Everyone likes food yes? because if not then i opened this cafe for no reason. In my experience, I've found that almost anyone can be plied with sweets, coffee and beverages; from the hardiest creature to the vilest of villains. What could possibly go wrong?
It's a cliche displaced story. Where the MC goes to convention, meets merchant and sent to Equestria.
Under a Rewrite
PS: there is going to be a lot of characters.
PSS: this is set in the RGRE-verse, Reverse Gender Role Equestria
PSSS: My editor is Is the ever so Classy Fox, Classy fox. Dude's a big help and check him out if you can.
Chapters (3)
This story started out pretty good. I look forward to more. Is the main character displaced from the anime "my hero academia" or something else?
Go Beyond! PLUS ULTRA!
10189511
Yeap! Kai Chisaki, AKA: Overhaul! always loved his character and his quirk was awesome!
I love this so far, and I’m very intrigued.
Can’t wait for the next chapter!
10189515
I think it's pretty cool how his power is essentially to be a Fullmetal Alchemist character in a different setting.
I gotta say this story looks promising, and there's not a lot a displaced stories set in the RGRE-verse so that makes it even better. Still, it's way too early to say much, but I'm looking forward for the next chap. Even more just to see what Overhaul can bring to Equestria.
Very interesting beginning, though I'll have to wait and read more before I give a proper thought on it's line and intent for where the story will go.
Keep on writing my friend.
10189802
i've never thought of it that way... now i kinda wanna read a fic where Kai Chisaki is in the FMA world
Good, a rgre, instant fav and follow :D, lets see where this take us.
Good fic, can't wait for the next chapter. Question: Is the displaced a human in the story or is he a pony?
10190411
From the description of the story, he can manipulate matter, so he probably morphed himself into a pony. That's my guess, but who knows?
I haven't read it yet. But I'll be looking forward to this story when it is complete. Gonna follow as well!
You've piqued my interest, however, pro tip: make sure you're only writing in one tense. It's a little jarring to have you switching between present and past tense. Otherwise, it's alright, I'm curious to see where you're going with this
Very nice, I love it already! Have a fav and a like, I will be looking forward to the new chapters.
Intriguing start... I wonder what happened when he first got to that world.
This is pretty good. I can't wait for more.
10190515
Right on the mark! He morphed himself into a pony, not completely mind you just the outer appearance, but it hurts like hell.
10190411
Oh he's human, he's just a pony in work. Dont want the pony species to strap him down and experiment on him and all that
Not Bad
10190664
It really would, forcefully shifting muscles and bones while all nerves are active would hurt like hell. I feel for the guy
10190674
Yep that's why he's only shifting his outer appearance, imagine shifting you're bones, muscles and everything to pony anatomy everyday? Would hurt like a bitch
10190694
And depending on the size difference, he would have to edit his organs as well to make sure they fit inside his new form, not to mention blood pressure from a heart pumping for a larger body... This causes all sorts of problems!
Damn, you've got something awesome going so far. Btw, for the sake of your readers, please either avoid cross-overs, or try to be VERY careful when doing cross-overs with other displaced. Cross-overs can make or break a story.
Great first chapter, keep it up! 👍
Looks good. Just don't forget to capitalize your I's.
Damn this was actually really good and I really look forward to reading next chapter
Hm. Not bad, if a bit quick for my tastes. Still, I'll be keeping an eye on this one.
Yes finding go storys is so hard. Keep it up man
When can we expect the next chapter for this it’s really good
While I'm disappointed that we'll have to wait for a continuation, I can't deny that the quality of this chapter is much better than the previous ones. Hope to see more soon
Pretty Good, So Far.
was confused af till I read the description
Great improvement
Better so far, just a few misplaced commas and periods. But aside from that, this chapter is a large improvement.
I gotta ask, since this is your second story under rewrite, is this gonna be a common occurrence in your stories getting 5-10 chapters in before rewriting? I personally thought both were good before rewrite, but it's hard to stay interested when the ground base keeps getting upended every so often.
Didn't really think the story needed a rewrite but that's ok I guess. You shouldn't do rewrites just for grammar mistakes, cause most the original readers don't wanna just reread the exact same plot
Aight, so when I saw a chapter update I was expecting a whole new chapter, not starting from square 0. Very disorienting, and it implies that I should forget that any of the previous writing applied, and that it's going to be a completely different story with different expectations to have on it.
Despite the fact that you've only stated that you planned on fleshing out chapters, it's very disorienting.
Let me REEEEEEEEEEE in piece! Nothing against you. I'm going to be reading it all the same.
Shame that it's going through a rewrite so soon, but if you think it wasn't the direction you wanted it to go, then hopefully this new one fits your vision
I admit I'm kinda disappointed that the story's being rewritten, but on the other hand the later chapters were kinda disjointed and confusing, so I can live with it.
10237133
Ah no, not really. It's just coincidence actually.
10237160
Yeah I know, that's why I'm going to go a different route about it.
I’m deeply confuse, I haven’t read any chapters yet because I want to be a 100% sure. THIS is the first chapter of the rewrite right? The previous chapter is the whole old story right?
If I read the previous chapter I will be spoil of what’s going to happen on the next rewrite chapters right? I’m dying of the anticipation to read.
10237559
Yes this is the first chapter of the rewrite
Glad to see a rewrite, though I am disappointed in the lack of words. it only took me a minute to read your "1st" chapter. still good though.
My god, this is good but I’m extremely glad that you made a remake. This chapter is kind of all over the place, the writing style and personality of our protagonist seem to change at an alarming rate while the story advances at what seems random bursts of speed. The concept is pure gold tho. In my opinion the best writing style I’ve seen on this chapter was in the beginning where you used a combination of third person and POV.
‘1500K’...? The next chapter is gonna be 1.5 Million words long?
Eh, it's not bad. You do need a proof-reader, though.
RGRE doesn't bother me most of the time, and can be quite amusing if done right, a shrug in some cases, or else really dumb and annoying otherwise. So far it's alright.
I'm assuming that Cozy Glow ended up messed up in the head show-wise because of something he did when at some point needing to put her back together and it tweaked her brain by accident as far as this story is concerned. Or else he dumped Overhaul's mind into hers by accident.
I can understand Luna and celestia's concern, but at the same time I'm annoyed at them (although it's perfectly in-character as far as most RGRE royals go, so I'm not annoyed at the author (though a bit confused on one particular subject), but rather the characters themselves) in that their 'always be merciful' BS (never kill an enemy and instead imprison them so they can eventually break out and cause MORE problems, property damage and casualties down the line) landed them in the situation they're in now. The one thing I don't get is that the one being with the means and the drive to do what needs to be done to ensure they're never a threat again they're marking as an enemy when the invasion and conquest is still under way and he's never shown signs of hostility before. WTF. He's saving their country when all other methods are failing them, and their first idea is to lock him up or fight him?? I can understand caution or wariness, but instantly deciding him an enemy when they already have a history (however short) just makes no sense. It's like deciding to burn an entire bush that you've been cultivating for the last 6 years just because you discover a wasp's next in it.
10237038
I'm inclined to agree. The first....I suppose we can call it The Outline, was okay for what it was, but the quality of this chapter is magnitudes higher. The Outline at times felt rushed, we got little background on the main character (though really we still have almost nothing other than the typical Displaced intro-bit but if this is meant to be focused on the Now of his life and not the Then of his life, that's fine. Perhaps we'll learn more of our protagonist later, perhaps not.) The Outline mentioned key events that mentioned his outer persona, the personality he showed everyone else, and also described a bit the kind of person he wanted to be, and the struggle with his form's original personality conflicting his own. The Outline introduced characters that will be considered important, as well as revealed how little about the world and those in it he actually knows, as well as how ridiculously easy it is to open a shop seemingly without any documentation, lol.
It gets across the kind of world it is, and also how easily Celestia and Luna are willing to jump to conclusions and not investigate a situation at all before deciding to execute the suspect. In its own way, this explains how 'easy' it was for Celestia to send Luna to the moon, and to also be willing to just push all the unpleasantness between them under the rug and move on after her 1000 year time-out.
Flighty as birds, those swans.
But here we are, back at the start, and advancing at a slower and more detailed pace. Frankly the difference from The Outline and Chapter 1 makes it feel like it's been written by two different people. One person wants to say the bare minimum to establish social connections between characters as quickly as possible and a handful of tidbits on what motivates them (mostly sex in the females' case) and then get straight to the action.
The other wants to tell us a story.
i like that its going in a different direction, hope it wont get to the point where he literally did one of the most idiotic things he could do and just charge at damn royalty
10239003
dude, why the fuck is half the fucking letters on this site fucking bold its annoying the shit out of me
10247586
Bold? uhh is your Desktop/Laptop ok because I'm sure that 90% of this site is normal grammar? Sure if everything was bold it would be annoying but have you considered it's not the site? Have you tried to simply refresh your page? Are you zoomed in to the page? If those don't work try to restart your computer/laptop whichever you have.