• Published 5th Jun 2012
  • 8,432 Views, 357 Comments

What Might Have Been - GreenFrogRibbit



What guides the path history will take? Is it grand destiny, or is fate a more delicate flower?

  • ...
13
 357
 8,432

Chapter 16: The Beginning of The Beginning

Disclaimer: SCP-P0N135

Object Classification: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: The master copy of SCP-P0N135 is to be stored in the hard drive of a black, 15.3 inch (38.86cm) laptop computer housed at [REDACTED], North America. Backup copies of SCP-P0N135 are to be stored on externally hosted data servers using foundation standard data encryption protocol [REDACTED] operated by the following third party organizations: FimFiction.net, [REDACTED], DeviantArt.com, [REDACTED], and [REDACTED]. Public viewing of SCP-P0N135 is allowed only with written approval of Level 4 personnel and is to be continuously monitored by foundation cyber security teams. Such teams are to devote particular attention to the prevention of litigation against the foundation by rival groups including but not limited to: Chaos Insergency, [REDACTED], Hasbro, Discovery Family, [REDACTED], and The Factory. Any anomalous behavior detected in personnel who have had contact with SCP-P0N135 is to be immediately compiled in document [REDACTED] and reported to Dr. Lauren Faust for evaluation.

Description: (see below)

What Might Have Been

Chapter 16: The Beginning of The Beginning

Fury. Fury was her nature. Seething, compressed, radiant in its anger. The fury of stellar fusion was the very engine of her core. And in that moment when she had not only been assaulted but bested by mere mortals, it was that fury she let slip. Through her divine connection with the sun she siphoned the tiniest filament of that ire and conjured it within her, letting it lose upon the mortal plane.

Deep into the earth it cut, outward and into the air as well. Loops of magnetism and rage that vaporized all they touched writhed around her in a cyclone of fire. The stone walls of her old castle slumped into magma, bedrock screamed in protest, and the sky howled in agony. Nothing was spared her wrath, nothing but her.

Her she wanted to keep.

Buoyed by the surge of divine light through her veins, Solar Flare ascended until the ruined castle was but a scab on the forest below her. Then she took aim at distant Canterlot, and like lightning bolted forward. As she flew, she used her stolen solar plasma to wrap heavy shields of force and flame about her, in her horn she charged her deadliest curses. This battle will be glorious! She thought as her fangs came forth with a wicked gleam.

When she spread her wings to brake against the air, the impact of her arrival could be heard all throughout the city. Few ponies were out at so late an hour, but those that had ventured beyond their doors to marvel at the unnatural daylight all looked up in sudden fright. And many who fought the light for sleep in their beds were roused to their windows to see the Tyrant Sun.

Solar Flare could feel their eyes on her, from her position hovering above the center of town, she could even make eye contact with some. They all fled from her sight the moment she did so. With a tactician's eye she surveyed the city, its walls and towers, the streets and fountains, and all the buildings. Nothing she saw indicated a threat.

Her suspicions deepened. Where were all the soldiers? Where were the cannons and trebuchets and mana blasters? Where were the unicorn shock troops, the battle wings of pegasi, or the thundering hooves of an earth pony charge? No doubt they lie in wait. Hidden until I am deep enough into Luna's trap that they can surround me. Then her eyes widened as a single thought passed through her mind, but as soon as it passed Solar Flare knew it was too late. FROM ABOVE! her battle instincts screamed.

As she whipped around in the air she let a jet of fire and light straight up into... into...

Nothing.

There was nothing there. No descending squadron of pegasus troopers, no conjured lighting bolts, not even any clouds. Nothing but a clear blue sky. Solar flare tightened her jaw and returned her glare to the waiting city below. You can not hide your army from me, Luna, she brooded to herself. I will find them. And I will crush them.

In a torrent she descended into the plaza before the castle gates, cracking the flagstones beneath her hooves as she landed. Dropping into a battle stance and raising her wards, she waited for the assault to begin.

Silence judged her cruelly.

Growling in frustrated rage she lept atop castle walls and quickly located the guardhouse door. Ripping it from its hinges she charged inside to find the small room empty.

“Dammit!” she seethed. She turned, and as she walked from the room she let magic enchant her voice. “WHEREEVER YOU ARE HIDING, YOU CANOT STAY HIDDEN FOR LONG!” her voice boomed out to a castle of ghosts. “I WILL FIND YOU!” she screamed, maddness tinging her words. “I AM THE QUEEN AND I WILL FIND YOU!”

Then she once again took wing and wheeled above the castle. With mania in her veins she pulled heavenly fire down from her sun and let the enchanted flames wash over the structure. Her spell rushed away from her in an expanding shock-wave, infusing the very stone of the castle with her will and seeking out any life within.

As her scenes, carried by magic spread outward, her building frustration tightened further and further. In the castle courtyards, there was nopony. In the barracks there wasn't a soul. The gardens were abandoned and all the palace living quarters were vacant.

When she finally came back to herself, she howled in fury that her spell had failed and dove to the ground. At a full gallop now she careened down the halls and corridors of Canterlot Castle, frantic to find the challenge she knew Luna had left for her. But all the guest rooms were stripped and the sheets folded away. All the files in the offices were missing, the desks all barren. The royal kitchens held barely more than some flour and a few eggs and even the dungeons had been stripped, all the iron bound doors having been removed from their hinges and packed away.

At last she came to the ornate doors of the throne room, her breath heaving from paranoia and disbelief. Spinning about, she bucked the doors open earth pony style and sprinted up the dais to the throne.

Large and black, carved of obsidian and polished to a mirror finish, inlaid with sliver filigree and studded with diamonds like stars, the Lunar Throne of Equestria glared down at her in angry judgment. And there, resting squarely upon its silk cushion was a silver and sapphire diadem. In hooves trembling with madness and rage Solar Flare lifted the tiara and saw her twisted reflection in its many gleaming facets. Finally, the true nature of her sister's gambit became clear to her.

Screaming in defeat, Celestia hurled the crown across the room as tears of frustration slid down her cheeks.

✶✶✶ ☽☀☾ ✶✶✶

Applejack managed to recover first, if recover could even be the right word. He got up, walked over to the silent pair at the door, and dragged a very confused Dusk Shine in.

Not expecting to be manhandled in such a way, the violet mage tried to get his questions out as he stumbled along. “So if I could just ask a few-”

The farm colt cut him off abruptly when he pulled out a chair for Dusk and pointed. “Sit.”

Dusk sat.

Rainbow Blitz followed the pair mutely back to the table and returned to his seat along with Applejack. What followed was later referred to as the mother of all awkward silences. Five battered and in bruised ponies, all with haggard faces sat arrayed around the far side of the table and looked at him with tired eyes. Dusk fidgeted nervously under their gaze, feeling as though he was sitting through some strange job interview he was unprepared for.

“So... ” he began, hoping to alleviate some of the graceless tension.

Before he could continue Elusive drew in a breath and sighed into the stillness. “By Faust, could it really be her?”

“Her?” Dusk asked in confusion.

Rainbow leaned out from the edge of the booth to glance down at Dusk's flank. “He's got the same cutie mark.”

Feeling a little violated for being ogled so, Dusk piped up. “What exactly is going on here?” Then he finally recognized the glittering necklaces that each of his interrogators wore, and specifically the hallowed jewels at their center. His eyes grew wide in awe as they came to rest on the tiara sitting at the center of the table.

“Are those...”

“Yes,” Butterscotch interrupted with finality. The yellow pegasus colt had no doubt what Dusk intended to ask. None of them did. Seeing a doppelganger of their friend sitting right in front of them, and so soon after having seen her turned to stone, well, it was all just too much to be coincidence.

Shock and amazement were quickly building in Dusk Shine. This was all so far beyond anything he had anticipated that he found himself utterly at a loss for how to proceed. The Elements of Harmony were right there, right in front of him. It was amazing. It was incredible. It was so fortuitous it looped right back around to alarming.

Something was clearly wrong with these five stallions. Their injuries, the despair in their voices, the way they looked at him like he was some kind of impostor or spy, all these things made the hairs on the back of Dusk's neck stand on end. Somehow he knew that the eyes of destiny were on him. What he said and did now would determine the fate of Equestria.

I may have already tipped my hoof by asking after the Elements like that, he thought to himself. I can't afford to make those kinds of slip-ups if Solar Flare is around. I need to take control of this situation.

As these thoughts passed through his head, Dusk Shine sat up a little straighter in his chair and cleared his throat. Assuming a more business-like manner he said, “So like I said earlier, I have a few questions about what happened during the ceremony. If we could just start with-”

“How did you get here?” Berry Bubble cut in, throwing off Dusk's grove once again.

“Uh... I took the train. Look, If I could just-”

The pink colt shook his head, ignoring the rest of what Dusk was going to say. “No, I mean, why did you come here, to Ponyville?” he pressed.

That wasn't exactly the kind of question he was expecting, but before setting out earlier Dusk had taken some time to cobble together what he thought would serve as a halfway decent cover story. “Oh, well word came into the Office of Magical Abnormalities and Nuisances that there had been a class 3 helio-type disturbance, so I was dispatched from the Canterlot branch office to evaluate projected municipal compensation allocations for the Equestrian Revenue Service.” He rattled off his excuse with practiced ease, and even managed to end with a toothy please-don't-think-too-hard-about-what-I-just-said-because-it's-all-complete-balogna kind of smile.

Unfortunately for Dusk Shine nopony, including himself, was buying it.

“Well that's not true,” Applejack deadpanned.

“Why did you really come here?” asked Elusive. But before the purple mage could could formulate a response, Elusive's eyes grew wide and he sucked in a breath of realization. “You were sent here by Princess Luna, weren't you?”

That barb struck far too close to home for Dusk's liking. The other five must have been able to see it in his face because a similar spark of insight seemed to spread around the table.

“You're her personal protegee, aren't you?” Butterscotch put in.

“And Ah'll bet she chose you on the day you got your cutie mark?” Applejack added.

“You graduated valedictorian from... I guess it'd be Luna's School for Gifted Unicorns” Rainbow Blitz stated.

Then Berry Bubble reared up on his hind legs and brought his fore-hooves down decisively on the table. He leaned way over into Dusk's personal space, scrunched up his face and fixed the purple mage in a suspicious, steely glare. “What exactly is your relationship with the Ponyville Public library?”

His blood ran cold, adrenaline coursed through his veins and his heart hammered against his chest. How do they know these things about me?

Dusk was just about to acquiesce to his fight or flight instincts when the pink colt's stern visage began to crack.

They all must have seen the truth written across his panic stricken face, because snorts of laughter began to emerge from all around the table. Berry was the first to break and the others soon followed, soon all five stallions were chuckling and Dusk was the only one left out of the joke.

“What... has just happened?” he said.

While Dusk was stewing in his bewilderment, the other five stallions just couldn't maintain the tension in the situation any longer. Bleak as their situation was, they had all come to the realization of just who this new pony was, and the utter unexpectedness of this twist of fate was so great as to be laughable. So they laughed, and for just a few moments, things didn't to hurt quite so badly.

As their humor slowly subsided, Applejack held out his hoof to Dusk Shine. “Ah think we owe you an apology for putting you through the wringer, Dusk was it?”

“Yeah.” Replied the purple mage as he reached out to give a friendly hoofshake.

“Sorry for givin' you the cold shoulder there. Name's Applejack. Pleasure to meet ya'.”

“Uh, likewise.” Dusk was still a little confused by the whole situation, but at least this time when he looked around the table he got warm smiles and a round of introductions.

“My apologies good sir, my name is Elusive.”

“Hiya, I'm Berry Bubble!”

“Um, Butterscotch. Hi.”

“And I'm Rainbow Bliz! Autographs available upon request.”

Dusk was silent for a brief moment as he took all this in. “Right. Well, it's very nice to meet you all but could somepony please tell me what exactly is going on? What happened at the Winter Moon Festival? Why do you all look like you've been through a war zone? How in Luna's name did you wind up with the most powerful magical artifacts known to ponydom? And how the buck do you know so much about me when I'm pretty sure I've never met any of you before in my life?!”

By the end of his rant Dusk's mane had gotten a little frizzy and a thread of mania had slipped into his voice. He hadn't intended to come off so aggressive, but by now he was feeling more than a little overwhelmed.

“Uh, yeah,” Rainbow Blitz began, nervously rubbing the back of his neck with a hoof. The other four all appeared uneasy as well. “I guess we better fill you in then.”

So they did.

They started with what happened at town hall, about Solar Flare and how they had first met Twilight Sparkle. At first Dusk would stop them frequently to ask questions, probing every detail and furiously scribbling down notes. But as their story went on he did so less and less. He was silent for their description of their journey through the Everfree, and for their trails at the Castle of the Two Sisters, Dusk barely dared to breathe.

Once the five ponies had finished their tale a somber pall had returned to haunt the group, but this time Dusk shared in it, for now he knew from whence it came. After a quiet moment he softly said, “It all seems so unbelievable.”

“That's what we thought too,” Butterscotch replied.

“And this mare, Twilight Sparkle... You really think I'm her?”

“Twins don't look so much alike as the two of you would.” Elusive assured. “Believe me, I've spent enough time with Aloe and Lotus to know.”

Dusk didn't ask who Aloe and Lotus were. He was too preoccupied trying to digest what he was being told. Other worlds. Other me's! How is any of this possible? I wouldn't believe a word of it if the Elements of Harmony weren't sitting here right in front of me. I still don't think I believe all of it. Oh Luna, what am I gonna do?

Then he took a deep breath slowly let it out. His posture straightened and his gaze became hard. He knew what he was going to do. He was going to stop Solar Flare and bring back Princess Luna. He was going to save Equestria, or die trying.

With cold resolve in his veins he looked back up to the five stallions across the table. “Thank you,” he began. “For telling me all this, and for retrieving the Elements.”

His voice softened. “I can only imagine what you five have been through in the last twenty four hours. Please believe me when I say I am truly sorry for the hardships you've endured and the loss for your friend. I wish I could have met her. She sounds like a mare worthy of your company. You are all heroes, and your actions this day are testament to that fact. All Equestria is in your debt.”

Five pairs of eyes stared blankly back at the young mage, faces waiting for direction. Steeling himself, Dusk went on. “But the battle isn't over yet. Solar Flare is still out there, and somepony's got to stop her. That's why I'm here. That's what Luna sent me to do.” He reached for the Element of Magic at the center of the table. “And now that you've found the Elements, I might finally have a chance-”

His hoof was stopped by Applejack. “Woah there partner. I don't think you were listening back when we told you what happened to Twilight. The Elements didn't work. Just a gust a' wind, a big flash a' light, then nothing. Like hey are we gonna let you get turned to stone like her!”

Three other heads nodded in agreement.

“Look, I appreciate your concern,” Dusk began, “But Princess Luna made the risks of this mission perfectly clear to me from the get-go. Make no mistake, I know exactly what kind of danger I'm courting by taking up this quest. But I think you all know, perhaps better than anypony, just what is at stake here. Solar Flare must be stopped, and it's my job to stop her.

“You five have done more than enough in this struggle. There's no reason you should have to be thrust back into danger now. Whatever risks there are from here on out are mine alone to take, and I will face them gladly. But I can't ask you to again make that same sacrifice. In fact I must insist you don't.

“As civilians, it's not your responsibility to protect the realm and save the day. Would I be wrong in assuming that each of you has family and friends who are counting on your safe return? What of your responsibilities to them? What would they do if you were petrified or killed in all this?

“I realize you all want to help defend our homeland, and you have all proven yourself heroes already in that regard. But please don't let your concern for me blind you to the concerns other have for you. I asked for this task and I knew the risks going in, but you guys had neither of those forewarnings. Now in this time of crisis you all deserve to be with your families and friends.”

Applejack seemed immediately affected by Dusk's candor. In fact he looked almost as if he'd been slapped. Dusk was right, he wasn't soldier, he was a farmer. And even though he had given his level best in trying to save the world, he realized that he had been forced to abandon his family to do it. The tension between doing what was right for his family and what was Right (with a capital R) ate at the orange farm colt like caustic lye. As much as he wanted to, Applejack couldn't honestly refute anything Dusk had said.

Elusive and Butterscotch shared similar feelings of guilt. They each had ponies, or in Butterscotch's case animal friends, who would be devastated if anything were to happen to them. In fact Elusive just couldn't shake the horrible visions of how his little brother Silver Bell would react if he never made it back. It was almost too much to bear.

Even Berry Bubble seemed to be brought down to earth by Dusk's impassioned plea, as his normally poofy main hung just a little straighter. Meeting ponies from other dimensions was awesome, and going on adventures was super fun, and being a hero and saving the day was great! But even he had to admit that all that fun wasn't worth your life. Getting turned to stone was just about the least fun thing in the world, and Berry almost wanted to cry at the thought of never seeing his family again.

This time nopony moved to stop him when Dusk reached a once again for the sacred amethyst star in the center of the table. As the purple colt took the Element of Magic into his hooves he felt a great weight descend on his shoulders, as though the gem itself were pressing down on him. The physical crown was far heaver than he'd expected, and somehow its weight hung just as heavily from his heart as from his hooves. I never expected this mission to be such a lonely enterprise. Dusk lamented to himself, but that very thought seemed to make the Element all the heaver.

“Please,” he pleaded. “Let me finish this fight in your stead.”

There was a long pregnant pause. Dusk sat there holding his Element close; the other five wearing theirs. Applejack, Elusive, Berry Bubble, and Butterscotch all wanted to help and continue their quest, but none could now ignore the price of their involvement.

At last Rainbow Blitz sucked in a deep breath through his nose and blew it out in a profound sigh.

“Welp,” he said. “I'm goin' with him.”

“What!” cried the other five ponies in simultaneous incredulity. But Blitz had already gotten up out of his seat and was walking toward the door. With his hoof on the handle he turned to look pointedly back at a still flabbergasted Dusk Shine. “So, you comin' or what?”

“Rainbow, what the hey?” Applejack admonished. “Didn't you hear a word he just said? What about Scootaloo?”

“And your parents back in Cloudsdale?” Butterscotch added.

Sighing like he was speaking to children, Rainbow Blitz explained. “Look, I get it. What we're doing is crazy dangerous, but so what?” Pointing a hoof at a sternly frowning AJ he whent on. “You could step out your door tomorrow, get hit by a run-away cabbage cart and that's game over man. Our lives are fragile and fleeting, and Dusk is totally right that we should spend them with the ones we love.

“But I've been training to be a stunt devil for years now and I'd be lying if I said I haven't flirted with death on more than one occasion. Was it intentional? Of course not. And of course I try to minimize the risks I take, but I'll never get to be a Wonderbolt if I don't take those risks and push myself to be better.

“Now the sun won't set and all Equestria is going to suffer for it if somepony, or more likely someponies, don't step up and take a chance at saving her. We might get killed doing just that, but that is a risk worth taking.

“You're right, Butterscotch, if something happened to me my parents would be crushed, and I don't even want to think of what Scootaloo would do without her role model. But even if we die and fail, we'll have died trying to save all those we care about. And if we die and succeed, our families will grieve for our loss but at least they won't all die of thirst on waterless desert-world.

“But if we all stay home and hope somepony else goes the distance to pull all our asses out of the fire, then I guarantee you we're all headed down the shitter together.”

His energy spent Blitz gave a short sigh and folded his ears back. “Look, I'm sorry for being so blunt, but I don't think this is something any of us should back out of. We're 'chosen by fate', remember? We've been given a chance to save everyone we care about and no way am I gonna pass that up.”

For his four companions, Blitz's words rang rather definitively. None of them could really argue with the chromatic colt's assessment of the situation and they all found themselves quite unexpectedly convinced. Looking from one to another, Applejack, Berry Bubble, Elusive, and Butterscotch all shrugged in resignation at their unanimous agreement. They were going, it seemed.

Dusk Shine tho, tried to assert himself one last time. “Well I, uh... I respect your dedication but this is really more of an official government mission so...”

Blitz just walked over to the stuttering colt and threw a hoof across his shoulders, pulling him in for a friendly side hug. “Just give it up G-man. We're coming with you and that's that. Right guys?” Blitz turned his winning smile on his other companions.

“Of course!” chirped Berry.

“Oh, um... Yes.” Butterscotch stammered.

“Well I'm convinced,” Elusive put in. “Applejack?”

All eyes turned to the farm colt, who still wore a troubled expression on his features. Finally he let out a breath and chuckled. “You crazy fool,” he said to Rainbow with a warm smile on his lips. “Yeah, I'm in.”

“Awesome!” Blitz cheered. Then pulling away from Dusk he asked, “So, where to now oh fearless leader?”

Dusk just sat there with a blank expression on his face as one resounding thought rang though his head. Sweet Luna, what have I gotten myself into?

Author's Note:

As always feel free to point out errors in the comments and I'll fix them straight away. Other than that, I have to say tho the past 5 some odd months have been rough, it's good to finally start writing again. Here it is, the long awaited chapter 16 of What Might Have Been. Enjoy!

Comments ( 25 )

HOORAH! THE EPIC CONTINUES!

:yay: :rainbowkiss: :pinkiegasp:

I can't wait for the next chapter! My jimmies have been rustled preemptively! :rainbowderp: :rainbowhuh: wait wat?

"Her suspensions deepened."
"suspicions"?

Ought the divider to be centered?

"dragged a every confused"
"very"?

Well, a short-seeming chapter after the absence, but a good one, I think. :)

6184416
Fixed, fixed and fixed. Thanks for the spot!


6184340
Do not let your jimmies be rustled.
There is no need to be upset.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygr5AHufBN4

6184446
You're welcome.

Even Berry Bubble seemed to be brought down to earth buy Dusk's impassioned plea,

Should be by

Aside from that, great chapter. I had to skim the prologue and the last chapter to remember what was going on. Glad to see you back!

I don't recall if this was established previously, but I notice that Sweetie Belle got a gender swap but Scootaloo didn't.

what Scootaloo would do with our her role model.

Should be "out" or "without" me thinks.

6184560
6184807
Fixed and fixed. Thanks!:twilightsmile:


6184662
That is indeed one of the more subtle points in the story, I can assure you it was completely deliberate. There;s actually a discussion about it somewhere back in the comments around chapter 5 i think, where i saw the same.

Welp, I just finished the fic in one sitting, so that is a VERY good grading from me to you! Love the way you've taken the story, as well as your writing style - good flow and pacing, always keeping me on my toes. And, of course, now I'm sitting on needles waiting for more! Looking forward to any and all updates on this, and, for the record, this is, most definitly, my favourte "Tyrant Sun"/"Corona" fic as of yet. Keep it up, and stand proud! :pinkiehappy:

6185510
All in one sitting, that's impressive! I'm so glad you're enjoying it! :pinkiehappy:

Nice to see this updating again.

Nitpicks:

When she spread her wings to break against the air

Unless her wings broke, I think you mean "brake"

a single though passed

thought

into the plaza before of the castle gates

I think "of" should be deleted, otherwise "before"

upon it's silk cushion

its

in it's many gleaming

its

barely dared to breath.

breathe (a breath is what you breathe)

somehow it's weight hung

its

And you parents back in Cloudsdale?

your

would do with out her role model

I believe this should be "without"

They we going, it seemed.

were

Dusk Shine tho, tried to assert

Shine, though, tried
(or simply "Shine tried")

"I know I can't beat you, sister, so I won't try. You wanted my kingdom so badly? Well, you can have it. But you should know that I've left it empty, now and forever. Congratulations, you got what you wanted. But without any ponies to pay attention to you, you still don't have what you need, and if you keep this up, you never will."

That's a kick under the tail...

I highly doubt it would happen this way, but it would be entertaining if this world's six finally made it to Canterlot, burst into the throne room, and found a lonely, distraught small pink and white alicorn crying over her sister's crown, already weakened through her own despair. The Elements remove the last vestiges of her more violent self, so she can't flip back the other way again and she can begin to emotionally heal.

6187308
All fixed! Thanks for the help!

6190782
Ooooh! I like that Idea! It's not really quite what I have planed for the final showdown, but wouldn't that be a neat twist? And your dialogue is just about exactly what Luna would say if she weren't banished at the moment. Thanks so much for your input, I'm glad you like the story! :twilightsmile:

6191203

It might have been too anticlimactic. In the original scene we almost have a last moment save when they realized the power of friendship. So I was struggling with a way to make the Elements play their part in a suitable "friendshippy" manner while accommodating a very different sort of scene from the one we're familiar with.

Actually, now that I'm thinking about it again.

Maybe Celestia's nightmare turning to despair has sent her down the path to suicide. The Elements could have a similar last minute save.

I'm very excited to see what you're back!! I enjoyed this chapter thoroughly, though I'll admit there are minor spelling errors here and there, but the chapter as a whole was great :)

6191332
Hmmm. I think that would be a tad darker than I'm willing to go with this story. Actually this gets at one of the contrasts that I've been trying to draw between Solar Flare and Nightmare Moon. It seemed to me that Nightmare Moon's most damning quality was her contempt, contempt for her sister who out shown her and for the ponies of Equestria who ignored her. Solar Flare by contrast, I envision as a being of rage. She's angry her sky isn't as beautiful as Luna's but mostly she's angry that she didn't get the respect she thought she deserved for lighting the world. What Luna did by vacating the throne was stab directly at that festering wound in Solar Flare's heart, and lets face it, that hurt.

If I were to incorporate a more broken spirited Solar Flare in further chapters (which I might just do, as it's a really cool idea) I think it would be more along the lines of Flare giving up the idea of being Queen and taking her anger out on the ponies who snubbed her xenocidal maniac style. She just seems to me like the kind of villain that, when faced with that kind of soft defeat, would double down on the evil rather than fall into despair.

6224639

I'm going to have to disagree with you on Nightmare Moon. She was contemptuous, certainly, but I think that's just because of who she was facing this time around. In the flashback to the initial battle she wasn't contemptuous - at least not primarily - she was Pissed.

But don't let me tell you how to run your story. If my commentary helps, then great! If your plan takes you elsewhere, then thank you for at least listening.

Hurray! More awesome-sauce! :pinkiehappy:


~ Super-Brony12

6602398
Indeed!


6645387
Grumble grumble grumble... Pay no attention to that overworked, sleep deprived, shell of a man behind the curtain. To be honest, I have recently had a returned desire to get back to work on this, and the fact you took the time to read and comment really helps my motivation. I can't promise anything soon, but for you and all my other readers I promise to write at least a paragraph this weekend. Who knows? Maybe I'll hit a groove.

I do hope this hasn't been abandoned. It is a great story so far!

I also have to say I love how you make different disclaimers for each chapter.

What?? This is it? *goes check the chapters* nooooooo, pleeaaseee I beg you continue this!!

Login or register to comment