A story for Grass Marks

by Spell Bound

The only chapter

Grass Marks laid upon a cloud above the Cloudsdale streets. The sky was in transition from Celestia’s bright and joyful sky to Luna’s Starry and beautiful night. The streets and buildings were covered in snow. Grass breathed in the cold winter air, the weather ponies had done their job well.

Grass Marks was a news pony for the local CLoudsdale newspaper, The Pegasi Report. His fur and feathers were green, and his eyes were emerald, as was his mane. He wore a necklace with a wood carving of a wing at the end. And he was tired.

It had been a stressful year for him. First there was the whole Discord fiasco. Discord had been released and caused untold chaos across Equestria. And though he loved his work, and believed in the old motto no matter the weather, whether it be rain or snow we get the news done, the motto said nothing about soda raining down on the heads of Pegasi. He spent a week trying to get the mix of Coca Cola and Pepsi out of his mane.

Then there was the strange Mare Do Well incident in Ponyville. He had to do an article on this mysterious hero mare, but almost as soon as she appeared she disappeared. Grass still had to write the article, and could only use other ponies speculation and his own imagination to be able to write a full length article.

Then he had a period of calm without any major disasters to report and could focus on the everyday news, but sure enough something strange happened. The assistant to the Princess’ student suddenly grew to extraordinary height and wrecked havoc on Ponyville. It got so bad even the Wonderbolts had to be called in.

And tomorrow he had to do an article on the Canterlot Heart’s Warming Eve pageant. Grass sighed and looked up at the stars. He loved to look at them. It was one of the few times he allowed himself to relax. He was a workaholic and was almost always working.

Below he heard a bunch of children sing a carol song. He looked down at them and smiled slightly, thinking back to his day in the office a few days ago, when a school had an educational trip to the newspaper agency.

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At first Grass was too keen on the idea of having a group of school fillies and colts in the office. “This is not going to end well.” He thought to himself when he was first told. “Are you sure about this Dusk?”

Golden Dusk was a golden Pegasus with red eyes. His mane was a mix of bright green and a dull red. He was quite intelligent and stoic. Like Grass Marks was all about work and reporting the news, Dusk was all about research and tended to be outspoken and rude when voicing his opinions, generally being a pain in the flank.
“Course I’m sure Grassy. Come on it’ll be fun. Who knows, there might even be a few future news Pegasi in the group. Like the ones you found when you helped Cheerilee set up the Foals Free Press.” Dusk smiled knowing he had probably won Grass over.

“Well....I guess it wouldn’t hurt too badly. Alright Dusk I’ll go along.”

“Good, thats all I ask for!” Dusk exclaimed happily “They’re coming next week, so you have some time to prepare what you’re saying to them.”

“Wait what? Me? What about you!?”

“I’m going to report the Wonderbolts derby. You had the last one so it’s my turn, and Flare Skates is still ill.”

Flare skates was Grass and Dusk’s other co-worker. She was a red Pegasus mare with golden eyes. Her mane was also red with a streak of yellow. She wore it back tied up with a pink ribbon. She was quite bubbly and joyful. She was all about free spirit, and wasn’t afraid of voicing her opinion, and wasn’t afraid to admit when she was wrong. And unfortunately she was ill with feather flu.

“Ugh. Great. Thanks Dusk. You’re a real pain in the flank. You know that?”

“Of course I do Grassy. I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t.” Dusk left Grass’s office with a chuckle.

Grass sighed and shook his head tuting. “Well.....it’ll be a new experience.”

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Grass led the class into his office, normally busy with Dusk, Flare and himself working non-stop. But with Flare ill and Skates in Canterlot it was eerily quiet.

“Right come on in. This is where we do most of our work. Writing the articles, printing them and a fair bit of reading research. Other research we go out onto field for. We report stories from across Equestria.”

Grass looked at the faces of the young ponies. He could see mixed contempt and boredom. But in a few he saw the looks of real interest, and they took in every word that left his muzzle.

“Being a new’s pony is hard work, but a very fulfilling job. There are few other jobs that let you travel around so much. And there are many aspects to it. You could be like me, a reporter, you could be a printer, a photographer. The world of News is full of jobs and opportunities.”

He smiled at the group, and winced inwardly as he saw most of them yawn. “Well I think that’s enough for today. I hope to see some of you in the future as successful news ponies.”

“Right kids, what do you say to Mr. Marks?” The teacher asked her class and they all called out at once “Thank you Mr. Grass Marks.”

After the class left Grass sat down at his desk with a sigh. The school at Ponyville weren't nearly so lifeless. The memory made him smile as he remember three over excited fillies calling themselves the Cutie Mark Crusaders. According to a letter he received from Cheerilee they made a pretty good gossip column.

He started to write his next article, but couldn’t keep his head up. His last thought before falling asleep where “I need more coffee.”

=========================================================

Grass sighed again. He looked up at the sky and played with his necklace. It was a gift from a friend he hadn’t seen in many year. Once more he looked up to the sky, and wondered if she was looking at them as well.

The sound of trotting drew his attention back down to the Cloudsdale streets. Flare Skates was trotting right below his cloud. He gave her a whistle to draw her attention.

“Oh. Hey there Grassy! I’ve been looking for you” Flare said with a huge smile, happiness radiating from her, causing Grass to smile as well.

“Whatever for Flare? If it’s about the article on the Canterlot pageant It hasn’t even begun yet so I can hardly write it.....”

“....Grassy it’s not about the article.” Flare interrupted. “I came to get you cause you’re missing the office party. Come on. Golden is challenging your uncle to a drinking contest.”

Grass’s uncle ran the news division Grass, Golden and Flare worked at, and every year he held a party near Heart’s Warming Eve where all the divisions of the Pegasi Report could celebrate the past year. And almost every year Golden Dusk challenged him to some sort of contest. Last year was an eating contest, with Grass’s uncle and Golden tieing.

“A drinking contest this year? Oh this I’ve got to see.” Grass flew down and landed next to Flare, and together they trotted through the falling snow towards their office. Right before they entered the building, Flare placed a red festive hat onto Grass’s head.

“Happy Heart’s Warming Eve Grassy” Flare said, and proceeded to give a big hug.

“This job may not be the easiest, I may work far too hard, but by Luna’s Night, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”Grass thought, the seasonal joy seeping into his heart.

Comments

[Chuckward]

A good way to get grass marks is by sliding around in a field.

[Spell Bound]

1814417Ah ha ah ha ah ha

i40.servimg.com/u/f40/11/50/02/41/mlp_no11.jpg

But seriously. Good one.

[Featherprop]

OK, is this the "only chapter?" Or is there more coming? I ask because if this is a standalone, it's... well, it's a lot of setup but very little going on.

Now, I like OC characters- I have some of my own, and I think they have a lot of potential to be more interesting than the three thousandth rehash of known characters. I like the fact that you seem to be consciously avoiding the Mary Sue factor by not making Grass or any of the others super exceptional.

The downside is, to make them stand out and be interesting, you need to work on building their personalities (ponysonalities?). There's a lot of telling- "he's green, his mane is green, she's x color, y eyes..." etc. When you stop to inform in this way, it breaks the flow of the story. Better to include these details as you "show-" describe the world as your characters see it, or perceive it, or feel or think about others.

Dialogue could also use some work, but I would suggest that can be at the same time as improving the "show" aspect: You can show more by adding descriptive details to speech. Rather than leaving speech hanging bare, detail your character's emotions by describing HOW they sound, WHAT their facial expressions or actions are, WHAT they sound like, and WHY they say what they say.

The next question I have is, "What is going on?" There's a lot of background that references events from the series, but there's just not much happening. You have a few scenes that are hard to see as connected and it's hard to keep the reader's interest that way. I like it better than a story that rushes into action without ANY setup, but it's possible to move at too placid a pace. You might consider spreading out the descriptions and working in more action scenes or get to a plot point or conflict sooner. The last especially- if you can identify a potential conflict or problem, and set that before your character, you can keep the reader's interest better. I do get a sense of foreshadowing in one or two paragraphs, and that's good! We just need to have some more meat to keep us at the table.

Do you have an editor? I ask because I see a lot of punctuation errors- not huge ones, but present nonetheless. Lots of missing commas, misplaced periods, extra ellipses, stuff along that lines. There are a few spelling and grammar errors, but not many. An editor can help with all of this, and it's very very easy to miss a lot of stuff if you've been staring at a wall of words for days.

All that said, I liked reading this. It's obvious you have a larger story in mind and you're trying to set it up. You've created a central character who seems... wistful? Like a decent but uncolorful pony. Are we going to see his character develop more? You've put a fair bit into creating the conditions for something here, and I hope it turns out well!

[Spell Bound]

1815985 It's not my OC. Grass Marks belongs to Grass Marks

While i did set it up as if there could be more thats beacuse if he enjoys it and would like me to write more i can. As for an editor no not really. I usually have another author i work closely with on his story, but he is currently incapacitated.

As for action there is very little i could do. This is my first attempt at writing a story with an others OC. And as i said I'm more used to writing romance. If Grass Marks had a love interest I'm sure i could have done a lot more with this story, but this is my first attempt at something with out romance. I had intended for more to happen, but a mix of limited time and information made that difficult. I might revisit this story after becoming more acquainted with Grass Marks as an OC and if her requests i write him a story. I kind of found writing this enjoyable, cause it gave me a new cast to work with.

Like i said as well this isn't my best work, My personal favorite on i have wrote has to be the Day of Red Sky, but when I've finished Freeing the King that may take the title

[Featherprop]

1816023

Fair 'nuff. I didn't look through the description deeply- I try to offer impressions on fics in the All OC and I Just Want A Comment groups when I can, especially ones that don't seem to be getting any critique. I didn't realize this was at the request of the owner, and I'll probably have to take a look at your other stuff now.

[Spell Bound]

1816392Well i hope you like them