• Member Since 7th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Mar 11th, 2013

SweetieStar


T

This is the sequel to the Freaky Nightmares. If you haven't read it already, I would suggest reading it to understand what is going on.

When Canterlot's hot pony of pop, Sweetie Belle, gets a very strange letter from Derpy, she knows that something has to be done, and that she won't just sit there. She has to do something to save her only friend left, and somehow think of a way to do it. But when she arrives in Ponyville, things go differently than her expectations.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 5 )

javascript:smilie(':twilightsheepish:');? Not to be mean but your grammar isn't topnotch, and you misuse a lot of words. I suggest waiting a little bit before uploading and rereading your chapters before you upload them. Maybe your doing it for style but it isn't very good. Take this sentence for example: I achieved this level by hard work and by help from my friends that always cheered me up when I felt down.javascript:smilie(':facehoof:'); It could be better said as, I became this famous through hard work with some help from my friends. They always knew how to cheer me up when I felt down. Or I achieved my level of fame with hard work and some help from my friends, who always cheered me up when I felt down. Certain parts of this chapter seemed to be incomplete or at least missing a word or two for example: When the train has( I would have used had for continuity of past tense in this sentence) arrived, I took a deep breath and stepped into( onto) the train. “(Get ready?) Ponyville, cause I will be ready for you( instead of I will be ready for you I'm ready for you would suffice)!” An example of a misuse of a word in context: I ignored the screaming fans and the paparazzi and flowed into my own worries. Flowed is misused in this sentence try saying I ignored my screaming fans and flashing cameras of the paparazzi, and instead I focused on my own worries.javascript:smilie(':twilightblush:'); You have to think of it as an actual persons dialogue I doubt many people when worried about someone would say "I wish she is ok," in place of "I hope she is ok." Also in Scootaloo's letter I have to wonder why exactly she would write in her own stammers and pauses "please… I can explain… it" as opposed to just writing normally. When writing a story adding detail is important, but adding details about a maid who will probably never be involved again is pointless, unless that maid is Chekhov's Gunman.javascript:smilie(':twilightsmile:');

This is getting good. Keep it up.

143594 well... I must admit you have a poit. But as I said, read my other story 'Freaky Nightmares' and you might get the plot. :pinkiesmile: And about the maid... I was going to put her in one more time. Also Spike for dramatic effect :moustache::facehoof:

145662 ok,ok I get your reaction, I don't really like it myself. I will change it a bit. :derpyderp1:

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