SnowyFlanks
Joined 4th May, 2012 ·
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Non-fatal digestion, eh? I'll pass.
I have no idea what this means and I dont think I want to know
Honestly, never thought I would see someone write that phrase.
Good luck, because I can't see how this would possibly do well.
Holy mother of text walls. You got to space out your writing dud. I Can't even read it.
Celestia winced as her protégé’s ears pull back in fear “Yes Twilight I was hoping you would be my meal because I could think of nopony I would rather have in such an intimate position. I wasn’t expecting you the come to a decision quickly but I beg that you at least think it over!”
Twilight’s heart bled at seeing her mentor so… frightened. She hadn’t meant to react so strongly but she was still unsure if it was something she would be willing to do. Then again it wasn’t just anypony asking her and in the end that made the decision for her
“Ok Princess I… I’ll let you… eat me. But I need some time to be ready for that.”
It needs to go something like this
1893320
Woops did notice the format issue. When I post the next chapter ill fix it.
yeah, and tabs wouldn't hurt.
Also, wooden speech is wooden. It isn't the characters speaking there, it's you. Twilight is prone to over-reaction and percieves any slight, no matter how small, to be a serious problem that could destroy her relationship with the victim. After being told she was doing something wrong, Twilight wouldn't just say(paraphrasing) "I'm sorry I'll stop talking," she would actually start talking more quickly, apologizing over and over and entirely failing to realize that she hadn't solved the issue. Further, while Tia is close to Twilight she only speaks when need be- when she's trying to get Twilight to think of something on her own or point out something the evidence points to, she doesn't say a word, she uses actions to speak for her. In addition, she's used to Twilight, and always says the right thing to get the reaction she wants- making her rush into a topic that clearly needs a gentle touch isn't like her, and makes the whole interaction out of character for her.
I'm reading a vore fic and liking it.
The horror.
1901951
Uh I hope that's a good thing lol.
1902999
So do I.
1893296
Your sentences... Dat grammar
media-cache-lt0.pinterest.com/upload/47780446018214001_2cP5feEy_c.jpg
1944206
Well we all have bad days to speak english right
1944206
Also exactly which sentence angered you if you don't mind me asking?
1944376 The structure of the sentence didn't anger me, i'm fine with people not knowing proper grammar and sentence structure because if it DID bother me, all my time spent on this site I would have offed myself long ago.
No, what bothers me here is the fact that this person goes around and "le upboats" nearly everything that's FO: E related on top of their comment now stating that they have chosen to upvote/ fav your story just because you wrote a FO: E fic.
It's a very, VERY bad pet-peeve of mine to see people make decisions on the quality of something before even trying it to see if it's quality or that they enjoy it. Also when those people say certain things are good or awesome regardless of whether it actually is good or not (not pertaining to your fic here).
1944754
If its not to pompous of me to ask what did you think of my story?
I mean if you would like to comment on it... if not that's fine to
1944983 It was the bee's knees I guess
boss fic more please
2148493
There will be more posted soon where I live I don't have internet and while I can check the sight and stuff I can't post stories very easily from my phone.
Unfortunetly life has been hectic lately so I haven't been able to post yet.
However there will be three chapters posted on Tuesday so please bear with me
i like this story
, very creative
when will the next chapter come out ?
2251733
Hopefully soon things have been going crazy in real life and have been making it hard to write.
I know I don't have any right to ask but please bare with me.
2251993
ok i under stand,i will be patient, can't rush a story this good
i hope it comes soon though.
I'm not entirely sure how I got here, but I'm kinda glad I did
Probably should've been proofread, but it seems interesting.
2346324
Thanks very much for you comments.
I have the next 2 chapters done so Monday they will be up.
Holy smokes
. Rarity...... I don't even know what to say at that level of crazy manipulation. Scared of her to be honest.
2356986
Well it is for a good cause.
2357243
It was a little sociopathic. Not technically in a certain sense but think about what she is able to do in other situations. Damn scary.
2357266
Well I like to think that all of the mane six can be real damn scary in certain situations.
2357295
, oh well.
Yeah I can see that. Still to catch even Celestia by surprise manipulation while even during the show she is proven to manipulate almost everything behind the seems..... maybe that is why she didn't see it. Went on a tangent and lost point
so are ALL of the mane six gonna get eaten? cause that'd be awesome.
Typos. Typos EVERYWHERE
Maybe you should find a proofreader (I may be secretly trying to get permission to work with you)
I hope to see more soon.
But to the point, it's been really cool so far. I'm hoping it's not just copypasta of the last vore scene with rarity in place of Dash. You did a good job of moving the story along in a way I certainly wouldn't of expected
2357426
Not in this story but... there will be a sequel.
2357968
2357892
I certainly wouldn't say no to a proofreader, give me a message if you want to.
And now it wont be the same Im hoping to make every clop and vore scene what they are, a special moment between the participants.
Finaly thanks for the support.
2357983
You didn't seem to post a comment.
Its back, wooo!
2360744
Indeed it is I fianly got through RL stuff and got myself back into writing
GAH! cut off at the best part,
...Well!?! I'm waiting.
You left us at the edge of that cliff on purpose didn't you?
2608193
You bet I did, I wanted the vore scene to be longer this time so I made it its own chapter.
2609005
,thats brilliant hope next chapter comes soon
you bastard
2620265
Assuming the library wifi works it should be up saterday
2620612
great can't wait
Moar
Update?
2821052
I've been hit by a lot of RL stuff but been trying my hardest to get things ready.
You really might want to consider getting a proofreader. While the story is good, mistakes interrupt the flow of the story. Not trying to be mean or anything of course, just trying to be helpful :)
Added to the bottom of my read later list because I'm scared.
2900404
Please feel free. To tell me what you think im actualy about to add the next chapter eathier today or saterday.