Celestia Takes a Shower
The shower, a magical place devised for the sole purpose of cleaning ponies. A place where ponies can contemplate, thinking about life, and their purpose. A place for one to sing out loud shamelessly, and fantasize about… whatever Technicolor ponies like to fantasize about.
The shower is one of Princess Celestia’s favorite places to relax after a long day of co-ruling Equestria. The sun princess in question was currently stepping into her bathing room, gently shutting the door behind her. Princess Celestia magically turned the shower on, letting it cool to the perfect temperature before she removed her crown, horseshoes, and finally her magnificent golden chest-piece. She pulled a towel out of the cupboard and placed it by the sink, and then she moved towards the steaming shower, and stepped in; closing the stained-glass shower door behind her.
“Oh!” she was startled at the sudden heat, but it didn’t bother her too much, it was nothing compared to raising the sun every morning.
She closed her eyes, letting the hot water run over her body, soaking her coat and mane. She felt her hair stop its ethereal flow as the water soaked through, and the pastel hair fell around her hair in thick, wavy curtains.
She opened her eyes, humming a tune she couldn’t quite name, and her eyes randomly trailed up the wall towards the ceiling.
What she saw shocked her. It horrified her. It terrified her – it was absolutely awful!
“SPIDER!” she cried suddenly, eyes dilating at the tiny black intruder above her. She did a frantic little dance, her thoughts jumbling up in panic. “Out!” she cried, she grabbed a wash-rag from a shelf and tossed it at the spider. The spider attempted to scuttle away, but when the pink materiel crashed behind it fell to the shower floor.
“EEEK!!” Celestia screamed, dancing in place. “Where’d it go where did it go?!” she shrieked, stomping her hooves.
Did it go down the drain? Did it leave? Did it drown? Is it hiding?
The distressed alicorn searched the shelves, behind the shampoo and other bottles, and found no sign. “Come on out spider, spider, spider so I can get rid of you!” she felt something on her hind leg and her entire body seized up. The feeling moved slowly down her leg and she twisted her neck, with a cry.
No, it wasn’t the spider – just a loose strand of hair. “Thank Faust!” she gasped, closing her eyes in relief.
But the fact that the spider was still in here somewhere wouldn’t allow her to relax, and her eyes shot open once more. She turned around, her weighed-down, waterlogged tail taking up most of the floor space.
A tiny black thing moved swiftly by her hoof, and she screamed, rearing up. Oh, just a speck of dirt. She gasped and lowered her front, her hooves causing the ground to shake slightly. She started to hyperventilate, how could she enjoy a relaxing shower when this spider was making her skin itch?!
She whimpered, and decided it was gone for now. She slowly levitated a bottle of shampoo up – she needed several bottles since her mane and tail were so long and thick.
As she poured the cold liquid over her hair and started to massage it in, she closed her eyes as the feeling became pleasurable and the spider forgotten.
Her nose itched, and she wrinkled it. It itched again. She opened her eyes to see a tiny black form scuttling slowly across her muzzle.
The scream of which erupted from the sun princess’s vocal cords could crack glass.
Shining Armor, who happened to be patrolling outside of her bedroom door heard the scream and wasted no time in blasting into her room, and towards the bathroom. He knocked the bathroom door open, and quickly closed it. “Oh! Princess, are you alright?!”
“HELP! No, don’t come in here!”
“Princess, do you need help?”
“Don’t come in here! Get Luna, quiiiick!”she cried.
Shining Armor saluted even though she couldn’t see him, and galloped out.
Sometime during the commotion, the spider had disappeared yet again and now Celestia was once again frantically searching for it. She lifted each leg, spread her wings, and spun in circles desperately trying to figure out whether or not it was on her.
Several minutes later, the bathroom door swung open, hitting the wall hard, and Celestia jumped. A bleary eyed Princess Luna stepped in, groaning. “Celestia, what is the commotion?!”
“Luna, thank goodness you’re here!” Celestia was near tears. She opened the shower-door, and stomped a hoof happily. “You have to help! There’s a spider, and I can’t find it!”
Luna stared at her for a long time. “…You’re kidding. You’re kidding, right?”
“I’m not kidding! Help me!” She ran out, huddling in the corner, soaking the floor with water. Luna sighed, and turned the water off. “The things I do…” she poked her head in, and searched for any sign of the eight legged freak. She searched the floor, walls, ceiling, behind each bottle, and the shelves. “Sister, are you sure it didn’t go down the drain?”
“I don’t know! I can’t find it!”
Luna was sleepy, grumpy, and in no mood for this. She didn’t want to have to spend the rest of the afternoon looking for a spider, so she raised her hoof, pressed it against the floor, and said, “There! I killed it.”
“You did?!”
“Yes,” Luna turned the water back on and put her hoof under, as though the wash the squished remains off.
“Thank you!” Celestia gave an undesired hug, soaking the lunar alicorn with water. Luna sighed, and turned to leave. “Now don’t bother me again!”
Celestia stepped back in, feeling much better. She stepped back in, and proceeded to finish washing her mane.
(Listen to this for enhancement)
A tiny black shape fell from the ceiling and landed in her hair. Celestia let out a shrill cry, “There’s another one! Luna! LUNA HELP! PLEASE!” but her sister was gone. Her eyes widened in horror and she let out a terrified whimper.
She was on her own this time.
Celestia squirmed desperately ran her hooves through her mane, trying to get it out. “Out, out, out, out, out!” she wailed, near-hysterical. The spider jumped – yes, it jumped far from her hair, and onto her neck. The princess of the day let out a throat-tearing, ear shattering scream as it scuttled down her chest and under her belly.
She danced in place, and tripped over her own long legs and face planted on the wet floor. Another spider crawled out from the drain and into her horn. The alicorn struggled and cried, “GET OFF!” But the tiny, itchy legs continued to crawl down her belly and up her horn.
“I’m under attack!” but nopony heard her, she’d specifically ordered the guards to stay away while she was showering.
She scrambled to her hooves once more, desperately slapping at her belly and horn. She managed to knock the spider on her unicorn horn to the floor, and her dancing in place hind legs squashing it dead. The other spider was now scuttling up her side. The alicorn spun in circles, trying to bat of off. It went up towards her neck where her hooves couldn’t reach. She was under its control.
She screamed, flapping her wet, heavy wings desperately. She ran under the shower stream, hoping to knock it off but it stayed put, continuing to move up her neck.
She grabbed the washrag from earlier up, desperately whipping at it, missing it and leaving painful red streaks across her neck.
Finally, she knocked it off. As it fell towards the floor, it spun a web, the tiny thread shot through the air, attaching to the tip of Celestia’s horn. Celestia shook her head from side-to-side desperately, and this only made the spider swing in circles around her head, web sticking to her mane and face.
She screamed and cried, and the spider made some sort of signal with its legs. Several more spiders fell from the ceiling, landing all over her. She screamed even louder, leaping up. Her back hit the ceiling, and she fell on her belly. Several tiny, tiny pairs of legs scuttled all over her body, and she struggled and cried. “Help!”
She rolled onto her back, frantically slapping at her belly, trying to kill the spiders. But they were too tiny to make good targets, and scuttled all over her, spinning webs. Celestia wrapped her wet wings around her belly, hoping the sudden dark would scare the spiders on her belly off.
It didn’t affect them. Celestia rolled over several times, crying, trying to squish them. But somehow they lived.
She finally reached up with a leg towards the water lever, eying the red-zone. She hit the lever, turning the water to maximum heat.
One good thing came from being the goddess of the sun: extreme temperatures didn’t affect her. As the water heated up, the spiders begun to retreat. As they crawled off her body and she proceeded to squish them all, she let out a fierce victory cry. She then scrambled under the water, trying wash the webbing out.
Finally, she could shower in peace!
But fate wouldn’t let her. One more, a massive black hairy one easily the size of her hoof landed on her back.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” she screamed, it was unaffected by the water. She reared back, her back hitting the wall, trying to crush it. It scuttled down her side and towards her chest. She squirmed furiously and stomped her hooves, bucking the shower wall and crying. “Why me, why me, why me?!”
It was like her worst, most awful, most horrible nightmare compact into the place she thought she would be safe, the place she thought she could relax, the place she thought she wouldn’t have to worry about this kind of thing!
It was awful, it was nightmare fuel, it was horrifying, and it was tear-inducing! How did this even happen?
It crawled down under her foreleg, and started spinning web so it wouldn’t fall. Celestia wailed, “Noooo!” and fell onto her belly, bucking her hooves. It crawled back up her side to avoid getting crushed, and made its way down her back. She levitated the washrag once more, attacking it. More red streaks crisscrossed down her back as she utterly missed the massive, bristly black and brown form.
It scuttled down her leg, moved under her hoof. She kicked the wall to kill it, but it already crawled up the other side of her hind leg. She kicked desperately, getting to her hooves and struggling.
It crawled up her underbelly, towards her chest.
The spider crawled up her neck and she attempted to squish it with a hoof. The bristly, hairy spider squished like a whoopee-cushion, and then exploded. Dozens of tiny black spiders emerged from its belly.
She screamed, moving back under the water and the mass spider guts were washed off her body and down the drain. The spiders however, avoided the hot water and moved up her neck and back. She screamed in fury and terror, dancing and squirming and writhing, wings flapping hysterically. She slapped herself desperately with her hooves, crushing spiders.
Finally, she moved her head under the stream and the last of the spiders drown, washing down the drain.
But it didn’t work. The moved over her head, trying to impair her vision by spinning webs. She screamed in terror, blinded, she reared back, and fell backwards, hitting her head on the shower door. The force of her head hitting the wall knocked them off, and she quickly took advantage of this by springing to her hooves and crushing them all as best she could until every last one was washed down the drain.
Then, crying, she proceeded to wash the webbing and icky stuff off as fast as the possibly could.
A few minutes later, the shower had continued without incident, and finally her mane, tail and coat were squeaky clean~
She hastily turned the water off, and levitated her towel up as she stepped out; ending what was easily the most traumatizing shower of her thousand-year-long life.
She stepped up to her mirror, drying herself with the big towel. She eyed herself in the mirror; she didn’t look as though she’d just been panicking over a spider. Good.
She levitated up her brush and started brushing her damp mane. Then, she felt a warm, itchy, crawly feeling make its way down the back of her neck.
The End