Epilogue
Twilight breaks the kiss and hug as the others open their eyes and gasp. Twilight starts a circle around Dash as the others start to back away. Fluttershy looks about to cry. "I always knew there was something weird about you. You would always disappear into the bathroom in a rush. You never talked about your mother AT ALL. You just ignored any questions about your past. I even GUESSED you were a changing once, but i thought you would tell me if you were so i dismissed it."
Pinkie walks over and comforts Fluttershy while Twilight finishes her circle around Dash. "That's not right. Your not a full blown changeling are you? I've seen you scarf food like candy and changelings hate all food."
Dash nods her head. "I'm a half changeling on my mothers side. She left me and my father when i was a filly. Ever since then my only wish was that i could be a true pony. I couldn't so i gave up on that. When i went to join flight school, i made a disguise for myself. Every once in a while my concentration would slip and i would feel myself start to change back. That's why i went to the bathroom so often those first few days. Eventually i got so used to it i could remain a pony in my sleep. Since then i haven't changed back until this week."
Twilight looks away. "What else was a lie? Do you actually love me?"
Dash walks up to Twilight and puts a hoof under her chin. "I do and always will love you Twilight." Dash wipes her tears away before turning towards the rest. "Now that you know, if you want me to leave Ponyville, i will. But I will never forget any of you, my closest friends." She turns to leave.
"NO. Don't you dare leave."
Dash turns to see Twilight crying openly.
Twilight looks into Dash's green eyes. "Don't you ever leave me, I love you Rainbow Dash." She runs forward and tackles Dash to the floor in a hug. Pinkie runs over and joins the hug as well. Rarity and AJ join in too, leaving only Fluttershy, still laying on the floor crying.
Eventually Fluttershy gets up and joins the hug, still crying. "I forgive you Dash."
Rainbow Dash, surrounded by all her friends and her mare friend, changes back into her rainbow maned pony form. And never changes again.
A/N <I hoped yu enjoyed this as much as i enjoyed writing it. Keep a look out for some of my other stories. I'm currently working on three others, including a Soarindash ship. A Spitfiredash ship. and a spin off of the Blue Thunder story, this time involving the colt of Blue Thunder.
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1768258 The Epilogue is finished and published ENJOY.
Soarindash ship.
Watched.
I have absolutely no information on soarin so i must research before writing so may be a little bit.
but have to say im going to be doing more twidash in the future. This was alot of fun to write.
(list of things to do)
as if i would ever do that.
1. make a sorta bad story about personal OC.2.Make a Twidash ship.3.make a story about somepony being a changeling.4. make a Soarindash ship
5. Make a clopfic. JK
Ever thought of doing gore stories? Twidash ones are actually some of the easiest to make. And there are so many possibilities, like; rainbow dash breaks twilights heart ( or visa versa), get driven insane and begins to torture the other. If you do this though, dont make it senseless, give it meaning. Perhaps make several and intertwine them and then make a big story which involves reasons ect (sort of like each marvel movie linked up to make the avengers) because if you dont give them meaning for something bigger you'll get more thumbs down than up but only by a few. I hope you do make a twidash gore fic because im looking forward for your take on it.
Ps a definite thumbs up from me
Ever thought of doing gore stories? Twidash ones are actually some of the easiest to make. And there are so many possibilities, like; rainbow dash breaks twilights heart ( or visa versa), get driven insane and begins to torture the other. If you do this though, dont make it senseless, give it meaning. Perhaps make several and intertwine them and then make a big story which involves reasons ect (sort of like each marvel movie linked up to make the avengers) because if you dont give them meaning for something bigger you'll get more thumbs down than up but only by a few. I hope you do make a twidash gore fic because im looking forward for your take on it.
Ps a definite thumbs up from me
Ill also follow you for updates on other stories of yours.
Ps if you do decide to do a gore fic, ask me anything you want to know or if you want a proof reader, editor or someone to give you ideas, just PM me
Pps sorry of all the post. Sorry
Again...
Just look at the things in Red.
~M3lancholy
Bit rushed but good story. Could do with extending.
Dear god... the edits.
First things first, this one was a lot worse than the former, you have a habit of switching persona's, I noticed three occasions where you turned into the second-person as Dash, then resumed business as third person. Around seven or eight continuity issues which I think I fixed, and a whole load of capitalisation/spelling/grammar issues.
Like others have said in this, find a spelling and grammar checker. And to reiterate my comment on the other story, go get a proofreader.
~M3lancholy
P.S: Why the multiple stories? It would have been much more sensible to keep this as a single story with a prologue as the first part.
P.P.S: Fix. Your. Damn. Tenses.
1768947
I am working on it. You people need to give me a chance, I would have had it fixed last night but I was running on 0 hours of sleep for two days. I'm lucky i got these stories out at all.
1769083
Then wait for goodness sakes.
Simply because it's not going to kill you to wait an extra day.
If that sounded cold-hearted then it's for the good of your health too.
While the idea of having one of the main six be a changling either from birth or just plain switched isn't a new idea your story came as a refreshingly different perspective. Having Rainbow Dash break the forth wall was interesting and a bit of a head turner through how that is normaly thought of as a Pinkie thing. It was rather distracting from the main story though. I agree with M3lancholy about how having multiple storys can get the reader mixed up and sometimes they won't even try reading the next one. People (like me) who have just read this one section as a single story (though it is probably their fault) will be confused by the utter lack of TwiDash in this fic. There just doesn't seem to be as much fluff as most fan fictions have. This however may be a blessing in disguise for those who dont like it when the shipping is thrown in their face. It is still a key part in the story. While your pacing is good it may be nice to smell the roses even more and explore how far Twilight and Rainbow Dash's affections go rather than to just have Twilight accept it almost instantly going "There in love darn it!" Maybe even look into the time when Fluttershy almost caught wind Rainbow's secret.
After reading you first story in this saga as well I saw that the two stories really do seem to act as multiple stories all you really get out of the first one is that Twilight and Rainbow Dash go into a relationship. In the second it adds how this apparently went well.
Overall this is pretty much an average story that is definately worth a read and a favorite. There are a few spelling mistakes that signal how you were probably in a rush when you typed it but nothing that distroys either of the stories for me. I would suggest that you reread your first story to catch some of these because they were far worse there. Hope this helped.
FLUTTERPIEROXS Battalion Member of the Impartial Investigation Ensemble
1768343 hey you.i what more awesome stories from you.please?and more twidash from you. please?
1769193 Hell yea. Not giving up on Twidash anytime soon. Spoiler for next Twidash story.ponyderivative.com/images/single/rainbow-dash/thumbs/rainbow-dash-cloud07_thumb.jpg
1769269 i'll be waiting my friend.
Pretty good, just a bit rushed.
BTW the Twidash story that is spoiled with the picture above is now out. It is titled Life Goes On.
This reminded me of rune factory 3 where your human/monster and you reveal your secret to who you love near the end.
1769128 OK. WOW. When i read the bit about breaking the fourth wall i was all like what? Now that i know what it means, was it a pro or con of the story?
1785236 depends on how you see it. If your aiming to drag your reader into the moment I would suggest geting rid of it because doing that would most likely snap your readers attention away for a bit. If your just aiming for comedy or a light story then it is perfect to drag out a laugh from some of the readers. Based on the way this is written I beleve that it belongs in the latter but it all depends on each individual's view point.
1800248 Good i was aiming for a chuckle. Im not getting any negative feedback so i guess i'll leave it for now.
o god's above i just realized how many of the comments are from me. i really need to stop commenting so much.
Hmm, A for concept and effort, but this needs some serious edits.
<-- Is pretty sure he said something similar to the comment above before...
Something about the edits link that he posted.
http://pastebin.com/3bRpCz7t
Yeah, like those.
1827049 Hey, long time no see.
1827984
Or something.
I read it and the one before and all I can say is meh. Not bad but needs alot of polish.
Prepare to recieve some negative feedback.
The romance in this story has to be the cheesiest and most clichéd I've seen. In addition, the characters couldn't possibly be more OOC than what you have here. This story is a textbook example of why I generally hate shipping.
There's also no real conflict. When it starts to arise, you work around it instead of through it. You're trying so hard to get a happy ending that you're afraid of adding drama to the rest of the story. What little drama you did include was cheesy and over the top, as I said before.
As for grammar... No two characters are permitted to speak in the same paragraph. It makes it nearly impossible to keep track of who is talking. When someone has something to say, but someone else has already spoken in that paragraph, you need to start a new one, even if it means having single-sentence paragraphs.
Am I being too hard on this story? Maybe a little. That's just the way I do things.
it needs to be about 20% cooler.
2050013 :delete message: lol jk. Not that type of person. I'm trying to make all my stories better but really busy with work and all around lazy XD