WOW THIS IS BETTER THAN MY STORY!! KEEP IT UP!

Awesome start! please continue!

Reminds me of that old GameCube game Luigi's Mansion, with a CMC twist of course. Keep going!

>>142784142784 Note the crossover tab.

Anyway, I'll read this when I get the chance.

Ooh, creepy yet fun, can't wait for more.

-WW

Very good start but please sort out your tenses. There are a lot of verbs that you ended with an 'S' rather than a 'D', e.g. "continues" instead of "continued.

>>146357146357 What? I didn't notice that. Thanks, I'll fix that as soon as I can!

i have to say this is a great chapter, i hope that more will come soon.

-WW

>>150520150520 Writing the chapter now. Hey, maybe if it's all good, I'll crank it out today!

Will the mane 6, Applebloom, and Scootaloo be functioning as the boss ghosts in the game? P.S. great chapter

>>150893150893 Trust me, I've got something special planned for each of them.

>>151008151008 Sweet

Yay Moar updates! The snarky book is a nice touch. Now if you will excuse me I have to go find my old copy of Luigi's Mansion.

"Smirk" now ya cooking, this here has the makeings of a fine story.

-WW

You seem to have some trouble with using the right forms of words, as well as some grammar. But aside from technical issues, it's absolutely awesome.

You need to stop drifting between live action and past tense. Y u no pick one?

>>152829152829 This is a bad habit I'm trying to break, but thanks for letting be know. I plan to edit that out later.

>>152768152768 I'll keep that in mind when I edit it out a bit later tonight.

I can only imagine the fight with Fluttershy's portait ghost!

Flutterghost: "I WILL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL!!!" '';...umm, if that's okay, that is. ''

Darn cliffhangers!

Another excellent chapter.

Aww man, this story is fantastic!!  When Sweetie couldn't move and Fluttershy was getting closer I knew it was 'the stare' that got her !!! Also, good way to incorporate a health system with the heart candy!!  Aww man, this stuff's brilliant!!  Keep this going!!

MOAAAAAAAR

Very good detail, nice story line, i like it, more please

-WW

A couple spelling and grammar mistakes, but then you get punched right in the nuts by story, and you forget all about it. MOAR.

oh boy.

This is awesome.

But AJ messed up 'yeah you did' to an 'i did'. Just thought you hould know.

"Sure people have been turned into ghosts, but you saw Applebloom. People can die here"

This is incredibly jarring, should be ponies.

THE SUSPENSE.

aww hell no appleblooms possed and pinkie pie is super ghost poor sweetie D:

>>161277161277 I suppose I was trying to capture her accent, but maybe over did it a little. I'll check that out.

I sense that someone is going to help her (luigi? proffesor E.Ghadd?)

Man, another cliff hanger, darn you, i'll be thinking about it all day long now. what ever you do, don't stop i LOVE this story.

-WW

>>161277161277 I could be mistaken when I read your comment, but I think I meant to do that. It's supposed to be Sweetie tricking AJ's ghost. None the less, I'll check it out again.

This is better than the video game

that was funny she just got bugs bunnied

>>162579162579 I'm happy someponies got that.

Cliffhangers!

I like how the story has kind of changed focus to more survival in this chapter.

I like it i like it, i can't wait for more.

Oh and i found some videos on youtube with the orignal music and sound track, i just felt like pepole would like to listin to it while rading you story, so here they are. so now we can all get a fell for the creepy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjdgxK44ctQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wYi8B9PXDY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50uUuVyq5m4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1-jRlwbQ40

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7W7F5DJzs4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gr4FdprPhCo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKlvQzI8dls

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgE8dWwcLF8

If i missed something importent tell me.

-WW

jesus christ who's scarier pinkie pie or applebloom

Epic.

Perfect. Just fucking perfect. I just went out and bought a copy of Luigi's mansion because Of you. Happy?

Man this should be made into a game.. it would have alot of cinematic cutscenes and there's acually a part where you lose all your stuff this is just awesome!

I would spend all of my money if a game was made of this

Great job as always, i belive that the more you write the more i'll read.

oh, also even thou this story is a long way from done, by the looks of it, you should always plan out your next story, take me for example i've did'nt and now i'm haveing trouble comeing up ideas (who knew a "pirates of the caribbean" and "my little pony" crossover would be so Tricky to write) this is just some friendly advice. Good luck Mate.

-WW

"Not evil?" Next, you'll be telling me Sheogorath isn't crazy!

Now, if they made a game of this, it would be awesome. Then again, considering the source material, it is anyway!

>>166933166933 Yes, I still have a long way to go from the end. I like your advice. If your talking about individual chapters, I do actually create some type of outline before I begin writing a chapter to refer to as I write. If your talking about other fanfics all together, I do actually have several crossover's I'm really excited about, and have started to mentally plan (though nothing's on paper yet). In any case, thank you for the advice. Any advice I can get is always helpful.

'The ball she was now gripping in her hands'

Hands?...

>>167677167677 Oops.

>>167504167504

Here some questions I want to ask about your story.

Q1. How many bosses going to be in your story?

Q2. Are we going to see ghosts similar to Malody Pianissima, Nana, Clockwork Soldiers, Sue Pea, Jarvis, and Vincent Van Gore from Luigi’s Mansion?

Q3. Is Discord going to play a role in your story?

Q4. Is your story going to have musical parts like in the Nightmare before Christmas?

Q5. Are we going ghost version of these characters? I would like see that:

Vinyl Scratch

Octavia

Derpy hooves

Big Mac

Braeburn

Granny Smith

The Wonderbolts

Lyra Heartstrings

Zecora

Trixie

Doctor Hooves the clockmaker version

Prince Blueblood

The royal guards

Cheeilee

The Spa Ponies

Skele-ghosts? Iiiiiinteresting...further examination of specimen is required. But...do we still have that book? I forgot.

The action of your story is great. You really have the makings of a great action/suspense writer. I'm going to keep reading. I bet you are going to publish someday. Good Luck.

This dude seems normal.... so why is my red flag acting all crazy?

I hope Fluttershy makes it out alright.

Not bad, but needs proofreading. The number of errors and tense switches are very distracting.

I'm going to have to stop here. I'd like to keep reading this, but the constant spelling and grammar errors are driving me to frustration and keeping me from enjoying it. If you could at least stick to the past tense throughout it would be tolerable.

"I'll be waiting for you, as long as you haven't lost the game by then."

"as long as you haven't lost the game"

"Haven't lost the game"

"The Game"

FFUUUUUUuuuuuuu

Other than that, pretty good chapter, though there are a few spelling mistakes you could fix up.

in Soviet Pinkie Pie, Ghosts giggle at you!

>>174808174808 Today is a proof reading day. It'll be fixed. Check it out later.

LOVE THIS BUCKING STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Interesting, you have great detail, the ending of this chapter may of caught others of gaurd but not me. i mean you explanied last chapter that sweeties was asked to catch some ghosts includeing 2 CHILDREN, so the scootaloo in the crept (by the way the story ends) was truely one of the madames children, eith in a shape changeing disguise, possession of scoots, or shes orignoy looks like scoots, eithr way this rocks.

Sorry about the spelling, i have a cold and every leeter look thr same.

P.S sorry abou the rant i have a great idea for details so when i think something to hard my brain force me to write it, sorry if i spoiled any thing

-WW

WHAAAAT?! how can she be in the piano when she's in the cript.. I IS CONFUSED!!! but still great story i still think that when it's done it should be made into a game

This looks like a good story, with the potential to be very good. As others have noted, it's hard to get past some of the basic grammatical/syntactical/punctuation errors. From a brief look at the first chapter or two, you need to focus on:

Tense agreement (everything should be happening either in the past or the present - most stories are told in the past tense)

Its versus it's ("Its" indicates possessive, "it's" is short for "it is")

Dialogue punctuation (should be "That's funny," said Scootaloo not "That's funny." said Scootaloo - more detailed explanation here)

If you're having trouble, you might want to try to find a pre-reader who'll proof for you - two or more sets of eyes are always better than none.

These music’s I think should be the bosses battle theme.

Luna battle theme

Pinkie Pie battle theme

Twilight Sparkle battle theme

Fluttershy battle theme

Celestia battle theme

Rainbow Dash battle theme

Rainbow Dash battle theme 2

I try my best to find the music’s that best fits with each of bosses and have a creepy feel to it. I couldn’t find music for Applejack and Rarity. Can you guys find or make a boss theme that fits better with each boss?

>>174569174569 Probably because he's too normal for being in a lonely house in the middle of a forest, particularly given the storm and the missing ponies that were supposed to have come here.

Even as a ghost Pinkie can break the fourth wall...

ok, your amazing, i mean i should of figuerd out you wouldent realy kill off scoots put, wow, you are a god, also i know you had to write a long chapter, bur what took so long i've been waiting almost a whole week for this. i know it sounds like i'm addicted, but what can you do, this story is amazing. cant wait for more.

-WW

Oh thank GOODNESS Scootaloo isn't dead... great chapter! i expect to see more great chapters soon

>>191218191218 Sorry. I got lost in the Procrasti Nations. While I was there though, I did get a little editing done so some of the earlier chapters are a little more readable as far as tenses go.

69th comment...

Fuck yeah. A new chapter on the day my copy of Luigi's Mansion came in the mail.

First, I love stories like this one. Stories that take inspiration from a setting without copying the whole thing and substituting ponies for people are generally enjoyable.  That being said, PLEASE get someone to edit your work before posting it.  You have several grammatical and spelling errors.  For example, in almost every case, you use "your" when it should be "you're".  There are enough of them to detract from the story's overall quality.

>>194748194748 The "your" problem is fixed, and I know I need to get someone to edit. Just to lazy to look around I suppose.

>>194847194847

It would cool to see Rainbow Dash pull off a Barbossa moment from Pirates of the

Caribbean like in this clip. Except she be drinking cider.

Video clip please skip to 5:18 part of the video

This was my reaction to that last part:

Dun Dun Duuunn! What could it possibly mean? I must know!

////PROCESSING PROCESSING//// CONCLUSION FOUND///// each cutie mark tell the special talent, of a pony, BUT i think the mane 6 cutie marks also holds the elements of harmony's magic, so when they where turned to ghosts specter extracted the elements from the main six bodies causing there cutie marks to vanish , THAT would explain why he needed the princesses. Either that or the magic only gave then new bodies meaning they have to find there cutie marks again, tell me if any of these ideas are wrong. Great work Mate.

-WW

wow, great story dude.

Sweetie Belle: Drop everything, become excited at the prospect of more Cutie Mark Crusader Members.

Possessed knife wielding Applebloom?

Image: http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/230/9/7/creepybloom_by_kloudmutt-d472wf0.jpg

This pic fits perfectly

>>206002206002 I totally agree.

>>206002206002 I totally agree.>>203848203848 *pokerface*

Image: http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSt3OUE1-Gm3jsAS42LTXilxvrxJpgD33knySU7EmDKieWD4M9CtAVqSfqp

I just hit 6661 total views... should I throw holy water on my computer now?

Even as a ghost Rainbow won't leave a pony hanging.

For some reason, when I was reading the part where Possessed!Spike was talking about Rarity not loving Sweetie, I was kinda hoping she'd bust out a crazy comeback. Like:

"Rarity doesn't love me? Well you know who doesn't love you? Your mom. Oh, wait. My mistake. YOU DON'T HAVE ONE!"

or

"Rarity doesn't love her own sister? Well if she can't love her own flesh and blood, what chance do you have, scaly?"

I dunno, at this point, I just feel really bad for Sweetie, being stuck in this whole nasty situation. Lord knows, she could use a confidence booster.

Man gilda is a bitch.. Great chapter by the way..

ever since i learned about the "slenderman" i keep expecting him to pop up somewhere in this story

>>213939213939 ...The hay's a slenderman?

>>213995213995 you dont want to know.

"Come back! What are you? Chicken?"

Oh come on, Gilda. Have some compassion for Scootaloo's situation.

>>228623228623 The second I put the word 'chicken' in the story, I saw your comment from like, a mile away

>>228810228810 I'll be honest, I'm surprised I got to it first.

Image: http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/8166ec092cef5fe5d0467d5dfeff672a/80913%20-%20animated%20applejack's_hat%20Hubble%20Sweetie_Belle.gif

Moar Sweetie 4 Yur FACE

>>263275263275 YAY!

This is just awesome!

>>263275263275 nice gif.

Great chapter as always, can't wait for more.

Fun Fact: In my original outline for the story, Chapters 12,13, and 14 were supposed to be one chapter. Since I ended up writing more than I thought I would, then I ended up splitting them up...

I just wanna say a few things.

First: I love this story very much. Very nicely written/typed and provides a fair amount of detail, if not more, in my opinion.

Second: I'd like to ask if I could help you by proofreading your chapters. I'll be honest right now when I say my writing and spelling are pretty poor. But when I read, I do so in a very vindictive way. I ask to help correct this great story because you seem to use a 3rd person form of speech pretty excessively. By that I mean you use "Sweetie" very often. It would be better if you tried to keep "Sweetie Bell" as often as possible when referring to her in non-speaking sentences. Aaaaand maybe keeping only Rarity as the only pony to call Sweetie Bell "Sweetie". That's just me though.

Third: Try to use 2nd person form more than 3rd. She, her, ect. would be a better choice than using "Sweetie" as well.

With that said, I await the next update!

Image: http://sadpanda.us/images/857957-P40E2BN.png

First: MOAR

Second: This is still fucking awesome.

>>269924269924 In the show, Rarity actually uses her full name more often than anypony else, doesn't she? Also, WAT.

>>269924269924 I see where your coming from when you say to use Sweetie Belle, but that just sounds too formal for the reader... at least that's what I was thinking anyway. I wanted to use her full name on rare occasions, like if she would be introduced after a long period of time, or inside of a memory. Much like I call Rainbow Dash "Rainbow" or in Pinkie's case "Dashie" rather than the full name, mostly because to Sweetie, and even the reader, she is still a friend. The same thing applied to the reader and Sweetie... in anycase, that was how my mind was processing the story. But I will admit, I do need a proofreader for the story, which I was going to get between now and the time I finish the story. I probably won't leave this story alone until it's finished, or I think it's as good as it'll get. Still, thanks for your saxy input. The more criticizm, the better off my story will be ...