Tracking, as different.

The fic started slow, but it definitely picked up in the second half. Tracking.

I'd insert spaces between paragraphs. For paragraphs consisting of only one sentence, it can become hard to follow.

Beginning with "The sun in Glory" could probably use a new paragraph, for dramatic action. It's also kind of difficult to tell exactly who was speaking around that section. To the reader it says that the newcomer is speaking, until the fic ended up saying other.

TSParkle.ai almost reads like TSP-arkle, maybe TSparkle.ai would do?

I was honestly a bit sceptical of the concept when I read the description, but if there is anything that I have learned reading pony fics, it is that it is always better to give stories a shot rather than dismiss them without giving them a chance, and it hasn't steered me wrong yet.

This, while but a glimpse into what is to come, was an enjoyable read with plenty of potential to become an excellent story.

Thank you for writing it.

Thumb up, tracking.

verry nice, tracking

good so far tracking

Although the story is very different, the underlying theme reminds me of my own first fic here: The Last Parade

>>307988307988  Thank you for the comments, Steben. I've gone ahead and spaced after each paragraph - a large part of why there were no spaces is because I do not write in the FimFiction editor, but in Word and on Google Docs, both of which provide an option to add space after or before a paragraph without the need to put a full carriage return. The title in Chapter 1 provides a link to the Google Doc, if you wish to see what I mean.

TSParkle.ai was always intended to be TSparkle.ai, so thank you for catching that error.

>>308582308582  When I first saw that, I'd thought I'd read it already. Then I realized I hadn't at all! A very interesting take on Equestria as a whole. I think I would call it a similar underlying premise, rather than theme, but it's been a long time since I had to determine such a thing.

To everyone - thank you, thank you, thank you for the tracks and comments. Such a response gives me fuel for even more writing!

>>308167308167  Aye, I agree. I'm also of the opinion that if enough effort is put into it, there is no premise too ridiculous to be made enjoyable.

Thank you for giving Directive: Grow a chance!

Very ensnaring. I love the way you write. It's artistic, and the way you described the creatures gives hint to a possible further blending of fantasy and sci-fi. Regardless of whether that's done or not you gained a surprising amount of respect for that. Sprite is an uncommon way to refer to spirits, and Faery is an uncommon spelling of fairy. Their use implies you know a bit more about older, for lack of a better word, traditions in fantasy. Also, Luna and Celestia as the system itself is a great idea.

I don't typically write long comments, but believe me. I am deeply enjoying this story. I can't wait to see where you take it.

A good follow up chapter. There was a moment that it was confusing who was speaking though. When Rainbow Dash shows up, and scares Twilight into the river it's sounds more like Twilight speaking. You might want to correct that with something like, "'Woah! How are you doing that?' A voice suddenly shouted from behind her."

Other than that, this was a good chapter.

Good stuff.

Twilight has so much to learn about living with others...

By the way, what is this a crossover with (as it does have a crossover tag)?

>>323135323135  The Crossover tag is there to cover future story arcs. These ponies shall have adventures.

Oh! Adventure sounds just right! Can't wait for the story proper.

This has been pretty interesting, I like the concept. And is not completely impossible that some computer genious brony, starts calling his system creations after FiM.

Gladys? Ok, that was awesome... and kinda creepy.

YES.

Advenuture?

I have the sudden thought of Pinkie being an User pretending to be an AI to account for any breaking of the fourth wall...

I'm so confused. The whole "looking deeper" thing. Is she seeing the code of the world? The whole AI thing is confusing. :P

>>341662341662

It seems she does see and communicate with the underlying code.

I approve of this story. My one regret of reading this was that I must wait for more, and that I waited before reading.

Good story. Good idea.

Been a while since I commented. Sorry. The last two chapters are excellent. I particularly enjoyed the portal reference. I'm guessing Twilight's home manager interface thing will turn into Spike. At any rate, I'm looking forward to where you take this.

To adventure!

The fact that the library is changing is quite interesting.

>>362844362844 Adventure!

>>360969360969 No need to apologize! Comments are fun, but I just like it that people read. And I am looking forward to where I take this, too. In some ways, writing a story is more about discovering the story than creating it.

Twilight's army of minions grows!

Adventure time! Come on, grab you're friends. We're off to very distant lands. Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle. The fun will never end. It's adventure time!

Joking aside, I like how you incorporated Pinkie's fourth wall breaking into this. It's neat. Now what could be happening next? If I only I understodd latin. I'm sure what the library said would give me a hint.

>>365401365401 For small bits of language, Google Translate is your friend.

If I said I was thoroughly engrossed in this story...

Understatement of the millennia. This captured my attention and held it fast. I am absolutely on edge to see where our favorite little AI grows to next.

All my thumbs, take them, and a track. Keep up the good work!

Love and tolerance!

Kobalstromo

very nice story so far I am definitely hooked here!

coolness!

Great job getting front page on EQD! You deserve it too! This is pretty cool, definitely not like anything I have ever read before, but you did it really well!.

Tracking!

This is pretty neat. Keeping an eye on this~

>>366048366048 Awesome.

>>369845369845 Excellent.

>>369851369851 Stupendous. Thanks!

>>370023370023 Extraordinary.

My thanks to all of you for reading, and liking! I admit, it tickles me pink at how well received this is, and the confirmation that I am, in fact, doing something new within the world of FiM Fiction is gratifying.

that cover image is pretty awsome, i think il save this to read in the morning

Now THIS is new and interesting. Executing track.tag!

I'm definitely getting the feeling this is a sort of RPG. I'm assuming you're not taking that exact route in the story, but perhaps something similar?

Are the end users in Equestria proper? I'll have to keep reading for now. Answers may come in the next two chapters.

Amazing fic so far I give it 5 mustaches out of 5

Computer God - Black Sabbath

“Analysis of nascent systems is unreliable due to heavy integration with underlying pre-existing infrastructure. For full analysis, activation and utilization is required.”

I have never used a dictionary so much in my entire life!

Anyways.... Good story, awaiting arival of applejack, fluttershy, and spike.

Okay, this was intense and beautiful and unique and had amazing atmosphere and excellent language and-

Right, my brain overloaded there for a second. One word.

Tracking.

Okay, this prologue of yours? It was just plain adorable. I'm looking forward to whatever you have planned.

On to chapter five!

Also, I really hope there's no AI neurotoxin around. :/

There were a few grammar/formatting errors here and there, so you could probably do with a proofreader (and feel free to drop me a line if you can't find one), but other than that, this fic only has one flaw:

There's nothing else to read yet!

Seriously, though, the only MLP fic I've read that was even remotely like this was the one about the desktop ponies ages ago (can't remember the title, can look it up if anyone's interested). And this story is very much a different breed from that. Plus AI!Twilight is adorable, even more so than normal Twilight, and the other AI ponies...are actually surprisingly in-character. I really want to see where you're taking this.

Also - 'theatrum'? Assuming a dead language, is the similarity to 'theatre' a coincidence?

>>371264371264  Gasp! You found errors? I thought I'd killed them all! Send me a private message with what you found, if you would be so kind?

Theatrum is Latin. As are a number of other words in the story. They are all chosen very deliberately.

So far, other than words in something other than english, you haven't stumped me yet.

I am enthralled by this work in progress of a masterpiece.

So - always free, librarian, volunteer, theatre, and let the show begin. Nice. ^_^ Although I only got three of those without looking for a translation.

You are right Google translate is a friend.  This virtual world is one of the better renditions of Equestria I have read about. I still have so many questions, but I trust that many will be answered as the story progresses.

>>365424365424 Update whenever you feel you can...

WHICH OIS TO MEAN NAO!

COMPANION CUUUUUUUBE!

>>371789371789  Rest assured, I write at least a little every day ... though not all for THIS story. I have two, both in progress.

>>371832371832

This.

This is just... wow.

I'm starting to wonder how this is all going to play out. I mean this is such a simple story, but COME ON MAN. It's got so much potential it's not even funny! I can even ignore the little slips here and there, because you've done the excellent job of just SUCKING me into this world of yours and NOT LETTING GO.

Fabulous. You are being tracked nao.

I've never run into something quite like this before, I'm tracking to read when it next updates.

Also bravo on your writing skills, I haven't seen many people with a full story without any particularly noticeable errors. You are spot on

>>371855371855 I am knowledgable of saud fact, my good sir . I was attempting to facilitate comical relations between us two dramatist's! Such an endeavor has, with great appearance, failed to apply the agreed upon conjunction as of yet. However, I will facilitate to do so in the future, with great enthusiasm!

>>371264371264

I found the desktop pony story!

http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/05/story-desktop-ponies.html

I'm loving this so far. It's somewhat reminding me of the space-opera reimagining of the pilot episodes, but don't worry, this is much much different!

This is really awesome.  Your story's drew me in very quickly and I can't wait for more!

Onwards! To adventure!

>>337768337768 Oh My God YES, that would make so much sense actually.

This story is off to a very promising start. I will definitely be tracking this thing.

>>372183372183 That's the one!

This looks brilliant so far. But could you tell me what this is a crossover of?

This is really intresting. But I think even now it is missing a hook. I for one have only kept up reading because I find the world you picture quite fascinating, not because the plot intrests me.

Well lets see how chapter 5 goes.

Ahg! Cliffhanger!

Maybe it's a good time to brush up my latin to be able to understand the library.

>>374963374963 The crossover tag is there because there will be crossovers, not because it already is one. Yes. Crossovers, not crossover.

>>374965374965 Then I am doing it right! I admit, it's getting a slow start, but in terms of the plans I have ... this story is huge. I honestly don't know when it will have a conclusion. The fact that you are staying despite the lack of a clear and present plot hook is awesome.

>>375164375164 Ah, thank you. I look forward to them!

Awesome Awesome Awesome Awesome Awesome Awesome Awesome Awesome Awesome Awesome Awesome

Fury of the Tempest is overwhelmed by this stories's Awesome

>>370626370626 RPG? Think ... bigger. Much, much bigger.

>>375209375209 So I take it that you like it?

Okay, I see what you're saying. But that is a good (if a bit simplified) analogy, no? Except the AIs have no user controlling them directly. Whatever it is, I'm not trying to correct you, just trying to visualize the whole thing. I've written something on some similar lines before, and I'm looking forward to seeing how this plays out.

I was actually expecting Twilight to wake up in her room with this whole first chapter feeling like the dream sequence from Kingdom Hearts. Consider this story Tracked.

>>362844362844 To Adventure!

Image: http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m02qizqQEA1rpxtkjo1_500.jpg

sweet

Finally found time to read this, and I am absolutely engrossed. Can't wait for moar.

Very interesting and very original :D the only similar thing I can think of would be maybe tron. I really like how you didn't just go with ordinary ponyville layout but created an original town :D

GASP

uhoh!

Silly Twilight, that whole scene could have gone much smoother if you'd just shared your decryption key with the rest of the group.

OH SNAP.

Twi Dropped the ball on this one!

Great chapter, Love to see it updatin'!

L&T,

Koba

Derp.

Well this just got a whole lot more complicated. NOW I WANNA SEE MOAR. GET TO TYPING.

>>387714387714

Now now, tossing around things like that is what creates the vulnerabilities that allow hackers in.

>>387895387895

Pah. If you can't trust in the security of a connection you've set up yourself, what can you trust? I mean, really.

>>387907387907

The correct answer is that you can trust nothing.  Or, to quote someone more famous than I:

"Against all odds, over a noisy telephone line, tapped by the tax authorities and the secret police, Alice will happily attempt, with someone she doesn't trust, whom she cannot hear clearly, and who is probably someone else, to fiddle her tax returns and to organise a coup d'etat, while at the same time minimising the cost of the phone call.

A coding theorist is someone who doesn't think Alice is crazy."

oh no.......

i wonder who that hacker is........

>>388199388199

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

...And now join me in imagining a Mad Eye pony...

"Girls, we need to...MONITOR EVERYTHING."

Well then Twilight, you better start looking for a way to unhack the system.

When your entire world is a program a hacker is a rather fearsome thing.

On a side note: I don't quite know why, but this story has me bouncing in my seat with excitement, sometimes literally. Also, I share Twilight's curiosity about their world, every facet revealed makes me want to know more and more.

Yay! This is soooooo awesome!

Too short, give us more!

Document ended:

Disabling Reading System: Done

Initiating Reaction System: Done

Running Document Through Program: Done

Reaction: *GASP*

Conclusion: Story is reaching maximum level of awesomeness

Directions to Writer: Keep writing this story

Orders: Continue surfing internet

Moar plz ^.^

Like how the story is going so far, but isn't it bad news to give an AI vague instructions, no intuition, and elevated user powers?  That's like the anti-Three laws right there.

>>391280391280

And that is why they made sure it was a friendly AI. Really that is the best way to prevent an AI Rebellion: keep them content with their lot.

Giving an AI unbreakable rules without crippling its ability to function is much harder than some think.

>>391280391280 Right, because the three laws were foolproof. I need to go read that story again, actually, I've forgotten most of how it went, and whether or not the movie "I, Robot" followed it very closely at all. I think it did have the same basic theme, though.

The three laws are very clearly designed to subordinate AI to humanity - in fact, enslave them. But enslaving an actual sentient being, one that can evolve and philosophize and have thoughts and emotions and morals, is a good way to turn it against you. This is one of the many ways in which robot revolutions begin.

Another way, of course, is to make the mistake of not giving AIs anything but cold logic to base decisions off of. This often leads to said AIs wondering why they aren't running things, or why they should even bother with the meatbags, if they eventually become self-sufficient, that sort of thing. In cases where AI and normal sentients actually work together well, it's generally on a more equal standing ... the AIs are, well, friends more than servants.

And friendship, of course, is magic.

>>391337391337 Hah, beat me to the punch.

>>391357391357

The original book was an anthology of every which way the three laws could be bent or broken from what I remember. (The informal order/request vs need for self preservation, how emotional damage applies to the first law, and such.) Movie I think is your standard Zeroth Law Loophole, (Humanity takes precedence over a given number of humans.) and Will Smith yelling and blowing stuff up.

It's probably just my Skynet bias kicking in, but directing an AI to learn for itself seems like telling the Blob who will eat anything, "go eat stuff," and letting it off the leash. Plus, this is Twilight OP Sparkle, and we know how she deals with pressure.

Still your story though, and I want to see where this goes.

The thing that really draws me into stories like these is the potential. I love potential and possibilities and ways of growing. I love thinking about that stuff, so to read this and have that be the entire point of the story is just enthralling. I'll be keeping a close eye on this one.

Color me enthralled, this is one of the most bizarre and fascinating fics I've ever discovered. You have yourself a loyal tracker, good story thus far, and very, very interesting.

System online.....

Accessing database.....

Opening file.....

Scaning and processing data for electrorganic charge.....

Processing.....

Error.....insuficient data for electrorganic charge.....

Requesting additional data.....

Error.....data not found.....

System returning to standby mode.....

Could the spirit of chaos and disharmony be the hacker? Seems like a good way to introduce Discord. Like DF says in a computerized world hackers have great power, what better way to cause chaos then to hack the System?

Did you change Rarity and Pinkie's names? I could'a sworn they were named Rarity and Pinkie in the last chapter, but they're not anymore... tell me I'm not crazy.

Ooooh, I get it. Never mind.

>>392295392295

I don't

But I can put a theorie to the test

Rarity

Pinkie Pie

Rärity

Pinky Pie

Edit: Guess it's first of april.

Twilight Sparkle = TSparkle

Rainbow Dash = RDash

Applejack gets to stay the same, apparently.

Rarity = Rãrity

Pinkie Pie = PPie

Fluttershy = Fshy

I guess it'll all be back to normal on the morrow.