Barking Mad; Madly Barking

Busy, busy, busy. Sweetie Belle's friends are too caught up to befriend her. What happens, however, when the filly ends up meeting a different kind of friend?

Written for the Hearth's Warming Care Package

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 8 )

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Clemerl

Clemerl #1 · Dec 19th, 2012 · 1 · ·

Aw, that's sweet....Pun unintended.

L4 #2 · Dec 19th, 2012 · · ·

Blue Print

Blue Print #3 · Dec 19th, 2012 · 1 · ·

I like it. Well done overall. Some of the wording was a tiny bit awkward in points, but it didn't distract from the fun and odd little story.

1823201 Come on, be bloody and bold with your puns. Intend them to the utmost and live without shame!

TrevorLaneRay

TrevorLaneRay #4 · Dec 20th, 2012 · · ·

A nice little ditty.
Hooves up.

SilentBelle

SilentBelle #5 · Dec 25th, 2012 · 1 · ·

I enjoyed it well enough, but I will offer my two cents.

I felt that the characters fell a little flat, but that might be more because the story felt rushed. I feel like the conversations between the crusaders could have been a little more fleshed out and that the scene with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon could have been expanded upon, maybe having Sweetie interact with the two bullies a bit more before Screw Loose jumped in. I think you could also have expanded upon the scene with Rarity trying to explain what was wrong with Screwloose, even revealing a bit of a struggle as her high-class side of her is pulled into conflict with her generous sisterly side.

Still, it was a good enough read and I enjoyed it. I just felt there was a lot of untapped potential to the story. Well, that's my two cents and I'd like to see you improve as an author.

PieDisliker

PieDisliker #6 · Dec 26th, 2012 · · ·

1854018

You're right. The story was rushed. I had to get it in time for the deadline for the Hearth's Warming Care Package, though I could've went back and added more to it afterwards then posted it here. It was pretty difficult for me to add emotion into the story, and I feel I was only on point with Sweetie Belle developing a friendship with Screw Loose. Even then I know I'm inexperienced, and emotion is very important in all stories. I'll definitely try harder to develop more of a connection and see if I can get some more untapped potential out of them. I really thank you for your advice and hope it makes me a better author.

Screw