Celestia Takes a Shower
The shower, a magical place devised for the sole purpose of cleaning ponies. A place where ponies can contemplate, thinking about life, and their purpose. A place for one to sing out loud shamelessly, and fantasize about… whatever Technicolor ponies like to fantasize about.
The shower is one of Princess Celestia’s favorite places to relax after a long day of co-ruling Equestria. The sun princess in question was currently stepping into her bathing room, gently shutting the door behind her. Princess Celestia magically turned the shower on, letting it cool to the perfect temperature before she removed her crown, horseshoes, and finally her magnificent golden chest-piece. She pulled a towel out of the cupboard and placed it by the sink, and then she moved towards the steaming shower, and stepped in; closing the stained-glass shower door behind her.
“Oh!” she was startled at the sudden heat, but it didn’t bother her too much, it was nothing compared to raising the sun every morning.
She closed her eyes, letting the hot water run over her body, soaking her coat and mane. She felt her hair stop its ethereal flow as the water soaked through, and the pastel hair fell around her hair in thick, wavy curtains.
She opened her eyes, humming a tune she couldn’t quite name, and her eyes randomly trailed up the wall towards the ceiling.
What she saw shocked her. It horrified her. It terrified her – it was absolutely awful!
“SPIDER!” she cried suddenly, eyes dilating at the tiny black intruder above her. She did a frantic little dance, her thoughts jumbling up in panic. “Out!” she cried, she grabbed a wash-rag from a shelf and tossed it at the spider. The spider attempted to scuttle away, but when the pink materiel crashed behind it fell to the shower floor.
“EEEK!!” Celestia screamed, dancing in place. “Where’d it go where did it go?!” she shrieked, stomping her hooves.
Did it go down the drain? Did it leave? Did it drown? Is it hiding?
The distressed alicorn searched the shelves, behind the shampoo and other bottles, and found no sign. “Come on out spider, spider, spider so I can get rid of you!” she felt something on her hind leg and her entire body seized up. The feeling moved slowly down her leg and she twisted her neck, with a cry.
No, it wasn’t the spider – just a loose strand of hair. “Thank Faust!” she gasped, closing her eyes in relief.
But the fact that the spider was still in here somewhere wouldn’t allow her to relax, and her eyes shot open once more. She turned around, her weighed-down, waterlogged tail taking up most of the floor space.
A tiny black thing moved swiftly by her hoof, and she screamed, rearing up. Oh, just a speck of dirt. She gasped and lowered her front, her hooves causing the ground to shake slightly. She started to hyperventilate, how could she enjoy a relaxing shower when this spider was making her skin itch?!
She whimpered, and decided it was gone for now. She slowly levitated a bottle of shampoo up – she needed several bottles since her mane and tail were so long and thick.
As she poured the cold liquid over her hair and started to massage it in, she closed her eyes as the feeling became pleasurable and the spider forgotten.
Her nose itched, and she wrinkled it. It itched again. She opened her eyes to see a tiny black form scuttling slowly across her muzzle.
The scream of which erupted from the sun princess’s vocal cords could crack glass.
Shining Armor, who happened to be patrolling outside of her bedroom door heard the scream and wasted no time in blasting into her room, and towards the bathroom. He knocked the bathroom door open, and quickly closed it. “Oh! Princess, are you alright?!”
“HELP! No, don’t come in here!”
“Princess, do you need help?”
“Don’t come in here! Get Luna, quiiiick!”she cried.
Shining Armor saluted even though she couldn’t see him, and galloped out.
Sometime during the commotion, the spider had disappeared yet again and now Celestia was once again frantically searching for it. She lifted each leg, spread her wings, and spun in circles desperately trying to figure out whether or not it was on her.
Several minutes later, the bathroom door swung open, hitting the wall hard, and Celestia jumped. A bleary eyed Princess Luna stepped in, groaning. “Celestia, what is the commotion?!”
“Luna, thank goodness you’re here!” Celestia was near tears. She opened the shower-door, and stomped a hoof happily. “You have to help! There’s a spider, and I can’t find it!”
Luna stared at her for a long time. “…You’re kidding. You’re kidding, right?”
“I’m not kidding! Help me!” She ran out, huddling in the corner, soaking the floor with water. Luna sighed, and turned the water off. “The things I do…” she poked her head in, and searched for any sign of the eight legged freak. She searched the floor, walls, ceiling, behind each bottle, and the shelves. “Sister, are you sure it didn’t go down the drain?”
“I don’t know! I can’t find it!”
Luna was sleepy, grumpy, and in no mood for this. She didn’t want to have to spend the rest of the afternoon looking for a spider, so she raised her hoof, pressed it against the floor, and said, “There! I killed it.”
“You did?!”
“Yes,” Luna turned the water back on and put her hoof under, as though the wash the squished remains off.
“Thank you!” Celestia gave an undesired hug, soaking the lunar alicorn with water. Luna sighed, and turned to leave. “Now don’t bother me again!”
Celestia stepped back in, feeling much better. She stepped back in, and proceeded to finish washing her mane.
(Listen to this for enhancement)
A tiny black shape fell from the ceiling and landed in her hair. Celestia let out a shrill cry, “There’s another one! Luna! LUNA HELP! PLEASE!” but her sister was gone. Her eyes widened in horror and she let out a terrified whimper.
She was on her own this time.
Celestia squirmed desperately ran her hooves through her mane, trying to get it out. “Out, out, out, out, out!” she wailed, near-hysterical. The spider jumped – yes, it jumped far from her hair, and onto her neck. The princess of the day let out a throat-tearing, ear shattering scream as it scuttled down her chest and under her belly.
She danced in place, and tripped over her own long legs and face planted on the wet floor. Another spider crawled out from the drain and into her horn. The alicorn struggled and cried, “GET OFF!” But the tiny, itchy legs continued to crawl down her belly and up her horn.
“I’m under attack!” but nopony heard her, she’d specifically ordered the guards to stay away while she was showering.
She scrambled to her hooves once more, desperately slapping at her belly and horn. She managed to knock the spider on her unicorn horn to the floor, and her dancing in place hind legs squashing it dead. The other spider was now scuttling up her side. The alicorn spun in circles, trying to bat of off. It went up towards her neck where her hooves couldn’t reach. She was under its control.
She screamed, flapping her wet, heavy wings desperately. She ran under the shower stream, hoping to knock it off but it stayed put, continuing to move up her neck.
She grabbed the washrag from earlier up, desperately whipping at it, missing it and leaving painful red streaks across her neck.
Finally, she knocked it off. As it fell towards the floor, it spun a web, the tiny thread shot through the air, attaching to the tip of Celestia’s horn. Celestia shook her head from side-to-side desperately, and this only made the spider swing in circles around her head, web sticking to her mane and face.
She screamed and cried, and the spider made some sort of signal with its legs. Several more spiders fell from the ceiling, landing all over her. She screamed even louder, leaping up. Her back hit the ceiling, and she fell on her belly. Several tiny, tiny pairs of legs scuttled all over her body, and she struggled and cried. “Help!”
She rolled onto her back, frantically slapping at her belly, trying to kill the spiders. But they were too tiny to make good targets, and scuttled all over her, spinning webs. Celestia wrapped her wet wings around her belly, hoping the sudden dark would scare the spiders on her belly off.
It didn’t affect them. Celestia rolled over several times, crying, trying to squish them. But somehow they lived.
She finally reached up with a leg towards the water lever, eying the red-zone. She hit the lever, turning the water to maximum heat.
One good thing came from being the goddess of the sun: extreme temperatures didn’t affect her. As the water heated up, the spiders begun to retreat. As they crawled off her body and she proceeded to squish them all, she let out a fierce victory cry. She then scrambled under the water, trying wash the webbing out.
Finally, she could shower in peace!
But fate wouldn’t let her. One more, a massive black hairy one easily the size of her hoof landed on her back.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” she screamed, it was unaffected by the water. She reared back, her back hitting the wall, trying to crush it. It scuttled down her side and towards her chest. She squirmed furiously and stomped her hooves, bucking the shower wall and crying. “Why me, why me, why me?!”
It was like her worst, most awful, most horrible nightmare compact into the place she thought she would be safe, the place she thought she could relax, the place she thought she wouldn’t have to worry about this kind of thing!
It was awful, it was nightmare fuel, it was horrifying, and it was tear-inducing! How did this even happen?
It crawled down under her foreleg, and started spinning web so it wouldn’t fall. Celestia wailed, “Noooo!” and fell onto her belly, bucking her hooves. It crawled back up her side to avoid getting crushed, and made its way down her back. She levitated the washrag once more, attacking it. More red streaks crisscrossed down her back as she utterly missed the massive, bristly black and brown form.
It scuttled down her leg, moved under her hoof. She kicked the wall to kill it, but it already crawled up the other side of her hind leg. She kicked desperately, getting to her hooves and struggling.
It crawled up her underbelly, towards her chest.
The spider crawled up her neck and she attempted to squish it with a hoof. The bristly, hairy spider squished like a whoopee-cushion, and then exploded. Dozens of tiny black spiders emerged from its belly.
She screamed, moving back under the water and the mass spider guts were washed off her body and down the drain. The spiders however, avoided the hot water and moved up her neck and back. She screamed in fury and terror, dancing and squirming and writhing, wings flapping hysterically. She slapped herself desperately with her hooves, crushing spiders.
Finally, she moved her head under the stream and the last of the spiders drown, washing down the drain.
But it didn’t work. The moved over her head, trying to impair her vision by spinning webs. She screamed in terror, blinded, she reared back, and fell backwards, hitting her head on the shower door. The force of her head hitting the wall knocked them off, and she quickly took advantage of this by springing to her hooves and crushing them all as best she could until every last one was washed down the drain.
Then, crying, she proceeded to wash the webbing and icky stuff off as fast as the possibly could.
A few minutes later, the shower had continued without incident, and finally her mane, tail and coat were squeaky clean~
She hastily turned the water off, and levitated her towel up as she stepped out; ending what was easily the most traumatizing shower of her thousand-year-long life.
She stepped up to her mirror, drying herself with the big towel. She eyed herself in the mirror; she didn’t look as though she’d just been panicking over a spider. Good.
She levitated up her brush and started brushing her damp mane. Then, she felt a warm, itchy, crawly feeling make its way down the back of her neck.
The End
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You've read this recently, haven't you?
1858656 No, actually, I've seen it in the feature-box but never got around to actually clicking it.
Me writing this was a combination of having an 'at home spider-movie-marathon', and having to drop what I'm doing every time my sister takes a shower to kill the spiders that live in the bathroom
1858664
I don't bother killing spiders in our shower anymore. One, because I like spiders. Two, because it doesn't matter anyways, 'cause five spawn from every one that I kill. Three, because I don't believe in killing animals needlessly.
1858669 I don't like killing spiders either, but you know what arachnaphobes are like
I was sure the entire way through that Luna was pranking Celestia as some kind of retaliation, and I'm still sure.
That's...easily the most scary real-life event I could think of.
*shiver*
1858695 Maybe Luna's still upset that Celestia never taught her how to use a shower without flooding the bathroom
This is like a textbook example of how to write a short story. Not bad, would read again.
1858666
Better her than anypony else.
I think I know who started this too.
Getting worked up over one little spider are we?
I tell you once, I tell you twice! Big spider is good for economy!
1858954 is that a reference to something
1859104
Yes. Game Grumps.
1858725 I'd do the same thing. I'm terrified of spiders
It would have been even more funny if it was a nightmare by Luna just to prank her.
Why didn't she use her magic to blast them all? One blast and they are all gone.
But then again she may have been to scared to think about using magic XD
1859487 I never even thought about that xD Sometimes alicorns are hard to write about since they're super strong, and can either use magic to deal with a problem or simply fly away
Yeah, let's go with 'terrified out of her wits'
All we have to fear is fear itself.
......and spiders
1859741 Spiders aren't that scary
I don't get why people get so panicky over them.
Haaaaaaaaaaa dear god that was scarring
1859953 Don't even think about pressing charges or I'll set loose a bunch of Daddy-Long-Legs in your bed
at last celestia's weakness revealed changelings no prob, twilight going nuts no problem but spiders anything but spiders
although I understand celestia's pain my bathroom is crawling with spiders in the warmer months worse yet at least 1 out of every 10 or 20 I find in their are black widows
And that's why I never shower!
I can actually say this never happened to me. To be honest Spiders respect the Golden Rule. Leave others the fuck alone. Also...
1860935 Eww.
LOL hilarious
yet scary
1860454 Really? I don't think we have black widows here. The only ones I've seen are Daddy-longlegs and these little black and white garden spiders
Oh silly celestia, just use the ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE!
I swear you could hear me miles away
Let's see... Manipulates the sun, practically a goddess, afraid of spiders.
Seems legit.
Celestia a spider just gave birth on you, JUST GAVE BIRTH ON YOU!!!!!!!!
Oh sister sister... I'm right there with you.
You know, looking at the description and stuff, I can't help but realize how it looks like it's going to be a clopfiction. ...I think I'll keep it that way and see how many people click it for that reason
I was rolling around
just imagining Celestia flailing her limbs and everything all over the shower to that Eight legged freaks ost
1864424 I'll admit, the first time I saw "luna takes a shower" that's exactly why I clicked it. Love this duo. fabulous
kungfoody.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/that-moment-when-you-walk-into-a-spider-web-suddenly-turn-into-karate-master1.jpg
1861683 one of the downsides of living in the woods lucky for me though the other main spider species I gotta deal with actually eats other spiders if only they'd eat each other
O_O Oh jeeze... poor Celly x.x;;
Well this is easily the silliest one-shot I've read in a while!
No disrespect to your sister of course! My grandmother may as well be looking at dragons due to her lizard phobia...
Very funny.
And creepy in equal measure.
"She levitated up her brush and started brushing her damp mane. Then, she felt a warm, itchy, crawly feeling make its way down the back of her neck."
And then Canterlot exploded. The End.
i totally understand what shes going through...i hate spiders
1859487 When afraid, use of strength is hard to control... and she controls the sun...
"AHH SPIDER!"
"Celestia, why?!"
"Spiders."
*drops the sun on her bathroom and incinerates the entire planet*
You know, this reminds me of a time I found a spider in the shower. I opened the curtain to check for spiders and immediately spotted one standing on the side of the shampoo rack... and was about the same size as the rack itself. I'm not even exaggerating. Luckily, it was a harmless species-- one of those longleg spiders, so almost all of that size was leg length. Still, I'd never even heard of them getting anywhere near that big before, and it was not easy getting it into a container large enough to catch it and release it outside. It did get caught and released, though.
2512804 I find those spiders (Daddy-long legs, I believe they're called) in the shower all the time. I don't really kill or release them though; I usually just leave them be. Unless it's my sister who's taking the shower, I have to go in there every five minutes to kill a spider, lol.
To be honest, I don't get why people are so wigged out by spiders - earwigs are so much worse, and just as common.
2513096 The species has many names, that being one of them. I didn't say I was freaked out. I just don't like 'em there. A spider that size would've gotten in the way and gotten hurt. Just about anywhere else is fine. The only worse place is when they build a web in the sink. That's not creepy, it's irritating, especially if it's a small sink. Sink spiders don't get the same mercy from me that shower ones do.
Last time I saw a spider in my sink, it was about the third largest spider I'd seen (including the aforementioned one but not including tarantulas in a pet shop), and it was a wolf spider, not a longleg. I got out the cleaning supplies and sprayed that sucker (I didn't have bug spray, so I had to improvise). It got away and stayed away. The web's strands were packed together so closely that getting them out was a challenge. When they say spider silk is ten times stronger than steel, they aren't kidding. I still don't know how it managed to pull off building all that in just one night.
Okay, that's enough spider rants. It's starting to drift off-topic.
2513508 Oh, but I have an awesome spider story to tell.
My family drives a van, and at some point last summer this big, grown spider about the size of my thumb built its web in the side of the front door, in such a way so that it was in the door, window, and rear-view mirror. My dad kept breaking the web, but it kept rebuilding it, and it would hide behind the mirror so we couldn't move it. It even learned not to build on the window so that it wouldn't get ruined when the window opened! It disappeared at some point early autumn.
It's just the fact that it learned not to build in the window that gets me
Spiders freak me the f*ck out.
This made my skin crawl. I had to stand up to read it.
i hate spiders once i saw one in my shower as a kid i jump out dripping wet a didn't go back in till my mom got rid of it