to do with the music or not, but this was an AMAZING story. I just found it today, so I read from the beginning to here at the end of Chapter 9. I've just gotta say that you're great at laying out the story for this. I was a bit skeptical at the beginning, with the whole labrynth thing, but it just kept getting better as it went along. You get definite cool points in my book for writing a great story, and I desperately await more.

#10 · 161w, 1d ago · · · Chapter Ten ·

Nooo Scootaloo! :(

This was a great chapter! The opening paragraphs of despair were amazing, and I loved Pinkie's awakening. It'll be fun to see the other awakenings.

#11 · 161w, 1d ago · · · Chapter Ten ·

Another great chapter for the story! I was re-reading the whole thing when I looked down and saw the new link to chapter 10, so I hastily clicked it and was blown away by yet more amazing writing mixed with KH music. I've gotta say that I've made up my mind about the whole music thing. As long as you're able to envision the story in your head as you read, then it makes it SO much better! In theory, music while reading doesn't sound like all that great an idea, but you've single hoovedly proven me wrong. I can't wait until the next chapter, and if the message you sent me (thanks for that, by the way! It makes the experience better with personal contact from the author! You're awesome in so many ways!) is any indication of what's to come, then I won't have to wait very long!

#12 · 161w, 1d ago · · · Chapter Eleven ·

This is the second new chapter in one day! :pinkiegasp: I was pleasantly surprised to see an update from fimfiction in my e-mail, so of course I dropped what I was doing to read more into the story! So now, I've gotta know. Did you have all of this written up before hand, and now you're just posting it in small increments of time? Or are you seriously currently writing this out? :applejackunsure: The story, the world, the behaviors of all the characters, the attention to detail... It's all wonderfully thought out! On top of that, you're personally interacting with and responding to your readers! I've gotten two (and possibly three after this comment) messages from you, each of them following my comments on your story. That's a real sign that you truly care about your readers, which is a rare factor to see. I must say that my day gets about 20% better whenever I read another chapter or see that you've sent me a message. :twilightsmile:

I know that I've made three comments in a short time (and on three separate chapters, too!) and that each of the comments are fairly long, but I can't help it. A story like this just warrants all kinds of praise. This is definitely going down as one of my favorite fan made fictions ever. Plus, I just discovered the download button (I'm fairly new to the site), so guess what I'm gonna be doing? :pinkiehappy:

Can't wait for more!

#13 · 161w, 1d ago · · · Chapter Eleven ·

Have you considered submitting this to Equestria Daily? :pinkiehappy:  You do update it rather fast, so it might be worth waiting until it's finished.

#14 · 161w, 17h ago · · · Chapter Twelve ·

Bad-ass Rainbow Dash is bad-ass

#15 · 161w, 15h ago · · · Chapter Twelve ·

i agree with razor raptor bad ass rainbow is bad ass

#16 · 161w, 14h ago · · · Chapter Twelve ·

Happy chapter is indeed happy! :pinkiehappy: But... I'm not the first to comment on this chapter! :fluttercry: I got in first the last two chapters... darn work! Oh well. It's all better because this chapter was yet another awesome addition to the story. :pinkiehappy: You just seem to have an amazing talent for writing. And it's not just in one part of writing... no. You've got a talent for every aspect of writing a great story. The plot itself is original and isn't too predictable. The way you develop the plot reveals just enough at a time to allow some understanding of what's happening, but not so much as to know too much early on. Character behaviors and development is near perfect. You've captured their personalities from the show and had them do what they'd do if this were an actual episode. You didn't "spice them up" and make them whole new ponies. And one of the greatest things about it is that you're great at setting just about every mood possible. You've created a whole spectrum of emotions in the reader through this story. Contented happiness in the beginning, confusion and fear as Obsidian opened up the maze, anger as he brutally tested and killed several of the ponies, realization, understanding, shock, determination, empathy and sympathy, sadness... the list goes on and on. It even includes that strange warm and fuzzy feeling during Pinkie's "cute scene" with Rainbow Dash and Rarity in Obsidian's maze. I'm just eating this story up, desperately awaiting more.

So now, I have two more questions for you.

1) Do you have other works posted on the internet somewhere? This doesn't come across as a first attempt at writing, and I'd love to check out some of the other stuff you may have done.

2) Do you know of any other stories (yours or others) that also utilize the background music system? I find that it can truly enhance the stories in ways that pictures and other things can't.

3) Plus, (ok, a 3rd question... so I lied:twilightsheepish:) where did you get the idea for using the music in your stories? Did you come up with it on your own? Or did you see it used somewhere else and decide to try it for yourself?

I'll get out of your hair now. I know you appreciate the feedback, but I would hate to get in the way of writing such an amazing story! :scootangel:

#17 · 161w, 13h ago · · · Chapter Thirteen ·

I finish one chapter, submit a comment, get your message, reply with a message of my own, and look to see yet another chapter added! Since I just submitted a comment earlier today (as well as my fairly lengthy message to you :twilightsheepish: ), I'll keep this comment short! :pinkiehappy:

I'll just say that I love how you're showing that even the side considered "bad" has some deep problems of their own. Too many people show them as having exactly what they want up until the moment of their defeat. Your perspective makes the whole story feel more real.

I still love the story, probably won't stop loving it, and patiently await more.

-Your Faithful Student... oh wait... :pinkiecrazy:

#18 · 161w, 11h ago · · · Chapter Thirteen ·

This is an amazing story, you really are the talented writer! It's sad that Applebloom died though...

#19 · 161w, 10h ago · · · Chapter Twelve ·

Scootaloo is still alive, is foreshadowed into being an important part of the story later, AND Dash hit her Potential?

THIS IS THE BEST CHAPTER :rainbowwild:

#20 · 161w, 9h ago · · · Chapter Thirteen ·

I was wondering where Nightmare Moon went!

Hold together, Dash. ;_;  You'll see her soon!

Also I like Olly, he's funny!

#21 · 160w, 6d ago · · · Chapter Thirteen ·

>>5899 I'm pretty sure there are some others that will ask about this as well, so let me fill you all in.

1. Essentially, nothing worth reading. This is my best story by far.

2. There are some stories that I have read that link to music, but only once or twice in the entire story. So, essentially, no.

3. I just see a lot of wasted potential on this site, and want to make use of it. If you want to illustrate, you can bet I'll put your pictures in this story and give you credit at the end of the chapter. A particular scene I'd love an illustration for is Dash's scene in Chapter Twelve where she realizes her Potential. But, essentially, I came up with the musical idea on my own, as no one else uses it, that I have seen. Remember that this story was published in September, 2011, in case you're looking at this comment in '012 or '013.

If you want to know more, send me a message.

#22 · 160w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Fourteen ·

Another chapter! :pinkiehappy: And Scootaloo got her Cutie Mark!!! :pinkiegasp:

I love the friendship that you're building between Scootaloo and Saphira, because it adds that element that so many stories are missing. People working for the bad side aren't always perfectly content with their status. It's a point that many people skip over, but easily adds a great piece of the story. Plus, great choice using the Hollow Bastion theme for when Luna and company arrive at Canterlot. It's one of my favorites! :twilightsmile:

As always, I patiently await more.

#23 · 160w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Fifteen ·

Oops. Maybe I shouldn't read them so quickly so that I don't comment on one only to see you've uploaded a second one while I typed! :twilightsheepish:

At this point, most of what I say is repetition, but I can't help it! :pinkiecrazy:

I'll keep it short: So many unexpected things keep happening. I can't seem to be able to predict what's going to happen next. Saphira and Scootaloo helping in the battle, Rarity getting enraged to the point of killing, and Trixie being (temporarily) freed from her control by one of the bad guys! :pinkiegasp:

Still awaiting more (just don't upload too many too quickly because of me  :scootangel: )

#24 · 160w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Fifteen ·

Oh no, Rarity. :/  I hope that doesn't have too terrible of consequences on her. And yay, Trixie joins the fight~  I loves this story.

I think you may have referred to Saphira as a pegasus in one of Scootaloo's dialogues, though. :scootangel:

“Saphira!” Scootaloo yelled to the limp pegasus.

#25 · 160w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Fifteen ·

>>6201 Fixed. Sometimes those derps happen when you're writing at a million miles an hour. :twilightsheepish: If you see any more, though, I'd prefer it in a private message.

#26 · 160w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Sixteen ·

Wonderfully written story line so far!

#27 · 160w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Sixteen ·

Noooooo Trixie! :raritycry:

Those speeches were fuckin AMAZING. I'm a little shocked that 4 of the Elements haven't hit Potential by now. Can't wait for more. :)

#28 · 160w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Sixteen ·

Oh no! :pinkiegasp: How did I get to this chapter so late? (Actually, I do know how, and I blame myself for being so easily distracted) Oh well. That can't distract from the fact that this was yet another amazing chapter.

And now...   :trixieshiftleft: The Great and Powerful Trixie :trixieshiftright: Is gone! When Envy said "Medium Rare," I thought that it was going to be an attempt at Rarity's life. I was so wrong that it was a shock that they targeted Trixie. Sure, she was arrogant, but she was thrown onto the long list of ponies that shouldn't have died for the wishes of those who follow chaos instead of harmony.

Also, I don't think there's a better way to comment on the Elemental Speeches than the way that ScyStorm (directly above me) did it. I love the detail that you put into the battle scenes, which is another thing that can be hard to come by in fanfics of anything, not just Ponies. Every little bit of this story draws me in further, and I can't seem to stop reading.

In light of that, I again patiently await more.

-Your Faithful Reader, sonic30 :twilightsmile:

#29 · 160w, 4d ago · · · Chapter Seventeen ·

woah woah woah applejack not cool!

#30 · 160w, 4d ago · · · Chapter Seventeen ·

No! Saphira! :fluttercry: :raritycry: Just when she had been forgiven... Applejack didn't learn the lesson that Obsidian taught them during Fluttershy's test.

An intense battle followed by victory, but cut short by a horrible death. This chapter really kept me sucked in, unable to look away until your trademark copyright notice (I find it funny in an efficiently practical way) at the bottom. I just love it, but now I'm curious (again) and maybe some other readers have noticed it as well. This story is titled "Envy and Arrogance" and it mainly followed the battle against Envy and Arrogance. However, you've briefly described some other elements of discord. Is it titled this way because these two are the leaders? Or is there another reason behind it? It was just a small thing I picked up on.

As always, I patiently await more from you.

-Your Faithful Reader, sonic30 :twilightsmile:

#31 · 160w, 4d ago · · · Chapter Seventeen ·

aaaaa random Saphira death :raritycry:

Also Big Mac's fate was revealed. :(  Who was the yellow pegasus, though?

And I wonder where Deception was... Hmm~

#32 · 160w, 4d ago · · · Chapter Seventeen ·

:applecry::fluttercry::raritydespair::raritycry:  NoooooooooooooOooooooo Saphira!

#33 · 160w, 4d ago · · · Chapter Seventeen ·

...really applejack? you already knew she was sick you idiot.:trixieshiftright:

#34 · 160w, 3d ago · · · Chapter Eighteen ·

Sad chapter is indeed sad... :fluttercry:

Saphira's dead, Lorey's been taken over by Deception, and now he can take any form he wants. :raritycry:

By the way, I noticed that you cleverly threw in the image from this story's cover. Either that, or you had that scene already planned out when you had the cover image drawn. Either way, it was pretty cool.

As always, I patiently await to see what happens next.

-Your Faithful Reader, sonic30 :twilightsmile:

#35 · 160w, 3d ago · · · Chapter Eighteen ·

woah

#36 · 160w, 3d ago · · · Chapter Nineteen ·

This comment is to separate those who have stuck with the story to its completion and those who have joined in this fantastic experience after it was finished. Thank you, sonic30, ScyStorm, Darklordcomp, RazorRaptor9, bradhadair12, Kanashio, and kaijinzero, for participating in an incomplete effort.

I strongly encourage all to provide feedback, it greatly helps and encourages my writing, and also encourage all those who are interested to contact me if you want to join in this effort. It truly was a great amount of fun. The brony community probably has the best fanfiction community on the internet.

Visit my blog or contact me for more information. Cheers! :pinkiehappy:

#37 · 160w, 3d ago · · · Chapter Nineteen ·

Thank you so much for the recognition in the comment, Mindblower! :pinkiehappy:

Now that this story's come to an end, I'm going to miss being able to see a new chapter uploaded every day, but a confirmed sequel is a great way to counteract that! I may not have found this story until chapter 9 was up, but I know that it jumped right to the top of my favorites. It's been so much fun to follow the journey of the Elements from the beginning, where their world was shattered and they were plunged into a dark labyrinth, all the way to the defeat of Envy and Arrogance. At the same time, though, the journey is far from over. Hate, Guilt, Deception, and Vengeance are still out there. I'll be looking forward to the sequel to see how it all turns out! :raritystarry:

This is simply a great story through and through, and I've already directed several of my friends to it. Not much more to say, other than: Congratulations, Mindblower, on making an incredible FiMfic.

-Your Faithful Reader, sonic30 :twilightsmile:

#38 · 160w, 3d ago · · · Chapter Nineteen ·

*Sqeeee* I was recognized by the author! I would love to help with pre-reading, in anyway I can Mindblower!:pinkiehappy:

#39 · 160w, 3d ago · · · Chapter Eighteen ·

So sad ;_;  There goes the rest of the OC ponies, minus Olly, haha.

#40 · 160w, 3d ago · · · Chapter Nineteen ·

could i help you with getting music?

#41 · 160w, 3d ago · · · Chapter Nineteen ·

You're welcome, Mindblower. I'm definitely sticking around for the next two storybooks, you can bet on it! :rainbowdetermined2:

#42 · 160w, 3d ago · · · Chapter Nineteen ·

daww, its no biggie. id be glad to help with anyway i can.:pinkiehappy:

#43 · 160w, 1d ago · · · Chapter Nineteen ·

Love the ending! You did an incredible job on this story.  Looking forward to the sequel!

-Kanashio

#44 · 154w, 6d ago · · · Chapter One ·

YES!:pinkiehappy:

#45 · 154w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Two ·

I like this, can't wait for more. :pinkiehappy:

#46 · 154w, 5d ago · · · Chapter One ·

The story reminds me a lot of Labyrinth, the 1980s film, or Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.  (I'm sure that others will think of The Return of Harmony.)

The problem: your Mysterious Pony's comment about "show me you're devoid of evil" implies perfection.... and I doubt any realistic, interesting character ever meets that standard.  (The writers of MLP:FIM hit the characters' weaknesses regularly.)

#47 · 154w, 4d ago · · · Chapter Three ·

Oh god, will the other save Applejacki hope they can fight against the evil of this world

#48 · 154w, 4d ago · · · Chapter Three ·

I hope we get some proper exposition soon. I know narrative tension is important, but Obsidian has no real reason not to be filling Twilight in at this point.

#49 · 154w, 3d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

Picture reminds me of Dragon Age 2 :ajsmug:

#50 · 153w, 6d ago · · · Chapter Seven ·

I'm hooked!

Very well written! Can't wait for more!

:twilightsmile:

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